You might be addicted to WoT if…

[goldeneys]

A bit long, you don't have to read all of it.

 

...you accuse that Tolkien guy of ripping off The Eye of the World.

 

...you ever think with the hair on your chest. (males only)

 

...you have a "Whitecloaks Suck!" bumper sticker on your car.

 

...your Web server's name is "saidin." (that’s me -wotmania)

 

...you have ever said "Blood and bloody ashes!"

 

...while checking in at the Motel 6 you offer to juggle and play a flute in the bar in return for a room and some food.

 

...you refer to chopsticks as "sursa" or coffee as "kaf."

 

...you have ever "sniffed." (females only)

 

...your laptop's name is "gholam." (that’s me, too -wotmania)

 

...you have ever tried to channel the One Power.

 

...you have ever commented that someone has "well turned calves."

 

...you have named your "sword that is not a sword" Callandor.

 

...you get a dog and name it Hopper.

 

...you dream that you are in Tel’aran’rhiod.

 

...the worst insult you can think of to call someone is a goat-kissing Trolloc.

 

...you have ever said "The Wheel weaves as the Wheel wills..." to a friend who was complaining.

 

...you call your chair the Amyrlin Seat.

 

...you call your posterior the Amyrlin Seat.

 

...you have ever played Snakes and Foxes.

 

...you walk into the local bookstore and are told immediately upon entering, "No, it’s not here yet."

 

...you have ever called someone a "woolhead."

 

...you have ever scratched the Dragon’s Fang into a neighbor’s door.

 

...you would do better on a geographic pop quiz of Randland than your home country.

 

... you get angry when people don't understand your obscure WoT references.

 

...you maintain a huge website related to WoT. (guess who I’m talking about here)

 

...you wonder if Pokemon can channel.

 

...you talk to wolves in the zoo and expect them to answer you.

 

...the wolves do answer you.

 

...your significant other had their name legally changed to a WoT name so they can finally get a little attention.

 

...you have taken the Three Oaths.

 

...you claim to speak two languages - the other being the Old Tongue.

 

...you blow every horn you can find, hoping one will be the Horn of Valere.

 

...you have Robert Jordan’s DNA and a cloning machine, just in case.

 

...you refuse to stay at a hotel if the manager is skinny.

 

...you were amazed at how busy the Illuminators must have been last New Year.

 

...you keep an axe and a hammer under your bed and wake up every morning wondering which you should choose.

 

...you have reserved space in your bookcase for eight or nine more WoT books, just to be sure you have left enough room.

 

...you refer to police officers as thiefcatchers.

 

...you quote WoT in everyday conversation.

 

...you dream of being tied to the Wheel, to be spun out time and time again.

 

...you refer to your in-laws as "the Forsaken."

 

...you can quote page numbers for your favorite WoT theories without opening the books.

 

...you post so often on the wotmania message board that your friends and family have to respond to your messages to get your attention.

 

...your last history term paper mentioned the Age of Legends.

 

...the last time you felt your skin tingle, you looked around to see who was channeling.

 

...you blame your teenage son for natural disasters because you believe that he can channel.

 

...you have an old kitchen knife you claim came from Shadar Logoth.

 

...you quit school to go train at Tar Valon. (females only)

 

...you frequently call the Pentagon to warn about impending Seanchan invasions.

 

...while most people report sightings of Elvis, you could have sworn you saw Artur Hawkwing at K-Mart last night.

 

...you refer to nonsense as "Coplin talk."

 

...you choose to sheath the sword upon learning of a pop quiz in your calculus class.

 

...you make sure your will is in order every night before going to sleep, just in case.

 

...your car is named "Bela."

 

...when reading Shakespeare's "Julius Caesar" you cannot help but wonder if "Let Slip the Dogs of War" is referring to the Wild Hunt.

 

...you enter a Ter'angreal into the Science Fair.

 

...you refer to your professors as "The Forsaken."

 

...you refuse to speak the name of the Dean, believing that it will call down great evil upon you.

 

...you scrawled the Dragon's Fang on the door to the cafeteria.

 

...you dream of a man with fire for eyes and wake up with strange marks on your body.

 

...you spend hours at music stores, not sure which song you are trying to find.

 

...YOU TRY TO TALK IN ALL CAPITALS.

 

...you think the girl/guy you sit next to in history class is Lanfear/Rahvin. (hubba hubba)

 

...you pledge a sorrority, and pretend you're a novice.

 

...you speak to your friends in the Old Tongue when you don't want anyone else to know what you're saying.

 

...you strongly consider naming your first born son Rand.

 

...you start howling at the moon and telling anyone who inquires that you are a "wolfbrother/sister".

 

...the words figs and mice come up when you are trying to threaten someone.

 

...you sit around and think about what Ajah all your friends would be.

 

...you do stuff that scares you on purpose "in case I'm ever tested for Accepted".

 

...you call your rifle a shock lance.

 

...you concentrate on everything when you enter a room to make sure there are no gray men.

 

...you mumble "Bloody Daes Dae'mar" during every political event on television.

 

...you are intent on naming at least one of your children after a book character.

 

...your drunk buddy says "Come on, I'll drive," and the FLAMING DICE START SPINNING IN YOUR HEAD!

 

...at night you tell your friends the story of the destruction of Manetheren.

 

...you refuse to buy a new dresser because you can't find one made of sung wood.

 

...you measure things in hides.

 

...you secretly practice the sword forms "even though you don't know what they look like" with a broomstick.

 

...Arthur Hawking appears on PBS, and you start yelling, 'The Return is coming! The Return is coming!"

 

...on questionnaires, when asked for your age, you give the date you got your sword.

 

...you order a double oosquai on the rocks at the local bar.

 

...you ask your wife or girlfriend if she would like to have a sister-wife. (be careful with this one)

 

...Pizza Hut has to continually remind you that they do not offer ice peppers as a topping.

 

...you kill every rat and raven you see because you don't want the Dark One to know you're walking in the park.

 

...you get in a bar fight and attempt to perform "Heron Wades in the Rushes" with a pool cue.

 

...you are still looking on Amazon.com for a copy of The Travels of Jain Farstrider.

 

... you ever concentrated on the flame and the void when throwing darts.

 

...you refer to your campus as Shadar Logoth.

 

...when on a date the phrase "nine horse hitch" comes up.

 

...you do research projects for history on "The Rise and Fall of the Ten Nations."

 

...you are annoyed there is no Old Tongue foreign language class at your school.

 

Added since 9/26/01.

 

...Robert Jordan has a 100 mile restraining order on you.

 

...and it still doesn't keep you away from him.

 

...your definition of a Schizophrenic is someone who says they hate The Wheel of Time.

 

...you swear your dog smells like sulphur.

 

...you try to buy "Taint" from a drug dealer.

 

...you're still tripping from it.

 

...you carry around an extendo-sword and hit people at the swimming pool with it, telling them to "Flaming Stay away from the Eye of the World."

 

...you've ever tried meeting fellow WoT readers in Tel'aran'rhiod.

 

...you tug your braid in frustration. (females and secure men only)

 

...you veil your face when your in-laws visit.

 

...you've ever played "Maiden's Kiss." (Give me a call.-Arok Manok)

 

...you yell "Carai an Caldazar! Carai al Ellisande! Al Ellisande!" before finals.

 

...you have nightmares about being caught by Moghedien.

 

...you tie a black scarf around the neck of your own 'duckling.

 

...you call light bulbs "glo-bulbs."

 

...you've ever screamed "I am no Aes Sedai meat!" at the doctor's office.

 

...you have dreams about people you know swimming in the Waterwood.

 

...you've made your own Crown of Swords out of tinfoil and toothpicks.

 

...you look suspiciously at face cards, hoping they won't attack you.

 

...you insist on having lights everywhere to keep out Myrddraal.

 

...you have your own gleeman's cloak. (and several other cloaks with holes in them.--Arok Manok)

 

...you've paid a gold mark for your own "Crocodile Dundee" hat from a trader.

 

...you cruise antique stores, looking for angreal and sa'angreal.

 

...you wear a foxhead medallion to the principal's office.

 

...your contacts are golden yellow.

 

...you have ever, ever used a fish or boat analogy.

 

...you believe Tupperware is the cuendillar of this Age (after all, stuck food only makes it stronger).

 

...you turn down dates by saying you have a private war against the Shadow.

 

...you call your mother a Questioner.

 

...you hide your children when repairmen or people in loud clothes come to visit.

 

...your pottery teacher gets suspicious when all you make are these seven disks, and then break them, one by one.

 

...you weep openly when you see a logging truck. (or you could be Al Gore.--Arok Manok)

 

...you rent a sweat tent for your next party.

 

...you've ever quoted Lini in everyday conversation.

 

...you practice not letting heat touch you. (constantly.--Arok)

 

...When a friend is having trouble doing something, you offer to help her "break her block" through whatever means necessary.

 

Thanks for all of those Arylaina (28 of em!).

 

...you start comparing your past girlfriends to Rand's women. (both looks and attitude)

 

...you exclaim to your date, "You're wearing an Ebu Dari dress!"

 

...you go into the departmennt store and ask for "Stout Two Rivers woolens."

 

...you get mad when you find out Artur Haukwing is not mentioned in you history book.

 

...you start calling nuns Aes Sedai.

 

...you assume the Void before an exam.

 

...you seriously consider tattoing dragons on your arms.

 

...you constantly feel the need to point out clues that present day Earth is one of the ages in Randland; the Mercedes symbol in the Panarch's palace, "Lenn flying to the moon in the belly of an eagle made of fire" being John Glenn's moon trip combined with the popular moon landing phrase "the eagle has landed" or that "Anla the Wise Counselor" is secretly Ann Landers. (somebody's got a bone to pick...--Arok)

 

...you decide to name your daughter Nynaeve (your wife agrees, but only because it sounds prettier than Egwene, Dagdara, or Vandene... your first three choices).

 

...you actually did name a child after a charater in the series.

 

...you wake up thinking "I have to find Rand." (I do!--Arok)

 

...you try to think of ways to force people to read The Wheel of Time. (for they're own good of course.)

 

...on every newsgroup your name ends in Sedai.

 

...you hope that The Lord of Rings movie does well so that they can make The Wheel of Time movies. (is this humorous?) (No.--Arok)

 

...you want to know why on Baby Name data bases under the name Matt is Matrim not listed as an alternate spelling. (and you actually e-mail the editor with that information)

 

The following added on 10/14/01.

 

...you begin to think of everyone around you as merely "useful."

 

...You can't figure out what they're useful for.

 

...you glare at random persons hoping to influence their behavior, and all you get is thumped for your efforts.

 

...you think the guy in the hotel commercial is right: when confronted with an angry bear, you SHOULD box his ears.

 

...you have been thrown out of the zoo for asking the information desk "where the 'boar horses' might be?"

 

...you have ever lectured someone who has offended you about their lack of ji.

 

...your lecture ended in the presentation to the perpetrator of a white robe with "gai'shain" stitched in 6 inch letters on the back and a demand for demureness for a year and a day.

 

...All of your favorite clothes match your ajah.

 

...you HAVE an ajah.

 

...you give all the credit for earning intramural softball MVP honors to your bat that is not a bat.

 

...you convince yourself that you are not committing perjury if the truth you speak isn't necessarily the truth others think they hear.

 

...you get stranded in Bologna, Italy when you refuse to give up looking for the "leaning Tower of Ghenji," even though your tour guide just shakes her head, muttering something about a "woolhead" and "men."(You too?--Arok)

 

...you beg your sister to spend at least ONE day of her vacation in Fin(n)land looking for a stately woman with a regal nature and most likely wearing blue.

 

...you order your subordinates to run 50 laps around the office naked, for their insolent transgressions.

 

...you think that's legal.

 

...you think Compulsion will get you out of the speeding ticket you just got.

 

...you still think that after your first attempt at "Compulsion" got you a ticket instead of the warning you were about to get.

 

...you have been involved in altercations with 2 moms and a babysitter for setting their child "free" from those silver phone-cord leashes.

 

Thanks for all of those, Brother to Battles!

 

...sometimes when you and your friends are hanging out, you try to catch underlying meanings in their words; to see where their loyalties lie.

 

...you call all dogs "wolfbrother".

 

...whenever you see a bee, you yell "Hail! What news from Illian?"

 

...you grow your hair long and tie bells in it. (Men)

 

...Whenever your car enters a tunnel, you tell your dad "We must go through and leave quickly. The Black Wind specifically hunts out Volkswagons in the Ways." (Good one!-Arok)

 

...you see someone with a ying-yang on their clothing, you bend one knee and ask them their Ajah.

 

...you carry a gray shawl around in your pocket; just in case someone gets in an argument.

 

...you have the next three books in the series on hold with an "insider" at your nearest bookstore.

 

...whenever you see a nice-looking guy, you nudge your friend and say "has Galad been reborn already?" (Women)

 

...you repeatedly asked that one circus clown to make you a sword - and only out of one of the clear balloons.

 

...you actually have dreams that you are entering others' dreams. (Did anyone else notice that Freddy Krueger can dreamwalk?-Arok)

 

...you have systematically run through your characteristics and have decided that you could easily be a Hero of the Horn reborn.

 

...you call your family "The Blood".

 

...whenever your parents come home from work, you open the door and ask them "Has the Corenne come then?" When they shake their heads and roll their eyes, you say "Then I will watch; and wait."

 

...when at the hospital, you notice that, strangely, none of the nurses are wearing yellow.

 

...you frequently visit skyscrapers in town, asking to be "tested".

 

...you refuse to go near a microwave, stating that "a ter'angreal is not something to be used idly.â€

 

Thanks for all of those, Ashaman Nash.

 

...you ever find yourself wondering if the new lady on the street is really an Aes Sedai looking for ta’verens to take away?

 

The following added on 11/03/01.

 

...anytime you feel a tingling, you wonder if a woman is channeling nearby, and you wish you had a foxhead medallion

 

...anytime you see a man and a woman together, you immediately associate them as Aes Sedai and Warder.

 

...at the end of a long day, you're ready for a nice sweat bath.

 

...anytime a woman approaches, you fall into defensive mode because you just know she'll try to boss you around.

 

...anytime you offend someone, you tell them that you have toh to them.

 

...you leave the lights on at night so as to keep Myrddraal at bay.

 

...anytime you find a language expert, you wonder if he knows the Old Tongue.

 

...you lay your finger along your nose, along with other mannerisms that I have truthfully never seen anyone do except in WOT.

 

...you experience a drought, you wonder if the seals are weakening.

 

...anytime you get lucky, you expect to hear dice rattling in your head.

 

...anytime women are around you, you try to chase them away so they won't die.

 

...you try to Listen to the Wind.

 

...anytime you see great works of architecture, you wonder if it was Ogier-built.

 

...you try Treesinging on your plants to make them grow.

 

...you panic anytime you see thirteen women and expect to hear Lews Therin in your head.

 

...you judge a girl's beauty by her ankles now, instead of the other areas that you used to notice.

 

...anytime you can't remember something, you wonder if balefire has been used.

 

...anytime a politician rises too fast, you wonder if he or she is one of the Forsaken.

 

...you take expeditions into Canada to find out exactly where Shayol Ghul is. (if you live in the US) (Huh?--Arok)

 

...you bow too much.

 

...when someone deserts the army, you wonder if he is going to join the Shaido.

 

...when someone causes change, you wonder if he's ta'veren.

 

...you hunt the wilderness for stedding.

 

...you begin telling people distances in spans and paces, instead of the measurements we use today.

 

Thanks for all of those, Asmodean15.

 

...you have three goldfish called Mat, Perrin and Rand.

 

...you go to four signing sessions in one week.

 

...everyone in your class knows the Prophecies of the Dragon, without having even read the WoT series.

 

...people in a fantasy & science fiction chatroom warn others about you.

 

...you have joined a Nynaeve fanclub.

 

...all your schoolbooks are covered with quotes from the Wheel of Time.

 

...you're thinking on a way to get rid of your classmate Samuel because you misheard his name.

 

...you marry a man named Aybara and call your son Perrin, without telling your husband about the WoT.

 

...you go to a signing session and the first word Robert Jordan says to anyone is your name.

 

...you have ever been to the Swedish city of Kiruna.

 

The following added on 11/10/01.

 

...you expect to be able to buy ‘any horse in the Two Rivers’ with a silver penny.

 

...you strike out at anyone you didn’t notice at first because you think it’s a gray man.

 

...sometimes it is a gray man.

 

...you rent a ‘fox head’ medallion from the Aelfinn and run screaming into a gymnastics competition screaming “BLOODY GHOLAM!â€

 

...you ruin your mum’s best cutlery smacking it against tree trunks to see if the knifes are power–wrought.

 

...you’re suspicious of anyone knocking on the door in the evening because you’re nearest neighbor lives an hour away by daylight.

 

...you have a small cult in your school that is devoted to the Wheel of Time, and lives by ji’e’toh.

 

...this cult constantly has battles with the Tolkien cult from across the class room (the teacher doesn’t know--shadow spawn can’t see the weaves.)

 

...when any one says magic, you jump up and scream CHANNELING!!!!!!!!

 

...you’ve read Wheel of Time more than 3 times (sad, I know, but I know I have)(Bwah Ha ha! I’ve read it at least five times.--Arok)

 

...you refer to the one who introduced you to the books as the creator.

 

...you refer to the creator as Bela.

 

...so theoretically, you’re calling your mate a horse.

 

...you visit wotmania once a day just because you want to take part in the quick poll. (like you’d make a difference)

 

...you finish each sentence to your elders with ‘Aes Sedai.’

 

...you call that bucket of rainwater at the back of the garden Dumais Wells.

 

...you ask at the toyshop for ‘snakes and foxes.’

 

...you refer to checkers as ‘stones.’

 

...you call spiders ‘the Brotherhood of Moghedian.’

 

...you have tried to construct the horn of Valere from old toilet roll tubes.

 

...you looked what MS Word thought of the word ‘wotmania’ in the spell check.

 

...you try to convince all your classmates that the kid Randy is really the Dragon Reborn and that they should all obey without question.

 

...whenever you hear of an earthquake, you growl "Burn you, Rand," under your breath.

 

...every time you light your pipe, you complain about not having good Two Rivers Tabac.

 

...every time you sit at a busy intersection, you say "time to toss the dice" before cutting off a truck three times bigger than you.

 

...you wonder why your doctor can't Heal you without leaving a scar

 

...you refuse to have mirrors in your room in case you reflection attacks you.

 

...you accuse your Math teacher of being a Darkfriend when he gives a hard test.

 

...you wish you could be Lews Therin just to have Lanfear obsessed with you.

 

...you shake your head ruefully at every Thunder and lightning storm, wondering what trickery the White Tower is up to now.

 

...you wonder how many politicians dance on Tar Valon puppet strings.

 

...you're flunking out of college, and yet whenever you take a WoT quiz, you make a perfect 100.

 

...you blame irrational behavior on "the Taint."

 

...on an average day, more than 75% of your waking thoughts are about WoT.

 

The following added on 11/17/01.

 

...you've ever handed someone a pipe, and told them to swear on it.

 

...you get extremely mad when people ask you "what is that book about?"

 

...you sat there and read an entire page of WoT jokes

 

...you ever fell off of a wall while trying to get a glimpse of the queen

 

...you've ever sworn fealty to anyone or anything

 

...you’ve ever thought that Disney's 'The Word in the Stone' was just a big rip-off

 

...you pick out every little inaccuracy on a WoT book cover

 

...you've ever shot down birds because they might tell the myrddraal.

 

...you refer to Maine as Shienar

 

...in bad weather, you've ever gone searching for the bowl of the winds

 

...you sometimes feel Moridin stroking your soul...

 

...you think you're computer's mouse is some kind of ter'angreal

 

...you ever drew the Great Serpent and the Wheel symbols for an art project

 

...you’ve ever wondered why they don't just nuke Shayol Ghul

 

...you’ve ever thought "what's up the Dark One's ass?"

 

...you've ever referred to any WoT character as 'hot'

 

Thanks for all of those, Soadist.

 

...on Halloween you and your significant other dress up as Warder & Aes Sedai.

 

The following added on 12/09/01.

 

...you find yourself singing, "Trust me said the Aes Sedai, on my shoulders I support the sky..."

 

...you spend more time in Randland than you do in your school/work.

 

...you frequent sites such as wotmania and Dragonmount.

 

...you walk around with a sign reading, "The Last Battle is Coming."

 

...you can tell within a paragraph where each sentence in the WoT Series is located.

 

...you can find nearly every scene of significance within 3 minutes (I'm getting there by the way) (Minutes? Does that include getting the book off of the shelf?--Arok)

 

...you know the characters better than RJ.

 

...on your Geography test you teacher writes a note asking, "Since when was Cairhien the capital of France?"

 

...you find yourself wondering why your stupid Geography teacher doesn't know where, let alone what Cairhien is.

 

...you begin calling every tattletale and goody goody around a Whitecloak.

 

...you refer to the principal's office as the Dome of Truth.

 

...you have your last name changed to Al'Thor, Cauthon, Aybara, al'Vere, Trakand, Damodred, Sanche, etc.

 

Thanks for all of those, Lord Tiger VII!

 

...you've tried lighting your oil lamp by channeling.

 

...you swear an oak tree branch that's been cleaned down to bare wood is the Oath Rod.

 

...you claim that you had your ability burned out, so you can't show any cool tricks.

 

...you've gone to a desert looking for Rhuidean.

 

...you can't wait for the next peddler to come to town.

 

...you want a blacksmith to make all your tools.

 

...you look forward to Bel Tine and Winternight, though you are still wary about Trollocs.

 

...you wear a small gold chain in your hair with a small blue stone (female).

 

...you refer to your cell phone as a ter'angreal.

 

...you've tried to bond a Warder.

 

...you've bonded him and all he gives you is grief.

 

...you've tried on dresses and wondered if Berelain has the same one (female, and VERY secure men).

 

...you wonder if Traveling would be faster than driving.

 

...you have a small carving of a hedgehog that you are waiting to put into your bosses office.

 

...you are used to eating dried meat and cheese while traveling.

 

...you try to decide if hairy men look more like Trollocs or Ogier.

 

Thanks for all of those, Evilan Mercilan!

 

...you hum and thumb your earlobes every time a good-looking girl/guy walks past.

 

...you consider any of the things on this list to be virtues rather than warning signs.

 

...you try to balefire you homework so you could say that you never got any.

 

...you call Mexico the Land of Mad Men.

 

...you go trick or treating in your regular clothes, and when people ask you what you are, you say, "I'm a Darkfriend. But don't say anything. Nobody knows!" Lazy, lazy you.

 

...you insist that you are the Dragon Reborn "That Rand al'Thor's an imposter! Imposter I tell you!"

 

...you insist that you are Bela Reborn.

 

...you wear a shirt that says "I went to Rhuidean and all I got were these lousy tattoos."

 

The following added on 1/5/02.

 

...when shopping for t-shirts you check to see if they're 100% algode

 

...you call the local radio station asking them to play songs such as The Drunken Peddler and Give me Your Trust.

 

...you receive thank you cards after Christmas for the mugs, t-shirts, mouse pads, boxers, and sweatshirts, but wondering what Got WoT? is supposed to mean.

 

...you write TIME magazine demanding to know why Rand al'Thor isn't person of the year.

 

...Robert Jordan has your postal address memorized.

 

...you receive a letter from Robert Jordan weekly saying, "not yet!"

 

...your family knows and understands WoT better than most people who have read the series even though they haven't.

 

...every employee at the big bookstore knows you by name.

 

...every staff member at the library knows you by name.

 

...you ask the store assistant where the ter'angreal department is located.

 

...you have the location of every character's POV's memorized.

 

...instead of “Thank Heavens“, you say, "Thank the Light!"

 

...instead of telling someone to go to Hell, you tell them to go to the Pit of Doom.

 

Thanks for all of those, Lord Tiger VII

 

...you manage to convince yourself that Lews Therin is in your head.

 

...you fall in love with three women and tell them all at the same time.(maybe not a good idea)

 

...you sit by your computer several hours per day, trying to figure out some more jokes.

 

...you believe your granddad is really Aginor (pre-EotW Aginor)

 

...you dream hot dreams about women in WoT (Egwene, Nynaeve, Lini.--Hey, everyone has his own tastes.)

 

...you work regularly on setting up a script for WoT: The Movie.

 

...you consider nail polish a sign of royalty.

 

...you call animals by their Seanchan names. Or vegetables by their Aiel names.

 

....you go to Ebay once a day searching for ter'angreal, sa'angreal, a foxhead medallion, the bowl of the winds, an Oath Rod, the Horn of Valere, or anything else you could use to "fight the Dark One".

 

...you take a vacation to the coast, and spend the whole time staring out over the water, waiting for the return.

 

...you carve “Tia mi aven Moridin isiande vadin†on the inside of your trumpet.

 

...you find it enormously amusing to carve any doorframe you see with three wavy lines or rows of triangles.

 

...your Philosophy professor asks for examples of unconditional kindness and the first thing that comes to your mind is the Cairhien giving the Aiel water.

 

The following added on 1/26/02.

 

...you sew your boyfriend a blouse and cloak, and embroider little dragons, roses and herons all over them.

 

...you wonder why David Copperfield doesn't keep a lower profile.

 

...you steal your little sisters' Barbie dolls in hopes that they are ter'angreal, and are disgusted when they don't seem to work...and not particularly surprised if they do.

 

...you buy one sister a necklace, and the other a matching bracelet, and tell them to have fun!

 

...you get frustrated when you can't find the sheet music for "Jak O' Shadows."--so you try to make some up.

 

..you see nothing odd about offering your mother gifts every time you come to visit. (Lorse yes, m-o-o-n, that spells courtesy. --Arok)

 

...you name small pets (goldfish, miniature lizards, tarantulas, etc) after the Forsaken, and take time every day to laugh at them in their glassy little prisons.

 

...you try Berelain's 'breathing' trick, and it works.

 

...you take having "well turned ankles" as a compliment.

 

...you use this list to ferret out possible mates from those too sadly ignorant to live.

 

...you recite Padan Fain's creepy little poem to anonymous passers-by (Soon comes the day...) ...(Women only)you love to watch your boyfriend and his best friend work out(mine practices the sword forms!)and are considering bonding one or both of them as a Warder... And they wouldn't mind! (Yeah, so maybe this doesn’t describe everyone...--Arok)

 

...you're surprised that there isn't a Nynaeve Brand of Herbal Tea, until you remember that she must be working on those ter'angreal Barbie Dolls with Elayne.

 

...you have a betting pool set up for Book 10--"NO, Thom Merrilin is gonna be her new Warder!"

 

...you are teaching your four-year-old sib how to speak the Old Tongue, and when your mother asks what you're doing now, say "She's just remembering past Ages, Mom! She used to be a mighty General."

 

...you get in trouble at school for once again denouncing your Guidance Counselor as a Darkfriend and trying to haul her off to the Questioners.

 

...to get to sleep, you count dead Maidens rather than sheep.

 

...you insist that every sword-owning friend you have wrap the hilt in red fabric, despite the fact that it's a little late now!

 

...when your boyfriend comes over, you see nothing abnormal with the dragons ballpoint-penned on each wrist.

 

...you convince him to make one of your sibs an ashan'derai for Halloween.

 

Thanks for all of those, Hril.

 

...you walk around in your bathrobe pretending it changes colors.

 

...your password on your computer is a WoT term.

 

The following added on 2/2/02.

 

...you shave half your head demanding the respect due your status.

 

...you refuse passage in your car without the proper gifts.

 

...you look at yourself in the mirror every day for signs of slowing.

 

...you find yourself hating men because saidin is stronger.

 

...you constantly test yourself for the one power by sitting in a room filled with dogs/cats.

 

...you feel oddly empty when you step into certain forests.

 

...you swear you see visions/auras over people's heads that always come true.

 

...you're thankful for that ta'veren swirl whenever things work out well.

 

...you know what happens in New Spring.

 

The following added on 2/9/02.

 

...instead of having a bath, you put up your dad’s old tent, boil the kettle inside it, and sit there naked.

 

...you think www stands for “(the) Wheel Weaves (as the) Wheel Willsâ€.

 

...you look under F in the bookshop for Herid Fel and Jain Farstrider, Travels Of.

 

...the chair nearest to Scifi/Fantasy: J is molded perfectly to your behind.

 

...when someone says “What?†you immediately think of WoT.

 

...you wear desert camouflage and a veil on your face.

 

...when you girlfriend catches you kissing someone else, you cry “Light! Forgive me!†and start calling her Ilyena.

 

...you go to the Halloween party in a black cloak and a mask with no eyeholes.

 

...you start wondering things like, “What happens when two people balefire each other at exactly the same time?â€

 

...you’ve read it!

 

Thanks for all of those, Eyeless Myddraal.

 

...you have made a copy of this entire list and hung it up on your wall, checking things off of it once you have accomplished them.

 

...you see a book called "The power of one" and you think it's an instruction manual for using the one power.

 

...you draw comics with Rand stroking Callandor and whispering "My precious..."

 

The following added on 2/23/02.

 

...when you stand in the middle of a roundabout and you think you're ta'veren.

 

...on a windy day the house/car door is blown out of your hands and you hear yourself say "...strange things can happen this close to the Blight..."

 

...your "posse" looks at you funny when you start calling them The Band of the Red Hand.

 

...while in class you draw seals on seven sheets of paper and rip them slowly in tiny shreds.

 

...you're sent out for cackling madly about it.

 

...before you are given a test you scream to your teacher, "Bring your exams, Aes Sedai. I will dance with them."

 

...you locked yourself in the closet in order to try to break the shield keeping you from reaching saidin.

 

...you've wondered how long you would have to stay under water until your block was broken.

 

...you constantly look for an inn called "easing the badger".

 

The following added on 3/2/02.

 

...you can't have a single phone conversation without mentioning your newest innovative WoT theories.

 

...you have read the entire series more than six times.

 

...you stare over your neighbor's fence for hours trying to communicate

telepathically with their dog. (I did this before I ever read WoT.--Arok)

 

...You spend an hour every morning sheathing and unsheathing your sword...

 

...You have a strange dream that you and Elayne are shopping for an apartment, while Nynaeve tries to brain a friend with a stick... (seriously...)

 

...You heard someone say,"That telephone call was odd", and you immediately thought you heard Tel'aran'rhiod. (Whoa!--Arok)

 

...You have a complete wardrobe of WoT costumes.

 

...You constantly use phrases like 'bloody', 'Light', 'burn me', "Peace favor your sword" etc.

 

...You find yourself musing about Aiel humor during class...

 

...You find yourself trying to decide who is hottest: Min, Elayne, or Aviendha, at the most inopportune times.

 

...You check off the days until Tarmon Gai'don on your calendar.

 

...Family/Friends take your books away and tell you that it is an intervention.

 

...You are convinced that you have Min's viewing capabilities, and so, play

the lottery accordingly.

 

...At night instead of ghost stories, you scare people with the story of

Aridhol.

 

...You put on a Myrddraal outfit to scare a friend, and they actually get

scared, because they KNOW what a Myrddraal is.

 

...You actually have a Myrddraal costume.

 

...You try to prove that sho'wings were made by TWA.

 

...You're convinced that jo'cars were all Fords.

 

...You think Aginor was Ross Perot.

 

...You think Spock was an Ogier.

 

...You find yourself either muttering various parts of the Kareathon Cycle

during the day, or singing "I'm Down at the Botton of the Well" or another

WoT song.

 

...You skip class just to sit in the College library and come up with WoT humor and theories...(sits very still, looking left and right.)

 

...You spend hours trying to figure out just WHAT kind of bird Verin is like.

 

...You breathe, eat, sleep, dream, and talk nothing but WoT.

 

...You have several bumperstickers on your car ranging from, "Elect Al'thor

2001" to "Honk if you love pillowfriends!!!" and "Got WoT?".

 

...You believe that Dick Cheney is really Mordeth/Fain.

 

...You spend your spare time trying to master Daes Daemar.

 

...You are convinced that your Hematite ring necklace is Egwene's dream

ter'angreal.

 

...When someone knocks on your door you ask them what they guard against, and you won't let them in unless they say "the Shadow at noon".

 

...And when they DO come in, they always find you preforming "Heron Wades the Rushes in the middle of your living room floor.

 

...You wear a hadori.

 

...You try do destroy the KKK, because you just KNOW they're really Whitecloaks. (Hey, the Whitecloaks aren’t THAT misguided.--Arok)

 

...At your Aunt's funeral you stand over the casket and mutter, "The last embrace of the Mother welcome you home".

 

...You keep your books locked in a safe in your wall...really.

 

...You think a cattle prod is a shocklance.

 

Thanks for all of those, Crazy ol Lews Therin!

 

...You read another fantasy-series, someone is injured, and you wonder why the hell they don't get an Aes Sedai to Heal.

 

...You try to conjure up a fireball to play with when you're bored.

 

...You start to suspect that people in your surroundings are Black Ajah.

 

...You're previously so rich vocabulary of swearwords now only include "Light", "Burn me/you" and "Blood and [bloody] ashes."

 

...You hide every time you see a raven.

 

...You write your wish list for Santa, and it includes a Serpent ring and a shawl, or a sword and a color-shifting cloak.

 

...You get Yin & Yang-symbols, and paint over the dots.

 

...You make bracelets of yarn in the colors of the 8 Ajahs.

 

...You start to compare WoT to reality.

 

...You get a braid you can pull / a beard your girlfriend can pull when annoyed.

 

...You make all the clothes ever described, even the one Moghedien wore in the Tanchico Panarch's Palace in Tel'aran'rhiod.

 

...You ask the library if they've got a copy of "The Travels of Jain Farstrider."

 

...You can't avoid drawing parallels between Tel'aran'rhiod and lucid dreams/astral body projection/OOBE.

 

...You're watching some TV-show starring Melissa Gilbert, and see a woman with black hair -and a stripe of white- and realize in fear that it must be Rianna Adomeran using a false name.

 

...Someone asks you something and the only thing you reply is that no one knows how the Wheel turns.

 

...You go to an educational adviser and ask how you can become Aes Sedai/Asha'man.

 

...You think "A sword. Maybe I should get meself a sword"... (Methinks we shall.--Arok)

 

...You buy an old rusty sword, repair it, and get a heron engraved on the blade.

 

...You start your own Black/White/Grey Tower.

 

...You can say at least 10 phrases in the Old Tongue.

 

...The librarians know you personally.

 

...You've got your own WoT-site with homemade pictures of the characters.

 

...Your homepage has links to every WoT site there is.

 

...Robert Jordan asks you for inspiration.

 

...You've Bonded at least one Warder to you.

 

...You head off to look for Salidar.

 

...You can also seem untouched by the heat/cold.

 

...Tarmon Gai'don worries you more than anything else.

 

...You expect your mother to correct a red-fringed shawl over her shoulders every time she's mad at you.

 

...Your teachers are all Dreadlords, except the P.E. one --- Nae'blis.

 

...You can explain ji'e'toh like a native Aiel.

 

..."I have toh" is more used than "How can I ever repay you?"

 

...You look with disgust at swords.

 

...it hadn't been for the "Warder-thing" you would've chosen another Ajah.

 

...You frighten your kids with stories about trollocs and myrddraal.

 

...You start to feel stressed out...Tarmon Gai'don is close, after all.

 

...The voice inside your head is starting to take over... more and more...

 

...The library *still* hasn't got a copy of "The Travels of Jain Farstrider."

 

...You make up your own Ajahs when needed.

 

...You take sign language lessons hoping to be able to learn Maiden Handtalk.

 

...You take gai’shain.

 

...You start to compare WoT with Star Wars and/or the Belgariad.

 

...You can dance the sa'sara.

 

...You drink kaf instead of coffee, and ride s'redit instead of elephants. (Ride elephants?--Arok)

 

...Your mint tea is consumed within an unhealthily short period of time.

 

...You've learned "The Color of Trust" by heart.

 

...You start waffling in the Old Tongue when you're really ill.

 

...Paw prints in concrete give you the creeps. (Do anyway. Poor dog. --Arok)

 

...You start to develop theories about the characters and/or plot.

 

...Your computer's "Start Windows"-sound is "The Wheel of Time turns as Ages come and go" (etc.) from the beginning of the books.

 

...You start to believe in the Creator, the Wheel, and the Pattern.

 

...You've noticed the extra person on the EotW cover.

 

...You know what you should do if you see a skinny innkeeper.

 

...No one beats you when it comes to playing dice.

 

...The only things you laugh at are WoT-related jokes.

 

...You run whenever you're going somewhere.

 

...You blame the Whitecloaks for the Inquisition (ca 1200-1700).

 

...You don't trust men in white.

 

...You've ever danced the Sa'sara.

 

...You read the one about asking the library if they've got "the Travels of Jain Farstrider" and decide to do the same sometime.

 

...Your anxiety about Tarmon Gai'don requires an expert psychologist.

 

...Every time it rains you think that the draught finally has let go, thanks to the Bowl of Winds...and then you realize what's real.

 

...You would sell your soul to the Dark One if you could only be at least an extra in a filming of the Books.

 

...You refer to eating sticks as "sursa" and paranoia as "the dreads."

 

...Hotels are for dweebs - inns are what's happening!

 

...You know more about the people in the Books than what you know about your relatives.

 

...You say "the Books" (capital B) instead of "the Wheel of Time-books."

 

...The Sahara desert looks real nice and comfy...

 

...You were thrown out from the concert/opera house after you tried to grab hold of a horn from the orchestra during a concert, while you shouted something about Artur Hawkwing's warriors coming back if someone blew the Horn...and you tried to get the horn player to say whether or not he's a Darkfriend before you let the guards drag you away.

 

...You get something religious in your eyes every time you see a wheel.

 

...Balefire is more effective than A-bombs, which you try to convince the Pentagon about.

 

...You mistrust every woman in a red-fringed shawl.

 

...You wonder what reality's equal to oosquai is - so that you can try it.

 

...You play "Stone, scissors, bag" ("Stone, Knife, Paper") with your friends. (Or Paper, Rock, Scissors...--Arok)

 

...You write to Robert Jordan to ask him to get a move on, since you're waiting impatiently for the next book.

 

..."No one knows how the Wheel turns" is your meditation mantra.

 

...You rather avoid wearing white dresses/clothing...

 

...You'd like to take a look inside the Creator's (Robert Jordan, that is) brain just to see what will happen later on in the series.

 

...You build models of Randland cities in Sim City.

 

...You prefer to go to a Wisdom than a doctor nowadays.

 

...You refer to sandboxes as "the Three-fold Land."

 

...You seriously believe you're the extra person on the EotW cover. (Whoa, forgot about that. And what’s with Moiraine’s hair?--Arok)

 

Thanks for all of those, Zopheya Sedai!

 

The following added on 3/23/02.

 

...you can reel off over 50 character names off the top of your head.

 

...you own a sword and practice swordforms.

 

...you've used 'Cat Crosses the Courtyard'.

 

...You've ever made up a tune to and sung a WoT song...in public.

 

...you've tried to explain WoT to people and end up 3 hours later feeling like you've tried to explain ji'e'toh.

 

...you fondle everything in your house in the hope it's an angreal.

 

The following added on 3/30/02.

 

...you yell at anyone who says the Dark One's name.

 

...you taste all tea given to you and then yell at the host for giving you forkroot tea when it tastes too minty.

 

...you keep all your WoT books in an air-tight safe.

 

...you carve the Dragon's Fang on you neighbor's door claiming that he had a meeting of Darkfriends in his house a night before.

 

...you have a meeting of Darkfriends in you house.

 

...you patrol the streets with a white cloak and armor expecting people to move for you.

 

...you threaten to box someone’s ears.

 

...you go through all the WoT books in search of quotes to post on the WoTmainia page.(Me-Ishameal)

 

...you call blind men Fades.(Very mean, but i don't doubt someone has done it.)

 

Thanks for all of those, Booboo Boo.

 

...you walk into the herpetarium at the zoo (snake house) and demand that the snakes answer your three questions.

 

...you could have sworn that it wasn't a paper cut you got from the King of Hearts playing card, but him stabbing you with his little sword.

 

...you check this "You Might Be Addicted to WoT if" list once a week or to see if they've added any new ones.

 

The following added on 3/30/02.

 

...you have the Banner of the Dragon pinned on the wall above your bed.

 

...you start looking for cylindrical stones with writings on them.

 

...you start looking for cords of light or darkness leaving the body of your enemies.

 

...you visit wotmania once a day just because you want to take part in the quick poll.

 

...you try to conjure up a fireball to play with when you are bored.

 

...you go through all the WoT books in search of quotes to post on the WoTmania page.

 

Thanks for all of those, TarValanion.

 

...someone mentions traveling musicians/entertainers and you think gleemen instead of minstrel.

 

The following added on 5/14/02.

 

...you read the series and write down every swordform written by RJ.

 

...you think RJ is a genius for making up these swordforms.

 

...you wonder if some of the swordforms are realistic (and end up grabbing a long stick to test them)

 

...you greet your friends with 'blessed be thou under the Light of the Creator"

 

...you get frustrated whenever somebody mentions that RJ writes at around 3 pages a day.

 

...you wished that RJ came to your local bookstore so you could ask him how Mat loses his eye.

 

...you laugh whenever people bring up the 'Taimandred' theory.

 

...you stand with arms raised in the middle of a storm, ranting and raving about driving the Seanchan back.

 

...you were sadly disappointed that the WoT computer game didn't live up to expectations and hope that any WoT movie made will not be a flop. (I hear you, brother.--Arok)

 

Thanks for all of those, Dik Lionheart

 

...you see a pigeon and want to know what the message is and who it is going to....

 

...you've sent your own pigeons with messages written in code.

 

...you've named your dog after a one of the wolves from The Books and repeatedly try to speak with him through telepathy.

 

...you've built a tiny model world of WOT including Seanchan and surrounding islands.

 

...you're constantly looking for the Kin because you feel the White Tower is neglecting you.

 

...The hospital has a very large file on you because you try to break your channeling block.

 

Thanks for all of those, Evilan Mercilan.

 

...you've considered hiring yourself out as a

bodyguard to RJ--you refer to him as Bobby--just in

case.

 

...you had your parents read WoT and you and your

mother sit at the supper table and swap theories.

 

...you've ever had a long discussion about what Taint

would be like.

 

...came to the conclusion that it would be a lot like

Pepsi.

 

...and walked around the mall for hours holding a

bottle of Pepsi that had the label torn off and in its

place is the word Taint.

 

Thanks for all of those, One Who Hears 'Calender' and thinks 'Callandor'.

 

...you need to buy new WOT books because your other WOT books are unreadable!

 

...you read WOT more then watch T.V!

 

..Robert Jordan calls you if he needs to write something in the Old Tongue.

 

..you have translated all nine of the books into the Old Tongue.

 

..you accidentally write school reports in the Old Tongue.

 

..your computer would be more likely to recognize 'cadin'sor' as a word than 'monochrome'.

 

..you have an Aiel Culture Compendium memorized.

 

..you compare WoT to your religion.

 

...You kiss a test and say "Dovienya," before you hand it in.

[Simple Gleeman]

...if you took the time to read this entire post. :lol:

[goldeneys]

soooo true, (I didn't, I got about 1/4 of the way).

[alCal]

OMG, it's even longer than the Chuck Norris-facts lists...

But, nevertheless, fun :p

[goldeneys]

call your inlaws forsaken.

 

hehehe

 

you get in a bar fight and attempt to perform "Heron Wades in the Rushes" with a pool cue.

[goldeneys]

...you order your subordinates to run 50 laps around the office naked, for their insolent transgressions.

[rd2000]

.....your still knee-deep in a discussion on who killed/who didn't kill Asmodean that is 79 pages long and no end in sight....

[goldeneys]

hmmmm, thats a good one, as well as very true, although, I think some ppl are about neck deep.

[jmashore]

You complain a 700 page book is too slow while at the same time complain it wasnt long enough.

[elmindreda]

haha i got down to the wolves that was so long

 

if you set up your own swet tent in the garden and invite your neighbours

[Red States Rule!]

How about when you think of your ex wife as a Red?

 

Your current wife a Domani???? LOL

[ShadowEternal]

you wave a bright neon torchlight beam in front of your annoying cousins and claimn that you have ''balefired'' them. You subsequently ignore everything that they say or do.

 

 

you refer to the statue of liberty as a Choedan Kal.

 

You take to chuckling lightly during a fight and saying ''Let the Lord of Chaos rule''.

 

You painstakingly learn to utilize prgrammes such as photoshop and then relize that your are incapable of creating ANYTHING not related to WOT. lol.

 

you speak the old tongue fluently.

 

You make funny symbols in the air when playing snake and foxe-.......er......ladders''

 

you regularly tell your doctors ''that you are no easy Aes Sedai meat!'' small wonder that they suggest therapy.

[JaggDierous]

That was funny, the Maine one througha bit odd.

[ronoc/booms]

well. that an Age of my life i'll never get back. not that i'm complaining. the scary thing is, the list of things there that did apply to me, is much bigger than the list of things that didn't. Such is the prise of loving WoT. and totally worth it of course.

[heartsbane]

couldn't finsh the whole got a headach 3/4 of the wat down wut im pretty addicted to the wot 8)

[Ashandarei]

read almost half, "phew!"

*wipes his forehead*

great stuff though, very amusing :)

[SinisterDeath]

You know your addicted to WoT when you mutter Shai'Tan under your breath when ever something bad happens..

You know your addicted to WoT, when after muttering Shai'Tan under your breath and something bad Does happen to you.

[jmashore]

You hear about the hole in the O-zone and automatically think The Dark One's seals are weakening.

[Cam]

wow, the only waste of time bigger than reading all those is writing them :P

some were pretty funny tho! (i stopped after liek 20)

[gaishain]

I would have to say it offical I am an addict of WOT. Ha aha. I apply to many of those. I couldn't read all of them.

[Almearafan]

I just read the WHOLE list (thank the light it's a slow day at work) and I couldn't believe how long it was. Lots of fun to read though...and for the ones that didn't apply to me-there were plenty-it was fun to imagine someone else having it applied to them.

 

Later

[Deathblade]

It's scary. I read them all. The nimber that should be psychotic and unreasonable, that actually apply to me...

[Sila Darklover]

That was hilarious!! Is the list complete, or may I submit more?

[Kadere]

submit all the ones you can think of! go for it!

[Mangin]

couldn't finsh the whole got a headach 3/4 of the wat down wut im pretty addicted to the wot 8)

 

---- You refer to someone who gives you a massage for your headaches as Halima.