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Uncyclopedia WoT spoof


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The popularity of the series has led to many other less-accomplished authors imitating the plot, themes and characters of the Wheel of Time, resulting in such novels as The Lord of the Rings, The Great Gatsby and the Cat in the Hat.


Really hilarious, because I have seen people here argue for Jordan's position in literary history, realtive to other authors, with arguments with about that much connection with reality.


"The Wheel of Time series expands novel by novel, and centuries come and pass, leaving behind coherent plots that become legend. Legend fades to myth, and even myth is long forgotten when Elayne takes her seventh bath in one novel. In one Age, called Anno Domani by some, an Age yet to come, and Age long past, a wind rose in the literary wilderness, spinning tumbleweed across an empty dirt-packed road. The wind was not the beginning. There are neither beginnings, endings nor plot resolutions to the turning of the Wheel of Time. But it was another beginning."


I mean, how can even the most devoted WoT fanatic fail to crack a smile at that? I'd being willing to be that Jordan himself would have.



Back at Tar Valon the girls, in a totally non Mary-Sueish way, are tasked with hunting down an evil group of Aes Sedai who are much more powerful and better trained than them.

Edited by randsc
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“Mat, deal with the Seanchan. Egwene, chill. Logain, take care of the Black Tower please. Min, read your books and Aviendha NOT RIGHT NOW! Lan, don't die, Nyneave would kill me. Galad, you're my half-brother. Moraine, I'll listen to your ideas later. Alanna, get out of my head. Cadsuane and Alivia, get my sword that is not a sword. Perrin, you're with me. And Elayne, what do you mean, you're late? ”

~ Rand al'thor, A Memory of Light



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The Uncyclopedia entry on Robert Jordan demonstrates why Brandon's going to actually be able to finish the series in only one more volume. Here's a Jordan scene:


"They, being men, sailed well in their boats on the water which at that time of day was still quite watery. And the old man, who was old because he had lived for many a longish year, knuckled his forehead and then he took his hands which were located at the ends of his arms, right next to the wrists, and he looked at them and he looked out at the blue sea and then stared back at his hands again. He noticed the wrinkles in them, which looked deep as canyons over a weathered stretch of dry, barren, devoid of water desert -- and he soaked them in the salt water, which is really water but has a salinity of roughly 3.5% and was created by the Bene Gesserit Aes Sedai witches who after tending to their cycles that wound like wheels of time, tidied up their skirts and with the douche water that was remaining, created the oceans. The old man tried to keep his head clear and devoid of any thoughts but try as he might, he could not shake the memories of Elayne and Min playing nude volleyball against the trolls of Isengard."


And here's the same scene now Brandon-ized:


"They sailed well and the old man soaked his hands in the salt water and tried to keep his head clear."
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Egwene returns(it was fun while it lasted) and gets kidnapped by White Tower people while trying to turn rock into stronger rock. Take that Egwene.

“Listen, Faile... If I marry you, will you go away?”

~ Perrin Aybara


Thanks for the chuckle FSM!


EDIT: Wrong tags for me quotes!

Edited by Dobraine Ablar
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Uncyclopedia isn't as funny as Encyclopedia Dramatica, but I really don't recommend anyone visits ED.


Now, you just knew we'd have to look, didn't you.. :tongue:


@DA.. Oh, we need a good laugh occasionally! :biggrin:


I could tell you things that no one should look up, if you'd like. :myrddraal:

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Egwane learns to enjoy her spankings and forbids rescue. She then saves most of the tower from the Japanese and makes the woman who spanked her second-in-command. Rand gets harder after choking Min and killing Semirage, discovering the importance of a safeword.


My favorite.

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