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lol, i only read the last 3 pages of this thread, but its still funny. im lazy. so, were you planning to continue with the "Lets Roleplay!" thread, or, what?

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I'm pretty sure we're all better off if Brandon never finds out that I write stories about him being easily lured into vans by Magic cards. Ever.

So have to FB this. :D

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Hey, I was eighteen! You do silly things when you're a teenage girl.


Also, I totally joined DM before Justen. *grumps*

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"Not really." said Segurant, mashing buttons with both thumbs as he stared intently at the screen. "I mean, we talked a little bit when I murdered him." Emp sprayed Coke across the living room and stared at his host as he continued to play football.  "But that was more like 'Oh, no! Please stop stabbing me!' than a real conversation."


Best part. It has been declared.

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I am disappointed that Empy did not die by flying goat.   :D


Exactly.  What better way to have a dramatic death than evisceration by goat?

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Barm jab at the buttons on the oversized Xbox controller with both thumbs, as Seggie monologued at him about how awesome Halo was and how it was totally better than Star Wars. "And do you know why? Because it's not made by a creatively bankrupt billionare who's forgotten why I loved his movies in the first place." Segurant cradled his controller in his hands almost reverently as he steered his digital vehicle across an imaginary alien planet.


"That's nice, I guess." Barmacral said absently, as he manned the big gun on the back. It was hard to aim the way Segurant kept driving the vehicle up canyon walls and off cliffs.


They both died and respawned multiple times before Barm finally leaned back on the couch. He could see that the sun was well over the trees through the window. "So, uh. I hate to ask. But are you planning to murder me?"


"Well, that depends on you. Are you going to keep my secret?"


Barm thought for a minute. Yeah, sure, Segurant had murdered Claire. But was that really the most morally bankrupt thing someone had done to get power at DM? Probably not. He thought about Dragonmount, the lives it had touched, the good it had done for the fandom. He even thought about a certain girl he knew in Sweden...


"Yeah." He sighed. "Yeah, I will."


"Excellent." Segurant said. "I promise you won't go to your death bed regretting this, weeping that your soul was bargained away to the devil himself. It'll be cool."


They heard movement upstairs. Footsteps and water running. "Oh, my wife is awake. Look, I don't want to explain why you're here. You're skinny, get behind the couch."


"What?" Barm protested, as Segurant began to manhandle him behind the furniture.


"No time!" Seg yelped, shoving him into the crack between the wall and the couch. "Here's a magazine. You'll be fine."


Miles away, in upstate New York, Kivam sat on his back porch with his morning paper. He stared at the page, not seeing the box scores for the pre-season game his beloved Jets had played last night. "Rose bushes." he sighed. "I should get some rose bushes." Isn't that what retired people did? Cultivate rose bushes? He thought he'd read that somewhere...


The retired Dragonmount administrator set down his paper and picked up his coffee cup. "It's better this way." Kivam told the squirrel staring at him from the railing. "I have things to do. Important, grown up, lawyerly things to do. I can't be rescuing them from their own stupidity all the time."


His phone rang. The number was unfamiliar to him. "Kiv...I mean, Akiva here."


"Hey. Dude, it's Brian."




"Brian! From Dragonmount. You know, Emp." In the background Kivam could hear traffic honking and a British man yelling angrily.


"Uh, yeah. How did you get my number?"



"I'll explain later. I'm on I-85 right now. Does 85 go all the way to New York? I'm terrible at geography. We're coming to your house." More traffic sounds. The British man continued to yell.


"Are you driving a bus?" Kivam asked incredulously.


"Yeah, it's not that hard. I said it's not that hard, Tenan!" Emp yelled at someone. Kivam held the phone away from his ear and made a face. "Yeah, so we're coming to your house. I need directions."


"Emp, it's great that you want to come visit and all. But this really isn't a good time. I've got a case..."


"Is it a murder case?"


"You know I don't do criminal cases."


"You might want to start. Look, I'll call you back when I get closer. I'll need directions." The line went dead.


At least this will be more interesting that rosebushes...

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Ha! Now the rape van comment makes total sense. This would make a nice novel, just change the names to protect the innocent.

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"...So if you yell 'Surprise!' first, she can't prosecute." Segurant finished explaining.


Barm stared at him in shock. "What? That's the most horrible thing...Who came up with this?"


"My wife."


"What? No, actually that makes sense. I don't know why it doesn't surprise me that Kathana would come up with something like..." he trailed off as he noticed what his companion was wearing. I'm not going to like the answer to this. "Why are you wearing leather pants? They look silly on you."


Segurant frowned. "Jenn likes Angel."


"I'm not following you."


"She likes watching Angel. You know, the Buffy spinoff? Vampire detective, etc."


"Still not following."


"Well, she pointed out to me the other day that you can always tell when Angel turns evil, because he starts wearing leather pants. And since I'm evil now..." Segurant shuffled a bag out from behind the arm chair. "I got you a pair too."


"You aren't serious." Barm protested. "I'm not wearing leather pants with you. Why not start wearing eyeliner and going clubbing with Luckers while you're at it?"


"Well, if you won't wear them..." Segurant sighed. "I guess I can bludgeon you to death instead. I understand, they do chafe a bit."


"Ugh! Fine!" he said. "I'll wear your stupid pants. Where's the baby powder?"

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