The Guys' Rules

[Canis Rufus]

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

 

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

 

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

 

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

 

1. Crying is blackmail.

 

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:

Subtle hints do not work!

Strong hints do not work!

Obvious hints do not work!

Just say it!

 

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

 

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

 

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

 

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

 

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

 

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

 

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

 

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

 

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

 

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

 

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

 

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

 

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing", we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

 

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

 

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine ... Really.

 

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as sports, the weather, or hunting.

 

1. You have enough clothes.

 

1. You have too many shoes.

 

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

 

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

[goldeneyes05]

*leads the round of applause for canis writing this out as all women need to read it*

 

*hands canis a bandy*

 

welcome back sir

[Canis Rufus]

I can not claim orginality on it as it was sent to me via a friend but the sentement is world round.

 

Takes drink and tip his hat.

[Direwolf Jon]

That was a good read. *Offers Canis a drink of his choice* Thanks for sharing that.

[F Horn of Valere]

YES! YESYESYESYESYESYES YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Hayl3y]

*laughs a lot*

[Guest K'Jar]

ROTFL

 

Good on ya man. That was just great.

 

*wipes tears from his eyes and holds hurting sides at same time*

 

I gotta send this to the wife...the couch for a month would be well worth it lol

[Leane_Shariff]

lol yah Staffy showed it to me too...I told him he could hope all he wanted, but I still didn't have too many shoes lol

[Taymist]

lmao... very funny... seen it before but still amusing

[Mystica]

question.... (and yes i wànt an answer!)

 

I have one pair of shoes for every day (and I do mean EVERY day)

I have one pair of slippers

I have one pair of mountain shoes

 

how exactly is that too much?

[Direwolf Jon]

You have a pair of shoes for Every day. That is how. See, and that is why most guys have only one or two pairs of shoes in total. You don't need that much shoe changing.

[F Horn of Valere]

And in the rare occasion that a guy may have more shoes than his significant other...

 

*was recently guilty*

 

... it is only because of work uniforms!

[goldeneyes05]

lol horns gone feminist on us guys

 

*tackles*

[Corki]

or the other reason you have too many shoes is if you play as much sport as i do.

 

And that was great! Made me feel better since i have a hangover!

[North Star]

*laughs lots and lots*

that was great!! some i agree with and some i don;t. just remember not all girls are like that ;)

*pokes corki*

silly person...glad you had fun though :D and may i say about time?? no idea why im writing this here, but oh well :D

[Guest Cadsuane]

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down. - That's because you don't FALL IN when we leave the seat down. I guarantee if you fell in the toilet because we were too lazy to do something as simple as move a toilet seat, you'd be irritated, too. :roll:

 

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. - I agree. If a girl can't find something else to do with her time when the guy is otherwise occupied, she needs to get a life! Oh, but the exception to this is Weddings, Funerals, and Birthdays. You gotta skip (some of) the sports if those fall on Sunday and your presence is requested. *nods* 8)

 

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way. - Yeah, it's not, but neither is playing video games, no matter how much exercise your thumbs get. :roll:

 

1. Crying is blackmail. - If your girlfriend uses tears this way, it's YOUR bad for not finding a better girlfriend. :twisted:

 

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:

Subtle hints do not work!

Strong hints do not work!

Obvious hints do not work!

Just say it!

- Again, agreed.

 

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. - With men's vocabularies being as undeveloped as they usually are, it's not surprising they can't be bothered to come up with something more intelligent than "yes" or "no" 8)

 

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. - Then I guess we should just go and have the ensuing comfort sex with our girlfriends, too.

 

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor. - Guys, if your girlfriend doesn't want to sleep with you for that long, it's OVER, get a new girl! :roll:

 

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days. - Then so do all favors you give. No more "but we had dinner with your parent's LAST week!" Sorry hon, null and void, gotta do it again!

 

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys. - Unfortunately, you already act as dumb as the soap opera guys. ^_^

 

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. - Agreed.

 

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one. - Yes, and when we say "he's just a friend," we mean it. *shifty eyes*

 

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself. - Agreed.

 

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials. - Whenever possible, please release whatever gasses you have to release before entering the house.

 

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we. - I guess that's all we can expect from the gender that has only a 15th century understanding of the world.

 

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is. - I guess that's why men keep thinking they can convince us that the slut-red lipstick on the shirt collar is really tomato sauce... :lol:

 

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that. - If it's on sale, it will be bought. We do that.

 

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing", we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. - Agreed.

 

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear. - Agreed.

 

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine ... Really. - Yes, that's because we have good taste. You, on the other hand, still need help picking out clothes that go together.

 

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as sports, the weather, or hunting. - If this is all you can ever discuss, I'm not interested anyway.

 

1. You have enough clothes. - Probably.

 

1. You have too many shoes. - Never.

 

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape. - I can think of a few shapes you WON'T be in if you don't get fit... 69, wheelbarrow, doggy style, to name a few...

 

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping. - Then I guess you won't mind sleeping outside in the dog house, either. :P

[MsDanya]

*rofl*

[Guest K'Jar]

:P :P :P

 

good responses Cads lol

[Guest Cadsuane]

*bows elegantly*

 

Thank you, thank you. :D

[Direwolf Jon]

Touche. Cadsuane. I have to admit that some of your responses hold true, but still others, I am not sure would work. The big one for me is you can have too many shoes. I've seen it. My rule is, if you don't wear them for a month, then you don't need them. They can be used for another purpose or by someone who needs them.

[goldeneyes05]

booooooooooo

[Corki]

hissssssssssssssss!!!!!

[Justin89]

lmao thats comedy

[Guest K'Jar]

The one i have a prob with is the toilet seat.

 

I mean common...who in their right mind would sit in a chair without making sure it was under their butt? Same thing for the toilet seat....do you have your eyes closed or something? lol

[Guest Cadsuane]

In the middle of the night, half asleep, no, not always!! :roll: