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NargtheTrolloc

[SG Faire: Shayol Ghul] Ask Narg!

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Narg,

 

Have you ever been to the Three Fold Land? Would you ever want to go? Why or Why not..

 

Red

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Narg,

 

Who will win tonight's game, the Bruins or the Canucks?

 

It not matter. Winner plays Trolloc team in final series, lose 4-0. Hockey player marinated in sweat and beer is delicacy.

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Narg, why are there so many dandelions?

 

Narg not care. Dandelions not useful for cooking.

 

Narg, could you please clear up this bit of ambiguity once and for all: What is 2+2?

 

It 2+2. Stupid human. Narg better at reading than stupid human.

 

Dear Narg,

 

How can I keep the neighbour's evil cats out of my garden?

 

Narg recommend capture and put in cookpot. Cat make delicious appetizer.

 

narg, why do i love you so? i'm not people, and i have very poor taste, so your previous answer does not apply.

 

also, what can i do about the neighbor who keeps luring innocent kitties to her yard?

 

Narg think human is poor judge of self taste. Human should show love by getting into Narg cookpot. Narg have cumin. Bring neighbor into cookpot too.

 

Children? Narg think Narg want to take this to next level!!

 

Narg,......

Why you use hoo-mahn spices when all trollocs know that essence of blight worm is the best seasoning of them all?!?

 

also, could Narg explain maxwell's equations? Because all trollocs know these.... otherwise you unable to determine position when can't see large ball of fire thing in day or large balls of fire at night... or make your sword spark to scare poor Aes Sedai....

 

Narg... bert...

 

Narg lazy. Narg not want to get blight worm essence.

 

Narg can explain Maxwell's equation. Narg not going to do child's homework for him. Nargbert learn how to explain it himself, or go into cookpot.

 

What is Narg's favorite dessert?

 

Narg like human with some garlic.

 

How can one achieve Nargvana?

 

Narg reach Nargvana by perfecting cookpot meals.

 

Dear Narg,

Why are there so many songs about rainbows?

 

Narg not know songs about rainbows. Narg know glorious songs of human slaughter.

 

Dear Narg,

If we were in Soviet Russia, would we put you in cookpot?

 

No. In Soviet Russia, Narg still put human in cookpot. Narg been there, done that.

 

Dear Narg.

 

How is it to live in the Blight? If you could choose, where would you like to live?

 

Blight wonderful. Only thing missing is humans for cooking. Narg choose to live in Blight, but with more human snacks.

 

Dear Narg,

 

What do you do if someone else claims to be Narg?

 

 

Since you do not like water, do you ever bathe? Or is it a plan to make sure you are so dirty noone eats you?

 

Narg put them in cookpot. Narg not need to bathe. Essense of Narg a wonderful thing.

 

Narg,

 

Have you ever been to the Three Fold Land? Would you ever want to go? Why or Why not..

 

Red

 

Narg been, Narg not interested. Humans in waste tougher to chew and not taste so good.

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Narg,

 

Who will win tonight's game, the Bruins or the Canucks?

 

Narg not care. Narg think WWF is Sport of Kings. Narg do wonder why women shave though, make too ugly for Trolloc woman.

 

 

Narg, why are there so many dandelions?

 

 

Narg too busy picking nose to pick flowers.

 

Narg, could you please clear up this bit of ambiguity once and for all: What is 2+2?

 

Yes. Narg Smart. Narg know that 2+2 is unsol...insol....too hard to answer.

 

 

 

Dear Narg,

 

How can I keep the neighbour's evil cats out of my garden?

 

 

Narg have idea. Give Narg address, Narg come and remove cats for you. Narg just need place to store cookpot. And Cumin.

 

 

 

 

narg, why do i love you so? i'm not people, and i have very poor taste, so your previous answer does not apply.

 

also, what can i do about the neighbor who keeps luring innocent kitties to her yard?

 

 

Narg know what cindy thinks is love is just indigestion. Also, Narg married.

 

Narg think you ask neighbor for tips, and cash in on lucrative chinese restaraunt craze sweeping local area.

 

 

Children? Narg think Narg want to take this to next level!!

 

Narg,......

Why you use hoo-mahn spices when all trollocs know that essence of blight worm is the best seasoning of them all?!?

 

also, could Narg explain maxwell's equations? Because all trollocs know these.... otherwise you unable to determine position when can't see large ball of fire thing in day or large balls of fire at night... or make your sword spark to scare poor Aes Sedai....

 

Narg... bert...

 

 

Essence of blight worm very tasty. Narg know hoo-mahn spices clash with Trolloc stomachs. Narg also have supply of paper bags and fire. You do math.

 

Maxwell's equations are easy to explain. So yes, Narg could explain maxwell's equations, quite well.

 

What is Narg's favorite dessert?

 

 

Ithillian.

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Dear Narg. Are there any girl Trollocs? If so where are they? If not - where do baby Trollocs come from?

 

Girl trollocs run away many year ago. We wander the land for long time trying to find them, but all Narg hear is whisper. No such thing as baby Trolloc. Trolloc born fully grown. Why you think girl trollocs run away?

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Narg,

 

what's the average lifespan of a trolloc and why do you guys allow Fades to link with you?

 

 

also, what are your thoughts on super-fade Shadar Haran and the Forsaken?

 

 

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Dear Narg,

 

If you could throw five celebrities in a cookpot for a Trolloc family reunion Barbeque, who would you cookpot?

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Dear Narg,

What do you do in your free time? I'm sure you have hobbies other than putting humans in cookpots.

 

Also, have you had poptart cats before? Do they taste good?

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Narg,

 

what's the average lifespan of a trolloc and why do you guys allow Fades to link with you?

 

 

also, what are your thoughts on super-fade Shadar Haran and the Forsaken?

 

 

Trolloc live forever, until dead. We let fade do link only to shut them up. They have voice like Beiber, and whinge like hoo-mahn man with splinter in....thumb.

 

Narg only have one thought on Shaidar Haran and forsaken. "Narg wonder if they do childrens parties"

 

 

 

Dear Narg,

 

What is your favorite kind of human?

 

Narg favourite hoo-mahn Jeff Foxworthy. Funny never go out of style.

 

Dear Narg,

 

If you could throw five celebrities in a cookpot for a Trolloc family reunion Barbeque, who would you cookpot?

 

Narg wonder how many Baldwin brothers are attached to Alex Baldwin's belly, like lamprey. If not enough, make up numbers with Jersey Shore. Of course, cookpot need be melted after.

 

 

Dear Narg,

What do you do in your free time? I'm sure you have hobbies other than putting humans in cookpots.

 

Also, have you had poptart cats before? Do they taste good?

 

 

Narg favourite hobby writing haiku.

 

Narg, too smart

Too smart for silly humans

who don't understand bad haiku joke

 

Narg very good at poem-etry.

 

Narg never taste poptart cat. Narg wonder why Tora not share, when clearly has whiskers between teeth.

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Dear Narg,

 

Do trollocs have any traditional holidays that they celebrate every year? If so, how are these holidays celebrated?

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Narg, in light of your obvious popularity, will you consider opening a regular forum column outside of SG for those of us too antisocial to join in the trolloc games?

 

or is this more work than you were prepared to deal with?

 

(also, please understand that i love you as i love all things - in a way that does not involve anything icky or interpersonal *shudder*)

Edited by cindy

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Dear Narg,

 

Do trollocs have any traditional holidays that they celebrate every year? If so, how are these holidays celebrated?

 

Trollocs celebrate labour day. Only eat Gai'Shain and sheep.

 

 

Narg, in light of your obvious popularity, will you consider opening a regular forum column outside of SG for those of us too antisocial to join in the trolloc games?

 

or is this more work than you were prepared to deal with?

 

Narg already have contract with Cosmo for beauty advice, but consider expanding. Narg publicist also recomend twitter, but Narg only one character, not one-hundred and... one... many character. Narg just Narg.

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Narg,

 

how well do you think your column will do agains the "Ask the Forsaken" spot? Since you are so popular, do you think the admins that be will consider ading you there full time?

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Dear Narg,

 

What is the answer to Life, The Universe and Everything?

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Dear Narg-

When Ralph Wiggum told Principal Skinner he got carsick in his office, was it because he enjoyed the Trolloc cookpot too much?

 

Also, why do fools fall in love? Why do birds sing?

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Dear Narg,

 

Why are there two of you? And which one are you?

 

 

I'm not Narg.. but I AM the Dark One... and NargBERT AND ERNIE is an old member who was poked to come back when we started up the Ask the Narg column. Basically to be a brat and act like he is better than Narg the advice columnist. I do hope they decide not to cause problems. I am watching. -cue eerie music-

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