Red Ajah's International Women's Week: Crimes Against Women

[Daruya]

Myst, I'm sorry you lived through that. Nobody should have to. I experienced molestation as a child (at around 5 or 6 years of age) though it never went as far as penetration (my sister, however, was not so fortunate). My mother found out years later and was devastated. Back then, it wasn't talked about. The trusted teenage neighbor was always helpful to my mom but manipulated my sister and I for his own benefit. We were afraid to speak up because of the threats he made. His brother and sister knew what he did and didn't tell anyone either. We moved out of that house when I was 6 and we never saw any of them again. Now, I wonder how many other kids suffered at his hands and wish I had spoken up. However, at age 6, you don't reason like that.

[Daruya]

Gudrean, it's really sad how common molestation is. *hugs* It is hard to break down the defensive walls we subsequently put around us to be able to trust anyone again. And it does leave scars, that never go away.

[Gudrean]

I am sorry to both of you ladies for what you had to live with. You are right that no person male or female should ever have to live through such frightening things. Especially children! It is way too common of a thing on our planet and it is one of the campaigns I put a lot of my "mystical" energies into. I love people and greatly dislike having to feel scared at first when I meet someone. I used to be a very affectionate person as a child and I have found as I get older my idea of personal space has gotten "larger". Like if a person leans to close to me I will catch myself leaning away LOL and then I feel bad about it. BIG HUGZZZZ to you both and anyone else who has lived with such things.

[blank]

I'm so sorry to hear this has happened to you all.

 

Convictions for this horrific type of things are horrifically low.

 

http://www.guardian.co.uk/news/datablog/2013/jan/11/male-female-rape-statistics-graphic

[Daruya]

They are low.

 

I was watching a show on OWN last night, where Lisa Ling was following people who had been molested as kids (both male and female). It was heartbreaking. In most cases, the people molesting kids are master manipulators. They appear friendly and helpful and seem to be the ultimate "mentor" such that parents trust them implicitly. Yet the kids live with shame/guilt/horror/fear. The one guy last night was molested by some guy with the Red Sox organization, who (as it turns out) routinely molested the boys he recruited to "help" - boys that wanted nothing more than to be close to their baseball idols. And the sad thing is, so many players knew it was going on . . . and did nothing. Some laughed and joked about it. That is appalling to me. That is horrifying. How could they NOT say or do something to prevent those innocent kids from being molested? The guy dangled hopes of an eventual baseball career in front of these star-struck boys and used that to keep them coming back and submitting to the abuse. He was eventually tried but if he did any time, it wasn't much.

 

Another story that was followed was where a woman coach gained a girl's trust after she experienced abuse from a male teacher. She ended up molesting the girl and practially stalked her for years, up to sneaking into the girl's house and molesting her in her own room. When the girl (now woman) pursued legal avenues, she was eventually charged and sentenced to 9 years.

 

These are just 2 cases where the perpetrators were convicted . . .

[John E. Kelley]

As the father of a beautiful seven year old girl, all I can say is that if any of these horrific things ever happened to my baby girl, there would be zero need of any judge, jury or police.

 

And my deepest thoughts to you ladies that have experienced this.

[Ryrin]

Currently, I work with people with developmental disabilities. Studies consistently demonstrate that people with intellectual disabilities are sexually victimized more often than others who are not disabled. Women with developmental disabilities are 4-10 times more likely to experience sexual violence. In addition to these high rates of sexual assault, there is evidence that people with developmental and other substantial disabilities are often sexually assaulted repeatedly. I've had clients, adolescent girls, who were gang raped. Was justice served? No, because girls with intellectual disabilities do not make good witnesses.

[Mrs. Cindy Gill]

As the father of a beautiful seven year old girl, all I can say is that if any of these horrific things ever happened to my baby girl, there would be zero need of any judge, jury or police.

And my deepest thoughts to you ladies that have experienced this.

amen...

[Daruya]

Ishy, I agree.  My husband always said if anyone ever did anything like that to our boys, the perp wouldn't survive and we'd have to visit him (hubby) in prison.

[Mrs. Cindy Gill]

too late... I'm sorry. too late.

[Mrs. Cindy Gill]

I hate humans

[Tynaal Consen]

So, I made the siggy's and as far as I remember, most of the stats came off the WHO postings and a few from a very reputable South African anti-rape organisation. So as previously mentioned, they probably got that statistic in connection with the high bribery and docket losing that tends to happen in our country.

[Tsukibana]

I thank you deeply Mystica, Gudrean, Daruya.

I challenge anyone to come in here and not be moved to anger by what you have suffered through.

I have worked with people like the ones that victimized you. Many of them are horrible, manipulative, and un-remorseful.

(Some, however, have been themselves victimized, leading to a continuation of the tragedy in a widening spiral. I do NOT condone,

but I do understand.)

The shameful thing is that, indeed, many serve no prison time as their victims never come forward. Unlike posited in some other threads being

hosted by these women, a girl-child (or bpy, for that matter) can NOT work out, get fit, buy mace, or buy a gun. Many fear for their lives, think

they've done something to deserve it, and fear that their victimizer will hurt their parents, or will perhaps target a new child if they try to stop the perpetrator.

The next shameful thing, is that lack of mental help these victimizers receive. In Michigan (in the US, if you are unfamiliar with it), a sexual

offender receives NO MENTAL HELP until the last 6 months of their sentence. That means that if a man receives 10 years (and he WILL serve

10 years, here) for what he's done, he spends 9 1/2 years around other criminals, many of which are just as perverted as he is. He receives, if he is so inclined, an education that

can turn him into an even more efficient predator. Because of this, if the offender is not remorseful, ashamed, and willing to change himself

well before the State offers him treatment, he WILL NOT change. 19 out of 20 child offenders (I work with few rapists) should NEVER be released,

the way the system stands.

http://www.stopitnow.org/  http://www.d2l.org/site/c.4dICIJOkGcISE/b.6035035/k.8258/Prevent_Child_Sexual_Abuse.htm

the above are two websites devoted to ensuring that what these brave women have shared with us STOPS NOW. April is child abuse awareness month; remember that.

[Gudrean]

Thank You Tsuk =)

[WildTaltos]

Thnk you for sharin yuor stories Dar, Gudern, and Myst - it awe me how brve yuo are to shaer of itt.

Because of this, if the offender is not remorseful, ashamed, and willing to change himself
well before the State offers him treatment, he WILL NOT change. 19 out of 20 child offenders (I work with few rapists) should NEVER be released,
the way the system stands.
http://www.stopitnow.org/  http://www.d2l.org/site/c.4dICIJOkGcISE/b.6035035/k.8258/Prevent_Child_Sexual_Abuse.htm
the above are two websites devoted to ensuring that what these brave women have shared with us STOPS NOW. April is child abuse awareness month; remember that.

This, almos oen hundred percnt. I dont say one hungred percen becuse if it were up to me, it wuldnt be prisontiem for them, it wuld be hanging or hnd them ovre to the vivtims family and elt them do waht they will with the preson. Even if thy aer ashamed, tahts no guarante they wont do it agin on impuls, and dosnt change fact they probalyy hav horificaly scarre the child mentaly. I fele very strongly personlly abuot it becuse what hapened to me whn i ws child and man who did it got awy with it an has nevre been punish. Its not taht I didn tell, I told an no oen in positin to do anythin cared. Wors still I thnk this saem man caused one of my bst frinds growin up to kil himslf, becuse he was th oldre brother to my frind and tuogh Ill never kno, it wuold not surpris taht me taht he ws rapin all his yuonger sibling, and i cnt think of anythin besids taht might haev driven my frind to kil himself. I kno if i evre see him agon, Imn rip his heart uot.

[Tsukibana]

Taltos, your strength shows in the fact that you are willing to share that; I'm sorry your friend felt that was his only hope.

 

Some victimizers attack children not out of attraction, but due to the powerlessness of their victim, when they in fact feel

powerless over things that are hurting them. These people can change, and I've seen it. Not often, but sometimes.

As for handing the perpetrators over to families, that can begin a cycle that might not stop, as even victimizers often

have loved ones who would feel that torturing someone they love is wrong. Not to mention the potential shame, guilt,

and other feelings that family might feel after they calmed down and realized what they had done. There is a reason

that kings had headsmen.

I would not tell you that ripping his heart out is wrong, as I have never gone through what you did, but are you the type

of man who can kill another without guilt? We cannot let things in our life (be it media, or what we experience) turn us

into those same things we wish to stop.

[Moon Sedai]

I have two little sisters. One of them my dad and stepmom adopted when she was three. When she was 10, it was disovered that my stepsister's husband had been molesting this sister since she as 5, right after he'd started dating my stepsister. he went to trial and jail, but my stepsister freakin DEFENDED him in court is still married to him. And the stepsister is my stepmom's golden child. For myself, I was more a victim of emotional abuse. From early childhood, my father "princessed" me, treated me like a doll baby, something that could be easily broken, and to "protect" me, did not let me do anything that he thought could hurt me.

 

I don't want to go into my own experiences, because all it does is upset me and make me feel bad. 

 

[WildTaltos]

I have two little sisters. One of them my dad and stepmom adopted when she was three. When she was 10, it was disovered that my stepsister's husband had been molesting this sister since she as 5, right after he'd started dating my stepsister. he went to trial and jail, but my stepsister freakin DEFENDED him in court is still married to him. And the stepsister is my stepmom's golden child. For myself, I was more a victim of emotional abuse. From early childhood, my father "princessed" me, treated me like a doll baby, something that could be easily broken, and to "protect" me, did not let me do anything that he thought could hurt me.

Taht is prety sick and it stull boggles me hw it sems hapen too frequent taht in some caeses when a sistre or mothres husband or boyfrind molests a siblng or child, th sistre or mothre defens the husbnad/lover insted of the famly membre taht was abused. 

 

 

 

Taltos, your strength shows in the fact that you are willing to share that; I'm sorry your friend felt that was his only hope.

 

Some victimizers attack children not out of attraction, but due to the powerlessness of their victim, when they in fact feel

powerless over things that are hurting them. These people can change, and I've seen it. Not often, but sometimes.

As for handing the perpetrators over to families, that can begin a cycle that might not stop, as even victimizers often

have loved ones who would feel that torturing someone they love is wrong. Not to mention the potential shame, guilt,

and other feelings that family might feel after they calmed down and realized what they had done. There is a reason

that kings had headsmen.

I would not tell you that ripping his heart out is wrong, as I have never gone through what you did, but are you the type

of man who can kill another without guilt? We cannot let things in our life (be it media, or what we experience) turn us

into those same things we wish to stop.

Blood fueds are nothng unusul to me, so alowing th relatives of th victims to do jsutice and potentialy causin a feud isnt soething taht sound abnorml or horific to me evn if it can be bit stresful untl it dies uot sometiem down th lien, but I gues for generl populatin, wuoldnt work becuse it moer an elemnt of anarchy.  Im not suer if taht was menat to be rhetoricl question at end, but I fel no guilt wahtsover whnever I get revenge on soemone who dishonourd me or one of my frinds or family becuse they had it coming. 

[Ryrin]

Well, hurt my kids and you are going to see 7 kinds of crazy. However, there are women who stay with the abusers of their kids. I'd be hard pressed, for many of them, to say what did more damage, the original molest or the fact that the mother continues to stand at the side of the abuser.

[Tsukibana]

Well, hurt my kids and you are going to see 7 kinds of crazy. However, there are women who stay with the abusers of their kids. I'd be hard pressed, for many of them, to say what did more damage, the original molest or the fact that the mother continues to stand at the side of the abuser.

Often times, working with victims AND the victimizer, that is one of the biggest factors from both sides: that the people who should

have protected these victims allowed/turned a blind eye to/even actively aided the abuse of these victims. We need to educate

people to take these things seriously; additionally, people need to be aware that most (over 70%) of children are victimized

by people who are close to them/there family.... the stereotype of the creepy guy in the park wearing a long coat has done

more damage than anything else in any awareness campaign ever.

[Elgee]

It would explain the love/hate relationship I have with my mother. I was sexually abused (by my nanny) as a child. The fact that my mother never realised anything was wrong ... *shrugs* ... I find it hard to talk about it.

[Moon Sedai]

ON a contrary note. 

In the early years of my relationship, I was in a phase of life where I bruised very easily. I mean, i bruised in Physical training frequently. 

I had to fight REALLY HARD with my unit because they were convinced I was being abused. 

 

Any defense I had people were like "Oh, that's classic signs of abuse. That you don't want to leave your attacker," etc. 

 

I'm smarter than that. 

I would not have stayed with him if any of those bruises came from him. 

[Gudrean]

It would explain the love/hate relationship I have with my mother. I was sexually abused (by my nanny) as a child. The fact that my mother never realised anything was wrong ... *shrugs* ... I find it hard to talk about it.

** Offers a big hug ** I'm sorry your mom didn't catch this and save you a lot of pain and suffering. I am a freak when it comes to my kids....probably over protective, but I will not be blind to what might hurt them, if I can help it. I'd take a knife (wound) and still keep fighting for my kids!!

[Ryrin]

 

 

 

 

Well, hurt my kids and you are going to see 7 kinds of crazy. However, there are women who stay with the abusers of their kids. I'd be hard pressed, for many of them, to say what did more damage, the original molest or the fact that the mother continues to stand at the side of the abuser.

Often times, working with victims AND the victimizer, that is one of the biggest factors from both sides: that the people who should

have protected these victims allowed/turned a blind eye to/even actively aided the abuse of these victims. We need to educate

people to take these things seriously; additionally, people need to be aware that most (over 70%) of children are victimized

by people who are close to them/there family.... the stereotype of the creepy guy in the park wearing a long coat has done

more damage than anything else in any awareness campaign ever.

 

Yes. I've worked in mental health over 24 years, including an acute care child/adolescent psychiatric inpatient unit and a level 14 child/adolescent residential reatment center.

 

Right now, I work for a private non profit that provides case management services to people with developmental disabilities. Most of my clients are dually diagnosed with a developmental disability and mental illness.

[Ryrin]

It would explain the love/hate relationship I have with my mother. I was sexually abused (by my nanny) as a child. The fact that my mother never realised anything was wrong ... *shrugs* ... I find it hard to talk about it.

I'm sorry that you were not protected.

 

My son's parents have a social worker for a mother and a cop for a father. I think they knew way too much at a young age but looking back I likely would not have withheld anything.

 

I remember holding the hand of my then 6 year old unlocking the door to the child/adolescent psychiatric unit and going into the office to pick up my check. "Mommy, why are these kids in the hospital and they are running around? They don't look sick ."