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I would really laugh if...


trakand_01
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OK I didnt want to hijack any particular thread with this, but it's been bubbling to the surface just recently and thought we could do with a thread just for the purpose.

 

We all have our senses of humour, and there are certainly many things I would find incredibly funny should they happen (although they're unlikely to) in the books.

 

For example, I'd find it hilarious if after all this hoo-ha, the DO stepped out of his prison and onto the battlefield to find the only mortal soul he could take (I'm making it up that he takes a body) was that of a nerdy little guy called Neville. Anyone in the UK, I'm using the guy from the Mr Muscle adverts as my mental image.

 

Have there been any points which you've found funny, or are there any events which you would love to see?

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Guest The Thin Inn Keeper

For example, I'd find it hilarious if after all this hoo-ha, the DO stepped out of his prison and onto the battlefield to find the only mortal soul he could take (I'm making it up that he takes a body) was that of a nerdy little guy called Neville. Anyone in the UK, I'm using the guy from the Mr Muscle adverts as my mental image.

 

The Dark One, Leafblighter, The Father of Lies, Shai'tan, Loves The Jobs You Hate.

We get taken to Shayol Ghul as the DO plans his final breakout ... And he looks like the Meekon (sp) from Dan Dare. -- Another Britism.

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Guest The Thin Inn Keeper

The DO breaks out of Shayol Ghul. Thunder and lightening tear the sky, clouds rain ash, the ground is ripped apart by enormous tremors.

 

FREE! FREE AT LAST! MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!! CRAWL WORMS, CRAWL, FOR THE ALMIGHTY LORD OF THE DARK IS FREE!!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAH ... *huh?* ... oh crap, I left the gas on. Back in tick.

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The DO, Graendal, Shaidar Haran and Moridin are riding in a carriage on their way to TG. It's all very civilised, Graendal's got some needlework on the go, Shaidar Haran and Moridin are playing 'Eye Spy' and the DO's got the map. We're all set, on our way.

 

Four hours into the journey.

 

Graendal "Can I have the keys please, Shai'tan, I know how long it takes to find things in your pockets and I may as well put them in my bag whilst I think about it."

 

DO "I DONT HAVE THE KEYS. MORIDIN LOCKED UP."

 

Moridin "I didnt lock the door, i thought Shaidar locked it."

 

SH "Me? I didnt lock it, I thought you'd locked it."

 

Moridin "No, I said to you as we were leaving, 'did you lock the door' and you said 'got it covered'".

 

SH "Yeah, got it covered, I didnt want anyone noticing it in the side of the mountain, I put another cloak over it. I didnt lock it."

 

Graendal "Did ANYONE lock the door?"

 

Three blank faces look at her. Two blink.

 

A voice comes from the box which Moridin is sat on, it is a very seductive voice and quite obviously belongs to Cyndane.

 

"Are we nearly there yet?"

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Shaidar Haran and Moridin are playing 'Eye Spy'

 

SH: I spy with my little eye something beginning with "B"

 

Moridin: Is it Ba'alzamon? It's Ba'alzamon isn't it!

 

SH: No...

 

Moridin: Err... I'm stuck... Bush?

 

SH: Wrong.

 

Moridin: Come on, can I have a hint

 

SH: It's outside the window...

 

Moridin: Birds!

 

SH: No, it's really all there is to this place

 

Moridin: What about Ba'alzamon? It's GOT to be Ba'alzamon!

 

SH: You already said that one.

 

Moridin: Are you cheating?

 

SH: BLIGHT! It's BLIGHT! B-L-I-G-H-T! Look out the FRIGGIN window

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SH and the remaining Forsaken ride out from the Blight in style - ready to terrorize the world - until SH stops suddenly, looking decidedly uncomfortable.

 

SH: Just give me a second. *SH disappears into the bushes*

 

Graendal: *sigh* Someone forgot to use the little Fades room before we left...

 

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Moridin, (studs in his forehead, sleeveless denim jacket and listening Motorhead)  Shaidar Haran, (calling everyone a facist) Demandred (passive, long haired and cooking a vast pot of lentils) and The DO (trying to get with anything in a shirt) all as flatmates in London.

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I genuinely believe we could see a massive victory for the light if they followed these guidelines;

 

1. Round up Setalle Anan, Reene Harfor, Lini, Alsbet Luhhan, Egwene's mother, Nynaeve and any other strong matriarchs.

2. Place a large, muddy patch outside the front entrance to a one-roomed building.

3. Lure the DO, Moridin, Shaidar Haran etc through the mud, into the room, where aforesaid women wait.

4. Disappear out the back door and leave the women to it.

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the DO gathers all the surviving chosen and shadowspawn ready for TG.

 

Moggi- Shai'tan, aran'gars making faces at me

 

Aran'gar- Am not, sides, she started it

 

Moggi- Did not!

 

Aran'gar- Did to!

 

DO- For Lights sake shut up! Moggi, you sit behind demodred

 

Damo- Thats not fair, why do have to put up with Moggi? Let her sit the with Cyndane. They worked together, and why does Moridin get to sit up front!

 

Cyndane- Urggh no! I dont want Moggi with next to me, she smells like farts!

 

Moggi- Wahhhhhh!

 

All other chosen- Moggi a cry-baby!

 

DO- Be quiet! Moggi, quit crying or I'll give you something to cry about! And Moridin sits in the front because hes Nae'blis

 

Moridin(to Damodred)- nah nah nahhh nu nah naaaah *tongue out*

 

Graendal- Are we there yet?

 

DO- thats it, one more word from anyone, i mean anyone, and im cancelling TG!

 

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As the Forces of the dark are forced back into the blight and the heroes near Shayol Gul and Rand enters some realm of power within which the Seal on the dark one's prison is located, there he walks up to the ominous black doors and pulls out a roll of FlueTape and straps shut the doors and says 'if the women don't find you handsome, at should at least find you handy'

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Guest The Thin Inn Keeper

TG is over, The Great Lord of the Dark, or Terry as he prefers to be called, is sitting on his throne in Shayol. (The decorators haven't finished refurbishing Caemlyn yet.) Everyone's dead, with the exception of Shadar Haran whom Terry has kept alive as a talking head.

 

The camera pans back and the Terry begins to sing:

 

"Lonely, I'm so lonely ...."

 

Ah, team America.

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Tarmon Gaidon has been ravaging the world for weeks. The sky is roiling in vicious black clouds over Shayol Ghul and at the foot of the great mountain the forces of the Dark are gradually pushing the Armies of the Light back. It's a pretty bloody battle, men are dead and dying, Maidens scream in the dark, Fades take their fists of trollocs to battle every hour.

 

Then, out of the darkness comes a bright light, shining straight up from the floor, circular. Suddenly the floor falls away within that circle, steam and light gush forth. Both armies stop to watch as five figures become clear in the midst of the steam. Music booms out, the very ground shudders with the force of the bass, and the five figures step out of the steam and into clear vision.

 

Looks of horror and revulsion show on the faces of the Dark One's army, several fades drop their lethal swords and run back through the throng.

 

Confusion is everywhere, until finally one man puts voice to what the rest of the Dark One's armies are thinking...

 

 

 

 

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooo...oooo..ooooo.... Not the Backstreet Boys!!!!!"

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Guest The Thin Inn Keeper

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooo...oooo..ooooo.... Not the Backstreet Boys!!!!!"

 

With the hordes of the Dark in full retreat, a goateed Lord of the Dark strikes back.

 

DAMN YOU BACKSTREET BOYS! DAMN YOU TO HELL. He reaches into the pocket of his designer suit and produces ... A swarm of pint-sized industrial relations lawyers.

 

NOW LETS SEE YOU ACHEIVE ANYTHING PRODUCTIVE! MWWWAHAHAHAHAAHAH!! BACK TO FIGHT BOYS, WHILE THEY'RE CRIPPLED!!!

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