June Discussion - Online/Offline

[Davrick]

We all live two lives, one online and one off.  Do we behave differently in each setting?  Would you consider the people you call friends online true friends?  These are just some of the questions I expect we will see a lot of in our discussion this month. 

 

I'd like to take the time now to welcome our guest mod Leelou.  Leelou is currently active in Shayol Ghul and The Black Tower and has been a member on DM for about 6 years now.  She discovered WoT through a friend of hers.

[Leelou]

Hello BTers! How's everyone?

 

I think the best way to start this discussion off is how do we behave differently in the online and offline settings. 

 

I know I'm more shy in person and a tad bit more serious until I get to know someone. Then after I get to know people and am comfortable around them I'm able to joke around more and never shut up. Online I'm more open and playful to begin with. 

 

So, how about you? 

[lolguy26]

i like to think that im the same online as i am offline, but ive noticed im a tinsy bit shy online than IRL, maybe cuz i can im not used to this, for me facial expressions mean alot and a persons tone tell a lot, where as online thats not easily possible, i am actually more serious online then offline 

[WWWwombat]

I very rarely let anyone get close online. Comes from having posted on the BNet forums for a long time. Lot of headcases/jerks over there. DM is better but I stick to my old habits for the most part. I have online friends but not many of them know much about my RL.

[Luciena]

Myself I think I'm more relaxed online and can be more myself than in RL. I found that I was shy with most of the people here but they quickly put me at ease. In real life I usually just observe or speak when i'm spoken to in situations where I don't know the group of people I'm with. Once I get to know people I open up and the flood gates open   Not very familiar with the online community though. I'm sure there are some headcases as wwwombat says but in DM everyone I've come across has been wonderful.

[Basel Gill]

I tend to get closer to people online than in RL. I sometimes have trouble separating the two worlds.

[Panchi]

My online self is more mature, confident and silly than my RL self. I am less self-conscious online. In some ways, I am closer to online friends than offline friends. With online friends, I can be more honest than I am with RL friends and I get less ignored online. I don't get ignored online and I don't have to pretend to be interested in gossip, fashion, and other such things. I think it is all because of I know that for me online and offline are different. Online I know that no one knows who I am, only what I am like. If one day I decide to leave, I can easily shut down my email and FB and no one would be able to trace me. There are times I have considered this. So online I have less fear of messing up something. The hard part is figuring out what people are like. Offline, I can easily know what they are like but offline makes it a little harder.

[lolguy26]

 I sometimes have trouble separating the two worlds.

 

QFT

[Niniel]

I come here to play and have fun with other geeks so if you compare how I´m here to how I´m at work it´s a huge differens. But compared to how I am at home it´s not a big differens. I have a crazy family. :) Of course my family see more sides of me than you do. It´s easy to log off here when I don´t feel like being here, but it´s not that easy in rl. lol

 

In rl I´m a bit quiet until I get to know people, maybe I was more open when I came here? I don´t remember. It´s easier to find friends in a forum like this since most of us come here to talk to other people and have fun together. We already have something in common even before we start to talk. I have a lot of friends here but few of them are close friends and that is the same in rl. I have experienced things here that have made me less open. I have learned that what´s private one day might not be so the next day. 

 

I think it´s important to remember that DM (or other sites) isn´t real. We don´t need to take it so serious. Rl friendship and online friendship is not the same but it doesn´t need to be. It´s great to have both. Sometimes online friendship become rl friendship though. :)

[Mrs. Cindy Gill]

i don't separate the two worlds because they aren't two worlds.  so ... i get hurt when i find that someone i consider a friend... considers me unreal, not a person at all.  i've been quite shocked to learn the extent of how unreal some people consider "online," and how they can justify any kind of abuse as long as it's directed at someone... unreal.  it's much worse with strangers of course, but it's still shocking what people will say to other people because they can't see the effects of their words.  they must know... but the separation gives them some sort of permission to be cruel i suppose.

 

but i'll always be shocked because i won't be swayed to that view.  it's wrong.  this is a means of communication and the people with whom we communicate are real people.

 

i think i behave differently in face to face interaction because ... i'm afraid of people in close proximity.  so i don't speak very much, except to people ive known a very long time and don't fear.  

 

i think people consider me nice and friendly offline, because i'm not as likely to bare myself emotionally to people i just work with or see only occaisonally.  but with people i trust and consider friends, i'm the same.  i think?

[Talya]

I think because I'm a little older than some, and have a vast RL in experience and friends, and find that online adds to that. I would say I act the same most of the time (I don't let too many people close whether online or in RL), the only trouble is I'm very dry and use facial expressions when having having etc in RL, you lose that a lot on line, and I'm sure people think I'm serious about things. 

 

I have met some great friends online, and I have met them in RL too, and they are still great people. I'm pretty outgoing in RL, but also like to hide away and do my own thing. 

[Talya]

I have to agree with you Cindy, I think online is just as real as rl...people are just as real and people can get hurt too. At the end of the keyboard is someone who has feelings etc and act to things said on line as much as they do to people in rl. 

 

I see no difference.

 

As for mad people or nutcases on line, they are also out there in rl as well...trust me!

[Niniel]

I totally agree that we need to remember that there are real people behind our avatars.  I don´t mean that you shouldn´t take the people serious. Quite the opposite.  It´s the DM world that I don´t think we should take very serious. I have seen people get so worked up over a game, a raid or a simple misunderstanding. The BT (or the other social groups) is not real. It´s a made up place where we come to play. It´s a great place and I love it, but it´s not rl. I think it´s good to be able to distance yourself and remember what is real and what is not. 

[Mrs. Cindy Gill]

it's real.

 

people may put more emphasis on things that happen here than others might think appropriate.

 

that doesn't mean it's not real.

 

 

as the wold gets smaller we'll all come to realize these communities and social structures are quite as real as any.

[Leelou]

I think all of my friends I make online are real friends. It's sad when things don't work out sometimes and you lose friendships. It's really the same when that happens in person too. 

 

I know a few people here have met people they have known from online in person, how did that go? Was the person like what you thought they were going to be like? 

[Niniel]

It was great to meet all of the DMers at JordanCon. Those that I have talked most with before were a lot like how I have imagined them. (Especially Leelou, who I talk to so often.) Those that I hadn´t talked to much before where kind of blank pages to me so I didn´t get any big surprises. It was great to get to know people that I see here every day. This is the only time that I have met people from an online forum. I haven´t even been to a dating site. 

[WWWwombat]

People online are very real. Unfortunately, real people can be very cruel and spiteful. That's why I don't drop my mask much online. I did it too easily before and got burned. I've only ever been needlessly cruel once to someone online, and I regret it just as much as I do the times I've done it in real life. But not everyone is like that, so I don't drop my guard easily.

 

As for meeting people, I know online, they tend to act like toned down versions of their online personas. Which means that most people that I like online, I like IRL. Thankfully, I haven't met any of the psychopaths from BNet IRL.

[Niniel]

What is BN?

[WWWwombat]

BNet is short for battle.net, the community for Blizzard's online multiplayer video games. I don't go there much anymore because Blizzard hasn't made a good game since Activision bought them.

[Talya]

I've met a few people in rl, and they haven't let me down, all great people as much in rl as they are on here. One of them doesn't live too far away and she isn't on here anymore, but we are still great friends and see each other when we can. 

 

I don't get to talk on skype etc these days, and I miss those I used to chat too, but as with everything circumstances change (or my daughter gets older) and you have other priorities (taking my daughter places). I do miss chatting to them, and wish I had more time to do so :-(

[Niniel]

@ Wombat: Aha. So I take it that all people aren´t very friendly there. I don´t have much to compare with. I visit some other sites to play mafia  but the only place where I spend a lot of time is here. My believe is that all people are good and interested in treating each other nice. Then there are always exceptions. 

[Panchi]

I haven't met any online friend in rl.

 

Rude things online are same as rude things offline. Getting worked up over a game/raid is same as getting worked up over a match in rl. But neither gives you permission to be rude or insult others.

[lolguy26]

after alot of things, i prefer the people here on DM then alot of people i know irl, i dont know how id react if i met some DMers irl but happy would be one of the words id use, 

[ruairidh7]

I like my internet friends :)

[Ithillian Turambar]

I'm a very introverted person ... who pretends to be extroverted. That's much easier to do online and involves less time at the bar. Actually after having two babies in two years, the opportunities to go out and meet/make friends basically just vanished. So finding an online forum about something I enjoyed was quite interesting. To start with I was a little cautious, and then silly open, and now extremely cautious again. I have people who I will chat and interact with and I have my close friends. Everyone is real and I am a genuinely real person too. I'm very much aware of how people can be affected by what happens here.

 

Would it be awful to admit that I like the BT because I can be silly and just touch the surface of things without having to commit myself to real opinions and thoughts?

 

And my dear close friends here are exactly that in real life too. They are the people that I can reach out to when everything suddenly falls apart and they will hold my hand and tell me that it's going to be ok. And in fact I use FB to contact my friends who actually live close to me also. This is just one of our means of communication - we also talk on the phone and via cards/letters/gifts. So I think you just meet RL friends in different ways these days, but that doesn't mean they mean any less than someone you meet at work for example.

 

As for meeting my bestest friends on DM for real? Yes ... I'm sure that will happen, although the offer of vast spare rooms with en suite is not going to be available any more.

 

So ... if you had the chance to go to Jcon - would you be going to soak up the atmosphere and all the fun of being at a WoT based convention - or is it all about meeting your friends?