I would really laugh if...

[trakand_01]

Have you ever spent time in a creche? Babies are dangerous!

[Darth_Andrea]

Oh yes Babies are dangerous. Have you ever seen one when they first pop out? they look like 90 year old men diped in 40 weight oil. Deffinatly ShadowSpawn!!

 

 

[glow=green,1,500]Darth_Andrea[/glow]           

[Mr Ares]

Oh yes Babies are dangerous. Have you ever seen one when they first pop out? they look like 90 year old men diped in 40 weight oil. Deffinatly ShadowSpawn!!

 

 

[glow=blue,1,500]Darth_Andrea[/glow]              

You're just being silly now. Babies are far more evil than Shadowspawn.

 

Now, back to stealing things from British sitcoms, in a way that someone may find funny. Rand, a prisoner, has just been released by, among others, his harem:

AVIENDHA: Rand!

RAND: Oh, my brave Aviendha *embraces Avi*

MIN: Rand!

RAND: Oh, my brave Min *embraces Min*

ELAYNE: Rand!

RAND: Yes, you were brave too, Elayne *shakes Elayne's hand*

(let's see who can guess where that one is from)

 

Back to Father Ted, we have Demandred and Ishamael wandering around a department store, searching for gifts for an upcoming holiday which shall remain nameless, but which has a tradition of gift giving associated. All of a sudden, they become aware of which department they are in: lingerie! They reralise they must hide, as being caught would seriously damage their manly image. As they sneak around, trying not to get caught, they come across Sammael and Rahvin. Sammael seems to be paying a bit too much attention to some of the items for sale than is normal for a single man. "Sammael, Rahvin! What are you doing here?" asks Ishy.

"We could ask you the same thing."

"We weren't paying attention to where we were going, and wandered in here by mistake" said Ishy.

"So did we" said Sammael, a bit too quickly.

"They say this is the largest lingerie department in the Age of Legends" says Rahvin.

"We can't get caught here."

"Wht not?" asks Demandred innocently.

"Because we're the Chosen. We're trying to dest...er..conquer the world. It would completely ruin our image if we were seen purchasing ladies undergarments, no matter how sexy"

And so this fearsome foursome continue towards the fire exit, keeping low so that no-one will see them, when all of a sudden they bump into..."Lews Therin!? What are you doing here?" asked Ishamael.

"Hiding. I wandered in here by mistake, and now I can't find my way out. And getting caught in here would damage my reputation. What are you guys doing?"

"The same."

"They say it's the largest lingerie department in the Age of Legends" said Sammael, snatching his hand away from something a bit too quickly.

"I didn't know we actually called this time period the Age of Legends", said Rahvin. "I was under the impression that was a name given by Third Age historians." Everyone ignored him.

"I suggest a truce. We work together to get out of here" said Ishamael.

"But, we've never formed a truce. Even when balefire was threatening to destroy the Pattern we didn't do it."

"This is worse than balefire. This is a bunch of grown men amidst lingerie. We'll never live this down...if it gets out"

"Truce then"

They shake on it, and move on. Eventually, they find their way to the exit. One by one they leave. In the alley outside, as Lews Therin walks away, Ishamael stops him. "One more thing..."

"Yes?"

Balefire leapt from Ishy's hands, burning the Dragon from the Pattern and dooming the world. "I win again, Lews Therin" said Ishy, before walking away.

 

Finally, Elayne to Birgitte before going off to catch the BA sisters in KOD: "I'm already pregnant so what other kind of shenanigans can I get into?"

[Sila Darklover]

Perrin has just killed Rolan and been reunited with Faile in KoD:

 

Perrin: I have saved you!!

 

Faile: Gee, you shouldn't have

 

Perrin: Oh, all the danger, deprivation and death was worth it to get you back again, my dar--

 

*A Trolloc runs up* FOOD!! *kneels and messily devours Rolan's corpse*

 

Faile: Don't eat so fast, Nargy, you'll get a tummy ache. *pats Narg's head*  Perrin, meet my new boyfriend

 

End of Kod

 

Tuon to Karede: Bloody Mat Cauthon is my husband.  So you'll have to put off all those wars and invasions and whatever until we return from our honeymoon in Fiji.  Now, I must get back to packing.  Have Ajimbura make me a lizard sandwich, will ya?

 

Chosen meeting

 

Mesaana: Can we wrap this up?  I have a date with Shaidar Haran in ten minutes.

 

Moggy: WHAT??

 

Mesaana: I have a date with Shai--

 

Moggy: But--but--he's MINE!

 

Mesaana: Guess he decided I'm prettier

 

Moggy: I'M GONNA RIP OUT YOUR--

 

Demandrad: Security!  Somebody call in the Trollocs!

 

 

[aussie_ashaman123]

Who here is a big Buffy fan? Remember the the episode they did as a musical? Imagine that as book 12. Tarmon Gaidin, where everyone must sing and dance coz of some flaw now in the pattern.

 

 

[Sila Darklover]

Osan'gar: Graendal, why weren't you at our last gathering?

 

Graendal: I went on vacation to Xanth

 

Osan: How was it?

 

Graen: Spectacular.  Who needs Compulsion when you have love springs?

 

Osan: Love springs?  What are those?

 

Graen:  Nifty little innocent-looking pools.  When two creatures drink from one, they immediately *cough*

 

Osan: Really?  Even if they're of different species?

 

Graen: Yep.  The place is teeming with hybrids you couldn't imagine. 

 

Osan: Are you saying I spent all those years in the laboratory creating Trollocs, when I could've just brought a bunch of humans and animals to a love spring and let them do the job?

 

Graen: Yep.

 

Osan: That does it!  When we attack the good guys at Shadar Logoth, I'm going to fake my own death and Travel to Xanth for good! Nobody respects me here, anyway.

 

 

[aussie_ashaman123]

Rand and Co are travelling, marching towards TG. On the way, they cross paths with another group, 3 humans, one of which is wearing a grey robe, a short runty bloke with a beard and axe, and pointy eared lout with a bow, and 4 really short people with big, hairy feet, all muttering about some ring and a guy named Sauron

[Guest The Thin Inn Keeper]

The Tinker's song turned out to be Hit Me Baby One More Time.

 

... Actually, I'd probably cry more than laugh.  :'(

[Sila Darklover]

Another Xanth crossover...

 

*Birgitte, Uno and Nynaeve are walking together*

 

Uno: So I told bloody Masema that he could flamimg--

 

Nyn: Will you please stop swearing?

 

Uno: Sorry!  I'll stop, I really--

 

*trips, grabs Birgitte's arm.  They both fall into a patch of curse burrs*

 

Uno: YEEOW! Get these $#@$ things the %*%& off me!!

 

Birgitte: You call that swearing? If these *##s don't #$$ off right %%^-ing now, I'm gonna @#$@$ them!

 

*burrs fly off one by one*

 

Nyn: You two are disgusting.

 

Both: Why don't you try sitting here, $#@$!$?

 

*two burrs land in Nyn's braid*

 

Nyn: $#@!%$$#%%$^#!$#@%$#%^^#$%$@#!$#

 

Uno: Wow.  That girl can cuss.

 

Having experienced the Mundania equivalent of curse burrs (i.e. sandspurs),I can sympathize.

[Guest The Thin Inn Keeper]

Rand and Co are travelling, marching towards TG. On the way, they cross paths with another group, 3 humans, one of which is wearing a grey robe, a short runty bloke with a beard and axe, and pointy eared lout with a bow, and 4 really short people with big, hairy feet, all muttering about some ring and a guy named Sauron

 

This is very tongue-in-cheek and not a dig at Jordan :) , but ...

 

Rand and Co. decide to ask the odd crowd for assistance in fighting TG.

 

"We've off to battle for the future of the world, we need all the help we can get, care to join?" Rand asks.

 

"Just done it mate, you're too late," answers Legolas.

 

"What? That can't be!"

 

"Yep, ring in lava, Sauron gone, Uruk-Hai all dead or legging it. Job's a gud'n," grins one of the little people, "I'm off to see how Rosie's doing."

 

"Uruk-Hai, Sauron? What are you on?" Mat asks, raising an eyebrow.

 

"Oh, sorry. Cross-over of authors. Ummmm ... Trollocs? The Dark One? You know, all the cliches. Myrdraal vs. Nazghul," the axe-carrying midget says.

 

"I'm confused. What's a Trolloc got to do with an Uruk-Hai, what is an Uruk-Hai anyway?"

 

"Well, it's this whole cross-pollenation thing."

 

"Right ....."

 

"Hmmmm, Aragorn, meet Lan, Lan meet Aragorn. Do you see the similarities?"

 

"No."

 

"Well, you know the Creator?"

 

"Yep."

 

"Where I come from his name's Tolkein. Here it's Jordan."

 

"Easy now... I don't like where this is going."

 

"Yes, difficult isn't it?"

 

"So who's the Dark One then?"

 

"Terry Goodkind by all accounts."

 

"Oh.... Christ...."

[trakand_01]

I would really see the humour in it if Asmo's killer was finally revealed, and our only response was...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"...Who? The name's not ringing a bell..."

[Darth_Andrea]

I think the funniest thing that could happen would be, Rand though all 11 of the previous books doing all these things fighting and killing and fulfilling all these prophecys. Then at TG the armys assemble, The Channelers Line up, The Trolicks are breathing hard and the Fades are ready. Then The Dark One breaks free fully, appears in the middle of the battle field, And it's PeeWee Herman, Looking for that damned Bike again. Everyone throws up their hands and go home and the Trolicks Eat him.

 

 

 

[glow=green,1,500]Darth_Andrea[/glow]             

[trakand_01]

Even better, the DO appears, takes a good look around (uses his special dark-one senses to see all the world in the blink of an eye) and opens his mouth to announce to all present:

 

 

....

 

 

 

"Ah, er ... this is really rather embarrasing... you'll laugh about it in a couple of years! well, er... i think i'll just... go back in there..." points ot the DO prison "... if its ok, i'm not really a 'people' person, its quite populated out here isnt it!? I'd forgotten what it's like to run a world."

 

he turns, looks over his armies, turns around and looks at Rand's armies.

 

"oh... and you all made such an effort, too... I'm really very sorry... anyways, best get off, they lock the doors at eight..."

 

and wanders back through the Bore, into his prison, whistling "show me the way to go home"

[aussie_ashaman123]

The Dark One break from his prison, looks around, and then chews on a carrot, saying "I knew i should've toined left at Albuquerque!"

[trakand_01]

The DO steps out of his prison onto a battlefield.  are fighting to their deaths all around him.

 

At his arrival the fighting stops, all eyes turn to the dark hole in the world that omits him. Elves, Orcs and Humans turn to look...

 

"OH...SH*T... SORRY, WRONG WORLD. CARRY ON!"

 

and the DO returns through the hole in the sky, pulling out a crumpled and stained map as he goes...

[Sila Darklover]

 

"I'm confused. What's a Trolloc got to do with an Uruk-Hai, what is an Uruk-Hai anyway?"

 

"Well, it's this whole cross-pollenation thing."

 

 

Whoa.

 

Trollocs and Uruk-Hai "cross-pollinating"...not a good image.  :D

[aevogt]

Or 5 little people with God's map to the universe show up to steal everything that isn't nailed down.  John Cleese has a cameo as Robin Hood and runs away with Birgitte.

 

 

[Sila Darklover]

Gandalf is sitting in a tavern.  Perrin walks in, sits next to him and says in a tough-guy voice:

 

"Hey pal.  I heard you set some wolves on fire awhile back.  My ax would like to have a few words with you about that."   

[42Bonzo88]

    Well done Thin Inkeeper, that's a Classic!!!

[aussie_ashaman123]

The black tower admit's into its ranks a short, messy haired boy with glasses and a lightning shaped scar.

[Mr Ares]

Who here is a big Buffy fan? Remember the the episode they did as a musical? Imagine that as book 12. Tarmon Gaidin, where everyone must sing and dance coz of some flaw now in the pattern.

If they do this, the book should be called Tarmon Gaidon: The Musical. And they should ditch Sanderson a replace him with Robert Rankin as the writer. LTT turns out not to be the voice of Rand's past life, but a time travelling Holy Guardian Sprout (When the Creator ran out of angels, he turned to his vegetable garden...) who is resident in Rand's head. See, it makes perfect sense. Cue insertion of favourite Rankinisms (it's a Prophecy, or an old charter, or something).

 

Also, as to all these LotR/WoT crossovers, why stop there?

 

Time. The final frontier. These are the voyages of the ta'veren Rand Al'thor. His continuing mission: to prepare the world for Tarmon Gaidon, to seek out new alliances and civilisations. To boldly save what only he in previous incarnations has ever saved before.

[aussie_ashaman123]

Time. The final frontier. These are the voyages of the ta'veren Rand Al'thor. His continuing mission: to prepare the world for Tarmon Gaidon, to seek out new alliances and civilisations. To boldly save what only he in previous incarnations has ever saved before.

 

From black powder cannon and steam engines, the photon torpedos and warp drives?

 

hmmmmm, interesting idea, just nuke Shayol Ghul from space.

[Darth_Andrea]

Time. The final frontier. These are the voyages of the ta'veren Rand Al'thor. His continuing mission: to prepare the world for Tarmon Gaidon, to seek out new alliances and civilisations. To boldly save what only he in previous incarnations has ever saved before.

 

From black powder cannon and steam engines, the photon torpedos and warp drives?

 

hmmmmm, interesting idea, just nuke Shayol Ghul from space.

 

Na too much colateral damage. You need the best....you need

 

 

 

[glow=green,1,500]Darth_Andrea[/glow]         

 

[Mr Ares]

Time. The final frontier. These are the voyages of the ta'veren Rand Al'thor. His continuing mission: to prepare the world for Tarmon Gaidon, to seek out new alliances and civilisations. To boldly save what only he in previous incarnations has ever saved before.

From black powder cannon and steam engines, the photon torpedos and warp drives?

As a result of an anomaly sending the Enterprise/Defiant/whatever through time.

 

While we're at it, why not a Star Trek cast list:

Rand - Kirk

Perrin - Spock

Ishamael/Moridin - Khan (sorry, KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!)

Semi - Uhura

Flinn - McCoy (She's dead, Rand)

Lan - Worf

Shai'tan & the Creator - Q

Nynaeve - the EMH (Just because I'm sure many people will love the idea of a Nynaeve that could be turned off.)

Tuon - Gowron

Shaidar Haran - Weyoun

 

Any more suggestions, anyone?

[Jehaine]

http://www.sadame.net/WOT/humor2/abridged.html

 

"I see you've noticed my disconcerting agelessness," continued Moiraine. The teenagers exchanged puzzled glances. "Go on, guess how old I am!"

 

"Thirty-seven?" suggested Rand. The others nodded in agreement.

 

Moiraine blinked, then casually studied her blue nail polish. "Kill them," she said. Lan reached for his sword.

 

OMG i just can't stop laughing at this... XD

 

"They follow the Way of the Leaf," Elyas explained. "The Primo Colombian Leaf."

 

Must... breathe... ;D