Egwene and Rand in Therapy

[Winespring Patron]

Like the new rendition of Egwene and Rand on the DM website banner, nice foreshadowing of the tension between the WT and the Dragon Reborn's "Grand Coalition". They look like prime candidates for conflict resolution therapy, but who is brave enough to counsel them and possibly draw the ire of the two most powerful leaders of the Third Age?

 

Counselor: Recognizing the problem is the first step; Egwene and Rand, I commend you for being willing to talk thru your conflict. And I need to remind you that we are in Far Madding and that neither of you will be able to touch the source or channel, so please refrain from dramatic gestures. You two must work together if there is any hope of the world surviving Tarmon Gai'don and fixing the Bore. Egwene, please begin.

 

Egwene: Where do I start? His woolhead scheme for breaking the three last Seals and releasing the Dark One or the other chaos and collateral damage he has caused all over the world?

 

Rand: She doesn't realize that I have changed after undergoing an epiphany; I'm now Rand Sedai, no longer Darth Rand who was going Aridhol on the World.

 

Egwene: Yes, he insists Saidin has been cleansed but there isn't a way to confirm that with Saidar. And that reminds me; he also had Aes Sedai forcibly bonded by his Ashaman which he is yet to explain...

 

Rand: I had no prior knowledge of Taim's and Logain's actions. Yes, I did demand some loyalty oaths but that was after Dumai's Wells. What I would like to know is why the White Tower wants to slow my consolidation of power and undermine the coalition which I am trying to build?

 

Egwene: Tarmon Gai'don and the fate of the world are too important to risk on the shoulders of one man, even the Dragon Reborn! You must accept our guidance and help or else the Salvation is in jeopardy.

 

Counselor: It seems what you two are talking about is differences in strategy; I sense that the problem is more personal. Didn’t the two of you come from the same village in Western Andor and more or less grow up together?

 

Egwene: Yes, that’s true at least, Emonds Field where I worked at my family’s inn. He (glares at Rand), was a bumpkin from off the farm in Westwood, who would visit and cause mischief on the village green with his two “friends”.

 

Counselor: (Consults notes) Um, those would be General Cauthon and Lord Aybara? Aren’t they also known for being Ta’veren and having performed amazing feats in the struggle against the Dark One?

 

Egwene: Ggrrrr! Ta’veren! Yes, they were just handed this so called instant “Greatness”. They didn’t have to acquire it by hard work, scheming, and manipulation… I remember what wide eyed fools they were when they first left the Two Rivers; they actually thought Baerlorn was a grand city!

 

Counselor: Egwene, I perceive that you are envious of Rand’s accomplishments; hasn’t he ever acknowledged that you too have also done important things?

 

Egwene: Well, yes; during his strange recent visit when he just strolled into the White Tower causing untold bedlam he did compliment me in a backhanded way, right before requesting my help for one of his ill thought plans.

 

Counselor: Hmmm, Hasn’t he always respected you and your feelings?

 

Egwene: Yes, he has, but he keeps secrets from me when he knows that I have this overwhelming need to know EVERYTHING. How does he expect my help when I don’t understand all of his motivations?

 

Counselor: Don’t you think that some of his thoughts should remain private in respect to operational security? Didn’t you just purge a bunch of Darkfriends in your own organization that were plotting against you and the forces of the Light?

 

Egwene: Yes, (reddens) but I think Rand doesn’t “share” with me because he is too embarrassed to discuss his scandals in the open. Why, do you know he’s corrupted two of my best friends in some sort of kinky love triangle and worst of all my friends won’t even admit it too me.

 

Rand: Actually, Egwene, it’s a quadrangle and I’m even more confused about it then you. (Sigh) Mat was right; I should have run for the Hills a long time ago…

[lolguy26]

poor rand to flustered to say anything

[SuperFade]

Counselor: So when did you first realise you had a cocaine addiction?

 

Egwene: What?! Sniff I most certainly Sniff do not! Whatever gave you Sniff that idea?!

[thisguy]

Good stuff. :D

[XoMeltdownoX]

LMAO

With Rand's love quadrangle, he has three more sessions per weak with the councilor. That is going to be one hell of a bill. It's a good thing he has the finances of a few nations behind him. He can fund the sessions and make them tax deductible.

[Thrasymachus]

Counselor: So when did you first realise you had a cocaine addiction?

 

Egwene: What?! Sniff I most certainly Sniff do not! Whatever gave you Sniff that idea?!

That was amusing. The rest was just typical Dragon fanboyism.

[XoMeltdownoX]

Counselor: So when did you first realise you had a cocaine addiction?

 

Egwene: What?! Sniff I most certainly Sniff do not! Whatever gave you Sniff that idea?!

That was amusing. The rest was just typical Dragon fanboyism.

No it does not smack of "fanboyism." As it is obviously a joke, the traits are exaggerated, but accurate. The flaws of both characters are there to be seen. I found it funny and I find both characters to be annoying sometimes.

Egwene: feels the need to be in control of everything and nearly always assumes she is right.

Rand: refuses to communicate or share important information, even with those he should trust. When he does speak to the counselor it is to complain his authority is being undermined. Lastly, he shows how immature he is in regards to romantic relationships.

 

Superfade, your post was hilarious as well.

[Thrasymachus]

Sure, whatever you want to tell yourself, fanboy.

[XoMeltdownoX]

Sure, whatever you want to tell yourself, fanboy.

That is pathetic. I usually enjoy reading your posts and have often agreed with your points of view, but had not taken you for an Egwene fanboy. I can only assume your sour grapes attitude comes from a desire to defend her character. As stated, the two characters I find most annoying are Rand and Egwene (with Perrin a close third), so I am not a "fanboy" of either.

[Thrasymachus]

Don't have a meltdown, Meltdown. It was a joke, you should learn to laugh at yourself a little more.

 

With regard to the OP, that was heavily biased against Egwene and in favor of Rand. Nowhere in that joke post did Rand appear arrogant, domineering or insultingly rude, and he was all of those things up to his Rand Sedai epiphany, and he's still pretty damned arrogant and domineering, if a bit more polite about it. No, this was all about how Egwene is a jealous, selfish, manipulative child that Rand has to put up with, not about how they're both arrogant know-it-alls who refuse to communicate with each other and insist on speculating negatively about the other's motives. And you know that. Some of the characterizations of Egwene were kinda funny, sure, but don't pretend that this was a fair and balanced portrayal of conflict resolution therapy between her and Rand, or I'm gonna have to start calling you Xo'Reilly.

[XoMeltdownoX]

Ok. That is your POV. We shall have to disagree about the fairness.

 

You are dead right about Rand's arrogance, both post and pre VoG. See, when I read the OP, I picture him sitting smugly while she whines, alluding to his his arrogance. The only thing it truly lacked was a bit more whining on his part about how she always undermines him, but the joke takes place after VoG.

 

O'Reilly. Ouch! That was good.

(edit: I can laugh at myself, but I did not find the fanboy comment funny. Perhaps my humour is in short supply after a few drinks:)

[Thrasymachus]

You kinda have to read that into the text, it's not written nor implied, or if it is, it's so subtle that I can't see it. The digs against Eggy, on the other hand, are in your face. The whole thing is basically an invitation to go, "Aww, poor Rand," and snigger at Egwene. Thus, Dragon fanboyism.

[Shig]

Rand: Actually, Egwene, it’s a quadrangle and I’m even more confused about it then you.

 

That bit was hilarious, although overall it was a bit one sided(rand love) i reckon it was a fair, almost caricature-like depiction of egwene

[Clouded]

I interpreted it the same way. It's is largely anti-Egwene. The counselor explicitly counters her multiple times.

[Suttree]

Obvious the bias against Egwene in the piece. Not sure why anyone would expect differently however? It's pretty standard fare.

[True Source Creator]

Who cares if it's biased? It's meant to be a joke obviously, and bias can intensify a joke.

[Knivy]

Since when does Eggy hate have to mean Rand love?

[Morsker]

Eh, this is just the way Robert Jordan wrote gender relations. Women give advice, sometimes good, sometimes bad. Men ignore it all. Robert Jordan's men don't talk very much. I agree it would feel more "balanced" if Rand gave more petty complaints, but it just wouldn't feel like Wheel of Time if a man talked that much.

[Edgetho]

Derail argument with new content! Straight out of Fog and Steel.

 

Counselor: Normally, doctor patient confidentiality would make discussing a case with friends and family unthinkable, but given that the literal fate of the world hinges on the Amyrlin Seat and the Dragon working out their differences, I thought some protocols could stand to be broken.

 

Mat: No argument here. Can't let the world end, I'm busy living on it.

 

Perrin: Me too. Most of the time.

 

Counselor: Could I trouble you for your opinions on the pair in question?

 

Mat: They're both crazy, but at least Rand has an excuse, right? Egwene became an Aes Sedei on purpose, her and Nynaeve both. Hey, have you considered asking -

 

Counselor: My colleague did attempt to counsel Mrs. al'Meara, yes. We still haven't found all of him, yet. We've been finding pieces as far as -

 

Perrin: Our condolences. But that's the problem, you see? They don't handle criticism well. It's almost like they can't reflect too deeply on who they have become and reconcile it with what their doing or they'll realize that their obsession with a frankly shrill and violent woman is destroying their various relationships and steadily turning them into animals eventhoughItriedsohardtohatetheax

 

Counselor: Ah, Master Goldeneyes?

 

Mat: This'll go on for a while. At least three books. Listen, I don't know what Rand and Egwene are thinking. Look at me. I'm a country bumpkin who just got tossed into World War something or other, it's hard to keep numerical lists in a cyclical universe. Maybe I act a little crazy at times. So what? I've been blown up, hung, stabbed, slashed, killed at least once, and my memory is packed with a thousand lifetimes worth of PTSD. By rights I should be a drooling, shambling emotional wreck drowning his unfathomable pain and isolation in wine, women, dice, and vice, which is of course completely different from the life I intend to lead as a married man WHO STILL KNOWS HOW TO HAVE FUN BURN YOU TALMANES I HEAR YOU NOT LAUGHING OUT THERE.

 

Perrin: And I missed her so much, I just couldn't care about anything else while she was gone, I was useless without her...

 

Mat: See? Everyone's been on Perrin's fluffy tail about being a whining moron after his wife got taken, but hey, he just lost half his home and his entire family to Trollocs and his wife to a bunch of Shaido. Being psychologically destroyed is how a normal person ought to respond to that sort of thing. We're just lucky that in those two it manifests in obsessive dress smoothing and polygamy. It could have been worse. At least neither of them is officially married yet, look at what it did to Perrin.

 

Perrin: I never did anything with that tramp honey please don't gut me it's just I like my kidneys so very much...

 

Counselor: So you think their aggression towards one another is just another manifestation of the enormous strain they're under in fighting the Dark One?

 

Mat: The Dark One? Who said anything about that guy? He's nothing, we're talking about marriage, now that's scary. Thank the Light Rand and Egwene never shacked up or I'd be running to Sightblinder for a more peaceful world.

[OptimusPrime]

Counselor: Anything else you want to say, Rand?

 

Rand: Yes. She thinks she is Ta'veren, but she is not.

 

Counselor: Ah yes, dillusions of granduer. We do know, Egwene, that you are not Ta'veren, because Siuan would have been able to tell.

 

Egwene: It was a writing fault. Human error leaves a great margin for mistakes. I am Ta'veren.

 

Counselor: *joins the queue*

[nolirion]

This is good really good .

 

 

I don't mind been a Dragon fanboy too

[thisguy]

This is some funny stuff.

 

 

And, why shouldn't Rand be rude, 99% of the women around him with dialogue are jerks to him. Dude's trying to save the world, ladies. It's not all about you.

[zerachiel76]

One thing Rand has got in his defence is he was going mad. Egwene never had any such excuse and so I feel it's only right that there are more jokes aimed at her than Rand. In addition, although they were both tortured in their own way (Rand in the box and Egwene by the a'dam) Egwene has had more time to recover mentally from the mental and emotional damage caused whereas Rand hasn't had time to grieve and recover.

 

Regarding the beatings in the tower, Egwene has chosen to receive these in that she refused rescue. Therefore she has made a conscious decision to accept all the beatings as she knew they could continue as long as she remained in the tower.

[nolirion]

One thing Rand has got in his defence is he was going mad. Egwene never had any such excuse and so I feel it's only right that there are more jokes aimed at her than Rand. In addition, although they were both tortured in their own way (Rand in the box and Egwene by the a'dam) Egwene has had more time to recover mentally from the mental and emotional damage caused whereas Rand hasn't had time to grieve and recover.

 

Regarding the beatings in the tower, Egwene has chosen to receive these in that she refused rescue. Therefore she has made a conscious decision to accept all the beatings as she knew they could continue as long as she remained in the tower.

You miss the purpose of this post , if purpose there is , I don't disagree with you but this is just some hypothetical and hysterically funny conversation .

[SuperFade]

Counselor: Welcome back, Brandon! How was your week?

 

Brandon: Fine, Mr. Counselor. I'm feeling pretty good now that I've finished A Memory of Light. Exciting times are ahead!

 

Counselor: That's good to hear. Anything in particular you want to talk about? Anything on your mind?

 

Brandon:...Uh...No. Not really.

 

Counselor:...Brandon.

 

Brandon:...Yeah?

 

Counselor: You'll have to be honest with me if you want to improve. Is there really nothing bothering you?

 

Brandon:...Well...

 

Counselor: Yes?

 

Brandon:...Well...it's just...Luckers. I'm...I'm afraid of how he'll take some scenes in this book...I mean, he's out to get me already, and...sometimes, when I'm alone, I can feel him staring at me. Murderously. And sometimes, the phone rings at night when nobody's around. I pick it up, and...

 

Counselor: It's okay Brandon, just take it easy. Take your time.

 

Brandon:...Okay...I pick up the phone, and a gravelly voice whispers, "Caaaaaadddsuuuuaaaaannnneeee...Caaaaaadddsuuuuaaaaannnneeee..." over and over again! It's driving me crazy, I can't take it!

 

Counselor: Brandon! It's okay, Brandon! He's not here! Jus- Just sit back down and relax. Everything's going to be okay. Just stay calm, and-

 

Brandon: And it's not just him! Terez, Suttree, Kael and everyone else are in on it too! It's a conspiracy, I tell you! Thank heavens I listened to Dida - he was telling the truth all along! I-I have to get out of here. I have to-

 

Counselor: I'm sorry, Brandon. But you're not going anywhere.

 

Brandon: Wait...I know that voice...You? No!

 

*Counselor takes off mask to reveal Luckers*

 

Luckers: *Balefire*