DeRouge!

[cosmicpanda]

Two things, only one for you, so this can't be a PM.

 

First, I refuse to call you berfs. People may comment on this.

 

Second, I get the start new topic button confused with subscribe. This sucks. Counsel please.

[Verbal32]

Shhh Pandy, it's supposed to be a secret. I mean, the worse kept secret since Elton came out of the closet, but still.....shhhhhhh!

[Kivam]

Shhh Pandy, it's supposed to be a secret. I mean, the worse kept secret since Elton came out of the closet, but still.....shhhhhhh!

 

Wait . . . Elton's gay?

[Krakalakachkn]

well the cat's out of the bag.

[Moon Sedai]

Shhh Pandy, it's supposed to be a secret. I mean, the worse kept secret since Elton came out of the closet, but still.....shhhhhhh!

 

Wait . . . Elton's gay?

 

 

You know, I hear Ellen is too. . .

[Aust]

 

Second, I get the start new topic button confused with subscribe. This sucks. Counsel please.

 

Tell me, how do you feel about this?

[LilyElizabeth]

Why am I always the last to know the good stuff around here?

[Nynaeve]

Because you're not one of the cool kids anymore.

 

 

 

 

Nyn

[Verbal32]

Because you're not one of the cool kids anymore.

 

 

 

 

Nyn

 

Zing!

[cosmicpanda]

Shhh Pandy, it's supposed to be a secret. I mean, the worse kept secret since Elton came out of the closet, but still.....shhhhhhh!

 

I shouldn't have told people about the subscribe button?

 

[ineedfourberfs]

I've looked into it.

 

Turns out you are indeed correct, and Ellen is in a same sex partnership with some exotic car dealer or something. I don't question these things.

 

And Lily, your are in so many of the same forums as me (ie...SG and the writers...I guess...thats so many) it should have been evident!

 

Revel people! Revel in the return of your Golden-Child Savior!

[LilyElizabeth]

Because you're not one of the cool kids anymore.

 

 

 

 

Nyn

 

That's true. The BA transcends the cool kids.

[Nynaeve]

Ah yes... the clueless club. Quite right.

 

Though I have to say, it has its advantages.

 

 

 

 

 

Nyn

[Alaksuleiel]

I thought something was off around here, people seemed a bit overly enthusiastic about a mere newbie.

 

Welcome back, but seriously why bother changing your name, just because Rox did it doesn't make it cool.

[Nynaeve]

*laughs* see, that comment actually deserved a zing ;)

 

 

 

 

Nyn

[ineedfourberfs]

I thought something was off around here, people seemed a bit overly enthusiastic about a mere newbie.

 

Welcome back, but seriously why bother changing your name, just because Rox did it doesn't make it cool.

 

 

I have my reasons. *looks off to the left, fading into the middle distance*

 

It was a glorious autumn day, the kind you could bottle and sell as ladies odour de toilette, for around $24.95 a bottle, nothing too fancy. I had just finished raking leaves off the lawn, golden tapestry sure to return the next day, but this is what you do in suburbia. A black jeep pulled into the driveway. A man in a dark suit climbed out, tripping over the brightly coloured trike he had just run over. He really should have seen it, I mean it's bright yellow, come on man. He righted himself, brushing imaginary leaves off his coat. I knew they couldn't be there, I had just raked them after all, so what was he brushing off? It's a question I took to my grave.

 

He tripped over again, this time on the small child who had been stealing my trikey. He swore, loudly, which seemed innapropriate with all the children around. Well really just the one child all around, but still. He stood again, this time not brushing. Perhaps he had noticed my exceptional noticing skills, like that time I noticed him brushing off imaginary golden leaves and then not brushing them off for a second time. Yeah. I'm just that sharp.

 

Eventually he made his way to me, dark aviator sunglasses giving away his profession. It didn't make sense, though. What was a pilot doing driving a jeep? Questions were starting to pile up. I raked them into a neat bundle and compared it to the size of the leaf pile; it was about 1:3. Before the day was done though, I knew it would likely be larger. Maybe not as large as the leaves, but still. Questions take up significantly less space than a dried maple leaf, so really the size of the pile was a poor indication. I've never been great at weight vs mass comparisons anyway; when I looked back and counted the questions, there were really not many. Not enough for an episode of Jeopardy. Not even for Wheel of Fortune.

 

Not even enough for Price is Right. I don't even watch game shows, though I get the feeling Price is Right is a perfect vehicle for Drew Carey. Have you seen that guy do stand up? He was killing it in the 90's. If a fat guy like that can get into the Playboy Mansion, it's hope for us all. That's when you know you've made it. If Hugh Hefner knows your name, you're golden. Golden like the leaves I had been raking before the impromptu Snappy Dressed Clown Show I had been witness to. That reminded me, there was a man on my lawn.

 

"I ordered the clowns for Sunday" I said, confident in my rostering ability.

 

He gave me a look that said "I'd sleep with you if you ask, but you look like you're too dangerous to truck with." I shot him one back that whispered "Maybe, Maybe sweet prince. Want to dance?"

 

His eyes looked confused, not knowing if the maybe was toward me being dangerous or open to marital exertions, or perhaps he was simply shocked at the way I raked intangible language concepts into order on my front lawn. I was surprised myself, but I couldn't show him. Or the kid smeared on my driveway for that matter, if he was game for stealing an adults trike, he would totally steal advanced hyperdimensional sorting routines. Bastard.

 

By this time it had gotten dark. The pilot had shown remarkable patience with me, as it turns out time had continued to flow whilst I eyed the fresh corpse mucking up my land value. I counted it as a victory, my questions remained unpoached, much like tomorrows eggs were currently. He cleared his throat. The pilot, not the dead kid. The zombies came later.

 

"Can I help you?" I asked, dropping it on top of the pile.

 

"Ashaman DeRouge?" he responded. I nodded. This day had been coming for a while.

 

"You'll have to come with me" he said, still not removing his glasses despite me jabbing violently at his eyes. His story checked out, pilots never let you see thier cold, dead eyes. Something to do with what they saw, above. I think it's a type of noughat. Pistachio, with wild cherry. The world isn't ready for that.

 

I took a seat in the jeep, only to be told to move to the back as I wasn't in any state to drive. I replied that my license was international, it didn't matter where I was. His look said to me "I know your game, buddy, I've been playing Jenga for decades." I guessed we must have been heading into non-jurisdicional territories, but that didn't make sense, as no license would be required there either. I moved anyway, contining to throw surprise jab's at the mans face. He seemed annoyed, insofar as he then broke my arm. Not physically, more in the way that hearts are broken. Like in the card game. Cluedo.

 

I ran inside to get a nap-sack for all the questions that were now crumbing-up the back seat of the jeep. I wanted to give it a quick vacuum, but particles kept rushing back in to fill the space. Eventually I was handcuffed, and restrained.

 

I payed the nice lady and thanked Coco for her time, asking her to leave the key so the pilot could unlock me from the bed. I don't know how I had talked him into visiting the Bunny Ranch, but I was glad I did. I had decided that enough stalling had been done, so as he uncuffed me I went for the man's weak spot: The bottle of gin stashed in his breast pocket. I grabbed the bottle, and smashed it over his head, which seemed a waste. I opened the minibar and grabbed the vermouth, smashing that over his head also. Straining the matress, I found a few olives somehow, and frisked the man for the keys to the jeep before transfering my matre-tini into a travel mug. The taste of desperation and self loathing set off the flavours quite well, and from that day on my Martini orders have been quite complicated. I almost never go to Denny's because of this. That and the fact that Denny's is worse than Appleby's.

 

Swinging the keys around on my finger I knew I had to leave the unconcious man with a witty remark, the likes of which would satisfy any observer, or future hearer of the biography of the night. Turning, I took a sip, and spake:

 

"Jenga? I've got a date with the devil, buddy, and we roll the devil-dice of Boggle." I knew it didn't make sense, but the Matre-tini didn't care. The Matre-tini just unlocked the jeep and drove off, blasting Final Countdown into the cold desert night.

 

The next morning, I arrived home, leaves scattered once again over the lawn. Racoons had gnawed chunks of the corpse from the body, in fitting with the aesthetic first deployed by the fallen foilage. I thanked Racoons, and he returned next door after taking his bins out. I wondered if he'd ever get that prehensile tail removed. But I didn't care, I finally had my jeep.

 

My very own jeep. Awesome.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So that should answer that.

[Moon Sedai]

As I never knew you under the previous incarnation, I would have never picked it up.

 

Nice to be in on the joke.

[Alaksuleiel]

nuffnuff lol

[cosmicpanda]

so can we still call you DeRouge?

[Alaksuleiel]

Nuffnuff sounds better

[Magnetic Zero]

I thought something was off around here, people seemed a bit overly enthusiastic about a mere newbie.

 

Welcome back, but seriously why bother changing your name, just because Rox did it doesn't make it cool.

 

Ouch, Eli. That hurts. :-p

 

To be fair, I only changed my name 'cause I had no choice.

 

Also, yes. It does make it cool.

[ineedfourberfs]

berf, berfs, Asha, DeRouge, D...

 

I will accept none of them.

 

Do better!

[Moon Sedai]

berf, berfs, Asha, DeRouge, D...

 

I will accept none of them.

 

Do better!

 

 

Deberfs?

[Naeann]

berfsha de -nods-

[Haxorsist]

I don't care about y'all, but I'm calling him Bieber.