Azrael's Tech Support Saga

[Desiree]

ah yes! the things I live for! :D *prances about throwing flower petals up in the air and singing You're My Sunshine by Jimmie Davis, Louisiana's only singing governor*

[Alaksuleiel]

is it just me, or are these exchanges getting narkier? lol

[eclipse0]

I think Canuki needs a vacation...

 

Anyway, this is a real email I got from a vendor yesterday:

 

Sometime last month, you downloaded our 2007 demo.  We are confident that you have determined the benefits of making us a part of your business.  Perhaps the cost of this software is a bit more than you can budget in these trying economic times.  We have a solution for you.

 

For 12 monthly payments of $300 you can enjoy all the benefits of our software, normally priced at $3,000

 

Somebody failed 2nd grade math...

 

Regular Price: $3K

 

Sale Price: 12 payments of $300 = $3,600

 

::)

 

 

[bad company]

Actually they know most people aren't going to add it up so they will get more money because of laziness

[Canukistani]

Mithchell: “Thank you for shoosing Shaw, Mitchell speaking, how can we help you?”

 

Him: “I have slow internet speeds.”

 

Mitch: “Well... let’s have a quick look here.  Ok, the modem is online with good levels.  Is the modem directly connected to your computer?  Or do you have a router in place?”

 

Him: “I have a router.”

 

Mitch: “Could you bypass the router please?”

 

Him: “How do I do that?”

 

Mitch: “Ok... you need to unplug the Ethernet cable from the router and plug it into the computer.”

 

Him: “Ok.  I call back when I do that, ok?”

 

Annie: “Thank you for choosing Shaw, how can we help you?”

 

Him: “I have slow internet speeds.”

 

Annie: “Ok, well let’s see what’s going on in the area.  Everything in the area looks good.  Are you using a router on your connection?”

 

Him: “Yes.  I have router.”

 

Annie: “Ok, we’re going to want to bypass that router and do a direct connection from the modem to the computer.”

 

Him: “Yes.  I do that now.  I can call back when that is done?”

 

Annie: Yes, please call us back as soon as you have connected your modem to your computer.”

 

Annie: “Thank you for choosing Shaw, how can we help you today?”

 

Him: “Yes, I have slow speeds..”

 

Annie: “Yes, I just talked with you a minute ago.  Have you now directly connected your modem to your computer?”

 

Him: “Yes.  Yes.  Is connect now.”

 

Annie: “Ok, open your Control panel please.  What does it say about your Local Area Connection?”

 

Him: “No local area connection.  Just Ethernet adapter.”

 

Annie: “Ok, we need to run the New Connection Wizard and get you online.”

 

*walks customer through wizard*

 

Annie: “Ok, let’s see to that Local Area Connection.”

 

Him: “No local area connection.”

 

Annie: “We need to look at your System Properties now.  Double click on the “System” icon in your control panel.”

 

Him: “Nothing happened.”

 

Annie: “Did you double click it?”

 

Him: “Yes.  Yes I double click.”

 

Annie: “And it’s not even opening?”

 

Him: “No.”

 

Annie: “Oh... that’s not so good.  You need to take your computer to a PC tech and call us back if it is still not connecting to the internet.”

 

Me: “Thank you for choosing Shaw, how can We help you?”

 

Him: “I very angry!  I no have internet.  You 5th person I talk to now!”

 

Me: “Ok, what seems to be going on?”

 

Him: “No internet!”

 

Me: “Ok, let’s see.  Ok, it looks like you’ve called in a few times and the last time you called in and you needed to see a PC tech about your connections?”

 

Him: “Yes!  PC Tech say everything fine on computer.  Everything fine on router.  Problem on modem.”

 

Me: “Ok, let’s have a look at the modem.  Well, everything on the modem looks good.  Do you still have your router connected to the modem?”

 

Him: “Yes.”

 

Me: “Ok, you need to bypass the router and connect the modem directly to the computer.”

 

Him: “Ok.”  *stuff happens in the background* “Now is connect.”

 

Me: “Ok.  Well... it looks like the modem is offline.  What happened to the modem now?”

 

Him: “I don’t know!”

 

Me: “Did you unplug any cables from the back of the Motorolla modem?”

 

Him: “Yes!  I unscrew cable.”

 

Me: “Ok, you do not want to do that.  Screw that cable back in place and then make sure that the Ethernet cable, the one that looks like a phone cable, goes from the back of the modem straight into the back of your computer.”

 

Him: “Ok.”  *more stuff happens in the background* “Ok.  Connect now.”

 

Me: “Ok, well the modem is back online, so that’s good.  What device is the modem connected to now?”

 

Him: “The router.”

 

Me: “No sir, I JUST told you to NOT do that.  You need to get rid of your router for right now.  The MODEM needs to be plugged DIRECTLY into the back of your COMPUTER.”

 

Him: “Oh.  I do that and call back.”

 

Me:  Yeah, like that’s going to help.  Go ahead and call back, the next guy you talk to is going to say the EXACT same thing all THREE of us already have.  Either he’s retarded, deliberately stupid or an asshat

 

 

[Canukistani]

Me: “Thank you for choosing Shaw, how can we help you today?”

 

Her: “I don’t have internet on my upstairs computer.”

 

Me: “Ok, how many computers do you have in the house?”

 

Her: “Two computers.  One upstairs and one downstairs.  And a Laptop.”

 

Me: “Ok, so 3 computers?”

 

Her: “Ummm... Yes.  3.”

 

Me: “Ok, and is the laptop able to go online?”

 

Her: “Yes.”

 

Me: “So, we have 2 computers connecting to the internet and one is not?”

 

Her: “No.  The laptop is and the other two are not.”

 

Me: “O...k.  So... 2 computers are not online.  Let me talk with your modem and see what’s going on here.  Oh... I see that you’ve got an old modem.”

 

Her: “Yes!  I do!  I got an email last week from Shaw saying that I needed to swap out my modem for a new one to avoid any interruptions in my service.”

 

Me: “I see.  When did you receive this email?”

 

Her: “Ummm... last week?  Yes, Last week.”

 

Me: “Ok.  What the email actually meant to say was that you needed to swap out your modem for a new one to prevent any interruptions in your service.”

 

Her: “Ohhh.... So... Do I need to swap out my modem now?”

 

Me: “Well... it looks like you have an interruption in your service so...  I’d say now would be a good time to swap out that modem.  Yes.”

 

Her: “Ohhh.... Ok.  So... should I bring it in today?”

 

Me: “There’s no time like the present.”

 

Her: “Ok.  I’ll bring it in today then.  Are you open today?”

 

Me: “We’re open 9am-5pm 7 days a week.”

 

Her: “O...k.  So... Are you open today?”

 

Me: “Yes.  Yes we are.”

 

Her: “How late are you open?”

 

Me: “Until 5pm.”

 

Her: “Ok.  So... should I bring it into the store before 5pm?”

 

Me: “Uh... Yes.  I’d say that the earlier you bring it in, the  better.”

 

Her: “I’ll bring it in now then.  Bye.” *click*

[Canukistani]

Me: “Thank you for choosing Shaw, how can we help you?”

 

Him: “I’m having trouble logging into my email account.”

 

Me: “Ok, let’s bring up your account.  What’s you phone number?”

 

Him: *insert phone number*

 

Me: “Ok... that’s doesn’t bring up an account.  Is there another phone number?”

 

Him: *insert second number*

 

Him: *insert third number*

 

Me: “Yeah... still not liking those numbers.  Do you happen to have the account number handy?”

 

Him: “Yes.  Here.” *insert account number*

 

Me: “That’s an account for Digital Phone.  Do you have another account number?”

 

Him: “Yes.  Here.” *insert second account number*

 

Me: “Ok, that’s a residential account with only cable and digital phone.”

 

Him: “Yeah... my accountant isn’t here.  She has all the account numbers.”

 

Me: “Ok.  Maybe we should get her to call in with that number.”

 

Him: “I really need to get my email!  Can you look it up by the address?”

 

Me: “Sure.  What’s the address there?”

 

Him: “PO Box-“

 

Me: “Oh... hang on.  We need the actually physical address.”

 

Him: “Yeah, OK.  PO Box –“

 

Me: “Sir?  Are you actually IN the PO Box right now?”

 

Him: “What?  No!  Obviously not!”

 

Me: “Right.  Is your office actually inside the po box?”

 

Him: “No.  Are you trying to be funny?”

 

Me: “No sir.  Giving me the PO box will only work if the office itself is actually INSIDE it.  I need the address of the office.”

 

Him: “I... don’t know it.”

 

Me: “Ok.  So we don’t have the address, phone number or the account number.  We’re going to need your accountant to call us back to find this.”

 

Him: “I actually haven’t received a bill from Shaw in about 6 months.”

 

Me: “Ok.  It sounds like the account is probably closed them.  I’m going to transfer you to the Sales department.  Have a good day.”

[eclipse0]

I had a good one yesterday.

 

I'm outside on a smoke break and this Nun approaches me:

 

Angry Nun: Hey, you work for Technology!

 

Me: Yeah?

 

Angry Nun: I have a problem with my laptop.

 

Me: ok?

 

Angry Nun: I can't find this program I installed.

 

Me: Uh-huh

 

Angry Nun: You can fix this now?

 

Me: No

 

Angry Nun: Why not?

 

Me: I'm not a PC technician, you'll have to take it to their office.

 

Angry Nun: But you know how to fix it?

 

Me: Maybe.

 

Angry Nun: So you will take a look then?

 

Me: No

 

Angry Nun: Why not?

 

Me: Because there's a department that exists to specifically do that type of thing, you need to talk with them.

 

Angry Nun: But they won't help me!

 

Me: Really?

 

Angry Nun: It's my home computer and they told me they can only service Equipment issued by their office.

 

Me: Yeah, that is correct.

 

Angry Nun: So you will help me then?

 

Me: No

 

Angry Nun: Why not?

 

Me: Because I don't get paid to do that.

 

Angry Nun: Then who does?

 

Me: The store you purchased it from, Geek Squad, an independent contractor, anyone else.

 

Angry Nun: Why won't you do it.

 

Me: It's not my job.

 

Angry Nun: You're not doing anything now though.

 

Me: I'm on break

 

Angry Nun: This is ridiculous, no one will fix this for me!

 

Me: Sure they will, you just need to pay them.

 

Angry Nun: I'll pay you then

 

Me: No

 

Angry Nun: Why not?

 

Me: I already have a job, thanks.

 

Angry Nun: What do you do?

 

Me: Break times over, gotta go, good luck with your PC.

 

 

[Canukistani]

HAHAHAHAHAHA

[Dunbar]

I love people

[LordDaemonDracos]

A few weeks back my boss sent the following email exert out to everyone in the office.

 

 

Subject: MS Word

 

"FYI. Some people like to use keyboard shortcuts. I will be placing a sheet of shortcuts in your mailbox."

 

[Dunbar]

I wish I had this kind of stuff at my job

 

 

[Canukistani]

Me: “Ok, let’s just *cough, cough* Oh sorry.  I didn’t mean to cough right in your ear like that.”

 

Her: “Oh, that’s ok.”

 

Me: “I guess I have a touch of the flu or something.”

 

Her: *squeal* *Phone disconnects*

 

Me:        0_0

 

 

[Dunbar]

Everyone knows the flu will get you, even over the phone

 

Shit

 

I should probably stop posting

[Canukistani]

Me: “Thank you for choosing Shaw, how can we help you today?”

Her: “My phone is not working.  When I pick up my phone, is just dead air.  Is no good.”

Me: “Ok, let’s have a look here.  It looks like your phone has fallen out of synch with the network.  I’ll reset the phone and see if it connects.”

Her: “Ok.  You can do that from there?”

Me: Already reset.  Now we just wait and see if it comes back on line.”

Her: “Ok.  I send my husband to wait for your call.”

Me: “Sure thing.  Can I put you on hold for a few seconds while I make the test call?”

Her: “Yes.” *click as customer hangs up*

 

[Canukistani]

Me: “Thank you for choosing Shaw, how can we help you?”

Her: “I have no phone this morning.”

Me: “That’s not so good.  Can I get your Home phone number…”

*account brought up*

Me: “Ok, are you calling from a cell phone now?”

Her: “Yes, yes I am.”

Me: “Ok, can we get that number from you just in case the line disconnects please?”

Her: “I’m not comfortable giving out my cell phone number.”

Me: “O…K.  Ok then.  Let’s have a look at your phone terminal’s lights.”

Her: “It’s in the basement.  Hang on a second.”

*feet on stairs*

*Cell phone goes dead*

 

[Canukistani]

Action Taken:

Customer is unable to send or receive emails

When logging into Webmail, he is only able to see his address booked

Account has been off billing for 8 months

Email account has been deleted from system as of March 2009

Customer was very upset that his email is no longer working

Attempted to explain that the email needs an active internet account to work.

He demanded that we delete his email account from the system

Explained that it was already deleted, which is why he cannot send or receive email on this account at this time

Customer disconnected call

[Krakalakachkn]

People amaze me by their ridiculousness

 

[bad company]

When they get on the phone it happens more

[Canukistani]

Me: "Thank you for choosing Shaw, how can we help you today?"

Her: "I can't get anything on my TV."

Me: "Ok, let's look at your account.  Well, I think I see what's going on here.  It looks like your services were disconnected today."

Her: "Yes."

Me: "Ok.  Is there anything else I can help you with today?"

Her: "But... how do I get TV now?"

Me: "Well... that depends on if your Tv has a built in antenna or not.  If it does, then you can get the free channels.  If not..."

Her: "But... I want to watch TV.  Can't you help me get free TV?"

Me: "Not... really.  I think you're probably going to need to call your TV manufacturer for some further assistance with activating that antenna."

Her: "But... How about cable?  How can I get cable if my services have been disconnected?"

Me: "I could always transfer you to the Sales department and they can hook you back up."

Her: "Oh... no... I don't want to pay for it.  do you have any suggestions for cable that I don't have to pay for?"

Me: "Um... no.  Sorry.  Thank you for choosing Shaw.  Have a nice day."

[Dunbar]

"How do I get [insert random item here] now" is going to be my new catchphrase

[Canukistani]

hehehe

[Canukistani]

Me: "Thank you for choosing Shaw, how can we help you?"

Him: "Here's my account number ####.  I have no services.  No internet, no cable.  I just paid my bill yesterday does it show the payment as going through?  It better not be suspended still because I already made my payment through the bank and they assured me that it would be paid by now."

Me: "Uh... ok.  What's you address?"

Him: "####, that's in Summerland, just north of Penticton and south of Kelowna in the interior of BC.  I've been living here for a long time so I know that this isn't an issue with new equipment, or old equipment trying to talk to the old network because everything was working fine just a couple of days agon, and all day today I've been without services."

Me: "Ok... um... who am I speaking with?"

Him: "My name is Randy.  I'm the account holder.  My room-mate is authorized on my account, but I'm the primary account holder here.  Not just for Shaw, but for most services as well.  I've been with Shaw for a long time now, several years in fact."

Me: "Ok.  do you have a router?"

Him: "I do.  I have several in fact, one wired and one wireless.  I have the desktop hooked into the wired one and use the wireless for all my wireless devices.  Would my phone be interfering with my router?  I should power off my cordless phones so we can see what's going on with all my wireless services."

Me: "Whoa there cowboy.  Let's just take this a little slower and just have a look-see at the modem there.  What lights are on the modem right now?"

Him: "The lights are all on, but the PC activity light is amber and flashing.  Does that mean that it's lost communication with my router?  I think I should get a new router.  Maybe I should just bypass the whole thing and just swap out my gear as I need to.  The last time i did that though I had a lot of issues with stuff not working correctly and I had to keep powering the modem off and on.  Can excessive powering off affect a modem?  I'd hate to think that I've been voiding my equipment warrnaty by doing this."

Me: "Ok Randy.  What I want you to do is unplug the power cable from the back of the router, wait 15 seconds then plug it back in.  OK?  Go unplug it now."

Him: "Ok.  I powercycled it.  I gave it a 20 count because I lost my place at first at 12, so I started counting again and went to 18.  I can see that all the lights on the router are solid now, and I have a connectivity screen up on my computer.  I have a tool that monitors my connections in real time so that I can see if anyone is transferring data into or out of my system."

Me: "Uh... ok.  Good enough.  Can you go online now?"

Him: "Yeah... but now I'm going to the windows home page.  I have my home page set to Sympatico.  Why would i be going to the Windows home page now?  Do I have a virus?  Are there any viruses that will do this?  What antivirus should i use.  I just updated Windows yesterday too.  Do you think that I updated it with a virus instead of a legitimate programme?"

Me: "A windows update will sometimes do that.  If you're online now, that's good."

Him: "I am."

Me: "Excellent.  Now, let's have a look at your TV."

Him: "I have to Cable boxes.  the one down stairs here in the livingroom is the main one hooked up to the main TV.  the one in the upstairs bedroom is hooked into the smaller HDTV, but the lights on it are so bright that it keeps us awake at night.  I usually keep it unplugged so that it doesn't keep us up.  Ok.  I'm plugging it in now, it'll take a couple of minutes to power up though so I guess we just have to sit and wait for it to power up fully now."

Me: "Um... actually I'm more interested in the one that's NOT working.  Let's go back to that one."

Him: "Ok.  now what?"

Me: "Ok, let's pull out the power cable and let it sit for 30 seconds."

Him: "Ok.  So, this is what we just did with my router.  What would have caused this issue?  I don't do a lot with it and I try to never power it off unless I have to.  I don't even really record all that much with it when I am watching it.  Well, I record hockey and baseball and there are a couple of comedies that I record all the time.  Would recording multiple things at the same time be what's causing this?"

Me: "Go ahead and plug it back in now."

Him: "Ok.  Plugged back in.  It was a lot easier than I thought it was going to be.  I have it sitting on the top of my entertainment unit rather than inside with my stereo and tuners.  My X-Box is in there as well, but I made certain that the cabling wasn't interacting."

Me: "Could you turn it on please?"

Him: "It's working now."

Me: "Ok.  there we go.  Is there anything else?"

Him: "Uh... I think that all my channels are wiorking.  maybe I should-"

Me: "Thank you for choosing Shaw.  Have a nice day."

*click*

[bad company]

HAHA, info overload :o

[Dunbar]

He was.... talkative : p