Ugh...Vol 2.

[Far Dareis Mai]

So this story takes place yesterday, during the time I was very happily staring at my computer screen, laughing at Cadsuane for completely buying into the April Fool's prank. My husband was home "sick" and upstairs "listening" for Norah to wake up from her nap (that means he was on his computer playing a video game when he should have been working from home). Anywho, I was down in my freaky basement that I hate, on an 8 year old Dell that is slow as something really slow, because my wonderful laptop wheezed its last wheeze a couple weeks ago.

 

Backstory time: So my daughter is past three. She's fully capable, knowledgeable, and unwilling to use the potty. We've been actively potty training her for about 2 to 3 months, giving it a break now and then when she acts like she's going to lose it (because apparently you can really screw kids up if you rush the potty thing..) If we keep on top of it, and set a timer for every 35-45 minutes, we can usually go nearly an entire day with no accidents. But this of course doesn't count the big dirty bowel movements. You see, my daughter is terrified to "let it go" on a potty. In an ongoing struggle, I can't count how many rounds we've gone with her, pleading, begging, bribing, and straight up telling her that she IS going to do that business on her potty from now on (fyi--it doesn't really work, those books lie). Such are my struggles every day...

 

Okay, back to yesterday. So I'm down here (basement), and I'm laughing (at Cadsuane), and all of a sudden I smell something that makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. I glance up, my eyes scanning the rec room, unable to find a source for such a smell (the kids weren't down here, I was alone). My heart stopped briefly while I ran into the laundry room, fearing that the sewer line backed up into the house again (tree roots ruin my life every couple of years), but because God mostly loves me, the floor was dry. So I'm stumped. But then I hear a grunt. {Aside: Grunts indicate pushing, which is usually a rather unpleasant indicator your daughter is about to do something rather stinky and unpleasant} I follow the noise to the stairs, and sure enough, there is my daughter, bent over the stairs like she's in labor, wrecking my day (not really, but drama keeps you hooked). I run up the stairs startling her, and tell her to go into the bathroom and do that on the potty, like a big girl. She tells me that she isn't a big girl, she's a baby and she DOESN'T WANNA GO ON THE POTTY (only it sounded more like, "an' I don' wawnna go ohn thah pawtty!"). Right. So, I tell her to go up there anyway, and don't do anything but wait for me while I get a washcloth from the bathroom to clean her up. For some weird reason she translates washcloth to mean 'we're going to play in water', but whatever works.

 

So I head upstairs to the second floor, and grab a towel and washcloth from the closet, and I get sidetracked because while I'm up there my youngest daughter decides that she wants to get up (of course), and since I'm already up there I may as well pick her up and bring her downstairs. So I get her up, change her, tell my husband he should be doing this, and realize that I left the washcloth and towel upstairs. So I run back up there, get the goods and make my way into the bathroom on the main floor. As I approach the bathroom, an odd sense of foreboding hits me, as I can smell the stink from the hallway. And the bathroom door is closed (for those of you with no child experience: closed bathroom door + toddler = VERY VERY BAD). I take a minute, knowing that whatever is on the other side of that door isn't going to be pretty, and I'm probably going to be really upset, but I won't lose my cool because it's involving potty training and I don't want to screw her up forever. Opening the door..what do you think I found?

 

Yeah. Lots and lots of crap. Everywhere. In the bathroom. She drew the letters "H" "A" "O" "P" "J" "L" and about 4 "E's" (E's are her favorite--don't know why) on the toilet seat. There were handprints on the walls. Diaper was lost again (Still haven't located it--I even set my dogs loose to find it and they haven't tracked it down yet). All over her body, in her hair...you know the story, I've told it before.

 

I'm really, really upset. This is getting old, and a little freaky. And I think the worst part about it, is that she isn't phased at all by the smell. It totally doesn't bother her that she's playing in a giant pile of her own crap (or any crap, for that matter). So I glance at her face, and something isn't right. She's got two black eyes and purplish bruises on her cheeks. Now I'm really really really mad. She got into my make up, and destroyed it (destroyed = poo in it).

 

Long gory story short, I silently clean her up, throw out my make up, yell at my husband (someone was gonna get it, may as well have been him), and I sit her down and try to explain to her why it is NOT okay to play in her caa caa poo, and why she isn't allowed to touch mama's make up, and why it is so important that she go poo poo in the potty.

 

I don't think she heard anything I said, though.  :-\

[ChronoCrosS]

I don't whether to console or laugh at you.

[Dunbar]

Babies are awesome >.<

[Azshaya]

Although I have 0 experience in such areas you have no idea how much I pity you...

*hands Far a cookie*

[Edielin]

...Oh dear.

[Haxorsist]

The Cads references made laugh. (Well, so did the poo stuff, but I thought it would be mean to go on about it.)

[Twitchy]

This reminds me of Dumb and Dumber: When Harry met Llyod.

 

[Jelly]

Poor Far...*Hugs*

[mcs0083]

I concur Jelly

I had to go through a similar ordeal Far, so I feel you. Had to babysit my little cousin a few months back. I was all alone. I almost cried.

[Alaksuleiel]

I have nothing but sympathy for you, and I am touching wood that Sephie and Evelyn don't start doing things like that. Sephie did it once, at about 18 months old, in her cot. not since though.

By the way I'm keeping the post in my emails to send you in a few years so you can torture her ;)

[cosmicpanda]

Poor Far.

 

As one with no baby experience I dread even the idea of changing nappies, which sounds a bit tame compared to this.

 

At least it'll be a great story to tell at her 21st.  :o

[JenLenaMom]

Far, I had to come sympathize with you even though I'm not a member of this Org (you guys scare me a bit)<.< >.> I have been around the potty training block twice, you will survive but probably not before you start wishing it was acceptable to send your child to kindergarten in diapers. Oh and you're right those books do lie ;) if you want some REAL advice from a mom who's survived you can always PM me :)

[eclipse0]

I don't understand what's the big deal, Mr. Hanky approves of these stories!

 

[mcs0083]

Well he is made of shite ::)