That Secret Idea You Have That You Really Want To Happen, But Won't

[neugebms]

We find out that Colonel Mustard killed Asmodean with the wrench...

[Dalven]

We find out that Colonel Mustard killed Asmodean with the wrench...

So it wasn't the Pantry he walked into! The billiard room perhaps?

[FarShainMael]

On his way to the pantry!  ;)

 

[Morsker]

I did two already, so this is #3.

 

3. A Taimandred PoV on a mirror world where Taimandred is real. I'm not sure I'd enjoy reading this in the books as it would be extremely weird, but the reaction on forums would be hilarious. And of course Taimandred would admit to killing Asmodean.

[Hadilmir]

I want aMoL to end with one of the Maiden's suddenly laughing and then smacking Rand (if he's alive) on the shoulder saying "I get it now, he didn't take his hand on the way down..."

 

or something like that.

Win x3 (Well, maybe just x2)

 

 

ToM prologue:

Forsaken Coffee Hour: 2:13a.m.

 

• Demandred: Hey guys, sorry I'm late.
  
• Graendal: No problem, we haven't discussed anything important yet.
  
• Demandred: Unholy cow! You're still alive?
  
• Graendal: Why wouldn't I be?
  
• Demandred: I saw Al'Thor balefire your entire fortress a few hours ago...?
  
• Graendal: He did what!?! Wait, you've been disguised as Min this whole time? Eww...
  
• Demandred: What? No, I was pretending to be Shaidar Haran, but after Semirhage died I hid Min in your fortress and took her place.
  
• Mesaana: Ohh hi guys, what'd I miss?
  
• Moridin: Demandred is gay and Graendal is homeless.
  
• Demandred & Graendal: Am not.
  
• Taim: You really screwed that one up Demandred, congrats on being the first gay male in the series.
  
• Demandred: Who invited you anyway?
  
• Mat: I think I'm going to leave now, none of you look like Moiraine and this definitely isn't the Tower of Ghenjei. I'm with Moridin on this one though, that's pretty homo, Demandred.
  
• Moridin: For that you can live a few more hours.
  
• Mat: No, I'll be living a few more hours because that weave you just tried didn't work.
  
• Moridin: Son of a-
  
• Narg: I kill Asmodean!
  
• Rand: Narg, didn't I kill you a long time ago? You couldn't have killed him.
  
• Narg: Nuh-uh, Narg smart, Narg-
  
• Moridin: Fine, everyone just walk right in, I don't care. This isn't a private coffee hour or anything.
  
• Moiraine: Mat, you were supposed to take the door on the left. Thom and I have been waiting for hours. Hi Rand, long time no see.
  
• Moridin: I quit.
  

[water_seeker]

Nice hadilmir! :D

[Dreamwalker]

Hadilmir, that's officially one of my favorite posts.  :D

[Mystica]

ROFLMAO! fabulous Hadilmir!

[Teenage_Kicks]

Just an idea that i like.....

 

Showdown between Gawyn and Rand....

 

Gawyn... "Al'Thor!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, It's time to pay for killing my mother"

Elayne & Egwene.. "Gawyn, No!"

Rand.... *Sighs*... turns to face Gawyn "Light, I did not kill your Mother... How many times do you need to be told"

Gawyn... *Unsheathes his sword* "Enough!... I know it was you who killed her"

Rand.... "Blood and Bloo..."

Mat steps infront of Rand, faces Gawyn, Ashandarei in hand -

Mat..... "Before you get to the Dragon Bloody Reborn, Do you want a chance to win back the coin you lost to me?"

Gawyn... "Out of my way Cauthon... This has....."

Mat interupts Gawyn spining the Ashandarei aound himself, ending with the point of the Ashandarei pointed directly at Gawyn's heart.

Rand.... "Mat no!, i do not want him dead"

Gawyn... "I don't want to kill you Cauthon, move out of my way... NOW!"

Mat smiles,

Mat..... "Don't worry rand, i'll not kill Little miss pretty's brother.... I'm just going to teach him some manners"

*Elayne's, Nyneave's and Egwene's Eyebrows raise sharply, looking wide eyed at mat*

Gawyn... "If that is what you want Cauthon" Shakes his head "Lets finish this"

Mat..... "Bring it"'

 

Cue fight scene...... Faints, strikes parries.... etc... Gawyn flows through the forms, Matched with skill by mat.... Until Gawyn swings a killing blow towards Mats neck... Mat swings the Ashandarei razor sharp, power wrought blade against Gawyns sword, shattering the sword into pieces, Gawyns eyes widen as mat spins his body and sweeps the Ashandarei in a wide circle , stopping a hand away from Gawyn's neck......

 

The doors suddenly open at the end of the chamber, as Perrin, Faile, Galad and Morgase enter.....

 

Morgase.. "Take that away from my sons neck" says calmly

 

Gasps from Mat, Rand, Gawyn, Elayne, Nyneave, Egwene

 

Gawyn & Elayne "Mother!"

 

 

Not very good i know, but if it was better written i'd quite like it  :)

 

 

[Dalven]

Just an idea that i like.....

Showdown between Gawyn and Rand....

 

Similar to what I said a few pages back, but in mine Rand kills Gawyn as Morgase enters. Yours is more Jordanesque, mine is more I want Gawyn to die-esque.

[Teenage_Kicks]

Just an idea that i like.....

Showdown between Gawyn and Rand....

 

Similar to what I said a few pages back, but in mine Rand kills Gawyn as Morgase enters. Yours is more Jordanesque, mine is more I want Gawyn to die-esque.

 

To be honest, i think he will die, either prodecting Egween or Elayne (i Hope, i hope, i hope  :) )

[OptimusPrime]

Rand: Wait Moridin, you can't quit!

 

Moridin: What?!?!

 

Rand: You have to carry on!

 

Moridin: But I dont wana! *starts crying*

 

Rand: What do you mean? Don't you want to be evil anymore?

 

Moridin: No! *pouts*

 

Rand: Why?

 

Moridin: Because all I want to do is have fun and people are mean to me for it. *bottom lip starts wobbling*

 

Rand: Look, since I started acting like you, Ive been thinking. When I said the Dark One could be killed, you were right. I was being stupid. What if the Pattern exists only to hold him prisoner? If that were so, then killing him would rid the world of its purpose.

 

Moridin: *sniff* You mean- *sniff* that I- * sniff* that I can still be evil? *sniff*

 

Rand: Yea. This world is a boardgame between the Creator and the Dark One, and just as I am the Creators piece, you can keep being the Dark Ones piece. So yes, you can still be evil.

 

Moridin: Awesooooome! You're the best, Rand! Can I play with that Seal? Pleeeeaaaase???

[FarShainMael]

This is getting too silly, stop it now, or I'll call in the Spanish Inquisition...

 

(actually it's all quite hilarious, keep 'em coming!!)

 

[Owayn The Traveller]

A Game of Scrabble

 

GLotD - Aginor, I grow tired of watching you decompose whilst taking your turn. Making the Great Lord wait is not the way to Naeblis.

 

Aginor - I just don’t have any good letters Great Lord, just vowels. Im not a scrabble player, I’m a scientist.

 

Sammael - Yes you truly are incompentant at Scrabble Aginor. Why don’t you just go back to your lab and take your little words with you. I find destroying you in Scrabble gives me little joy. Give me some competition. Alas not even the Lews Therin could defeat me in Scrabble.

 

Demandred - They might be small words, more suited to someone else, but they freqeuntly score more than yours Sam. At least he doesn’t keep skipping his turn in hope of playing a killer word. You always were too flash for your own good.

 

Sammael - Well if it wasn’t for you using the bonus tiles off of my words, you wouldn’t me doing much better! Anyways at least I’m not making words that no one else can create off of, I‘m making words that spread out the board. Your word blocking the whole board! He’s word blocking the whole board Great Lord.

 

GLotD -  Stop tattle telling Sammael and stop provoking him Demandred. You know what he’s like and I’d rather not have a headache, I’m trying to relax and take a break from the whole Rand Al’Thor thing. If I wanted to be stressed out I’d tell Moridin to come back from holidays.

 

Demandred wondered not for the first time how much the great lord knew of the world. The constant mis spelling and failure to place the tiles on the board or their connection to other words gave him a sense of discomfort when he thought of their work agaisnt the light being organised by the Great Lord. Also where was Moridin, he was half mad before his resurrection and since he’s been totally looney. ‘Kill Al’Thor’, ‘No don’t kill him’, ‘I want what he has’ and ‘I’ll deal with Al’Thor’. And when will he stop wearing that stop Taim disguise!

 

Aginor - Ah ha! I can make scrabble and use all my letters. Thanks to Sammael last word and also it hit’s a triple word score. That’s the game! Thanks Sammael, if it wasn’t for your spade work I wouldn’t win. Or I mean, is that okay?

 

Sammael - This is a stupid game anyway and I wasn’t even trying.  Besides that wrng anyway you can’t use the word Scrabble in Scrabble. I’m not playing if you don’t take up that word.

 

GLotD - Demandred would you be Naeblis? Will you unleash the balefire in my service?

 

Demandred - Ah…. Okay yes. Yes I will Great Lord.

 

GLotD - Get rid of that word. Oh and Sammael.

 

Sammael - Yes Great Lord?

 

GLotD - Shut up you little midge of a man and get rid of that ridulous scar! By the way I win, now bugger off the lot of you!

 

The guys all leave.

 

GLotD - Doris can you get Lord Foul on the blower for me, I need a bit of a laugh.

 

Spanish Inquisition - No body expects teh Spanish Inquisition!

 

Glotd - Hey Palin push off your in the wrong bit. No one mentions ya here. Go one comment up. And surely she ment the sketch police guys.

 

Gramhan Chapman - Alrite this has gone too far. It started off with a nice game of scarbble between the great lord of the dark and his minions. Then he started to call a guy from another completely different story and I sure as heck didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition to show up.

 

Michael Palin - Ah Ha! No body expects

 

Gramhan Chapman - Now now enough of that. I'm going to have to close the comment down, its gone too silly. It wasn't even very funny to begin with. Next thing  we know there's going to be a guy with three buttocks or someone with a theory a dinosaur.

 

John Cleese- Hello. I would like to purchase a license for my fish, I mean Trolloc.

 

Narg -  Narg no need license.

 

Another John Cleese - I want to return this Parrot.

 

GLotD - Oh you'll wanna go down to the shop in Camelyn. They deal with parrot returns. I do have this lovely snail though. Goes a treat.

 

Palin -  Hey thats my bit.

 

Magneto - Hey are you nearly finished that game of scrabble Shaitan. I wanna go see Sex and the City 2. The cinema going to be packed and I wanna get there early.

 

Narg -  Narg will go. Narg like cinema.

 

Another John Cleese - Does it talk?

 

Rand - I'm here to make sure you never bother us again. Me and my new best friend Roland.

 

Roland - This isn't the Tower Al'Thor.

 

Eric Cantona - Shut up the world cup final is starting.

 

Everyone - Oh cool.

 

John Cleese - look here I wanna buy a license for my Trolloc named Eric.

 

Narg - Narg is Narg. Narg is no Eric.

 

Eric the Viking -  Hey someone call me?

 

Doris - Lord Foul on the blower for you Great Lord.

 

Chapman - Alrite thats it. Comment over. Move along nothing to see here.

 

Rand - But I'm here to stop the great Lord I got my shovel and all.

 

Another nother John Cleese - And now for something completely different.

 

The writer of this comment would like to aplogise for the over use of Monty Python material and any inaccuries in said material. And also for the comments lack of any jokes or humour.

 

Dear BBC, I would like to complain about the last comment. There was very little mention of scrabble and it featured very little if next to none of Rand Al'Thor and his lovely calf muscles.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[lordofsoup]

everyone loves Monty Python. 

 

COME BACK HERE AND I'LL BITE OFF YOUR LEGS!!!!!!!!!!!

[FarShainMael]

You hold him down, I'll get his coat!!

 

:D    :D    :D    :D

 

Oh, and there's some chap called Smirkenorff here who says he'd like to meet this Dragon of yours..

 

[Luckers]

Lol.

 

The Dark One dies screaming.

 

Verin: I have won again. Dumbass.

[papertiger]

Someone figures out how to use gateways to vacuum stuff into space. Many Trollocs and a few Dreadlords perish.

[Owayn The Traveller]

Rand Versus the Black Knight

 

Black Knight - Ah my arm * swipe*

 

Rand - My hand *swipe*

 

Black Knight - Ah this is getting ridiculous * kicks out*

 

Rand - Argh! You've kick my other arm off matey.

 

Jaimie Lannister - Ah ha! Now I can win Al'Thor.

 

Rand - Bugger off Kingslayer! And by the way kingslayer is a poor mans Kinslayer.

 

Jaime - Always with the Kingslayer! Know you die.

 

Six Fingered Man - Not so fast. *swipe*

 

Jaime - My other hand you fiend.

 

The guy from princess bride who is after the six fingered man whose name I forgot - My name is (insert name here). You killed my father, now prepare to die.

 

Six fingered man buggers off ,with the guy who is after him after him, followed Jaimie.

 

Black Knight - Come back here and I'll bite your legs off. * hops? after them*

 

Flicker

 

I win again.

 

Rand - What?

 

I win again!

 

Rand - Win what? You are you?

 

Big foot squishes Rand, the end of the age known as the fourth to some.

[Owayn The Traveller]

Aginor buys some moisturiser

 

Aginor - My face is all cracked and peeling. Any chance you have some cream to help it out?

 

Salesperson - Ah... You could tr a face mask.

 

Aginor - Like a facial?

 

Salesperson - No more like what your friend has there.

 

Balthamel - *muffled mumbling*

 

Aginor - Do you have anything for athlete's foot?

 

Salesperson - Yes try aisle six.

 

Aginor - Thanks.

 

Salesperson - Next please?

 

Twoflower - Can I get these photographs developed please?

[lordofsoup]

this thread has gone down the tubes very fast.  I suggest we change the name almighty board moderator.

 

Inigo Montoya thats the guy

[FarShainMael]

The Ogier find the Song...

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Loial:  "I'm a lumberjack, and I'm okay. I sleep all night and I work all day."

 

Elder Haman, Covril, and Erith: "He's a lumberjack, and he's okay. He sleeps all night and he works all day."

 

 

 

 

.....I think I'll stop right there..

 

[Mystica]

what I really, really, REALLY would like to see (but it won't happen) is Nynaeve and all the Aes Sedai being forced into apprenticeship with the Wise Ones after their test for the Shawl. Earning a new name, Jenn Aes Sedai. *nodnods* Currently only Egwene is a Jenn Aes Sedai.

[farthammer]

would enjoy seeing someone figure out how to mimic the mark the DO gives forsaken, with which they can order fades and trollocs around.  only to hijack them and watch the shadow war with itself for a while.

[Morsker]

would enjoy seeing someone figure out how to mimic the mark the DO gives forsaken, with which they can order fades and trollocs around.  only to hijack them and watch the shadow war with itself for a while.

 

Genius! They could just Compel a real Forsaken to do it though. They might still be bound by some kind of oaths, but you could just lie to them and tell them the orders are in the Dark One's interest, and they'd do it.