Crazy ideas to seal the Dark One away

[NotTaveren]

I've been brainstorming ways to seal the Dark One away:

 

If the Dark One's prison is the pattern itself, and the threads of the pattern are people's lives, and the Dark One is escaping through holes in the pattern where the pattern is thinnest, then some ways you could seal away the Dark One would be:

 

1. Impregnate as many women as possible to create more threads. Preferably around Shayol Ghul. This is of course explains why Randy Old Thor, and Lewd Therin Telamon, two of the sleaziest heroes, were chosen as the Dragon. And why Mat is so important to the last battle. And why Perin, who is too moral for such things, has to die (according to prophesy). Rand's plan is probably to organise a massive orgy at Shayol Ghul, and he's no doubt tugging his earlobe right now thinking about it. The Forsaken Graendal has cleverly been trying to counter this plan by hiding away all the beautiful people.

 

2. Maybe it's just the rate at which people are dying is the problem. If people can be kept alive, maybe the existing threads, and any new ones that happen naturally will be enough to hold him. Maybe the Dark One is only escaping because so many people keep dying.

 

3. Maybe people are thinking about this all wrong. Each age has it's own pattern in the age lace. Maybe all that needs to happen is to trigger the switch to the next age, and the pattern will fix itself. Maybe that's all Lews Therin Telamon did to seal away the Dark One, just triggering a change to the third age. And all Rand has to do is continue his work on steam-power and science, to bring about the fourth age, at which point the Dark One will be automatically sealed away behind a new pattern.

 

4. Since the pattern weaves itself around ta'veren, maybe all that needs to happen to strengthen the weave in a particular spot, is to move all the ta'veren to stand around Shayol Ghul for a while and wait for the pattern to weave around them.

 

5. Maybe it's more to do with the way worlds are woven into the pattern. Maybe they need to start moving people between worlds, or putting seals in other worlds, and just generally linking the worlds together more tightly.

 

Or maybe it's not about the pattern. Maybe the seals themselves that are the problem. Some ideas could be:

 

6. Make the seals out of something tougher, and longer lasting, than cuendillar. Like Bela. Or Mercedes Benz hood ornaments. Or portal stones. Or the tower of Ghenji. Or those fossils that keep turning up but which must come from an age long before the first age.

 

7. Just use a lot more seals.

 

8. Use sea-lions instead.

 

Or maybe they just need to go back to a variant of the original plan:

 

9. Seal off Shayol Ghul from the rest of the world. Cut it out of the ground and launch it into space. Send the whole place through a portal stone. Although I don't think these are possible without the Choedan Kal.

[Whizbang]

I realize this is all just in jest, for some humor, and I did find it funny, especially the seal-lions, but it is all based on the idea that the Pattern IS the DO's prison. I do not believe that it is. I thought there was a quote somewhere that RJ said the Pattern is not his prison. I couldn't find it, but maybe my search-fu is weak. Anyway, the DO is bound OUTSIDE the Pattern, outside Time istelf, even. I think the Pattern was created for a different purpose, and the DO was merely Bound to prevent him from destroying the Pattern. Without the Pattern, there is no reason to bind the DO. If the Pattern is his prison, then the image of a snake eating its own tail takes on a new meaning. The Pattern was made to bind the DO, but the DO was bound so that the Pattern could exist. Wut? No, the Prison is something else. Adjacent to the Pattern, maybe.

[msbee]

All wrong! Rand is blatantly going to trap the DO in an old sock!

There are no socks mentioned in any of the books so far, indicating that they are things of a future (or distant past) age, by using an old sock, rand is effectively binding the DO with a symbol of the long past and future ages, ensuring that the DO stays sealed until the age of socks returns! Furthermore the stench will keep the DO to weak to return, until his prison gets a wash!

 

(this is NOT msbee this is her daughter)

 

EDIT: The pattern of course, is the weave of the sock, and indeed the visual appearance of the patterns woven into the sock, from events so far, i believe this would be a dog-tooth, or perhaps a tartan, with a slight possibility of argyle.

[2RiversFan]

I think msbee's daughter is onto something here.  I can see that working, particularly if it is a tartan patterned sock, made from the finest cashmere the one power can weave... colors will be important too.  I'm seeing non-traditional ones - pink + green + purple, with some yellow thrown in for good measure.

[water_seeker]

Double-stick tape.

[Whizbang]

The Internet. They'll give the DO an iPad set to the browser home page to Wikipedia. He'll get so engrossed in the articles, he'll never get around to actually breaking free.

[msbee]

OMG  my daughter is a troll!!

 

That, ladies and gentlemen, is what happens when you leave yourself logged in, with keyboard unattended, and you have a bored teenager in the house.

Absolutely preposterous!

The sock has to be all white.

[Balefire to da face!]

All wrong! Rand is blatantly going to trap the DO in an old sock!

There are no socks mentioned in any of the books so far, indicating that they are things of a future (or distant past) age, by using an old sock, rand is effectively binding the DO with a symbol of the long past and future ages, ensuring that the DO stays sealed until the age of socks returns! Furthermore the stench will keep the DO to weak to return, until his prison gets a wash!

 

(this is NOT msbee this is her daughter)

 

EDIT: The pattern of course, is the weave of the sock, and indeed the visual appearance of the patterns woven into the sock, from events so far, i believe this would be a dog-tooth, or perhaps a tartan, with a slight possibility of argyle.

 

 

This would be why it was vital to eliminate Semi before resealing the DO. With her skill at knitting she could have turned the DO's prison into a "Bless this mess" wall hanging in a single afternoon.

 

I am not even sure if this reference makes sense anymore, but one thing we know they shouldn't use to seal the Dark One is whatever Tor uses to bind their books.

[FarShainMael]

 

I think msbee's daughter is onto something here.  I can see that working, particularly if it is a tartan patterned sock, made from the finest cashmere the one power can weave... colors will be important too.  I'm seeing non-traditional ones - pink + green + purple, with some yellow thrown in for good measure.

Nah, it has to be  fluorescent greenish-yellow purple of course!

[Terez]

Not socks. Stockings. Same thing.

 

"No tears yet, farmboy," she smiled. "No stammer." Ruffling his hair as if he were ten, she walked to the door, but as she sometimes did, she moved in a gracefully swaying fashion that might not have produced tears and stammer but certainly did make him stare however hard he tried not to. His eyes whipped to her face as she turned around. "Why, sheepherder, your face is flushed. I thought the heat never touched you now. Never mind. I wanted to tell you, I will be careful. I’ll see you tomorrow. Be sure to put on clean stockings."
   

Rand let out a long breath once the door was firmly shut behind her. Clean stockings? He put on clean every day!

"Is Mat well?" Bode asked, suddenly anxious. "Is he with you? Mother worries about him so. He wouldn’t even remember to put on clean stockings if someone didn’t tell him."

[Tavokk]

I'm thinking Tupperware. It's supposed to have a good seal and - unlike the Cuendillar seals - that shit will never break down.

[acmeraptor]

I am not even sure if this reference makes sense anymore, but one thing we know they shouldn't use to seal the Dark One is whatever Tor uses to bind their books.

 

I LOL'd.  How do you think they were able to break through the patch the first time??!

[Aulduron]

Set Nyneave outside the bore to nag the Dark One and he'll seal himself away.

[msbee]

Not socks. Stockings. Same thing.

A sock is the future of the stocking. If you spoke to a tudor about a sock, they would assume you were talking about a punch. However, if you spoke of stockings they would understand you perfectly. The third age is the same as the tudor age, but in the new age, THEY SHALL WEAR SOCKS!! As it shall be the future.

 (again this is msbee's daughter, this time I had permission to defend myself though)

[DSgamer64]

Give the DO a stack of nudie mags, a lifetime supply of Cheetos and an infinite amount of champagne called Dark One's Bubble Of Evil Champagne with the slogan "Just bursting with cockroaches, ghosts and Trolloc blood" 

[n.lindstrom]

The Internet. They'll give the DO an iPad set to the browser home page to Wikipedia. He'll get so engrossed in the articles, he'll never get around to actually breaking free.

 

Better, just link him to a random TVtropes article.

[NotTaveren]

Better, just link him to a random TVtropes article.

Good idea!... Oops... I randomly linked this one:

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/EvilOverlordList