Advice Column for Emo Teenage Girls

[Vanion]

*In an odd turn of events, Vanion is dressed in tight, red leather pants with the top button undone and wearing a short, black leather vest hanging open across his chest. His long hair is braided and tied back with ribbons. The hilts of his swords, knives and daggers are also decorated with frilly lace and what not!*

 

Alright, so like, I'm here to give you other girls some advice.

 

*flips his hair back in the stereotypical chick fashion*

 

You've got problems, and I've got answers. So feel free send me your problems, mmkay? That way I can get back to doing my nails. And lets try to be quick about this, okay?

[Torrie]

I have a question about waxing.

 

 

What would be the proper way to wax?

 

Can you demonstrate?

[Vanion]

The proper way to wax? PuH-Lease! I thought you'd have some difficult questions for me!

 

*tackles Torrie and ties her up, then rolls her pant legs up as the wax heats in a bowl of extremely hot water!*

 

Well, you've asked me to demonstrate, and, like, I totally will! Ready Torrie? Oh, who am I kidding! I don't really care if you are or not!

 

*grabs the jar of wax and takes a wide popsicle stick looking thing and starts to smear the wax on Torries legs!*

 

Now, the fun part... for me!

 

*smooths the waxing strip out on the wax and waits a few moments for it to set, then tears it off!!*

 

Anyone need further clarification?

 

No?

 

*flips hair again*

 

Didn't think so.

 

NEXT!!!

[Nynaeve]

What brand of tampon would you recommend and why that specific one?

 

 

 

 

Nyn

[Vanion]

Playtex, because you can play harder with Playtex!

 

*winks and giggles*

 

NEXT!

[Torrie]

**Screams in pain**

 

 

:P

[Mirshann Uuranor]

**Screams in pain**

 

 

:P

 

Speaking of which, what do you recommend to relieve menstrual cramps?

[Nynaeve]

If only there was a yellow about. Damn it. They're never around when you need'em :P

 

 

 

 

Nyn

[Mirshann Uuranor]

*wonders why Nyn is asking herself that* :P

[Moghedian]

WelltheotherdayheliketotallytoldmybestfriendthathelikesmebutlastnightatKat'spartyshe'slikesuchaloserbuttotallyrichsoI'mlikenicetoher Anyway... IlikesawhimlikekissingthatliketotalslutAndreasoiwaswonderingifyoucouldliketellme... Does he like me? ;D

[Mirshann Uuranor]

Omg.

[Jelly]

WelltheotherdayheliketotallytoldmybestfriendthathelikesmebutlastnightatKat'spartyshe'slikesuchaloserbuttotallyrichsoI'mlikenicetoher Anyway... IlikesawhimlikekissingthatliketotalslutAndreasoiwaswonderingifyoucouldliketellme... Does he like me? ;D

...Perfect :D

[Vanion]

OH EM GEE!!!

 

Likewhatthehellisthatguythinking? Youshouldhaveliketotallyscratchedthatbiteseyesout!

 

Youshouldtotallymakeoutwithhisbestfriendandmakehimtotallycompletelyjealous!

 

*flips hair again and tilts head to the side as he tosses Mirsh a bottle of Midol*

[Charis alAslan]

LMAO!!!!!!!

[LilyElizabeth]

Oh Em Gee! Did you see that girl? She's like so totally all over my guy! What should I do to her? Should I go slap her or pour Nair on her head?

 

[Vanion]

You should like so totally slap her! The pour Nair on her head so that no guy will ever touch her skanky self for a year!

[Daruya]

It's almost scary how good Van is at this . . .  ;D  ROFLOL!

[Rasheta Ardashir]

It's almost scary how good Van is at this . . .  ;D  ROFLOL!

I second that. LOL

[Vanion]

((I said I could pull this off lol I have a niece that is 13. I hear this crap all the time))

[Wayward_fool]

Disturbing. Yet so very entertaining.

 

Now if he'd only do a pole dance.

[mmeeshal]

So, like Amy didn't invite me to her, like, party or something, and I'm like so totally pissed at her because she, like, promised me she would or something?  So I like called her crush or whatever, and told him about like her like totally lame obsession with Barney and how she's WAY too, like, OLD for that or something, and he like asked me if I wanted to go out with him, and I like said ew or something, because I don't wanna date some like, GUY or something, that AMY likes.  But now, like Amy's pissed at me and she's like, photoshopping PICTURES of me, or something, and like putting them up around school, and, like, I guess the point is, I want to like know how to go about, like asking my math teacher out or something.

[Daruya]

So, like, Mystica keeps making moves on my friend, Henry?  And Elgee does, too?  And like, it so totally makes me mad because they keep telling me he’s like not really real and all, you know?  And like Henry is so totally grossed out by pink and that’s all Mystica wears now and like I’m tired of hearing him gripe about it.  And Elgee, well I so totally slapped her several times today because she like so totally deserved it!  What I really wanted to know, though, was like how can I get meeshal’s math teacher to stop asking me out and all?  I mean, I so can’t go out with the guy, you know?  Because meeshal will like go rabid and bite me or something or even totally kill me with like a light saber or something.  Like, that would be so totally not cool, you know?

[Charis alAslan]

ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!

[LilyElizabeth]

Disturbing. Yet so very entertaining.

 

Now if he'd only do a pole dance.

 

I'm with you, Boops. *passes the popcorn*

 

[Minuet]

So, when you put Nair in her hair make sure it is at night when she is sleeping. It will so totally work better. If you want we can totally give her sleeping pills and she won't' notice till morning. We so have to make sure it doesn't get in her eyes as we might get into trouble if we blind her. So, who is with me.

 

Oh, and Dari don't worry I am sure Henry will be fine. He just needs to avoid Myst. Oh, and I believe you hun. I know he has magical powers. *Turns to others and rolls her eyes*