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 A WHEEL OF TIME COMMUNITY

New Roommate

ed2funy

By ed2funy
in Shayol Ghul

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ed2funy Spam Master

ed2funy

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I got a roommate just now....

Mofo popped in as I'm sitting here in a shirt and underwear. :laugh:

 

And had the nerve to say "hi."

PSSHHH!

 

Some cadet playing real Army for about 3 weeks.

 

Quickly. I need action plans to terrorize him. :laugh:

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Moon Sedai Spam Master

Moon Sedai

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Once, in Ft. Bliss (right before I got out) I had a roommate that didn't let me know she'd moved in until i ran into her in our common area. (We had two private sleeping rooms and a common kitchenette/bathroom/sink/entrance).

 

That *itch never cleaned our common room, constanty kept our room boiling hot (we lived in El Paso, Tx and did not pay power bills. There was no need for an 80 degrees F room in March.)

 

Once, we had a Brigade level inspection of our barracks. The Brigade commander (A full Col.) toured the barracks and awarded his coins (an ARmy thing) to the people with the most impressive rooms. (Of course, it was a 'be in your dress greens event).

I didn't have to be in my room, I was covering the worksite that day.

She did nothing to help clean. And she had hair that shed like a German Shepherd.

I was thrilled to find out the Col and the Commander skipped our hallway and forgot us.

I'd have been ticked if she got a coin for my hard work.

 

 

Anyway, when I got out of the army, and the movers were there to take my stuff, she threw a fit when I packed up some of my gluwein mugs from my time in Germany. I have these four Christmas ale mugs with the city I'd lived in on it (Darmstadt 2000, Darmstadt 2001). She tried claiming they were her "grandmother's" and they were "left to her."

Witch, I just lived in germany the year before and got those mugs on my own.

 

 

I say all that to say this: THe army doesn't necessarily consider compatability when giving out roommates. They just do.

 

 

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ed2funy Spam Master

ed2funy

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lolz....dang! o_O

 

 

I have the same room set-up here. And my only condolence is that he is only here for 3 weeks....

 

Which is why I want to terrorize him....in case he is an uppity ass. haha...well, I want to be prepared to mess with him.

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Niniel Spam Master

Niniel

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lol

 

Your story is nothing compared to what happened to my sister. She still lived with my parents at that time. They had been nice to her and for one night they stayed with our grandmother so my sister could have a party without them. The next morning they got home at 11 AM. In the hall they saw shoes that didn´t belong to anyone in the family. Then the door to the bathroom opened and out came a guy that they had never met before and he was only wearing his underwear. He looked chocked but took my mums hand and presented himself. He talked with them for some minutes and then went to my sisters room. She was so embarrassed. :biggrin: (The guy soon went home and I don´t think he returned again.)

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Mrs. Cindy Gill Spam Master

Mrs. Cindy Gill

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use words like bedbugs, crabs, scabies, and phrases like, "does this smell right to you?" a lot.

 

randomly scratch.

 

constantly move personal items and major pieces of furniture in minute ways that can only be detected subconsciously.

 

hide things for a few days and reappear them.

 

magnetize anything electronic.

 

leave hair in the sink and on the soap. doesn't matter whose. curly's best.

 

find out what he's allergic to and discretely place it in high contact areas.

 

lick all utensils and shared foods.

 

if there are plants, salt them.

 

catch annoying insects and place them securely where they will not be found but will be heard. crickets are perfect.

 

stop cleaning. consider not bathing. it will bother him more than you.

 

sabotage items of clothing by picking out a few seams where they will not immediately be noticed.

 

recite lines from full metal jacket in your "sleep."

 

mis-hear, or misunderstand every word he speaks, or simply go deaf for the duration.

 

talk to him about religion. a lot. i have gotten many family members to completely leave me alone this way.

 

always have a kleenex in your hand and cough constantly. mention sick contacts.

 

 

the easiest thing to do, of course, is hook him up so he'll leave you alone. but that may not be possible.

 

best of luck.

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Mrs. Cindy Gill Spam Master

Mrs. Cindy Gill

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*bows to Cindy*

 

What a genius!

 

 

if i blush any harder, i will have a stroke. :blush: no, seriously, i need my meds.

 

i truly am unworthy of this praise. i only share what i've learned through long years of repelling the humans. may it serve you all well, my evil betters.

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Krakalakachkn Spam Master

Krakalakachkn

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Also, and this is genius, ask him (out of nowhere) how he feels about Japanese Pillow Girlfriends. If he asks why, just play it off as unimportant. A few days later, leave your computer screen open where he will see it and have this up on your screen:

 

 

picture_1.png

 

 

They also have some really raunchy ones that I wasn't able to post because they weren't PG-13 acceptable. Choose a better picture than this one, the raunchier the better.

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Guest Czechs In The M'Hael

Guest Czechs In The M'Hael

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Keep "answering" questions he hasnt asked you.

 

Ask him if his mum or sister are seeing anyone. Ask it as one question.

 

Every time he mentions hearing, or anything at all to do with ears or sound, act like you didnt hear him so he repeats it, and keep getting him to repeat it until he realizes the joke. And when he clicks on, if he does it back to you, give him dirty looks. And then buzz off the hurt look on his face.

 

Ask him if he would describe himself as an open-minded person. And if he says yes, start talking about a friend of yours who is homosexual and likes "first timers." (whether or not you have such a friend is irrelevent)

 

Oh, and you should totally wait in his bedroom one time wearing a catwoman outfit.

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