What would you do?

[cosmicpanda]

I think perhaps we should compile a Shayol Ghul bible; a guide to how to behave appropriately in every imaginable situation. Thus, we begin the process of imagining situations:

 

 

You, a member of Shayol Ghul and therefore a role model for evil-doers everywhere, are faced with the following situations. What do you do?

 

 

- You're at McDonalds and they're taking too long to give you your food.

 

- You're waiting for a bus, which is late and you're in a hurry.

 

- A house has fallen on the witch Aes Sedai standing next to you. Miraculously, the house missed you. What is the logical course of action?

 

- Ed2funy wants your telephone number.

 

- You're lost in New Zealand, you have feral kiwis after you and what's worse, the Australians have decided to invade. You can see them flying through the air on the back of their kangaroos (most efficient way to cross the Tasman Sea, you know, a hop, a skip and a jump).

 

 

 

In each case, you are armed with a pencil, a wallet full of a moderate amount of dosh, a bottle of good scotch whisky, and a leash for those times when you urgently need one.

[ed2funy]

You're at McDonalds and they're taking too long to give you your food.

 

Climb over the counter, take your food, and slap the manager.

Also...why are we at McDonalds? Is this a BA thing?

 

You're waiting for a bus, which is late and you're in a hurry.

 

Commandeer a vehicle in the name of the DO.

 

A house has fallen on the witch Aes Sedai standing next to you. Miraculously, the house missed you. What is the logical course of action?

 

Slap the little BA that died under the house, then take her angreal.

 

Ed2funy wants your telephone number.

 

Run. Run now.

 

You're lost in New Zealand, you have feral kiwis after you and what's worse, the Australians have decided to invade. You can see them flying through the air on the back of their kangaroos (most efficient way to cross the Tasman Sea, you know, a hop, a skip and a jump).

 

Wake up from that nightmare and go kill something.

 

 

In each case, you are armed with a pencil, a wallet full of a moderate amount of dosh, a bottle of good scotch whisky, and a leash for those times when you urgently need one.

 

Heh....Oops...

Next time perhaps.

 

 

 

 

 

[Ashaman DeRouge]

You're at McDonalds and they're taking too long to give you your food.

 

OK. Step one, drink the scotch. After that, whip out your fat stack of cash and start counting off notes to random individuals, paying them to start a riot. During the ruckus the manager is sure to walk out, in which case leash him, and threaten to draw embarassing pictures of him unless he dosn't get me my McAngus burger pronto. Realise you have no cash to pay for the order, figure 'in for a penny in for a pound', and leash the entire staff, using naught but hour old french fries. Also steal all the cash from the registers, and use your leashed ones to attack the rioters and get your cash back, ending up with a nice profit and an army of slaves to boot, plus a delicious nutritious lunch.

 

You're waiting for a bus, which is late and you're in a hurry.

 

Simple. Step one, drink the scotch. Step two, buy a car and stop taking public transport, chump.

 

A house has fallen on the witch Aes Sedai standing next to you. Miraculously, the house missed you. What is the logical course of action?

 

Drink the scotch. Wipe the sweat off your brow after all the hard work lifting the house took, and then draw a hilarious 'tache* on the dead woman. Then, take lunch.

 

Ed2funy wants your telephone number.

 

Step one, drink the scotch. Then balefire the bejeezus out of Mr Bell so the phone is never invented and this situation could never arise. Pay the CIA (using your fat stack) to avoid Internet research also, cancelling out any VOIP plans ed may have had also...

 

You're lost in New Zealand, you have feral kiwis after you and what's worse, the Australians have decided to invade. You can see them flying through the air on the back of their kangaroos (most efficient way to cross the Tasman Sea, you know, a hop, a skip and a jump).

 

Let the Australians win, but only after rooting out all the darkfriends and climbing the top of the network, using them as kiwi-fodder as you go. Once Australia are victorious, call in your darkfriend army and let the Kiwi's attack the Australians, letting them decimate each other. Pay off some middle eastern countries to divert the attention away from your evil dictatorship, and, using your PENCIL, rename your new country Terra De'Rouge. Drink celebratory scotch.

 

(it's kind of ironic that Australia, quite a red country in the middle, was defeated by a country that is now renamed Land the Red (or some such type of thing))

 

When do we receive our supplies anyway? *shakes his glass, empty of anything except expectant ice cubes*

 

 

 

[Adella]

You're at McDonalds and they're taking too long to give you your food.

Drink the scotch, then hit the person who took your order over the head with the now empty bottle, then leave and go somewhere good to eat, stealing the money from the tills on the way out. Throw in a *stab* for good measure.

 

You're waiting for a bus, which is late and you're in a hurry.

Stop being so lame and ask the Great Lord of the Dark to smite those who thwart your plans.

 

A house has fallen on the witch Aes Sedai standing next to you. Miraculously, the house missed you. What is the logical course of action?

Drink the scotch again, drop a couple $1's next the the poor wretches body, to make it appear that she was a prostitute, and saunter away.

 

Ed2funy wants your telephone number.

Er... *skips to next question*

 

You're lost in New Zealand, you have feral kiwis after you and what's worse, the Australians have decided to invade. You can see them flying through the air on the back of their kangaroos (most efficient way to cross the Tasman Sea, you know, a hop, a skip and a jump).

Leash the Head Kiwi, which will in turn force all the Kiwi's into your will. Use them to kill all the Australians, then take control of the kangaroos and proceed to take over the rest of the world in the name of the DO with your unbeatable army.

[Krakalakachkn]

- Ed2funy wants your telephone number.

 

Give him Empy's

[Kivam]

You, a member of Shayol Ghul and therefore a role model for evil-doers everywhere, are faced with the following situations. What do you do?

 

- You're at McDonalds and they're taking too long to give you your food.Stab them with the pencil

 

- You're waiting for a bus, which is late and you're in a hurry. Um, I'm in SG.  I have a car.  Hypo Pfail!

 

- A house has fallen on the witch Aes Sedai standing next to you. Miraculously, the house missed you. What is the logical course of action? Rummage through her pockets looking for loose change/angreal

 

- Ed2funy wants your telephone number. Say it's 1-781-452-2666 (Seriously, call it)

 

- You're lost in New Zealand, you have feral kiwis after you and what's worse, the Australians have decided to invade. You can see them flying through the air on the back of their kangaroos (most efficient way to cross the Tasman Sea, you know, a hop, a skip and a jump).  Calmly give them directions to Pandy's cave

[Adella]

Please tell me that was the rejection hotline Kivam!

 

Oh, I would wanna give Ed the number 867-5309.. And have him guess the area code. 111 112 113 114, etc until he finds one that will actually work.

[Kivam]

Please tell me that was the rejection hotline Kivam!

 

Call it.  It's awesome.  I chose it over the rickroll hotline, that's how awesome it is

 

Oh, I would wanna give Ed the number 867-5309.. And have him guess the area code. 111 112 113 114, etc until he finds one that will actually work.

 

Jenny?  :D

[Alaksuleiel]

I'm BA, I'd smite the bleeding lot of them for wasting my time, then go get Japanese for dinner.

[Moghedian]

You're at McDonalds and they're taking too long to give you your food.

Walk behind the counter. Leash the manager. Threaten the rest of the McDonalds staff with giving him 'lead' poisoning. Get him to make me my damn soft serve cone. Down the whiskey, and smash the bottle on the counter. Stagger out with my new pet.

 

- You're waiting for a bus, which is late and you're in a hurry.

Buy a vespa from the dodgy vendor down the road. Just encouraging the evil population.  ;)

 

 

- A house has fallen on the witch Aes Sedai standing next to you. Miraculously, the house missed you. What is the logical course of action?-

Go into the house and inspect the kitchen. What witch?

 

-Ed2funy wants your telephone number.

Give him the number of an NZ line that charges $3.95/min.

 

 

- You're lost in New Zealand, you have feral kiwis after you and what's worse, the Australians have decided to invade. You can see them flying through the air on the back of their kangaroos (most efficient way to cross the Tasman Sea, you know, a hop, a skip and a jump).

I don't believe in Australians. Thus this situation can never happen.  8)

 

 

 

 

[Ashaman DeRouge]

Oh Noooooooooooo!

 

*disappears*

[Amadine]

- You're at McDonalds and they're taking too long to give you your food. Summon a myrddraal and a band of trollocs, turn them loose on the Macca's staff, then calmly make your own burger - at least then it wouldn't be half fallen apart in the box.

 

- You're waiting for a bus, which is late and you're in a hurry. Bus?! There are no buses, you previously balefired all means of public transport. You instead hijack a luxury car, giving the occupants to the trollocs for their cookpots.

 

- A house has fallen on the witch Aes Sedai standing next to you. Miraculously, the house missed you. What is the logical course of action? Of course the house missed you, the Great Lord threw it onto the witch. You do like her shoes though, so you take them.

 

- Ed2funy wants your telephone number. Give him Adella's :P

 

- You're lost in New Zealand, you have feral kiwis after you and what's worse, the Australians have decided to invade. You can see them flying through the air on the back of their kangaroos (most efficient way to cross the Tasman Sea, you know, a hop, a skip and a jump). The Aussies quickly see that you stand for the Grat Lord and support you in cleansing the earth of all feral Kiwis, then you resettle New Zealand as a lowly province of the Great Lord's Favourite Land Australia!

 

 

[ChronoCrosS]

- You're at McDonalds and they're taking too long to give you your food.

 

Raise your hand, clear your throat and ask the cashier when you should expect your order. Thank them for any information they may give.

 

- You're waiting for a bus, which is late and you're in a hurry.

 

Look for the first person you see walking toward their car, stab them through the eye with your pencil, bursting their eyeball like a bloated pimple, and then leash them to the street light and pour the scotch into the wound. Remove their keys and drive away.

 

- A house has fallen on the witch Aes Sedai standing next to you. Miraculously, the house missed you. What is the logical course of action?

 

Make sure she's ok, Aes Sedai can't die, we know that...

 

- Ed2funy wants your telephone number.

 

Say you already have a partner and then knee him in the stomach.

 

- You're lost in New Zealand, you have feral kiwis after you and what's worse, the Australians have decided to invade. You can see them flying through the air on the back of their kangaroos (most efficient way to cross the Tasman Sea, you know, a hop, a skip and a jump).

 

Call Pandy, he can talk to animals.

[aemonkristen]

You're at McDonalds and they're taking too long to give you your food.

 

Drag the manager over the counter, curb stomp him and take his name tag as a trophy. Drop a 5-note on him as thanks for the good time.

 

- You're waiting for a bus, which is late and you're in a hurry.

 

Pour the scotch over the nearest baby carriage and set it on fire. When the police arrive, kill them with the pencil and steal the car. Leave the scene with lights and sirens, ensuring a smooth and pleasant drive to wherever you need to go.

 

- A house has fallen on the witch Aes Sedai standing next to you. Miraculously, the house missed you. What is the logical course of action?

After laughing hysterically for at least 5 minutes the correct action would be to leash her to a horse and give it a good smack on the ass so it will drag her all over the rocky countryside. Just to make sure she’s dead.

 

- Ed2funy wants your telephone number.

 

Tell him he has to take you to dinner first. And he has to pay. The cheap bastard probably wants you to go dutch with that wad of cash.

 

- You're lost in New Zealand, you have feral kiwis after you and what's worse, the Australians have decided to invade. You can see them flying through the air on the back of their kangaroos (most efficient way to cross the Tasman Sea, you know, a hop, a skip and a jump).

 

Easy, get the feral kiwis drunk on the magical never-empty bottle of good scotch whiskey, sing kumbaya and paint them up to look Japanese. Draw a f+++ked up map and convince the Austalians that they’ve somehow ended up in Japan and should go back home to replan the attack. As they turn their backs, have the feral kiwis attack them for the kangaroo meat (very tasty if marinated correctly).

 

[Amadine]

(very tasty if marinated correctly).

 

And not cooked too long... otherwise it's like chewing on an old boot. :D

[Verbal32]

- You're at McDonalds and they're taking too long to give you your food.  Eat the cashier.

 

- You're waiting for a bus, which is late and you're in a hurry.  Take the pencil, scotch, wallet, and leash, and construct a supersonic jet with it.  What?  You can't do that?  Pssh...you must be Black Ajah.  The Shadowspawn are like MacGuyver, punk.  I'll make a surface-to-air missle launcher out of a rusty nail and an empty milk carton.

 

- A house has fallen on the witch Aes Sedai standing next to you. Miraculously, the house missed you. What is the logical course of action?  Marinate the witch in scotch, and enjoy a surprise lunch.

 

- Ed2funy wants your telephone number.  Drink the scotch to keep from throwing up in your mouth.  Take a dollar out of the wallet, and write the following sentence on each side:  "Turn over to see my number".  Then walk away.

 

- You're lost in New Zealand, you have feral kiwis after you and what's worse, the Australians have decided to invade. You can see them flying through the air on the back of their kangaroos (most efficient way to cross the Tasman Sea, you know, a hop, a skip and a jump).  C'mon, this one isn't even realistic!  I can see the others happening, but being in New Zealand?  Who would do that?  Fail.

[Naeann]

The SS lack the ability to hold the pencil much less make a jet big enough to hold their stinky carcasses.

[Verbal32]

And the BA lack the ability to make good comebacks.

 

*throws down the gauntlet*

 

*on his foot*

 

Ow!!!  >:(

[Naeann]

What's sad is we never HAVE to.  You do it for us. :-*

 

*chops off Verb's damaged foot and then heals it back on*  That would have been more fun had we already been bonded.  You can't spell Slaughter without Laughter. ;)

[Aust]

- You're at McDonalds and they're taking too long to give you your food.

 

I'd take the pencil and wiggle it around in my throat, until I brought up that egg mcmuffin I had for breakfast, which I'd then chew up a bit more before swallowing again... that would tide me over until my food was ready.

 

 

 

- You're waiting for a bus, which is late and you're in a hurry.

 

First, I'd try to recover from the horror of whatever reality had me trying to figure out public transit. Then, I'd leash up a couple of the other people waiting at the bus-stop and have them pull me along while shouting "Mush!"

 

 

 

- A house has fallen on the witch Aes Sedai standing next to you. Miraculously, the house missed you. What is the logical course of action?

 

I'd take back the money I paid her to stand on that giant target I painted on the ground, and give the thumbs-up to the big trolloc who threw the house off the cliff.

 

 

- Ed2funy wants your telephone number.

 

Fortunately, I don't think Edward can remember that many numbers.  ;)

 

 

 

- You're lost in New Zealand, you have feral kiwis after you and what's worse, the Australians have decided to invade. You can see them flying through the air on the back of their kangaroos (most efficient way to cross the Tasman Sea, you know, a hop, a skip and a jump).

 

Well, I would desperately wish that I could google a kiwi (that sounds so creepy) so I could realize that in addition to being a refreshing green fruit, kiwis are also cute little birds. In this case feral birds, but cute.

 

Then, I would drink all the whiskey. Everything is better with liberal amounts of whiskey. I would use all my money to bribe the sun to come out, since kiwi are nocturnal (which I would have known if only I could have googled one of those cute little birds) thus solving my kiwi problem.

 

Now for the kangaroo mounting Australians... I'd leash the Australians into the marsupium of the kangaroos, and give them an interesting anatomy lesson on kangaroo reproductive structures. I don't think they'd be too eager to re-mount the kangaroos at that point. My work is done!

 

[Tigraine]

You're at McDonalds and they're taking too long to give you your food. Throw them all in the fryers and head to Burger Kind...I hate McDonalds!

 

You're waiting for a bus, which is late and you're in a hurry. Smash the scotch bottle over the next passing car, wait until they get out to complain, stab them in the throat with the pencil, take their car.

 

A house has fallen on the witch Confessor standing next to you. Miraculously, the house missed you. What is the logical course of action? Stab the Confessor repeatedly with the pencil for good measures then drink the scotch.

 

Ed2funy wants your telephone number. Ed knows I'm a hillbilly....I still use an outhouse. Enough said!  :D

 

You're lost in New Zealand, you have feral kiwis after you and what's worse, the Australians have decided to invade. You can see them flying through the air on the back of their kangaroos (most efficient way to cross the Tasman Sea, you know, a hop, a skip and a jump). Well, everybody knows that kangaroos love scotch  ::)  Give the scotch to the kangaroos and get their help in killing everyone.