Azrael's Tech Support Saga

[Canukistani]

Cast

Me is played by Azrael

Customer is played by Various

 

 

Wed, April 2

 

Me: "Well, we'll need to get a tech out there to see why you don't have any power going to your phone.  Will you be home today?"

Them: "No, today doesn't really work for me."

Me: "Ok, would tomorrow be better?"

Them: "No, not really.  I'm going to be busy until the weekend."

Me: "Would you like a tech to come first thing Saturday morning then?"

Them: "No.  I'll be busy Saturday all day.  Can they come Sunday?"

Me: "Sure thing, would the morning work best? Or would you like the afternoon?"

Them: "Hang on... are you telling me that I'm not going to have phone service until Sunday?"

Me: "Ummm... yes.  You want the tech to come Sunday, so you'll have no service until Sunday."

Them: "I hate Shaw!"

 

Sunday, April 6th

Them:  "Do you mean if I leave and go shopping, the tech won't just wait until I get back?"

Me: "No, he won't."

Then: "Oh.  That's not very nice."

 

Faith was supposed to have install done between 12-4pm.

She went to the bank and store @ 1pm, the door was already tagged by our tech when she returned @ 3:30pm

She called in @ 7:30pm to request tech return.

 

Yeah, that's a high priority call.  BANISHED TO CSR!

[Canukistani]

Me: *after Phone terminal reboot* "Hello there, this is Charles calling from Shaw.  I understand you were experiencing Phone difficulties earlier this evening?"

Her: "What?  You got through so obviously NOT!  GoodBYE!"  *Bang*

 

Nice that they're grateful for helping them out eh?

[Canukistani]

Me: "Hello there, it's Charles calling back to make certain everything's working properly."

Her: "Oh yes!  It's working perfectly now!  Thank you so much Bill.  Have a good night." *Click*

Me: "Uhhh... Bill?"

[Alaksuleiel]

hahahaha takes me back to my days working at Foxtel....

[eclipse0]

We got calls yesterday asking why the Internet stopped working during a power outage...

[Canukistani]

Me: "Well Ma'am, to block an unwanted caller, you need to dial *60 and follow the instructions."

Her: "I tried that but she's too confusing.  I can't tell what she wants me to do.  Help!"

Me: "I'll call and listen to the menu and see if I can clarify it for you a little."

*dials *60* "Call block feature is now active.  To block the last number called press 1.  To block a specific number press # and enter the number followed by #.  to unblock a number press 3."

Me: "Ummm... to block a specific number press # and then enter the number then #.  Sound good?"

Her: "What do you mean by '#'?  I don't know what that is."

 

The telephone is 165 years old... why hasn't she figured this shit out by now?

[Alaksuleiel]

hahaha I didn't figure out the # button and what ti was for until after I moved out of home...... admittedly I left young, but still.....

[Canukistani]

WE just had an interesting call from one of our Digital Phone Customers.  He has received 3 phone calls from some famous people.  On his call display he had Batman, Elvis Presley and God.  They were telemarketers spoofing IDs to get past the anonymous call blocking.

[Canukistani]

Don't we all.

 

Him: "The power went off and now I can't see anything on my TV except snow.  Send out a tech to fix my TV"

Me: "Ok, I know exactly what happened.  When a TV loses power for any length of time, the TV resets to channel 2.  We need to turn the TV to channel 3.  Let's go up to the TV and press the channel up button."

Him: "I don't have one on my TV.  Only power."

Me: "OK.  Well, sometimes the buttons are hidden on the side of the TV, or sometimes on the top.  Let's have a look and see if they're there."

Him: (immediately) "No, there is no button like that on my TV."

Me: "Ok, well let's go get the TV Remote."

Him: (immediately) "I have it."

Me: "Does it say Shaw on it?"

Him: "Yes."

Me: "That's the wrong one.  We need the one for the TV."

Him: "I don't have one.  My TV never came with one."

Me: (highly suspicious now) "How old is your TV sir?"

Him: "Only 2 years old."

Me: "Ok, all new TVs come with a remote.  Let's go get the remote.  We're going to need it for this."

Him: "Oh, ok.  Hang on a second." (2 seconds later) "Got it, now what?"

Me: "Ok, press the channel up button please"

Him: "My remote doesn't have that button."

Me: ok, this guy's not doing anything.  "Ok, well, I tell you what, I'm going to book a Service call and get a tech to come out and look at what's going on there and get this all taken care of for you."

Him: "That's what I said at the beginning.  When will he be here tomorrow?  I don't want him hear to early."

Me: "Ooo... sorry.  Looks like the earliest we can get someone out there to look at that is next Friday."

Him: "WHAT?  A week with no TV?  That's crazy talk!"

Me: "Yeah, I know.  Well, first thing in the morning work for you sir?  If you can get the TV onto channel 3 in the mean time, feel free to call in and cancel the Service Call.  Thank you for choosing Shaw."

Him: "I want to-" *click*

 

Ahhh... the little pleasures.

[Dunbar]

http://notalwaysright.com/

 

!!!

[chillimous]

Ahhh Demi, thank you for staving off my boredom. I needed something to do.

[eclipse0]

http://notalwaysright.com/

 

!!!

 

You stole that from me...

 

I posted that at the BT, Demi is a thief, a thief I say!!!

[Rahlian]

Thats amazing. Defiantly a page for frequent laughs.

[LordDaemonDracos]

Thanks Demi. I really needed those laughs after the audit day I have had.

[Dunbar]

Oh yes, it's a great site

 

"Do you take credit cards?"

 

"Yup, but we don't give 'em back!"

 

 

[Alaksuleiel]

the one with the stoners is a classic!

[eclipse0]

"No we only accept payment in 'live chickens'..."

[Dunbar]

i love that xd

[Canukistani]

Call display shows "Transport error" on one phone and a blank screen on other phone

Customer has previously activated Anonymous Call Blocking and is very upset that this "anonymous" call has gotten though

attempted to explain that an error message is not an unlisted number, and that the information exists at the server level.  Referred *60 to block last incoming call.

Customer demanded recompensation for his "Service that is obviously not working"

attempted, again, to explain that an error message is not an unlisted number, and that the number is listed at the server level, therefore not subject to the rules set up for unlisted phones.  At this point he began to demand to speak to a tech "Who has more experience with digital phones" as I was "Obviously untrained in how phones work."

explained again how to use the *60 feature, explained again that the anonymous call block will work as long as it is active on the phone, and that if has any concerns to try reactivating it.  If it has a message that the service is already active, then it is active on the line.  If it has a message that the service is now active, it was turned off at some point.

Customer was uncertain that the specific call block feature would work as he feels that the anonymous is not working.  Assured him that the *60 feature would work and referred him to the *57 feature if he wished to pursue legal action against the prank caller.

[Canukistani]

Him: "I'd like to add a new Personal Video Recorder and High Definition services to my account please."

Me: "Sure thing.  Did you want to use "easy-Pay" and make monthly payments?"

Him: "No thanks.  I'll just pay it all up front.  When can it be delivered?"

Me: "Well, it looks like we could probably have it installed tomorrow."

Him: "I want to watch the UFC fight in High-Def tonight!  Is there any way to get it tonight?"

Me: "Sorry.  It's already 8pm and the fight starts at 9.  there's no way we'd be able to get a tech to the warehouse, get a new PVR, drive it to your place, install it, provision it and complete all of the account modifications in that time.  We'd be able to have it installed tomorrow no problem though."

Him: "Forget it.  Transfer me to the cancellations department.  I'm cancelling all of my services."

 

I transferred him so fast I don't think he was finished speaking before he was on his way to the Accounts Retention/Deletion department

[Alaksuleiel]

hahaha you know he only threatened to cancel so that retention would cut him a deal, right?

 

[Canukistani]

Azrael didn't care, just wanted to get rid of the idiot

[Canukistani]

Cx wants some services removed due to rapture.

 

He stated that “there is promise in the bible - says that god in the end times will take us to heaven while we are still alive.

 

He'll let the other people suffer to see if they will go into remorse or plead to god for mercy.

 

Take mdm and radio and tv off to base. We are going to suffer?”

 

He’s “In mortal danger.” Unless we remove his services until the rapture is over.

 

Please refer cx to speak to csr dept after 8 am

 

[Alaksuleiel]

hahahaha prepared for every contingency aren't they?

[Canukistani]

Azael's wife is getting her Shaw Secure training today, so now she'll get more funny calls.  There's nothing funnier than having someone let you Remote into their system and you get to see all the kinky porn on their desktop.  Keep that in mind when you call in for an RDA next time.  Load up all your most disturbing porn and let the techs get an eyefull