SIAP, but this just made my morning...

[Impressive Bosom]

Stumbled across this link and promptly got absolutely NO work done all morning. Best 'recap' I've ever read.

 

http://www.ataricommunity.com/forums/showthread.php?t=386600

 

The opening of the LoC in particular had me crying.

[Corlock]

Only got to the beginning of book two and decided I really couldn't handle it, because it was just too awesome for my eyes. Good find.

[Mulk]

I had to close my office door

[Impressive Bosom]

A few favorites:

 

The Great Hunt

 

Rand: I really should be going.

 

Lan: Yes, you should. Another lesson?

 

Rand: Sure.

 

Lan: This move is called "Ending the Book." Use it in a climactic battle at the end of the book against a bad guy.

 

 

 

The Dragon Reborn

 

Verin: I don't want to hear another word from any of you.

 

Nynaeve: But I'm tired of yanking my braid.

 

Verin: Try punching yourself in the stomach.

 

Nynaeve: Ahhh. Thanks.

 

-------------------

 

Moiraine: You must tell me things. Perhaps I can help.

 

Perrin: I talk to wolves.

 

Moiraine: Good luck with that.

 

 

The Shadow Rising

 

Rand: The ter'angreal doorway told me to go to Rhuidian.

 

Mat: Yes, me too.

 

Moiraine: It was foolish of you both to enter the doorway at the same time.

 

Rand: Maybe you should have given us that advice BEFORE we entered the doorway.

 

Moiraine: I would, but it’s more fun to give advice after it’s too late to change anything. That way, I can’t be proven wrong. Now prepare to don your yellow party hat of war, and attack Illian with the Tairens, who use the code name:</b> 'The People of the Dragon.'

 

Tairens: We are not the People of the Dragon.

 

Moiraine: You are what I say you are.

 

Rhuarc: Actually, we are the People of the Dragon.

 

Moiraine: What the hell would you know about it?

 

 

The Fires of Heaven

 

Thom: Are you sure you don’t need help this time?

 

Nynaeve: How dare you insult us! We aren’t fools!

 

Ronde Macura: Drink this, fools.

 

Nynaeve: Ah, nice, delicious fool tea.

 

-------------------

 

Aviendha: Rand al’Thor, you gave me a bracelet that was to make me like you, and stop hating you. But all the Maidens thought it was because you loved me, and I loved you. Which you do, and I do. But it’s supposed to be a secret, which makes me mad. And I am mad that you thought that a nice gift would make me like you, and I am mad that wearing the gift makes it look like I accept your love, even though I really would if you offered, which you haven’t, and won’t until I admit my true feelings, which I won’t. Even though I say I would hate it if you tried to love me, I actually am lying, and want desperately for you to admit your feelings to me. So here is a gift of a heron-mark sword. I hope this can successfully heighten the sexual tension between us.

 

Rand: Uh, thanks for the sword.

 

Aviendha: Men are so complicated.

 

------------------

 

Sulin: Why do you hide your crying, Rand al’Thor? We Aiel never hide our crying.

 

Rand: That’s funny, because I’ve never once seen any of you cry.

 

Sulin: Sure we do. I stubbed my toe. Boo-hoo.

 

Rand: You’re faking it. Your culture sounds a lot like you’re just making it up as you go along.

 

Sulin: How dare you. You insult us like a Wizard of Oz!

 

Rand: Now you’re just copying other stories!

 

Sulin: Silence, Jedi.

[Impressive Bosom]

But this really is the best bit IMO:

 

Lord of Chaos

 

Dark Lord: DEMANDRED. HOW FARES THIS WORLD, DEMANDRED.

 

Demandred: Rahvin is dead, Great Lord.

 

Dark Lord: DONE BY MY ANCIENT ENEMY. THE ONE CALLED DRAGON.

 

Demandred: Great Lord, do you mean one currently called Dragon, or another in a previous Age, who might be a female Dragon, or barring that, a female substitute Dragon? I refuse to believe that a female Dragon couldn’t exist…

 

Dark Lord: DEMANDRED, I’VE TOLD YOU TO STOP PERPETUATING THAT STUPID THEORY.

 

Demandred: Sorry, Great Lord. I don’t know what I was thinking.

 

Dark Lord: So, tell, me Demandred….Damn, my amp…it’s lost power.

 

Demandred: I’ll plug it back in, Great Lord. How about now?

 

Dark Lord: SO tell ME Demandred….NOW it’s SWITCHING back AND forth. THAT’S no GOOD…

 

Demandred: How about now?

 

Dark Lord: Was ist los? Ich kann nicht normal sprechen. Ich spreche wie ein verrueckter Mensch.

 

Demandred: How about now?

 

Dark Lord: ImspeakingtoofasthelpstopmefromspeakingsofastIcantstopthisIcan’tbreathe…

 

Demandred: How about now?

 

Dark Lord: 01111001100001100000111111010100110010010.

 

Demandred: HOW ABOUT NOW. HEY, NOW I’VE GOT THE BIG VOICE.

 

Dark Lord: Stop that.

 

Demandred: SORRY, GREAT LORD, BUT I DON’T KNOW HOW TO TURN OFF MY OWN BIG VOICE. HEY. THIS IS KIND OF COOL. I AM THE GREAT LORD. OBEY ME OR DIE. LET THE LORD OF CHAOS RULE.

 

Dark Lord: Do not do impressions of me, Demandred. I am the Great Lord. Those who do impressions of me will die.

 

Demandred: EXCEPT FOR ISHAMAEL. BECAUSE HE IS MY FAVORITE FANCY PANTS BOY.

 

Dark Lord: I’ve never called Ishamael my favorite fancy pants boy.

 

Demandred: YOU IMPLIED IT. THIS I COMMAND.

 

Dark Lord: You cannot command me. I command you.

 

Demandred: BUT YOU DON’T HAVE THE BIG VOICE.

 

Dark Lord: I should have the big voice.

 

Demandred: BUT YOU DON’T. SHAIDAR HARAN, GET ME SOME LEMONADE.

 

Shaidar Haran: Yes, Great Lord.

 

Dark Lord: No! Shaidar Haran, he’s impersonating me! Don’t get him lemonade.

 

Shadar Haran: But He’s got the big voice, Great Lord. How can I refuse?

 

Moghedien: Hey, what’s going on?

 

Demandred: Check out my impression, Moghedien. Ahem. MOGHEDIEN. YOU DISAPPOINT ME. BUT I WILL GIVE YOU ANOTHER CHANCE TO SERVE THE SHADOW. YOU MUST CRAWL THROUGH MY MAGICALLY LOWERING TUNNEL WITH THE ROCKS GRAZNG YOUR HEAD. THEN YOU MUST LEAP THROUGH FLAMING HOOPS, THEN JUGGLE EIGHT PORCUPINES TO SHOW YOUR LOYALTY TO ME. FROM THIS DAY FORTH, YOU SHALL BE REBORN AS ‘CUCAMONGA.’ THIS I COMMAND.

 

Moghedien: Hey, that’s pretty good! Let me try. I AM THE GREAT LORD. I LIVE IN A BIG FIERY LAVA TOILET. OBEY ME OR PREPARE TO BE FLUSHED DOWN AMONG THE FLAMES.

 

Great Lord: Okay, I don’t really sound like that. Shaidar Haran, back me up.

 

Shaidar Haran: Actually, you do kind of sound like that. And it does look a little like a big toilet. Here’s your lemonade, Demandred.

 

Demandred: THANK YOU, SHAIDAR HARAN. YOU PLEASE ME ALMOST AS MUCH AS MY FANCY PANTS BOY, ISHAMAEL.

 

Dark Lord: Now I’m getting mad.

 

Demandred: I AM THE GREAT LORD. I CAN DISH IT OUT, BUT I CAN’T TAKE IT.

 

Moghedien: Good one.

 

(fast forward to end of book)

 

Demandred: Have I not done well, Great Lord?

 

Dark Lord: YOU HAVE DONE WELL, DEMANDRED. MY BIG VOICE SYSTEM WORKS GREAT. CHECK ONE, CHECK TWO. TEST. TEST. YOU WILL NOT BE NAE’BLIS. TEST. TEST.

[keyholder21]

This is so hilarious! I work a customer service desk and I'm trying to stifle my laughs but people keep looking at me like I'm crazy.

 

Thanks for sharing! :).

[Mulk]

re: IB's thought of the best part

 

I agree.

[Impressive Bosom]

re: IB's thought of the best part

 

I agree.

Wasn't it great?

 

I see you joined yesterday - welcome!

[martianblues]

LMAO that's awesome.

 

Galad: Hey, girls.

 

Egwene: I hope my skirts are smooth.

 

Nynaeve: Me too. Smooth skirts are a must in today's world.

 

Gawyn: Hey, girls.

 

Egwene: Where's your brother?

 

Nynaeve: Yeah, where's your brother?

 

Gawyn: He's out buying more mirrors. I'll be crying under my bed.

[NetSlider]

Rand: I don't what to play your Great Game!

 

Cairheinin: Oooo, he's good!

----------------------------------------------------------

Rand: I have forbidden anyone from my army of over one million people to guard me.

 

Galina: What makes you think you should refuse protection, even when it is offered?

 

Rand: I grew up with Nynaeve and Egwene.

 

Galina: Ah, the masters.

ROFLAMO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Very good find! Did you happen to find the updated on with KoD and maybe tGS?

[A2597]

ISAM kinda disappeared after CoT, sadly. A few of us tried to find him, no real luck. There's actually a rather popular theory that he was Robert Jordan, and ISAM was his forum name. No proof to that though.

[Lynchgrinch]

Funny stuff, beats Leigh Butlers Re-Read any day!

 

Laughed at the Sexual tension Aviendha bit :/

[Sid]

Thanks for posting this link!

[OptimusPrime]

Demandred: I AM THE GREAT LORD. I CAN DISH IT OUT, BUT I CAN’T TAKE IT

 

Dear God I cant stop laughing just at that one

 

Moiraine: I am mysterious.

 

Lan: Ah. Rhuidean.

 

Heirn: Aan’allein.

 

Bair: One Man.

 

Rhuarc: The Man.

 

Amys: The Only Man.

 

Melaine: The Man Who is a Country.

 

Seanna: One Man.

 

Rhuarc: I already said that.

 

Seanna: Damn.

 

Amys: The One Man Who Fell in Love With the Loud Braid-Puller.

 

Seanna: The One Man Who Went Up a Hill, but Came Down a Mountain.

 

Rand: That was a good movie.

 

Elayne: Galad only does what's right, no matter who he hurts.

 

Egwene: Since he only does right, he only hurts evil people, right?

 

Elayne: No, he mostly hurts good people. And that's what makes him so perfect.

 

Egwene: Wow. I wish I could be so perfect.

 

Elayne: Don't worry, you will be.

 

Aviendha: Rand al’Thor, you gave me a bracelet that was to make me like you, and stop hating you. But all the Maidens thought it was because you loved me, and I loved you. Which you do, and I do. But it’s supposed to be a secret, which makes me mad. And I am mad that you thought that a nice gift would make me like you, and I am mad that wearing the gift makes it look like I accept your love, even though I really would if you offered, which you haven’t, and won’t until I admit my true feelings, which I won’t. Even though I say I would hate it if you tried to love me, I actually am lying, and want desperately for you to admit your feelings to me. So here is a gift of a heron-mark sword. I hope this can successfully heighten the sexual tension between us.

 

Rand: Uh, thanks for the sword.

 

Aviendha: Men are so complicated

 

Rand: If only there were some way to skim ahead of Couladin. Like a Talent. Like a Skimming Talent that I might have already rediscovered back at The Golden Bowl. That I might use to move an army to rescue Caemlyn, but probably not Cairhien. Or even some sa’angreal that I might have already used to protect Tear, but probably not Cairhien. Oh, well, I guess thousands must die. In Cairhien.

 

Nadere: You must enter the sister ceremony by getting fully naked. That is the Aiel way. It is a sacred, ancient tradition.

Elayne: The Aiel way seems a lot like the Aes Sedai way, and the Ebou Dar way, and the Sea Folk way.

Nadere: Naked women are powerful.

Taim: Yes, they are. Now show your power.

[Mulk]

I see you joined yesterday - welcome!

 

thankee kindly, miss. :)

[alligator]

so fantastic :) I'm giggling like a maniac. The Demandred one was so good! :D "EXCEPT FOR ISHAMAEL. BECAUSE HE IS MY FAVORITE FANCY PANTS BOY." lololol

 

 

more favorites...

 

 

Egwene: Ahh. Trapped again by our own stupidity. Home, sweet home.

 

Sulin: Why do you hide your crying, Rand al’Thor? We Aiel never hide our crying.

Rand: That’s funny, because I’ve never once seen any of you cry.

Sulin: Sure we do. I stubbed my toe. Boo-hoo.

Rand: You’re faking it. Your culture sounds a lot like you’re just making it up as you go along.

Sulin: How dare you. You insult us like a Wizard of Oz!

Rand: Now you’re just copying other stories!

Sulin: Silence, Jedi.

 

Elyas: Something tells me this Prophet is insane.

Perrin: Yes. Something about putting two and two together tells me I get four.

Elyas: Yes, I never trusted two and two. Bloody numbers.

 

Morgase: I must remember how many times I’ve been captured. Four? Five? I hope I’ve passed that skill onto my daughter. She needs to learn how to become a Queen.

[didymos]

Rochaid: You are as foolish as a newborn puppy.

Rand: You are as dead as a man with my fist in his throat.

 

Aw yeah. That's the stuff.

[GB]

hilarious

hahahahahahhaaa

rofl

[GB]

Lan: I love you. You take ring. I give you.

 

Nynaeve: Me like ring.

[GB]

Egwene: I'm a Dreamer.

 

Nynaeve: I'm a great Healer.

 

Elayne: I feel left out.

 

Egwene: I'm sure we'll find something stupid for you to do, like making ter'angreal.

[GB]

Egwene: Rand al’Thor! As an honorary Aes Sedai, you must listen to me!

 

Rand: I thought you were an honorary Aiel.

 

Egwene: I’m both. It’s called "Aiel Sedai." It’s when you’re arrogant enough for two cultures.

[Rinnsal]

I love it, thanks for sharing this find. And that (probably) was RJ himself?

[LazyMonk]

This is priceless! I love it!

and two favorite ones...

-------------------------

Cadsuane: I have arrived.

Rand: So what?

Cadsuane: You are rude. I have left.

-------------------------

Elayne: I have found the Bowl of the Winds without Mat’s help!

Aviendha: In my country, that is called "being obnoxious by ignoring someone else who has helped you."

Elayne: Wow. I have so much to learn about the Aiel, and your "non-rude" ways.

Aviendha: Now say, "Thank you, Mat."

Elayne: "Thank you." These are strange words you are telling me to say. Is this some spell in The Old Tongue? Have I raised the dead?

Aviendha: You have raised your conscience.

Elayne: My what?

-------------------------

[OptimusPrime]

Lan: You! What do you want here!

 

Moiraine: How dare you! I am a mature Aes Sedai! Now prepare for wasps and nettles.

 

Bukama: Er.

 

Lan: Stop laughing, Bukama.

 

Bukama: Er, er, er.

 

---------

 

Edeyn: I wear the special lock of hair. So we must have sex now...

 

Lan: Well, if you have the lock of hair, I suppose we must...

 

Bukama: Er.

 

Lan: Bukama, get out!

 

Bukama: Ur.

 

Lan: Aw, Bukama, don't cry.

 

Bukama: Ur, ur, ur.

[Arkane101]

Alviarin: I will succeed, because being evil never fails.

Galina [Acting as Therava's footstool.]: that’s right. Evil prevails.

Liandrin [Washing Suroth's feet.]: Absolutely. Evil pays off.

Moghedien [Licking bottom of Moridin's boots clean.]: Being evil is always the smartest path.

Elaida [Obeying commands to beat herself.]: Of course. Evil![Passes out.]

Aginor/Osan'gar: Evil is great. What are the odds of me dying a second time?

 

mwahahaha