Azrael's Tech Support Saga

[Canukistani]

Them: “I ordered the Fight and all I’m getting is a black screen.”

Me: “Can you hear the fight and just not see it?”

Them: “Yes.”

Me: “Ok, go order it in Standard Definition.”

Them: “But I wanted to watch it in High Definition!”

Me: “Do you have an HD TV or an HD Terminal?”

Them: “No.”

Me: “Then you can’t watch it in HD.”

Them: “Fascist Pig!”

[TheMasterDude]

Them: “Fascist Pig!”

 

haha. I know someone that would have said that.

[bad company]

HAHAHA. Sorry but I see why people hate being in a call centre

[mcs0083]

I think Canuk likes it :P

[Canukistani]

i think mcs can't read

[Canukistani]

Me: Thank you for choosing Shaw, how can we help you tonight?

Him: I'd like to verify that my bill payment has gone through?

Me: Sure thing.  let's bring up your account...

Him: *gives 10 digit phone number, account number, address with postal code*

Me: Ok, so when did you make your payment sir?

Him I made my payment on Dec 4th to *gives 10 digit phone number, account number, address with postal code* and I just wanted to make certain that the payment has been received on *gives 10 digit phone number, account number, address with postal code*

Me: Uh... yep!  I can see it right here.  It's all good.

Him: So, *gives 10 digit phone number, account number, address with postal code* has received a payment in full?

Me: Yes sir, it has indeed.

Him: Ok, I'm *gives 10 digit phone number, account number, address with postal code* and I'm just calling in to make certain that *gives 10 digit phone number, account number, address with postal code* has received a full payment

Me: It... has.  It's all good.  Up to date.

Him: That good because I thought that I had made a payment to *gives 10 digit phone number, account number, address with postal code* and I just wanted to call and make certain that *gives 10 digit phone number, account number, address with postal code* had received the payment that I made to *gives 10 digit phone number, account number, address with postal code*

Me: Yeppers.  It came through.

Him: I've also received a call on my phone for an Angie.  they called *gives 10 digit phone number, account number, address with postal code* and asked for an Angie.  There's no Angie living at *gives 10 digit phone number, account number, address with postal code*

Me: I...see.  Let's have a look here.

*opens trouble ticket history*

Ticket # Date Inquiry Resolution

6668617 12/18/2009 Customer would like their bill explained.  Customer Education 

6663098 12/17/2009 cx getting calls for someone named Angie  Resolved 

6662618 12/17/2009 Customer calling to say he keeps getting phone calls for Angie. 

6661887 12/17/2009 Customer called about billing 

6658502 12/17/2009 confirmed payment  Customer Education 

6654207 12/17/2009 Customer calling again to verify we received pmt. 

6624241 12/15/2009 Customer calling -- would like to confirm payment rec'd on acct  Resolved 

6617886 12/14/2009 Customer called to confirm that we received his payment of 2825 

6604484 12/13/2009 billing call on SDP line - CX says will CB tomorrow  Resolved 

6604389 12/13/2009 Customer wanted to confirm the payment received 

 

Ticket # Date Inquiry Resolution

6604352 12/13/2009 Customer cld to confirm we received 2825 on dec 7  Customer Education 

6602656 12/13/2009 callback  Left Message 

6601799 12/13/2009 Customer called to confirm we received his payment made on Dec 7th.

Customer Education 

6601370 12/13/2009 Customer called in to confirm pmt made again.  Customer Education 

6600235 12/13/2009 TT Wayne, confirming last payment that was made, wanted to confirm acct#, address, phone number, and payment made and recieved, went over it several times.  Resolved 

6600068 12/13/2009 Confirming pmt  Resolved 

6599772 12/13/2009 cx called to confirm last payment received  Resolved 

6599314 12/13/2009 Customer called to confirm we received the last payment 

6598193 12/13/2009 Customer called to verify that we received his last payment 

6597113 12/13/2009 Customer called in to verify that we received his last payment.  Customer Education 

 

Ticket # Date Inquiry Resolution

6592441 12/12/2009 Cx called back again, asking when the next bill would be due 

6579192 12/11/2009 Customer would like their bill explained. wanted to know acct # to verify a previous trans action  Customer Education 

6579111 12/11/2009 Customer called back again re bill payment  Customer Education 

6579025 12/11/2009 ***** Customer suffers from short term memory loss and will call in multiple times 

6578496 12/11/2009 Customer called in re payment made on dec 7.2009  Customer Education 

6578454 12/11/2009 cust called in to confirm his acct and that we recieved a payment 

6577877 12/11/2009 Customer called in to confirm balance of account  Customer Education 

6560593 12/10/2009 Customer called in AGAIN to verify we received his payment  Resolved 

6560030 12/10/2009 calling in to verify we have recv'd pymnt 

6559800 12/10/2009 Cx caling to confirm if we received his payment. 

 

6558391 12/10/2009 Customer called to confirm that we received his payment.  Resolved 

6548010 12/9/2009 Customer called back to verify that we received his payment  Customer Education 

6547973 12/9/2009 Customer would like their bill explained and make sure the payment was received.  Customer Education 

6534098 12/9/2009 Customer - wants account balance  Customer Education 

6534062 12/9/2009 Customer called to confirm payment received 

6518574 12/8/2009 Customer calling -- would like to confirm payment rec'd  Resolved 

6491810 12/6/2009 Customer has forgotten his/her Voicemail PIN  Resolved 

6491595 12/6/2009 Customer called to see if pymt has come through 

6490524 12/6/2009 billing inquiry  Customer Education 

6475817 12/4/2009 Customer has a voicemail issue.  Customer Education 

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 ...

 

 

Me: Uh... yeah... it looks like we're already working on this one for you sir.

Him: Oh.  Ok.  Thank you.

*click*

 

[bad company]

WOW, I think I went crazy

[Canukistani]

Me: Is there anything else we can help you out with tonight?3

Her: Yes, I was just wondering... Does that shaw box connect to phones?

Me: I... Ummm... What?  Uh... which "Shaw box" are we talking about here?

Her: That's what I'm asking you.

*insert sound of shattering brain here*

Me: I don't understand your question.  Are you referring to a specific peice of equipment?  Or our equipment in general?

Her: Yes

*the shattering continues*

Me: Yes.  Yes it does.  Thank you for choosing Shaw, have a nice night.

*retreats from phone call.  Sits in corner rocking and gibbering incoherently*

 

 

[ed2funy]

lmao....dumb people in this world man...

[bad company]

If all the dumb people in the world were killed there would be alot less people in the world

[ConQuest]

There wouldnt be any one left in Goverment power

 

 

It would be a Revolution

[bad company]

Of the smart viariety

[ConQuest]

lol is there any other kind?

 

I thought all revolutions were because ppl decided to get smart... one way or another

[Canukistani]

Quote of the night: "I can kill people with a toothbrush, but I can't configure my TV's audio.  Go figure."

[ConQuest]

*comes in swinging nunchucks* my mom said this wii was a bad idea

[Canukistani]

Me: Thank you for choosing Shaw, how can we help you today?

Him: Ok, yesterday I got my computer.  Today I got my internet.  Now what?

Me: Now what what?

Him: What am I supposed to do now?

Me: What do you want to do?

Him: What?

Me: What do you want to do?

Him: I don't know!  That's why I'm calling you!

Me: Ok.  What did you want the computer to do?  Do you want email?  Do you want to go online?  Do you want to play a game?

Him: I don't know.  Look Jack!  I called here because I need your help man.

Me: Well sir, I can't really help you.  I can help you with the advanced configurations, but for the basic stuff, you really need someone there to tell you exactly what to do.

Him: Bull!  I know that you can help me.

Me: Ok, let's go online.

Him: How?

Me: Click on Internet Explorer.

Him: Where's that.

Me: Open your start menu.

Him: Where's my start menu

Me: Click on the green button labeled start on your monitor

Him: My monitor?

Me: The TV part.  Use your mouse to position your curser over the start button then press down on the left mouse button.

Him: I... can't see the start button.

Me: We're done.  Call back once you've figured out how to access your programs.

Him: The guy at Future Shop told me that I wouldn't need any special training for this.

Me: You don't need "Special Training"  but you DO need "Basic Training."  It'll take me hours and hours to give you basic training over the phone.  Face it sir, you NEED an instructor to show you the basics of using a computer.

Him: And where would I go to get this training?

Me: School is a good place to start.  every college and high school offers computer classes tha-

Him: I don't have time for that nonsense!  I can't be expected to go back to school!

Me: Yes, actually, you ARE expected to go back to school.  You went and got trained how to drive your car, right?

Him: Yes.

Me: What makes you think that something as easy as driving a car would take less time to master than something as complicated as using a computer.  You need to understand that you now own the most advanced piece of equipment you have ever owned.  It is more complex and more complicated than anything you have ever seen or used before in your entire life.

Him: Yeah?!?  You think so?

Me: Yes.  I do.  I have a class one driver's license.  I have operated heavy equipment and military vehicles all over the country and I can tell you right now that this is more sophisticated than anything else you have operated.  the reason I know that is that you would need to know THIS inside and out before you could move on to operating airplanes, advanced warfare gear or rigging operations.

Him: So...

Me: You need to take the computer BACK to Future Shop and get the guys there to show you how it works.  Once you have that knowledge, you can teach yourself the rest.  If my 65 year old mother can learn how to use her computer, I have a great deal of faith that you will as well.  Thank you for choosing Shaw.  have a good day.

[ed2funy]

wow!

omg...that is just sad.

[Canukistani]

*sigh*

 

Me: Thank you for choosing Shaw.  How can we help you tonight?

Her: There is a white line across the top of my screen

Me: Ok.  Let's see here.  The first thing we're going to try is just unplugging the TV from the power outlet.

Her: On the wall?

Me: Yes, please.  Unplug the power and let it sit for 2 minutes to power down fully.

Her: Are you sure?

Me: I... what?

Her: Should I unplug the power?

Me: Yes.  Please do so now.

Her: Ok.  I unplugged it but the picture is still on the screen.

Me: Then that was the wrong power cord.

Her: It was?  How can you be sure?

Me: The TV is still on.  that's how I'm sure.  TVs don't have batteries.  Plug that cable back in and unplug the TV power cable.

Her: I did it.  Now my VCR has a flashing 12 on the front.

Me: Yeah.  that first power cord was to the VCR.  Is your TV still plugged in?

Her: How can I tell?

Me: Do you see a picture on the screen right now?

Her: Yes.

Me: Then the TV is still plugged in.  Please unplug the power cable for the TV. 

Her: But I DID unplug it.

Me: Is there a picture on the screen right now?

Her: Yes.

Me: then it's still plugged in.  you've unplugged something else.

Her: I have?  What did I unplug then?

Me: I... have no way of knowing what you just unplugged ma'am.

Her: I plugged it back in and my lamp turned back on.

Me: Well, were I to hazard a guess I'd say that you just unplugged the lamp instead of the TV

Her: I don't know what I'm doing

Me: That's clear ma'am.  I think at this point I'm going to have a tech come out and have a look at your equipment

Me: Will he be coming tonight?

Me: No.  He'll be coming in a week.

Her: Oh... A week...  Oh...

Me: Do you have someone else living with you that could help you with this?

Her: Yes.  My family.  but they live in Calgary.

Me: So... they DON'T live with you then?

Her: No.

Me: So... is there someone that lives THERE, with you, that could help you?

Her: Uh... no.  I don't think so.

Me: Ok.  well.  I think we're done here now.

Her: Is my TV working now?

Me: I... have no idea.  I can't see your TV ma'am.  Could you tell me if it's working or not please?

Her: How will I know?

Me: Well... Turn it on and tell me if you see a picture.

Her: How do I do that?

Me: The same way you do every day ma'am.  Just... turn it on like always.

Her: How will I know if it's on?

Me: You'll see a picture on the screen.

Her: Oh...I think it's on then.

Me: Do... do you see a picture on the screen?

Her: Yes

Me: Well then.  It's on.  Our tech will be there in a week and will have a look at this, but I think it's a problem with your TV.  How old is your TV ma'am?

Her: Not very old.  It's only 15 years old.

Me: Yeah... well... I think it's going to be for the best that the tech looks at what's going on there.  Have a good night and thank you for choosing Shaw.

 

[ed2funy]

Holy crap...

How stupid are people?!?!

 

[Jelly]

...These are honestly real?

[Barmacral]

Having worked in tech support Jelly, I can safely say that yes, these are real.

[bad company]

Never working in tech support, no wonder the IT crowd is so funny when they have stupid people to mock

[Canukistani]

Him: I didn’t have any internet, so I started changing my settings... now nothing is working correctly.

Me: Are you a computer tech sir?

Him: Uh... nope.

Me: Bad call.  Take your computer to a PC tech and see if they can fix it.

Him: Isn’t there anything you can do to help me?

Me: Not without reinstalling Windows.  Good luck.

[Amadine]

I work in a gas station. I deal with these people face to face every.day. Best one ever...

 

Background: we offer a 4c per litre discount when you bring the discount voucher that is printed on the bottom of your grocery docket from our companies supermarket. No voucher = no discount.

 

Forecourt is full, a line up of customers behind this guy

 

Me: Good afternoon, how are you today?

Him: sh*t actually, not that you care, the diesel is mine

Me: Sorry to hear that, Pump one or 2 today?

Him: the diesel!

Me: Yes, we have 2 diesel pumps, was it the high flow or the regular pump

Him: the one on the other side

Me: the pump work from both sides, how much did you put in?

Him: i don't know you should know that

Me: did you use the large hose or the small?

Him: oh, the large

Me: Okay, did you have a discount voucher today?

Him: no, but i want 6c per litre off anyway you are the most expense place in town

Me: i'm sorry i cannot give you a discount without a voucher

Him: i want a discount

Me: with a voucher i can give you 4c per litre off but without that voucher i cannot

Him: you are ripping me off, you b*stards do this all the time

Me: that will be $xx.xx today, cash or card

Him: i should just refuse to pay, no discount, you're just a b*tch

(presents card, i charge it to his card)

Me: would you like a receipt today?

Him: no i don't want a F&*$ing receipt i wanted a discount, you rip me off everytime i come in here i am not coming back

Me: have a nice day, see you next time

(he heads out grumbling saying what a b*tch i am - i serve the next customer who tells me what an A-hole the last guy was. the 1st guy steps back through the door)

Him: and what you did in the vietnam war wasn't real good either!

Me: i beg your pardon?

Him: you know what you did you b*tch! (storms out)

 

For the record - i wasn't born until after the vietnam war was over... go figure.

[Canukistani]

lol nice