Kathana: The Game

[Wayward_fool]

> Walk the walk and talk the talk

> Eat some fruitcake

> Celebrate BelTine(sp?)

> Set a farmhouse on fire

> Burn random town buildings

> Think about her childhood

> Think up riddles

> Give riddles to random people and lick their ears when they cannot answer

> Run in a random direction for at least half an hour without stopping

[Tigara]

> Recite Poem "Ode to a small lump of green putty I found in my underarm one midsummer morning"

[ed2funy]

>search and find pudding warehouse next to Tower that you commissioned.

>take out silver spoon

>eat some pudding

>delve pudding

>yell: "this is made with humans"

>spit pudding back into cup

>stir pudding while thinking about the human contents

>eat pudding

>take out Bone Hair Comb

>comb hair that is still messy from self supermodel wind blowing

>try ventriloquism using your hand as a pet monkey that talks to you to ward off sanity

>Wrap Amrylin's stole around your waist like a belt and dance in circles

>look for people

>try to tweak with your warder bond to see if anything happens

>pinch yourself to see if you are asleep

 

 

 

 

 

is that enough commands? lol  :P

[claireducky]

Ok I'll do an update today folks, sorry this took awhile; been crazy with other stuff.

[ed2funy]

hey what happened? i thought it was gonna be updated today???  :'( :'( :'(

 

lol...jk...i understand that you're busy with more important stuff.....

 

but i was waiting for it.... :P

[claireducky]

It's not been posted yet cause I'm still writing it.  I wanted to post the updates all at once.  Will be done soon.

[Red2111]

> travels to lowest storage closet in WT

> finds stash of ultra double sealing non-removable purple duct tape

> travles to SG

> duct tapes DO's mouth shut

> grins and marvels at work

> is taken aback at the discovery at the DO being Christopher Walken in disguise

> *dramatic groundhog*

> *crickets chirping*

[Moghedian]

<Hears 'Funky Town' start playing>

<Dances; Hugh Grant in Love Actually style>

[ed2funy]

hey, come on....she is writing the story...don't add updates yet!!

 

lol...

 

> lies down for an hour

> wakes up in a pudding bath

> eat contents of pudding bath and lie down, unable to move

 

 

 

;D couldn't resist....

[claireducky]

You feel a bit like throwing a tantrum, staring at that sunken boat that could have been your ticket out of here.  If only you knew what to do now…

 

> cracks whip and orders Claire and Barm to stop slacking

> decide to invite the Children of the Light and the Band of the Red Hand to the White Tower for dinner

> gamble the White Tower's treasury and staff with the leaders of the CotL and BotRH...

> Send the Red Ajah sisters to Ender

> Shout Christian Bale as the answer to all questions

 

Sometimes your brain works in mysterious ways, especially recently.  You want to know what to do NOW, not in some impossible future.  However, you tilt your head slightly, considering this.  Claire and Barm?  How could they be any part of this?  YOU’RE the Amyrlin, after all, Barm is just a Warder, and Claire is a flighty Brown.  Granted, Barm is totally not funny and Claire is most definitely a slacker, but you don’t see how that bears on your current situation. If you come across them, you’ll have a whip ready just in case.

 

Invite the CoTL and the Band to dinner?  Oh man, you could just imagine how that would go down…

 

Kathana: Heya jerkwads, thanks for coming to dinner. So, what’s new?

Justen: I am legendary and full of funneh! You should be honored I bothered to even show up to this thing.  PHEAR ME!

Corki: I brought a custom playlist of suggested chamber music for the event, along with a Very Detailed Report (copyright 999NE by Red Hand Enterprises) on what amazing things the Band has been up to recently.  I brought bound copies for everybody to follow along; if you’ll all just turn to page 932…

Kathana: *Balefires them both*

 

You shake you head softly, coming back to the present.  Yeah, you’ll take a pass on that experience, thankyouverymuch.

 

One thing you do know you’ll do as soon as things are back to normal, is punish those impudent Red sisters, they of the *snugglebites* and *sporks*.  It’s so cutesy sometimes it makes you want to puke.  You’ll send them to Ender Wiggin; he’ll send them back to you in at least a more “interesting” condition than they are now.  If you know anything, it’s that Christian Bale is the answer to everything.

 

<wander around Tar Valon to look for people

>look for people

>twiddles thumbs

> Walk the walk and talk the talk

>wander the streets of Tar Valon singing Michael Bolton songs at the top of your lungs

>block your ears with air so as to avoid hearing the Michael Bolton

 

Since nothing particularly productive and useful to your current situation has occurred to you yet, you pass some time searching through Tar Valon.  As you walk, twiddling your thumbs, you notice more and more that things appear…twisted.  Slightly off, almost like a particularly creative child’s view of Tar Valon—or maybe a “special” child’s view.  Doorways and houses appear much taller when you get close to them, and you notice several misspelled signs on shops: “BANC OF BIG MONEEZ”, “VANION’S HOUS OF WAX”, and “JOE-JOE’S FUN-TYM BROTHALL”.  That last one catches your eye and you start to walk towards it, when you hear a clattering sound far behind you.  Like tin cans kicked over cobble stones, it echoes in the silence of Tar Valon.  You whirl around to face the noise, several weaves ready.  Nothing.  You stand frozen for several minutes, but the sound doesn’t repeat itself.

 

Creepy.  This place is making you decidedly nervous.  Even though the city looks deserted, it feels like there are hundreds of unseen eyes watching you, crawling all over your skin.  You shudder slightly, but shake it off and immediately start to swagger down the street, back straight.  You’re the Amyrlin Seat, and you will NOT be cowed by tin cans or eyes that may or may not actually be there.  There’s nothing like a little false bravado to get one’s spirits up.  You begin to talk smack to the things you see around you—

 

“Hey there, apple cart!  I see you, with your busted wheel and moldy apples!  You want a piece of this?  I didn’t think so!”

“What’s up, push broom?  Yo’ mama so fat, she eats Wheat Thicks!  Yo’ mama so fat, she went to the movies and sat next to everyone!  Yo’ mama so fat, when she sits around the house, she sits AROUND the house!”

 

This makes you feel immensely better, and so you decide to sing.  You know you don’t have the best singing voice, so you block your ears with some Air before launching into a heart-stirring (or nausea-stirring, at least) rendition of “How Am I Supposed to Live Without You?”

 

I could hardly believe it

When I heard the news today

I had to come and get it straight from you

 

They said you were leavin'

Someone's swept your heart away

From the look upon your face, I see it's true

 

So tell me all about it

Tell me 'bout the plans you're makin'

Tell me one thing more before I go

 

Tell me how am I suppose to live without you?

Now that I've been lovin' you so long

How am I supposed to live without you?

And how am I supposed to carry on?

When all that I've been livin' for is gone

 

You trail off before the song is finished, realizing something.  Joe used to sing this song under his breath quite frequently when the two of you were together.  Curious. 

(CONTINUED)

 

[claireducky]

> Tell a knock knock joke to a random person

> Check out a man

> Talk via Tel'aran'rhoid to people in the same room

>wonder why you keep having thoughts about doing stuff with people when there are clearly no other people around

 

Ugh! The randomness of your thoughts is driving you to distraction.  Normally you think at least a little more clearly than this, and you can’t understand this sense of an outside influence invading your mind, almost a familiar presence—but still unnerving.  Nevertheless, there is nobody here, so you cannot tell anybody a knock-knock joke, check out anybody’s well-turned calves, or talk via Tel’aran’rhiod to anyone (you’re not even a Dreamwalker, for crying out loud!)  This has gotta stop.  You unplug your ears, cause it seems like the thoughts become even more insistent with no other stimuli coming in.

 

Clink-clank!

 

You jump about three feet into the air at the sound.  It is the same as the last time you heard it, like metal skittering across the cobblestones.  It sounds about the same distance away as last time though (very far), and doesn’t repeat itself, so you turn down a side road and continue walking.

 

>take out Bone Hair Comb

>comb hair that is still messy from self supermodel wind blowing

>dye hair in various shades sure to impress people - just in case people do show up

 

You realize that if you do meet anybody, you likely look a mess, what with your personal wind factory and fighting pirates.  So you dig into your Belt Pouch and find your comb.  You stop in front of a shop window for a moment and straighten your hair as best as you can.  Hmm…what an unremarkable shade of brown your hair is right now.  If you meet anybody, you want them to be overawed, and that brown hair kinda screams librarian.  You try a few different weaves of Illusion until you find a style that positively screams “MOST AWESOME AMYRLIN THAT EVER AMYRLINED”:

 

 

>try ventriloquism using your hand as a pet monkey that talks to you to ward off sanity

 

As soon as you’re done with your hair Illusion, your hand pops up next to you, as if it has a mind of its own. You look at it curiously, and are a bit startled when it starts to talk to you in a tiny squeaky voice.

 

“Hiiiiiiiii!  I’m Pickles!  Your hair looks super awesome today!  Can I have a banana?”

“CHRISTIAN BALE!!!!!  Wait….um….thanks, Pickles.  I don’t have a banana on me, but if I find one, I’ll be sure to let you know.”

“Ok, thanks!  Watch out for bandersnatches!”

 

And with that, your hand falls limp at your side, and is just a hand again—no longer a talking monkey buddy.  For some reason, this makes you a bit sad.

 

>Find book of complaints about something called the "General WoT Board" being "down" and painstakingly read each one.

>Immediately after reading, encounter band of happy schoolchildren with large, dewy, innocent anime eyes

 

You continue to walk down the avenue, occasionally patting your new rainbow-colored hair and flourishing your Alpine Moose Cape.  You try to listen out for the tin can clanking noise, but it’s rather hard to hear over your Asbestos Shoebox Mocs as you clomp along.  You notice a large and dusty tome on the cobbles a few feet away, and pick it up.  Brushing detritus off of the cover, you read the title: “General Discussion is Down- A Compendium of Biatching”

 

Hmm.  This sounds boring, but you can’t help but open it and read as you walk.  Most of the entries seem to be quotes from various personae about something called “General Discussion” and it being “Down”.  Here’s a random selection or two:

 

I R Newb: “Wahhhhh wahhhhhh! GD is down and I must argue about how balefire works!  Fixeses it, nowz!”

Luckers: “We know it’s not working and we’re working on it! Be patient and go check out some of out other boards.”

I R Newb: “Noes!  The Orgs is scary and other WoT discussion sucks donkeys!  And the RP would make me be creative and original!”

Luckers: “Too bad. Suck it.”

 

Elgee: “Yes, we know the General Discussion is down.  I am preempting your whining by posting here in an un-related board about it.  Go whine about it HERE.”

 

The whole thing reads like Sharan to you, but you manage to speed read the whole thing in an hour or so while you walk.  What a horrible book.  You toss it into a nearby dustbin, and continue your stroll.

 

“Hee hee hee hee hee!”

 

That sounded like….giggles.  You peer up ahead and try to make out where the noise came from.

 

“Hee hee hee!”

 

There!  Straight ahead you make out movement, the synchronized flipping of hair and swaying of plaid skirts and oversized neck-bows.  It’s a gaggle of schoolgirls, and they are heading straight for you.  They finally spot you, and come skipping towards you in unison.  They crowd around, their chatter a wave of noise surrounding you.

 

“OMG, I looooooove your hair!  Where did you get it done?  I know this totally awesome stylist in Japan….”

 

You start to shout, “CHRISTIAN BALE!!” but before you can get a single hunky syllable out of your mouth, you’re interrupted by another schoolgirl.

 

“Those Asbestos Mocs are sooo last year, but you still pull it off with your Moose Cape.”

 

As much as you enjoy seeing other people that aren’t pirates, something about their chatter and giant, platter-sized eyes blinking at you makes you come unhinged a bit. 

You take a deep breath and prepare a weave.

 

(CONTINUED)

 

[claireducky]

> Celebrate BelTine(sp?)

> Think up riddles

> Give riddles to random people and lick their ears when they cannot answer

> Act like a worm

> Act like a man

>Wrap Amrylin's stole around your waist like a belt and dance in circles

> Sing and dance with random folks

> Perform a musical based on the life of an imaginary monkey living in Tar Valon

> Recite Poem "Ode to a small lump of green putty I found in my underarm one midsummer morning"

 

Weaving Air, you amplify your voice and shout, “Shut up!  Every single one of you chobit freaks stop your otaku chatter and listen for one moment.”

 

The chattering ceases, blessedly.  But now those platter-sized eyes are all dewy and tearful, like you took their favorite Sailor Moon doll and set its hair on fire.  *sigh*  You gotta figure out what to do with these girls, cause they obviously aren’t going to be a help to you.  Hmm.

 

“Okay, ladies!  If you didn’t know, it is Bel Tine.  As you can see, our city is empty of revelers, and so I need your help to make up for it.  There’ll be singing, dancing, poetry, and much more.  Just what this place needs to brighten it up.  What do you say; are you with me?”

 

The girls exchange platter-sized glances and then as one, grin and shout, “Hellz, yes!”

 

You nod and lead the girls over to a large square nearby and divide them into several groups.  The first group you set to riddling.  You think up a good one as an example.

“What has four legs and flies?”

None of the girls can think of the answer, so you lick them soundly on the ear as punishment.

“WhiteWolf, the smelly old wolfbrother, of course!”

 

Once they have the idea, you move on to the next group and teach them how to do charades.  You flop on your belly and inch along, behind stuck up in the air.  The girls all stare at you dumbfounded, so you give up and try a different one.  This time you puff out your chest, flex your muscles, and mimic waving a big sword around.  One of the girls squeals in delight, “Oh! It’s a man!”

 

You nod and point to your nose, indicating she got it.  The girls quickly begin their own charades, acting out their favorite anime titles like ‘Vampire Princess Miyu’ and ‘Mew Mew Power’.

 

The next group you teach the art of musical theater.  You wrap your stole around your waist and teach them a song and dance number about your erstwhile tiny monkey friend:

Hello Pickles!

Well, Hello Pickles!

I feel like I’ve known you so long.

You looked swell, Pickles.

Won’t you tell, Pickles,

Where you’re goin', you're still showin'

Why we missed you all along.

We feel the city swayin'

From schoolgirls playin'

One of your old fav'rite songs.

 

The girls launch into a dance break and you take the time to move on to the last group.  You teach them poetry, and recite a stanza or two to give them inspiration.

 

“Twas priggish, and the Sedai in droves

Did sniff and snoff in the wabe.

All flimsy were the Ogier groves,

And the hot baths did get stabe.

 

Beware the green putty, my son!

The armpits that stink, and stick, and stock!

Shun the putty that clings to one

As flivy rust does to a lock!”

 

The girls in this group looked positively entranced by the stanzas, and began to make up more stanzas involving things called bandersnatches.  The word tickles your ear; you’ve heard it somewhere recently, but you push this to the back of our mind and hurry away from the preoccupied girls while you still can.

 

>search and find pudding warehouse next to Tower that you commissioned.

>take out silver spoon

>eat some pudding

>delve pudding

>yell: "this is made with humans"

>spit pudding back into cup

>stir pudding while thinking about the human contents

>eat pudding

> Eat some fruitcake

 

Your tummy is starting to get rumbly, and you realize that you only have a couple emergency pudding cups in your belt pouch.  You remember suddenly that you had a pudding warehouse built conveniently adjacent to the Tower, so that your pudding supply should never run out.  You hurry back towards the center of Tar Valon and the Tower.  You sprint up the stairs of the pudding warehouse and through the door.  You thought you might have heard a CLANK! somewhere in the streets behind you, but you’re much too hungry to pay any notice.

 

PUDDING! GLORIOUS PUDDING!  You pull out your silver spoon and set to.  Some time later, you are sitting on the floor, slightly sticky, but satisfied.

 

I wonder what makes me love pudding so darned much.  It’s an addiction; it’s so good.

 

You grab another pudding cup and carefully weave a Delving, sending delicate strands of Saidar into the chocolaty treat.  What you discover makes you sit up straight.  You yell, to no one in particular, “Soylent Pudding is PEOPLE!  It’s PEOPLE!”

 

Your words echo in the drafty warehouse, and you look around to make sure nobody is there.  Then you look at the pudding cup in front of you for a moment, shrug, and dig in again.  You also notice a lonely fruitcake in the corner and decide to try a bit of it.  Like most fruitcakes, it is hard as a rock and filled with colorful bits of what must be glass.  You spit it out in disgust, and throw it into the air, balefiring it out of existence.  Your chipped teeth are once again perfect, since you actually didn’t eat the fruitcake, now.

 

The world lurches around you, like an earthquake, as soon as you let go of your weave.  Uh-oh.  This could be bad.

 

(CONTINUED)

 

[claireducky]

> Do the dishes

>Examine Man Thing

>try to tweak with your warder bond to see if anything happens

>pinch yourself to see if you are asleep

 

It only lasts a moment though, and there are no aftershocks, so you feel safe enough to stand and clean up your dishes.  Since your only “dish” was your silver spoon, it only takes a few moments for you to lick it clean and stow it back in your pouch.

 

While you have your pouch open, you decide to check out the Man Thing you got earlier.   It appears to be a key of some sort.  It is on a key chain that looks like two shiny metal egg-shaped objects that dangle.  You can read an inscription on it:  “TruckNutz! Get a Pair!”

 

Yep, that’s a Man-Thing if you ever saw one.

 

Kathana has received 1 TruckNutz hitch cover key and keychain.

 

This place just keeps getting weirder and weirder.  You pinch yourself to see if you are maybe still dreaming, but all you get for your trouble is a bruise on your well-turned bottom.

 

Maybe….

 

You decide to play with your warder bond, cause that odd sense of Joe being EVERYWHERE is really messing with you.  You wonder what would happen if you just masked the bond completely for now.  You imagine taking a napkin and tying it neatly in a knot around the bundle of emotions that is Joe.

 

The world around you starts to go gray, like all of the color is leeching out of it.  You are feeling faint and dizzy, almost…insubstantial.  You quickly remove the mask around the bond and sensation returns, the world around you gaining saturation and vibrancy again.

 

> Set a farmhouse on fire

> Burn random town buildings

> Think about her childhood

> Run in a random direction for at least half an hour without stopping

 

You’re suddenly consumed by a desire to reminisce about someone’s childhood.  But since you don’t know which ‘her’ to think about, you can’t really do this.  You’d think about your own childhood, but that’s impossible, since you didn’t have one.  You’ve been 29 forever.  You’ll ALWAYS be 29.

 

This whole situation has been getting freakier and freakier, and it’s about unhinged you.  It just isn’t fair!  Where are all the people who love and worship you?  You run out of the warehouse, and into the streets of Tar Valon again.  Your rage consumes you, and you begin to burn random building around you.  What does it matter; nobody lives there anyway.  

 

You grin in glee as “FDM’s Evil Toyz” shop burns to the ground.  You wish there were some farmhouses in Tar Valon, but it’s a city, and cities don't have farms, or farmhouses. It's too bad, really; you could really go for a thatched-roof cottage to burn, so you could pretend to be Trogdor.

 

You continue to burn as you go, and come up with a brilliant plan.  You are so awesome, you must be like a ta’veren, or something.  Maybe if you just run randomly, you’ll come across something that can help you, cause your luck is epic!

 

You run as fast as your Asbestos Mocs will carry you, feet pumping like pistons.   You pay no attention to where you are going; you just run.  At least half an hour passes in this manner, and you are beginning to tire.  Surely you’d find something by now; surely this wasn’t a bad plan after all; surely—

 

CLANK!

 

You skid to a halt and stare wide-eyed at the form before you.  A small figure moves out of the shadows towards you, holding a heavy iron chain in his hands.  At one end of the chain, near the ground, dangles a pair of egg-shaped objects, a twin to the keychain in your pouch.  Occasionally, the objects strike a cobble stone, making the CLANK! sound you’ve been hearing all day.

 

You edge backwards as the figure approaches you.  You can tell it is a he (despite the pink frilly tutu he is wearing)—and he’s gotta be the absolute shortest, hairiest man you have ever seen in your life.

 

He peers up at you between bleached-blond locks, and grins as he says, “Hi there!  I’m Emperor.”

 

~@PAUSED@~

Thank you for playing the Kathana MUD.  Please to enter your commands nowish.

 

[ed2funy]

> Take out Tall Floor Lamp to view man claiming to be Emperor

> Take out object previously known as Man Thing

> Show Emperor as sign of friendship

> Balefire Emperor

> Take identical object previously known as Man Thing

> Offer pudding to Emperor, if for some reason he survived

> Think about why your warder bond acted the way it did.

> Find Anime School Kids

> Balefire the school kids

> Admire Amber Carving of Pudding Cup

 

Love the Story!!!

 

[Ashaman DeRouge]

>Collect Build grist

>Retreive arms from safe

 

 

...hehehe...

[Kivam]

*wipes away tears of laughter*

 

>invite Emperor to birthday party . . . scheduled for yesterday

>Offer emperor Chipotle

>Ask Emperor what brings him to Tar Valon

[Far Dareis Mai]

>Ask Emp to dig through the rubble and salvage any of FDM's Evil Toyz that are still viable.

>Pocket said toys.

>Convince Emperor that his name is really Ridonkulous.

>Ride Emperor piggyback around Tar Valon so as not to tire self out.

[Emperor]

>Tell Emperor how awesome he is

 

[ed2funy]

>Slap Emperor...

>Laugh at how ugly Emperor is

 

 

 

*shrugs...*

Sorry Emperor...

[Zashara]

HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE

 

>punch Emperor in the face

>declare to Emperor that you prefer Zasha's company to his

>punch Emperor in the face again

[ed2funy]

>lick thumb and wipe a smudge from Emperors face

>punch Emperor again

>Exclaim that you only punch a clean face and Emperor is borderline un-punchable

[Corki]

> Tell Empy that Barm is funnier then he is

[Wayward_fool]

> Chew on some raw meat

> Scream "ORANGE!" as loud and as highly pitched as possible

> Draw a picture of a giant woman

> Look for worms in the ground

> Chew on grass

> Scream at random people

[King of the Reds]

> Ask Emperor why he doesn't travel anymore.

> Discover the joy of adding alcohol as an ingredient in food.

> Reschedule a SeanCon event to a closer location than before.

> Force Muirenn to bake cookies.

> Prevent a terrible tragedy from never occuring.

[ed2funy]

> make a peom for the best person in the world...a guy name edward....

>eat belly fungus

>stick out tongue and taste the world to see if you can find out what is wrong with it...

>lick floor

 

 

:P