Badass female characters that ruined feminism

[JenniferL]

And make biblical references for comedy!

 

Catwoman is a prime example of the femme fatale (literally “dangerous woman”) stock character.  The femme fatale archetype represents the dangers of unrestrained female sexuality.  Other examples include Cleopatra, Salome, and Mata Hari. She represents a corrupting influence for the male hero.  For the femme fatale, sex is literally a weapon to be used against men, tempting them to betray their ideals and moral standards. Cleopatra was bit by a snake, Salome is presumably burning in hell for all eternity, and Mata Hari was executed by a firing squad.  How does Catwoman end? By kissing Christopher Walken with a goddamned taser in her mouth.

 

And yes, Niobe is Jada Pinkett Smith's character in the Matrix sequels. She also has a very significant role in the "Enter the Matrix" console game and "The Matrix Online" MMO. The Enter the Matrix game tells a parallel story of why she's always there in the nick of time to rescue the main characters and why she switches alligences at the end from Commander Locke to Morpheus. But since all of that plays out offscreen and the game was a bitch to get through, most people don't know her back story. So basically all she does is pilot the Hammer like a crazy woman, then become Morpheus's sex reward at the end of the trilogy.

[_Kynwric_]

I skipped most of the essay as it devolved very quickly, the comment section however was nearing on hilarious.

[Jhaenara]

Haha... I mostly read the comment section too on that essay...

[Jay Solace]

How does Catwoman end? By kissing Christopher Walken with a goddamned taser in her mouth.

 

:D That made me L-O-L out loud.

 

Y'know what that death scene needed? More cowbell.

 

And Devito got like, pushed into the water by penguins with rockets on their heads.  Catwoman wasn't pall-beared by somber kitties with gatling guns on their backs and buried her in a giant box of sand.  I can hear the eulogy now "I COMEZ 2 BURRY CATWOMNZ NOT 2 PRZ HER. LAWL!!1!" and... well, my brain's not going to stop anytime soon but the rest of you don't have to sit thru this.

[Eadon Sedai]

Well..there are a few more hours left in the day if you want another pair of eyes to read your article (I'd love to read it anyway).

 

I actually read an interesting article about how Wonder Woman is not a feminist character. I forget the specifics, but it was something about how she had mommy issues and still felt the need to prove herself to her mother. Oh, and something about her power not coming from within herself but from her bracelets. Something like that....

 

As for that LJ post about Firefly/Joss Whedon. I saw it posted elsewhere a while ago and discussed it with Sere. I, like most of you, wrote it off at first because of the author's hideous tone. But, really, she makes some interesting points (most notably how Mal *does* invade Inara's personal space time and again when she's asked him not to).

[JenniferL]

Sent. They'll make me rewrite it if they decide to accept it tomorrow, so more feedback is appreciated. I'm looking for A) am I making a coherent argument? and B) is it funny?

 

One of the things I decided to do yesterday while I was making my eyes bleed reading about feminist film theory on Wikipedia is just accept certain characters at face value, i.e. as feminist. To really examine them, I'd have to delve so deeply and go so obscure, it would be hard to make jokes. So Wonder Woman, Xena, and Buffy all got a pass on this one.

[Rasheta Ardashir]

A) am I making a coherent argument? and B) is it funny?

Yes and yes LOL OMG Mother when you made several comments about Padme I about hit the floor laughing. Its to bad you aren't serious on it as it would be kind of funny to turn in as an English paper or something *ggls* Anyway

 

Xena, and Buffy all got a pass on this one.

What no Xena dang...I was hoping you would have her in there. I figured that would be hilerious on so many levels. LOL

[JenniferL]

I realized the other day that I've spent so much time writing for the internet, that I have a hard time constructing an argument for anything without resorting to cursing and ad hominem attacks. "Thus my opponents argument falls, because he smells like sour milk".

[Niamh Sedai]

What about Lucy and Susan in Narnia? Susan particularly... she learns all this bow and arrow stuff and then USES IT ONCE! Whilst her brothers run around with swords hacking things. Oh and her brother gets the title 'The Magnificent'...  :P

[Justen Diablos]

Ah Nia you could ride 'the magnificent' too...

 

erm, if you really wanted to anyway.  ;)

 

Hey Kat you should send me a copy. You know you make me giggle like none else in the world.  I wanna read story!!!

 

*pouts in a sexy manly way*

 

JD,

Declared 98% awesome by a team of scientists from belgium

 

 

[Eadon Sedai]

Yes, your argument was full of coherent snark. I enjoyed it  ;D

[JenniferL]

My article got accepted.

 

Which means next time some says, "What are you? Some kind of COMEDIAN???", I can say "Yes. Yes, I am." and show them my article.

[Quisalas Selene]

Huzzah!  *claps*

[Jay Solace]

Alright! Wooo!!!  Massive applause! :D I look forward to reading it alongside such classics as The 6 Cutest Animals That Can Still Destroy You and 5 Upcoming Comic Book Movies That Must Be Stopped!

[Yelenia]

Awesomeness \o/

[Dwynwen]

Way to go, Mother!

[JenniferL]

Sent in my final draft. It's, um, eight pages long.  :o

[Raeyn]

 

At least you <i>found</i> that last word you needed ;)

[Jay Solace]

Sent in my final draft. It's, um, eight pages long.  :o

 

Eight pages?  Man, they're gonna chop that up something fierce. :(  Okay, I wanted to see the final project but since it'll be edited can I request the director's cut? :) Please?

[JenniferL]

Cracked has run some pretty long articles before. They just break them up over multiple pages. If they do end up chopping alot out though, I'll put up the original somewhere and link to it.

 

And now I've got an outline for "The Most Regrettable US Presidents" going.  This "making money for regurgitating Wikipedia articles, but with swears and yo mama jokes inserted" is pretty addictive.

[Mystica]

oh dear lord, they published her? We'll never hear the end of this one..... *sigh*

 

wait, and paid her too?

 

where's my 10%?

[JenniferL]

James Buchanan

 

Buchanan is generally regarded as our worst President ever.  During his term, he oversaw the Dredd Scott court decision (in which the Supreme Court upheld the right of slave owners to take their slaves on vacation with them to northern states), allowed the territory of Kansas to degenerate into a pitched battle between slave owners and slave not owners and declared war on Utah.  His worst offense though, was sitting on his hands for four months while seven states seceded from the Union, organized the Confederacy and declared war on the United States.  The only action he did take against the rebellious southern states ended with the Confederates shelling Fort Sumter and the surrender of the federal troops stationed in Charleston Harbor.  He figured the secession problem was Lincoln’s, not his.

Where’d they find this guy?

 

Buchanan was nominated for President at the Democratic convention in 1856 because he was out of the country during the debate that led up to the Compromise of 1850, one of the last ditch efforts by the United States to avoid the inevitable Civil War the next decade.  Before that, he was best known for authoring the Ostend Manifesto, which proposed purchasing Cuba from Spain and using it to create more slave states.  Plan “B” was to simply invade Cuba and take possession. Strangely, the northern states never fell in with the plan.

 

The Whig party had disintegrated under the debate over slavery, being replaced by the Know Nothing party, who ran on an anti-Irish platform, and the Republicans, running on an anti-slavery platform. To put it in perspective, his rivals were both Pat Buchanan and Ralph Nader. With all the southern states solid behind him, there was really no way he could lose.

 

For the love of god, why?

 

Despite being a northerner, Buchanan supported states rights, particularly the right to keep blacks chained up in the backyard.  Historians speculate that this may be because of his homosexual relationship with former Vice President and Alabama Senator, Rufus King.  They suspect that Buchanan was swayed by this relationship.

 

Don’t believe us? When affairs of state took King away to France for a few years, Buchanan lamented, "I am now 'solitary and alone,' having no companion in the house with me. I have gone a wooing to several gentlemen, but have not succeeded with any one of them. I feel that it is not good for man to be alone; and should not be astonished to find myself married to some old maid who can nurse me when I am sick, provide good dinners for me when I am well, and not expect from me any very ardent or romantic affection."

 

Yeah.

[Eadon Sedai]

I can't wait to see how you cover our current Pres.

 

And I'd be happy to give this one a read over as well  ;D

[JenniferL]

Well, my second article was turned down. Not general interest enough.  I think I'll try another pitch in a few weeks. 

 

The Badass Feminist article will run next Friday.

[Quisalas Selene]

Mother, dear?  Would you do me the honor of letting me bring you to Aspirant house as participation in an Aspie game?  The thread is here and all you have to do is say that you are there for Quisalas.  I would appreciate it greatly.  I know you're a very busy woman, but I would be happy to give you pudding and brownies and cupcakes and do extra chores for a week if you'd say yes. :)

 

Okay, that done, I'm sorry your second article got rejected, it sounded like it would be really cool.  You could always still write it anyway and put it on a blog or something, so at least we could read it.