Badass female characters that ruined feminism

[JenniferL]

I had a crazy idea today that I want to pitch to Cracked.com as an article idea. I'm sort of stuck on the details.  The idea is a list of female characters from movies or TV shows that are "badass" in the sense they have great fighting skills, etc. but are actually anti-feminist and actually take women's equality back a few decades.

 

Number one, obviously, will be Elizabeth from the PotC franchise. I'm thinking Eowyn from the LotR movies could fit in there as well at a stretch (from the MOVIES, not the BOOKS). Before I try to write this up and pitch it though, I need a few more ideas for women that on the surface seem like very empowering role models for women, but actually aren't. 

 

Ideas?

[Mystica]

you might want to reconsider Eowyn, Kath. I don't know if you've seen the movies, but she ended up being the one that killed the Wizard King of the Wring Wraiths after having joined her King's army against his express permission. She was to stay 'at home watching the women and kids' while he and the men went into a seemingly lost cause battle. Instead, she put on her armor, took up her sword, put on a helmet that masked her face and ended up killing the strongest of the Dark Lord's minions.

 

Just because she 'looks' feminine, doesn't make her anti-feminin. It's the 'men' in Rhohan that still consider the women 'weak', not Eowyn. She's actually the one standing up agàinst that prejudice and doing so by putting her own life right in the front line of the battle. The king ends up acknowleding that feat and on his death bed gives the crown to her instead of her brother.

 

Sorry, but she's most definately 'not' fitting in this picture  :P

[JenniferL]

You're missing the part where the battles are all over with and she decides to marry the first willing guy she sets eyes on. "Well, I'm done playing with swords now. Might as well put this uterus to work."

 

Admittedly, she's stretch, but Tolkien scholars seem to think its worthy of being argued over. A quick google search for "Eowyn feminism" pops up with all sorts of essays about whether or not she's really a feminist character or not.

 

Also, keep in mind I'm writing for a humor publication. It's not a scholarly piece.

 

 

Oh, and so far I have Elizabeth Swan, Eowyn, and River Tam. I'm considering Niobe from the Matrix sequels, but it's been awhile since I've watched those.

[Niamh Sedai]

If you were going to do a top 10 then Eowyn should be at the bottom of the list... Arwen might be worse actually. In the first movie she's all badass with a sword and the horse riding. BAM, second movie and she mopes. A LOT.  :P

 

Hermione in the films maybe? I don't know... *shrugs*

[JenniferL]

Arwen's not as good as Eowyn, I think. She doesn't have the same "Whoo! You go girl!" moment that Eowyn does. I'd also rather not do two characters from the same franchise.

 

I might be able to do something with movie Hermione, especially if we only look at Sorcerer's Stone. They totally took out her badass moment.

[Majsju]

What did River do to earn a spot on the list?

 

 

[JenniferL]

She always needs protection from Simon or Mal.  She doesn't really have much agency.

[JenniferL]

Here's my bit with Elizabeth, so you all can see where I'm going with this.

 

Warning, there are swears in here.

 

 

Feminists are always whining about their portrayal in movies and TV shows.  What are they complaining about? It’s not like every character is a prostitute (Pretty Woman) or Disney princess (Pretty Woman) with no in between anymore.  Strong ass kicking women dominate the media these days, from Buffy Summers all the way to the recent Angelina Jolie flick “Angelina Shoots Guns and Smoldering Looks at Men”.  But sometimes we think Hollywood still doesn’t get this whole “equality” thing is more than just letting the female lead beat up the comic relief henchmen while the real hero is off screen.

 

 

The Character: Elizabeth Swan (Pirates of the Caribbean)

 

Elizabeth is introduced in the first movie as the governor’s daughter who has a fascination with pirates and effeminate blacksmiths.  As the female lead, she has a relationship with Will Turner, the presumed male lead and flirts a bit with Johnny Depp.  Over the course of the franchise, she learns to fight, shoot, go to war, lead armies and give boring speeches about freedom to a gang of killers and thieves.  Her and her one true love, Will, experience many ups and downs in their relationship, before finally being united in a thirty second Easter egg after the closing credits of the final movie.

 

Why Hollywood Thinks She’s Role Model For Young Women:

 

Elizabeth is shown to be a highly intelligent and resourceful character. She’s well versed in pirate lore and learns from her mistakes.  In between movies Will teaches her to fight and she performs marginally well against opponents with no names and dialogue. She gets elected Pirate King and captains her own ship. Every leading man in the series falls in love with her at some point leaving her the epicenter of a nautically themed love quadrangle. In short, she’s everything a girl should aspire to, right?

 

The “Whoo! You go girl!” moment:

 

Elizabeth giving a rousing speech about freedom to a bunch of rapists.

 

How she ruins things for other women:

 

In a word? Tokenism.  Elizabeth is the only woman in the series who isn’t a gossipy chamber maid, nameless whore or crazy sea goddess.  Why do all the boys want a piece of her sweet, boobless ass? Because she’s literally the only woman available.  It’s either that or admit they’re all butt pirates. 

 

Not to mention that she only gets command of a ship because Chow Yun Fat mistakes her for the crazy sea goddess, and she only becomes Pirate King (And why not the Pirate Queen while we’re at it?) due to some elaborate double crossing scheme by Jack Sparrow, and not any actual qualifications.  She just sort of lucks her way into everything.

 

The final straw that breaks the feminists back is the Easter egg ending.  After the day is saved and the pirates have won the freedom to rape and pillage across the seven seas, Elizabeth and Will are married, but must endure a long separation due to a curse.  No problem.    We don’t see exactly what she does for ten years, but from what we see after the closing credits, we can safely assume it was moping around waiting for Will to return and popping out his children.  Elizabeth's accidental accomplishments mean nothing compared to the honor of being Legolas's baby mama.

[JenniferL]

I think I can cram Padme in here.  She goes from Queen to Senator, to "Anakin! You're breaking my heart!" and finally just gives up and dies. Yeah, that's a good one.

[Shendare]

Lara Croft?

[Niamh Sedai]

Padme is definately a good one!

 

The thing with Film!Hermione is that they've prettied her up, especially now she is older. She has badass moments true, but stuff like in the third film when she says 'Does my hair really look like from the back?' detract from the awesome moments like punching Draco Malfoy. She'd kind of become a bit superfluous in the films except for running around screaming.

[Tessandra]

Ariel from the Little Mermaid >_>

 

She's all "I defy you Daddy! I want to talk to humans!" which every teenage girl can relate to, and then she sees one hot dude and she risks EVERYTHING for him.

 

That one might be a stretch also though. But really... any Disney Princess is fodder for your article. Like MULAN :o

 

"I'm going to join the army to save my father and then after I do a kickass job I am going to marry the prince and settle down."

[JenniferL]

I think any of the Disney princesses are automatically disqualified.  I'm looking more for subversions of the Woman Warrior archetype.

[Majsju]

She always needs protection from Simon or Mal.  She doesn't really have much agency.

 

But that is not really fair, since she has quite a touch of crazy, and thus needs help just to function.

 

Compare that to Elisabeth and Eowyn, who are theoretically able to be responsible for their action, and still fails.

 

[JenniferL]

True, all true. Again, I'm writing comedy, not a dissertation.

[Maria]

I think the mere fact that Elizabeth Swann is played by Keira Knightley qualifies her for this. It's like her Pride&Pred-Elizabeth, too. "I am hard-core and shall never marry but for love. But Lo! my husband-to-be saves my sister, I must rush to him and do strange hand-kissing things." *rolls eyes* Stupidest. film. ever. (And I LOVE P&P in general, it's just the film made me want to slash my wrists.)

[JenniferL]

Jimmy says I need to just title my article "Ten Things I Hate About Elizabeth Swan" and not worry so much about the others.

 

Oh, and I've now written the portions about Eowyn, River and Padme. They REALLY aren't appropriate for posting here, but if you'd like to read them and give me feedback, I'll be happy to send it to you. I need to write up at least two more entries before I can officially submit it to Cracked, so feedback is important.

[Muirenn]

Surely someone from X-Men needs a nod.  Like Mystique, or Jean Grey, or Rogue.

[Barmacral]

Actually, Rogue from the movies would be perfect. She starts out the series as a not half bad character, but by the end of the third one, I wanted to strangle her for being such a crappy sob story.

 

And Jessikki from Hero's. Damn, she'd make a good one.

[Silver]

I don't think Rogue was ever badass. What has she actually done?

[Niamh Sedai]

SEND THEM TO ME!!!!! *flail*

 

And Ten Things I Hate About Elizabeth Swann sounds like an amazing article... on a TV programme the other night someone described KK as 'Essentially, an ironing board with a face' *lolz*

[JenniferL]

I sent it to you, Nia.

 

And I've had more than one person suggest Rogue now. The problem, I think, is that she's a badass character in the comics, but the movies turned her into a whiny teenager with boy problems. The problem there is a poor adaption, not of a badass warrior woman who all of a sudden gets pregnant and becomes useless, or actually needs rescuing more than the characters she's meant to be protecting.

[JenniferL]

You find all sorts of insane things when you start googling around for various character names, plus "feminism".

 

A Rapists View of the World: Joss Whedon & Firefly

 

 

[Silver]

Oh god... I tried to read that but just had to stop. Most of the comments were just stupid. It seems like the author went into the series with an aim to hate (or a ridiculously over the top feminist). I mean her very first example set the tone. Oh? Zoe calling Mal "sir" is wrong? Even when he's the commanding officer? Seriously...

[JenniferL]

Oh god... I tried to read that but just had to stop. Most of the comments were just stupid. It seems like the author went into the series with an aim to hate (or a ridiculously over the top feminist). I mean her very first example set the tone. Oh? Zoe calling Mal "sir" is wrong? Even when he's the commanding officer? Seriously...

 

The sad part is that if my article gets published, I'm going to be the crazy over reacting lady on the internet to quite a few people. The hate mail should be hilarious.