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A WHEEL OF TIME COMMUNITY

Do the excuses of season 1 still hold true?


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The explanation for why the story doesn't stick to the books is limited time and limited seasons allocated. This meaning that more than one book will need to fit in each season. But is this true? I feel that these two season demonstrate that they had the capability to stick much more closely to the books.

 

Many people were saying "Lol, these fans expect the story word for word". If anything I feel that we got too many words.

I truly feel that if you took most of the dialogue from the first two books you would end up with less dialogue than what we got in the show. The books are thick but it's mostly descriptive text.

 

For most of the 16 episodes approx 16 hours of runtime what we got was a meandering Days of Our Lives drama. Warders lounging around and chatting, almost every male character being emotional or weeping on the floor. Darkfriends and Forsaken frolicking with Trollocs and chidren showing what nice guys they really are. Ishamael and Selene flirting? c'mon! Falme was the time for Nynaeve to shine, instead she spent most of the time staring at Elaynes leg. Selene and Liandrin had way too much screen time.

 

Where is the urgency, the tension? Where are the stakes? Is the importance of the prophecies understood by the audience? Ishmael's actor should be an extra at this point with very limited dialogue. Anytime he is shown he must be menacing. (Think Darth Vader) Suroth should have been flat on the floor begging for mercy, instead she was trying to boss one of the Forsaken around. You can't have a story like this without actual bad guys. The Seanchan where almost portrayed like good guys, which at this point of the story they should not be. The Whitecloaks were the towns liberators. Where was Ingtar's reveal and redemption?

 

One very great issue with this show is that they take too long to establish some concepts while the rest of the story lags.

What are Damane?

This should have taken 10 minutes at most. You could establish this by putting Eqwene in a 1 meter wide partition in a room with many such partitions. Have her pull at the adam bracelet like it is Marvel Thor's immovable hammer. Have her given a pet name and be patted on the head. Have her punished/ rewarded with the adam like training a puppy. I could demonstrate this in 5 minutes or less across 2-3 short scenes. Renna had way too much screen time.

 

What are warders and what does the bond do?

Have one of the boys, while training with Lan, ask "why not just have an army of warders?"  and then Lan succinctly explains the benefits and limitations. I think this one scene alone would eliminate about 4 episodes of show content. Maybe more !

 

Costs

Many of the actors that played roles of background characters should have had limited dialogue and been little more than extras. Alanna's warders should be seen and not heard. Verin's warder was portrayed well.

I feel way too much effort was put in to practical effects for the Ways in season 1 only to CGI it better in season 2

The adam don't need to be CGI'd to this extent. Show the leash, have the sul'dam tug on the leash, this will have greater effect on screen. How are damane supposed to report to their masters or beg for forgiveness if they have a sucker in their mouth? The blonde Seanchan damane almost seemed like she was giving orders with her stance and attitude. Head held high, shoulders back.

The novice quarters in the White Tower are ridiculously large and elaborate. They should be almost cells.

What was that giant throne on top of a pyramid that was somehow dragged in to a forest where there are no roads? LOL. Does it have a retractable bulldozer. Completely unnecessary.

Building an entire village on that river where Perrin gets captured? As people move to cities there are many underpopulated vilages and towns in europe. There are many cowboy western sets in the USA that can be repurposed. Not every house needs thatched roofs. Even Emond's Field had some roof tiles. In Rand's dream where he was married to Egwene how much did it cost to build that house with the round timber roof?

Barthanes, a very minor character in the books is the second most powerful lord in Cairhien, yet an entire set was built for him to sit and eat among the kitchen servants? Really?! As far as I can tell this is the only time they used this set. I hope they didn't build the location for the party in Cairhien because that scene was so inconsequential (and slow and boring) compared to the books.

 

Pacing

The first season should have been a desperate escape from Emond's field via Shadar Logoth, reuniting in Caemlyn and rushing to Fal Dara. Tar Valon should not have been shown yet as it bogged the story down.

Season 2 should have been an adventurous gut clencher chasing after the horn, "Lord Rand" should not have been glossed over. Culminating in Falme with Min rather than Avienda. The scenes inside Falme with Ingtars party should have emphasized stealth with the battle happening later OUTSIDE the city using CGI to multiply the soldiers on each side in to 2 large armies. The battle took the whole final episode in the show but it should have only been about 10 minutes at most. Mat on a roof facing 2 dozen Seanchan waiting in a line to charge him was utter nonsense. I laughed so hard at this and then I laughed harder when the heroes appeared. It was filmed like a high school production and then some high school productions might do better. Very much an unimpressive anticlimax. Birgitte should have been CGI'd riding through the clouds and shooting  arrows that set ships on fire. Instead we got some no-personality cosplayers standing in a line.

Season 3 is where the white tower should have been introduced. Hunters for the horn. Faile. Mat with Gawyn Galad. Everyone heading to the stone and meeting Aiel along the way.

 

I feel the story has been mixed like a salad and landed in the same spot as in the books, only the plot has been sacrificed along the way in exchange for a strong focus on what should be background characters. There is just so much that could have been cut out of the show and replaced with actual story.

Many of the more interesting aspects from the books have been suppressed while bolstering all the boring stuff.

 

There was so many times the story was bogged down in useless drama where I wished I could physically give it a push to move it along.

 

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37 minutes ago, grayavatar said:

The explanation for why the story doesn't stick to the books is limited time and limited seasons allocated. This meaning that more than one book will need to fit in each season. But is this true? I feel that these two season demonstrate that they had the capability to stick much more closely to the books.

 

Many people were saying "Lol, these fans expect the story word for word". If anything I feel that we got too many words.

I truly feel that if you took most of the dialogue from the first two books you would end up with less dialogue than what we got in the show. The books are thick but it's mostly descriptive text.

 

For most of the 16 episodes approx 16 hours of runtime what we got was a meandering Days of Our Lives drama. Warders lounging around and chatting, almost every male character being emotional or weeping on the floor. Darkfriends and Forsaken frolicking with Trollocs and chidren showing what nice guys they really are. Ishamael and Selene flirting? c'mon! Falme was the time for Nynaeve to shine, instead she spent most of the time staring at Elaynes leg. Selene and Liandrin had way too much screen time.

 

Where is the urgency, the tension? Where are the stakes? Is the importance of the prophecies understood by the audience? Ishmael's actor should be an extra at this point with very limited dialogue. Anytime he is shown he must be menacing. (Think Darth Vader) Suroth should have been flat on the floor begging for mercy, instead she was trying to boss one of the Forsaken around. You can't have a story like this without actual bad guys. The Seanchan where almost portrayed like good guys, which at this point of the story they should not be. The Whitecloaks were the towns liberators. Where was Ingtar's reveal and redemption?

 

One very great issue with this show is that they take too long to establish some concepts while the rest of the story lags.

What are Damane?

This should have taken 10 minutes at most. You could establish this by putting Eqwene in a 1 meter wide partition in a room with many such partitions. Have her pull at the adam bracelet like it is Marvel Thor's immovable hammer. Have her given a pet name and be patted on the head. Have her punished/ rewarded with the adam like training a puppy. I could demonstrate this in 5 minutes or less across 2-3 short scenes. Renna had way too much screen time.

 

What are warders and what does the bond do?

Have one of the boys, while training with Lan, ask "why not just have an army of warders?"  and then Lan succinctly explains the benefits and limitations. I think this one scene alone would eliminate about 4 episodes of show content. Maybe more !

 

Costs

Many of the actors that played roles of background characters should have had limited dialogue and been little more than extras. Alanna's warders should be seen and not heard. Verin's warder was portrayed well.

I feel way too much effort was put in to practical effects for the Ways in season 1 only to CGI it better in season 2

The adam don't need to be CGI'd to this extent. Show the leash, have the sul'dam tug on the leash, this will have greater effect on screen. How are damane supposed to report to their masters or beg for forgiveness if they have a sucker in their mouth? The blonde Seanchan damane almost seemed like she was giving orders with her stance and attitude. Head held high, shoulders back.

The novice quarters in the White Tower are ridiculously large and elaborate. They should be almost cells.

What was that giant throne on top of a pyramid that was somehow dragged in to a forest where there are no roads? LOL. Does it have a retractable bulldozer. Completely unnecessary.

Building an entire village on that river where Perrin gets captured? As people move to cities there are many underpopulated vilages and towns in europe. There are many cowboy western sets in the USA that can be repurposed. Not every house needs thatched roofs. Even Emond's Field had some roof tiles. In Rand's dream where he was married to Egwene how much did it cost to build that house with the round timber roof?

Barthanes, a very minor character in the books is the second most powerful lord in Cairhien, yet an entire set was built for him to sit and eat among the kitchen servants? Really?! As far as I can tell this is the only time they used this set. I hope they didn't build the location for the party in Cairhien because that scene was so inconsequential (and slow and boring) compared to the books.

 

Pacing

The first season should have been a desperate escape from Emond's field via Shadar Logoth, reuniting in Caemlyn and rushing to Fal Dara. Tar Valon should not have been shown yet as it bogged the story down.

Season 2 should have been an adventurous gut clencher chasing after the horn, "Lord Rand" should not have been glossed over. Culminating in Falme with Min rather than Avienda. The scenes inside Falme with Ingtars party should have emphasized stealth with the battle happening later OUTSIDE the city using CGI to multiply the soldiers on each side in to 2 large armies. The battle took the whole final episode in the show but it should have only been about 10 minutes at most. Mat on a roof facing 2 dozen Seanchan waiting in a line to charge him was utter nonsense. I laughed so hard at this and then I laughed harder when the heroes appeared. It was filmed like a high school production and then some high school productions might do better. Very much an unimpressive anticlimax. Birgitte should have been CGI'd riding through the clouds and shooting  arrows that set ships on fire. Instead we got some no-personality cosplayers standing in a line.

Season 3 is where the white tower should have been introduced. Hunters for the horn. Faile. Mat with Gawyn Galad. Everyone heading to the stone and meeting Aiel along the way.

 

I feel the story has been mixed like a salad and landed in the same spot as in the books, only the plot has been sacrificed along the way in exchange for a strong focus on what should be background characters. There is just so much that could have been cut out of the show and replaced with actual story.

Many of the more interesting aspects from the books have been suppressed while bolstering all the boring stuff.

 

There was so many times the story was bogged down in useless drama where I wished I could physically give it a push to move it along.

 


No, it does not ring true.  Half this season was made-up nonsense but they will continue to tell you that that’s how you adapt a book.  Then some fans will chime in and tell you how every scene was absolutely necessary because there is no other way to tell the story visually.

 

It’s all mediocre fan fiction.

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  • RP - PLAYER

Who is "they"?

 

It is more complicated than you are making out. There are pledges to the people who are funding it, the contracts of the actors, the whole of season 2 was rewritten due to the withdrawal of a major actor.

 

I definitely share a lot of your concerns, though neither do I think it is so easy to implement something as complicated as an adaption of the Wheel of Time.

 

Though I think you need to also keep in mind the books at this point were also, troubling. Fighting in the sky, with the Seanchan and the heros and Whitelcloaks ebbing and flowing as the battle in the sky? Really? Does that make any sense?

 

I love we have a series, and I am enjoying it. Being overly negative only hurts your own enjoyment.

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You really can't see how a good director can show that on screen? Rand is being pushed back, then you cut to the heroes being pressed and surrounded. Rand pushes back and then you show the heroes rallying. What is so complicated about it?

 

Rand fighting in the sky would be literally an unbelievable thing to see. can you imagine a couple of giants fighting in the sky above your city? People would be talking about it for years. Instead what we got was a crappy CGI dragon. What even is the "banner" at this point in the show. It has no meaning. I think only fans understand half of what is going on.

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I was saying it did not make any sense. And them fighting in the sky, standing on what? Why were the huge? How does any of that make any sense whatsoever? And why is the banner important? What does it have to do with Horn?

 

The Horn is a ridiculous magic item that does magic things because it is magic. It makes no sense in the lore of the books at all, they are bound to the pattern, but the pattern is about balance, not fighting the Shadow, and the banner being necessary does not make a lot of sense either, so that the pattern must preserve the Horn and the Banner at all times, which does not seem like a very pattern-y thing to do.

 

Falme was an arbitrary let's give the book an ending that did not make a lot of sense as a whole. It is a shame that the show did keep some of the personal development of some of the characters that was the important part about the story, but huge figures fighting in the sky with banner and ghost heroes and it all being controlled by the actions of two men, because reasons, leading to a completely inconclusive victory of the Light, I don't feel the show needed to work hard to preserve.

 

Of course, in my most humble opinion. 

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I was genuinely confused by the show trying to make the Seanchan seem like good guys. I caught that as well.  I always had a weird obsession with the Children of Light growing up so it was kinda cool to see them also kinda-sorta being portrayed as good guys, of course until the commander had to kill Perrin's wolf, ugh.   

 

And for as much  progress they made in the show this season.. That awful CGI dragon at the end... ugh.  Can they just fire who ever is in charge of the CGI art direction at this point?   I really hate that they're spending boatloads of cash on this show and it looks and feels like a CW show... 

 

I REALLY thought they'd go hard in the GoT vien of art direction, gritty and non-cheese... seeing as how that won over literally millions of viewers.. I still remember my hopes all crashing down when I saw that awful "battle" in season 1 with random dudes running around in a forest being called an "army."  Sigh.

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19 hours ago, grayavatar said:

Many people were saying "Lol, these fans expect the story word for word". If anything I feel that we got too many words.

I truly feel that if you took most of the dialogue from the first two books you would end up with less dialogue than what we got in the show. The books are thick but it's mostly descriptive text.

 

You are selling the books short if you think they are little enough dialogue to fit into a tv show and everything else filler descriptive text. very, very short.

the books were also full of explanations of the finer points of the plot, long historical excursus, people in their heads thinking on their course of action and their internl struggles. even in conversations, there was plenty on how a character wiggled their finger in a suggestive way and how the other character read volumes in that wiggled finger.

no, you really can't take the dialogue of the books and get it equal in the tv show, and get the descriptions ofn the books to set up the environment, and think that will work.

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IIRC Rafe straight up said they made a lot intentional changes to make the series less problematic in modern society, and a lot of the shortcomings of the show can be traced to this.

 

There's of course some COVID related stuff and Matt's actor, but I think most of the "bad stuff" so far were pretty deliberate changes that simply did not work very well in the end.

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I feel that anything that could be changed was changed and even things that should not be changed were changed.

There is not one scene from the books.

No character has retained their personality.

Motives of factions have changed.

The magic system has changed.

The world history has changed.

The events have changed.

Characters abilities and skills have changed.

Consistency of world rules doesn't exist.

The Aes Sedai seem like stupid squabbling children

Mat's dagger LOL

All the misandry

Suppression of everyone's favorite bits from the books only to glorify the mundane. It's like they purposely set out to make a dull story

 

All they had to do was cut some scenes out and only add new stuff when larger gaps needed to be bridged.

 

 

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My excuse in S1 was that it was getting off the ground, and that two seasons were necessary to see whether it would be worth continuing.  S2 is much better.

 

I never made an excuse that the series ought to follow canon (or head canon) closely.

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1 hour ago, grayavatar said:

The Aes Sedai seem like stupid squabbling children

And they didn't in the books? LOL

 

1 hour ago, grayavatar said:

No character has retained their personality.

Not true. Almost all of the EFF retained their personalities and are on the same emotional paths that they were in the books. Mat is the big exception to this which is partly due to Barney Harris leaving, and partly due to them inverting his "reluctant hero" personality from "doesn't want to do the right thing, but ends up doing it anyway" to "actively struggling with whether he has the capacity to be a hero" which makes for better television.

 

1 hour ago, grayavatar said:

All the misandry

There is no misandry. There has been the intentional elevation of female characters which isn't the same thing.

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On 10/7/2023 at 11:18 AM, Uncontested said:

I was genuinely confused by the show trying to make the Seanchan seem like good guys. I caught that as well.  I always had a weird obsession with the Children of Light growing up so it was kinda cool to see them also kinda-sorta being portrayed as good guys, of course until the commander had to kill Perrin's wolf, ugh.   

 

And for as much  progress they made in the show this season.. That awful CGI dragon at the end... ugh.  Can they just fire who ever is in charge of the CGI art direction at this point?   I really hate that they're spending boatloads of cash on this show and it looks and feels like a CW show... 

 

I REALLY thought they'd go hard in the GoT vien of art direction, gritty and non-cheese... seeing as how that won over literally millions of viewers.. I still remember my hopes all crashing down when I saw that awful "battle" in season 1 with random dudes running around in a forest being called an "army."  Sigh.

I always saw the Seanchan as misguided good guys from the books, they leave lands in a far better state then they where in and largely respect all local customs, for some reason as much as I hatred egwene and other channelers being collared the concept of Damane made sense to me as an option to control out of control channelers. 

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On 10/6/2023 at 6:24 PM, grayavatar said:

The explanation for why the story doesn't stick to the books is limited time and limited seasons allocated. This meaning that more than one book will need to fit in each season. But is this true? I feel that these two season demonstrate that they had the capability to stick much more closely to the books.

 

Many people were saying "Lol, these fans expect the story word for word". If anything I feel that we got too many words.

I truly feel that if you took most of the dialogue from the first two books you would end up with less dialogue than what we got in the show. The books are thick but it's mostly descriptive text.

 

For most of the 16 episodes approx 16 hours of runtime what we got was a meandering Days of Our Lives drama. Warders lounging around and chatting, almost every male character being emotional or weeping on the floor. Darkfriends and Forsaken frolicking with Trollocs and chidren showing what nice guys they really are. Ishamael and Selene flirting? c'mon! Falme was the time for Nynaeve to shine, instead she spent most of the time staring at Elaynes leg. Selene and Liandrin had way too much screen time.

 

Where is the urgency, the tension? Where are the stakes? Is the importance of the prophecies understood by the audience? Ishmael's actor should be an extra at this point with very limited dialogue. Anytime he is shown he must be menacing. (Think Darth Vader) Suroth should have been flat on the floor begging for mercy, instead she was trying to boss one of the Forsaken around. You can't have a story like this without actual bad guys. The Seanchan where almost portrayed like good guys, which at this point of the story they should not be. The Whitecloaks were the towns liberators. Where was Ingtar's reveal and redemption?

 

One very great issue with this show is that they take too long to establish some concepts while the rest of the story lags.

What are Damane?

This should have taken 10 minutes at most. You could establish this by putting Eqwene in a 1 meter wide partition in a room with many such partitions. Have her pull at the adam bracelet like it is Marvel Thor's immovable hammer. Have her given a pet name and be patted on the head. Have her punished/ rewarded with the adam like training a puppy. I could demonstrate this in 5 minutes or less across 2-3 short scenes. Renna had way too much screen time.

 

What are warders and what does the bond do?

Have one of the boys, while training with Lan, ask "why not just have an army of warders?"  and then Lan succinctly explains the benefits and limitations. I think this one scene alone would eliminate about 4 episodes of show content. Maybe more !

 

Costs

Many of the actors that played roles of background characters should have had limited dialogue and been little more than extras. Alanna's warders should be seen and not heard. Verin's warder was portrayed well.

I feel way too much effort was put in to practical effects for the Ways in season 1 only to CGI it better in season 2

The adam don't need to be CGI'd to this extent. Show the leash, have the sul'dam tug on the leash, this will have greater effect on screen. How are damane supposed to report to their masters or beg for forgiveness if they have a sucker in their mouth? The blonde Seanchan damane almost seemed like she was giving orders with her stance and attitude. Head held high, shoulders back.

The novice quarters in the White Tower are ridiculously large and elaborate. They should be almost cells.

What was that giant throne on top of a pyramid that was somehow dragged in to a forest where there are no roads? LOL. Does it have a retractable bulldozer. Completely unnecessary.

Building an entire village on that river where Perrin gets captured? As people move to cities there are many underpopulated vilages and towns in europe. There are many cowboy western sets in the USA that can be repurposed. Not every house needs thatched roofs. Even Emond's Field had some roof tiles. In Rand's dream where he was married to Egwene how much did it cost to build that house with the round timber roof?

Barthanes, a very minor character in the books is the second most powerful lord in Cairhien, yet an entire set was built for him to sit and eat among the kitchen servants? Really?! As far as I can tell this is the only time they used this set. I hope they didn't build the location for the party in Cairhien because that scene was so inconsequential (and slow and boring) compared to the books.

 

Pacing

The first season should have been a desperate escape from Emond's field via Shadar Logoth, reuniting in Caemlyn and rushing to Fal Dara. Tar Valon should not have been shown yet as it bogged the story down.

Season 2 should have been an adventurous gut clencher chasing after the horn, "Lord Rand" should not have been glossed over. Culminating in Falme with Min rather than Avienda. The scenes inside Falme with Ingtars party should have emphasized stealth with the battle happening later OUTSIDE the city using CGI to multiply the soldiers on each side in to 2 large armies. The battle took the whole final episode in the show but it should have only been about 10 minutes at most. Mat on a roof facing 2 dozen Seanchan waiting in a line to charge him was utter nonsense. I laughed so hard at this and then I laughed harder when the heroes appeared. It was filmed like a high school production and then some high school productions might do better. Very much an unimpressive anticlimax. Birgitte should have been CGI'd riding through the clouds and shooting  arrows that set ships on fire. Instead we got some no-personality cosplayers standing in a line.

Season 3 is where the white tower should have been introduced. Hunters for the horn. Faile. Mat with Gawyn Galad. Everyone heading to the stone and meeting Aiel along the way.

 

I feel the story has been mixed like a salad and landed in the same spot as in the books, only the plot has been sacrificed along the way in exchange for a strong focus on what should be background characters. There is just so much that could have been cut out of the show and replaced with actual story.

Many of the more interesting aspects from the books have been suppressed while bolstering all the boring stuff.

 

There was so many times the story was bogged down in useless drama where I wished I could physically give it a push to move it along.

 

I have a friend who works in wales for bad wolf, the company that make dr who and adapted his dark materials amongst other things, I happened to be out with him when I saw this post and I asked him, and he actually laughed and said what you have written takes no accounting of the realities of making a good tv show, he has read wheel of time, about as much as me, he loves the tv show, he said the adaptation has come out about as well as he expected it to. The changes he thought where creative and while some didn’t land as well as they could in season 1 he absolutely understood why the choices where made. Friends of his in the TV industry apparently feel the same way, he said th issue with a statement like yours is that it is written with a complete disregard for how a tv show or movie is produced and shot, how the maths work of transcribing book page to script page and then to screen. How something in a book at takes 2 minutes to read has to become. 20 min hate set peace on the screen to make any sense. And how trying to turn exposition and description into something visual leads writers to having to change the story to get the same information across in a better way. 
 

I tend to take the opinion of someone who actually works in TV over anyone on here who sits back and says “I could have done better” if that was the case go and get a job in TV. 

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On 10/7/2023 at 11:18 AM, Uncontested said:

I was genuinely confused by the show trying to make the Seanchan seem like good guys. I caught that as well.  I always had a weird obsession with the Children of Light growing up so it was kinda cool to see them also kinda-sorta being portrayed as good guys, of course until the commander had to kill Perrin's wolf, ugh.   

 

And for as much  progress they made in the show this season.. That awful CGI dragon at the end... ugh.  Can they just fire who ever is in charge of the CGI art direction at this point?   I really hate that they're spending boatloads of cash on this show and it looks and feels like a CW show... 

 

I REALLY thought they'd go hard in the GoT vien of art direction, gritty and non-cheese... seeing as how that won over literally millions of viewers.. I still remember my hopes all crashing down when I saw that awful "battle" in season 1 with random dudes running around in a forest being called an "army."  Sigh.

No to the GOT version of the story, WOT has the potential to be so so dark, rape, of men and women, compulsion used to make sexual slaves and human centipedes, torture, generic nakedness of slaves, gaishin, in sweat tents, the writers could have leaned into all of that and really dialed it up to 11, they may still lean into some of that later on but I am very pleased with the balance so far. 
 

yes season 1 needed improvements editing, dialogue, to much exposition, effects not as good as they should have been. Season 2 improved on they immensely. 

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I remember back during season 1 the book fans who didn't like the show were told to calm down, that the girl power ups at the expense of males would slow down and male characters, especially Rand, would get more time to shine, especially at falme

 

You can start apologizing now. Season 2. Falme in the bag. Rand screwed again.

 

I gave your garbage show a chance, yall lied to me and as far as I'm concerned every defender of this show is a liar who hates the books.

 

Rafe, as far as I'm concerned is a rampant misandrist and rafe of time can die in a fire.

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3 minutes ago, Cauthonfan4 said:

I remember back during season 1 the book fans who didn't like the show were told to calm down, that the girl power ups at the expense of males would slow down and male characters, especially Rand, would get more time to shine, especially at falme

 

You can start apologizing now. Season 2. Falme in the bag. Rand screwed again.

 

I gave your garbage show a chance, yall lied to me and as far as I'm concerned every defender of this show is a liar who hates the books.

 

Rafe, as far as I'm concerned is a rampant misandrist and rafe of time can die in a fire.

Go outside and touch some grass?

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