If you were suddenly dumped into the story

[Nightstrike]

I would immediately go about learning to channel. I would become a very strong and gifted channeler, of course.  ;D It would probably be best to enter the story after Lanny vs Moiraine & after TP+OP Balefire, since those things set everything up for a good outcome. So I would jump into the story right after Sammael was dispatched - I have the right to choose that, right?   :D  And then one should keep one's fingers crossed that one doesn't screw up and changes the story for the worst. Like messing up and letting the evil side win. Having to kick over the table and run...   :o

[torrente]

I'd spill the beans to the Seanchan that the Suldam are marath damane  ;D

[A Trite Pun]

The first thing I would do, would be to hang out with Rand and Moiraine, and each and every time she tells him what he HAS to do in order to win (or whatever), i would point out how every idea she has would lead to irrevocable failure.  I believe at one point she wanted Rand to take Callandor and try to kill Sammael, before Rand even knew how to channel...hehe, of course, if Rand had tried, this series would have been waaaaayy shorter :D

[Fains nose]

if i could go in like 7-8 years before eye of the world as a 14 year old, id go to the white tower to train with the Warders for 7 years, then when im a hardcore fighter, id travel the world like Jain Farstrider, then id be in the Last Battle

[csarmi]

I'd set about finding out what the Tinkers have been trying to tell Rand. I'd join the Tinker caravan along Mat's route, only to find that they know nothing special.

 

I'd be dumbfounded, but I'd consult my notes to figure out what to do next. Unfortunately, at that point the camp would be attacked. Frantically, I'd look for a way to let Rand, Mat, whoever know just one thing and start writing a note 'Tell the dragon reborn...', but I'd never finish that sentence.

[Luckers]

I reckon I'd kidnap Tuon, take her to Seanchan and force her to watch me shatter the Crystal Throne. "How do you like that for having no equals?

 

 

I'd spill the beans to the Seanchan that the Suldam are marath damane  ;D

 

Elayne's already seen to that.

 

 

[aunt_pol]

Removed. Too Far.

 

seriously? Dude that's just creepy.

[Senexx]

It's only got me curious.

[torrente]

I reckon I'd kidnap Tuon, take her to Seanchan and force her to watch me shatter the Crystal Throne. "How do you like that for having no equals?

 

 

I'd spill the beans to the Seanchan that the Suldam are marath damane  ;D

 

Elayne's already seen to that.

 

 

 

Thanks for the spoiler.  I'm only 50 pages away from the ending of TGS.

[aunt_pol]

@durinax: cheers.

 

@torrente: you need to be very selective about the posts you read when you're not fully through the books!

[HornOfValere]

Hm.

 

Where to start.

 

I'd definitely make some time to hang out with Mat, he's easily the most fun character in the series and strikes me as a guy you would want to party with. And you'd see your fair share of action, what with the dice and stuff, and since he's awesomely lucky, you probably wouldn't die!

:-D

 

I don't think I'd try to influence anyone too much, the series has too many stubborn wool headed idiots so they'd probably laugh and try to still me or have me executed or make me gai'shan or something.

 

I would try to get a drink with Rand too. The poor boy just needs to feel normal, and the way his life has gone he is anything but. I'd tell him a story or two, he likes them but hasn't read one in a long time. I'd try to get him to have a laugh and try to protect him from the morons in the world that want to control him.

 

I would also love to be a sword wielding one-power user. That would be very cool!

[Scaw]

I would tell everybody that I have the Talent of Foresight, Hindsight and Mind-Reading.

So they don't think I am mad when I spill the beans on everything I know.

 

After I have their confidence, I would cheer them all up by telling them that all will be well in the end. The DO will be gone forever, 90% of the main characters survive and there will be a second age of legends to come.

 

[lilltempest]

This is fun.  ;D

 

1.  Rand - I'd take him out for a drink or ten and have a very long, frank discussion with him about the way he has been behaving and how he is allowing Cadsuane to manipulate him. I'd also tell him flat out that he cannot trust Egwene and that, while he does need female channelers at his side, that doesn't mean he needs the entire White Tower. Then I'd throw peas at his head for forcing Asha'man into slavery to the Aes Sedai. That is no way to treat your followers and all it will do is convince the Aes Sedai that all Asha'man should be enslaved as Warders. Also, while he should unite people, he can't force people to stop being stupid. So help the ones that agree to follow him and screw everyone else. When they get eaten by Shadowspawn, and those he protects survive, the other stubborn morons in the world may get the hint. If they don't, then it's time to clean the gene pool, anyway. Then I would do everything I could to help him and would do what he wanted me to do instead of what I wanted to do. It's time someone showed him that they can be loyal to him and not constantly screw him over.

 

2.  Egwene - When Rand wasn't looking, I would pay this little twit a visit and publicly humiliate her. She should be made to look a fool in front of everyone - Aes Sedai, Asha'man, Rand, Nynaeve, the Wise Ones, everyone. Perhaps after everyone laughs at her and refuses to take her seriously, her head will be less swelled. Then I would slap her sideways until she agrees to leave Rand alone and stay out of his way. She needs to get over this idea that she has to control him. Then I'd slap her some more until she apologized to Mat and Nynaeve.

 

3. Nynaeve - I'd slap some sense into her. I'd tell her the reason Egwene terrorized her in TAR (to cover her own bony arse!) and tell her it's time she stopped submitting to Egwene and every other woman she encounters. She needs to throw her serpent ring in a river and dedicate herself to helping Rand and her husband. She needs to show the world that channelers can be trusted without oaths...without rings...without ageless faces...and without being controlling bitches. She could open a hospital or something. Either way, the reasons she hated Aes Sedai still stand so she needs to be free of them. And, while she's at it, she needs to find a man who actually loves her more than he loves his dead owner.

 

4. Mat - I'd get drunk with him and ask why he's allowing a bald midget to push him around. I'd point out to him that the way he handled Joline worked quite well, so why not use it on his wife? Perhaps after he spanked her, she'd be more pleasant and more amenable to other people's ideas.

 

5.  Perrin - I'd only have a few words for him:  "Your wife wants you to be a man. If she irks you, yell at her. If she goes too far, spank her again. Did you not notice it worked the one time you did it? It's what she wants. Respect her, treat her well, but don't put up with her crap. She doesn't want you to and it makes her mad when you do." Then I'd pause and add, "And, while you're at it, stop being an ass to Rand. The man was tortured by Aes Sedai and you worry over their pride? Stop being a moron and be a better friend to Rand. If you can't do those things, then at least have the decency to keep your big fat mouth shut."

 

6.  Tam - I'd buy him a drink and hug the crap out of him for telling Cadsuane the truth about her being a bully.

 

7.  Cadsuane - I'd take her ornaments away from her while she was sleeping, then tell Logain to spank her bare ass in front of all of the Asha'man and force her to eat food off the floor just like she did to Semirhage.

 

8.  Elayne - I'd tell her that she's a complete and utter twit. I'd force her to apologize to Rand for being ungrateful about him saving Andor from Rahvin.

 

9. [Removed. Too Far by Half].

 

10.  Narishma - I'd kick him in the nards for being such a wimpy, spineless slave to Merise. Oh wait, he has no nards because Merise took them away! Seriously, he's a waste of space and needs to die. Rand can't trust him because he'd screw Rand over in a blink if Merise ordered it. Rand needs to understand that he cannot trust the bonded Asha'man, including Damer...and that is something else I'd tell Rand and would add to what I said above.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[torrente]

 

@torrente: you need to be very selective about the posts you read when you're not fully through the books!

 

True. . . i wasn't expecting any surprises since I'm almost done.

[Ozzie_aiel]

Show the randlanders how to make gunpowder and rifles, then fuse the steamwagon and Aludras Dragons into a primative tank.

 

Teach the heroes some proper swear words. Sorry, 'Bloody' and 'Flaming' are not swear words!!

 

Tell the Seanchan theyre entitled to Squat this side of the Aryth Ocean

 

Use my knowledge to become the greatest great captain since Hawkwing (well, if you stand in a line like that, of course your gonna get hit!)

 

Introduce surfing to the people along the Sea of Storms (The waves do be Rockin'!)

 

Play Maidens Kiss one on one, with a blade at her throat as well, so she has to try just as hard :P

 

Introduce Flame-throwers into the borderlands, so they can cleanse the Blight with fire.

 

Introduce Flame-throwers into the Blight, coz itll be funny seeing a trolloc with a burner!

 

And a whole lot more I can't think of right now

[Solmyr]

I'll learn how to play at stones and proceed to beating Thom.

 

Then I'll buy up all the bronze knives within close proximity of Caemlyn, followed by bribing all the smiths into crafting none for the time being. When Mat comes I'll sell him 1 for the all his treasure.

 

Using my newly acquired fortune and the immense knowledge of Randland I'm going to convince an army to venture into Shara, thus satisfying my fan need to see what lays there (a bunch of thieving Indians most likely).

 

Finally I will proceed to an Ogier stedding where (after dealing with Loyal) I will join them when they open the book of <whatever, forgot the name> and depard Randland .

 

Always have a way out when visiting alternate worlds ;).

[Ewandrina]

Another thing I would do is take a copy of Harry Potter, go to the Aes Sedai and tell them they could learn to fly broom sticks, sure I would howl for all eternity but boy it would be fun

[FarShainMael]

I'd borrow Mycroft Next's Prose Portal and some of Baron Greenback's gigglococcus germs, enter the books just as TG gets going at Shayol Ghul, give the DO a whiff of the germs so that he laughs himself to oblivion!

 

 

 

[reson8]

I think I'd go clap an ad'am on Fortuona and rock the Seanchans world to its very core. Then I'd HAVE to work on getting the main characters to communicate. I mean...its like the idea doesn't even register at all..

[Impressive Bosom]

I would tell Moridin that Shai'tan is the fictional invention of a novelist, and that his entire existence is a fabrication, and watch him laugh at the existential lunacy of it all ... lol ... then I'd tell Demandred the same thing and watch him get even more pissed at "reality"

 

Demandred: You mean I always came in second as a PLOT POINT!!!!!! AAARRRGGGGHHHHH -Demandredmount-

 

LOVE this.

[HornOfValere]

lilltempest, your point 9 is distasteful and extremely offensive.

[lilltempest]

lilltempest, your point 9 is distasteful and extremely offensive.

 

And I find it offensive that Alanna, in essence, raped Rand's soul and mind, which in many ways is worse than raping someone's body (which she has also raped considering she could suck the very life out of him if she chose to do so and he could do nothing to resist it!). I stand by what I would like to see happen were I in the story. The worst part is that Alanna's rape of Rand's mind and soul is ongoing, not something that was done to him and was over. That she refuses to release the bond after he has made it clear that it is unwanted is the same as a man repeatedly raping a woman who has made it clear his attentions are not wanted.

 

Having something similar done to her is justice, pure and simple, and perhaps it would teach her a lesson about forcing herself on any other man she encounters and decides she wants to control. Nynaeve made a statement in the book that people rarely have the stomach for justice and I agree with her. At this point, simply forcibly taking the bond from Alanna is not justice, considering she sees nothing wrong with what she has done and believes she had every right to force herself on Rand even when she knew he did not want it, but giving her back some of what she has given him is justice and it is precisely what she deserves. She is as loathsome as any rapist in jail in the real world, perhaps more so.

[Tiinker]

lilltempest, your point 9 is distasteful and extremely offensive.

 

And I find it offensive that Alanna, in essence, raped Rand's soul and mind, which in many ways is worse than raping someone's body (which she has also raped considering she could suck the very life out of him if she chose to do so and he could do nothing to resist it!). I stand by what I would like to see happen were I in the story. The worst part is that Alanna's rape of Rand's mind and soul is ongoing, not something that was done to him and was over. That she refuses to release the bond after he has made it clear that it is unwanted is the same as a man repeatedly raping a woman who has made it clear his attentions are not wanted.

 

Having something similar done to her is justice, pure and simple, and perhaps it would teach her a lesson about forcing herself on any other man she encounters and decides she wants to control. Nynaeve made a statement in the book that people rarely have the stomach for justice and I agree with her. At this point, simply forcibly taking the bond from Alanna is not justice, considering she sees nothing wrong with what she has done and believes she had every right to force herself on Rand even when she knew he did not want it, but giving her back some of what she has given him is justice and it is precisely what she deserves. She is as loathsome as any rapist in jail in the real world, perhaps more so.

 

You SIR have issues..

[PatsNats28]

I'll think of some more later, but one of the most important ones, as someone mentioned earlier... WHY DON'T THESE PEOPLE COMMUNICATE MORE? Why is it that between tSR and WH, Rand and Elayne can never tell each other they love each other? Granted, travelling isn't figured out till like LoC, but even then... Rand knows they're in Salidar. Why doesn't he borrow Mat's medallion, visit them, and be like "Elayne I love you. You too Aviendha. Let's have sex, but don't stay too close to me. PS Rahvin "killed" your mom." There are so many miscommunications during the story, it exceeds reasonable expectation.

 

I would also tell him to be more proactive in preparing for TG. After he returns from the Waste, he has these stretches of extreme inactivity. He really doesn't do anything significant in LoC (besides get captured by the Aes Sedai), aCoS is more eventful, tPoD he does nothing, WH is very good, CoT he literally does nothing. Other than in Winter's Heart, the only significant thing he does between LoC and CoT is conquer Illian. I would tell him to get his ass out of bed with Min, and do stuff. Also, on the subject of Aes Sedai, there are only 2.5 Aes Sedai he should trust - Nynaeve, Elayne, and Egwene (being the half). Moiraine also when she comes back to life. I say half for Egwene because she cares more about what's best for the Aes Sedai than what's best for Rand - Nynaeve from WH on is fine, not really bitchy anymore. Lastly, I would have told him to fall in love with Lanfear.

 

As for the other characters, I would definitely tell Perrin to dump Faile and get with Berelain. Faile is probably my least favorite of the "good" characters. I'd also tell him to do something useful as well... he is basically worthless post-Tear. The Trollocs/Whitecloaks in the Two Rivers were irrelevant to the main story... he's important at Dumai Wells, I'll give him that. Then he goes to stop Masema, and Faile gets captured in a pointless raid, and Perrin is preoccupied in the South for like 5 books. Why did the Shaido have to linger around for so long? They were also irrelevant.

 

Mat and Aviendha are fine for the most part, they're doing things right. I would tell Egwene to stop being so self-confident of herself over like Rand, her attitude is very annoying (she and Gawyn suit each other well in that regard). Elayne can be annoying, but on the whole, she's just fine except for one thing - just tell Egwene to tell Rand in TAR that you love him (as I mentioned earlier).

 

That was a very unedited and unorganized rant, but yeah, I would just tell them stuff. Basically, I would pop out of thin air and be like, "Dude, Mat married Tuon, just so you know. Talk later." and disappear.

[TheBeerPatriot]

If I was suddenly dumped into the story, there would be much wailing and gnashing of teeth by the Randlanders, no doubt.

 

If I was dropped in on the side of the Light:

 

-Assuming we're dropped in early in the WoT, I would warn Siuan Sanche to do whatever she could to isolate Elaida, and exile her if possible.  It would save a looooot of trouble.

-I would have Perrin ship Faile back to Saldaea in exchange for some yummy ice peppers.  Ice peppers + Berelain=WIN

-I would have Rand banish Cadsuane from his sight even before she arrives in Cairhien in ACOS.

-I would advise Rand not to tell Mordeth he doesn't have a shadow in Shadar Logoth.

-I would advise Aviendha to acknowledge what the rings showed her, and thus prevent possible frostbite in the Far Snows ;)

 

If I was dropped in on the side of the Shadow:

-I would scour the job boards at Shayol Ghul until the position of Nae'blis was posted, and thus beat that reincarted nihlist to the punch.

-I would compulse Graendal to do allllll of my bidding

-I would make the Dark One feel insecure about his burgeoning acne problem

-I would call Demandred Number Two.  He seems to like that title.

-When a Tinker asked me if I've found the song, I would play John Denver's "Sunshine on my Shoulders" on repeat.  If that wouldn't make the Tinkers simultaneously combust, nothing will.

 

Great topic!