I would really laugh if...

[Babalu]

Who here is a big Buffy fan? Remember the the episode they did as a musical? Imagine that as book 12. Tarmon Gaidin, where everyone must sing and dance coz of some flaw now in the pattern.

 

Lews Therin: I've got a theory, that's it Demandred. A dancing Demandred...no something isn't right there.

[burog25c]

Darth Andrea,

    Nice John Stewart pic. In that vein...

 

The Eve of TG:

a little blue man with long white hair pops out of nowhere, and hands Rand a ring, and something that looks suspiciously like a lantern.

  "What am I supposed to do with this? Who are you?" Rand asks, bewildered.

  "I'm Ganthet," replies the little blue man, "a Guardian of the universe. That is a Green Lantern ring. It is the most powerful weapon in the universe. With it, you can create anything, so long as your will power holds out. It shall come in handy with your battle against the forces of evil."

  Rand looks inquisitively at the ring, then slides in on his finger. "So.. how does this thing work?"

  Ganthet explains that it takes whatever he can think of and forms it from the energy in the ring, provided he has the will power to back it up.

  squinches up his face, obviously in deep thought, then the veins stand out on his forehead and in his neck as he tries to will the ring to action.

  "AIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGH!" he cries out, furiously trying to force the ring to obey. Looking at Rand's hand, Ganthet notices that nary a spark or flicker has emerged from the ring.

  In absolute befuddlement, Ganthet slips the ring off of Rand's finger and examines every minute particle of it.

  "Hmm, the ring seems okay. Here, let me see that battery."

  "Battery? What battery? What IS a battery?" Rand asks, the questions tumbling one after another.

  "Ah... right... that lantern looking thingy right there." After Rand hands it to him, he inspects the battery from top to bottom, noting that it has the authentic "Made on OA" stamp on the bottom.

  "I don't understand this at all," Ganthet mutters to himself. Slipping the ring onto his own hand he conjures an army of over a million Kilowogs, each etched in pure emerald light. "Well it seems to work for me. I can't see how the book of OA or the ring could have been so wrong about you Perrin Aybara."

  "Err... excuse me? I'm not Perrin. My name is Rand Al'Thor... you seem to be mistaken."

  Quickly, Ganthet consults the Book of OA and finds the entry for Rand Al'Thor. His finger moves down the biographical details of Rand, quietly muttering as he reads.

  "Dragon Reborn... fights the Dark One at TG... sheepherder... woolhead... three wives..." suddenly Ganthet looks up in understanding and looks questioningly at Rand.

  "You have three wives...? Three wives...? three Wives...? Three Wives!?! Judas-bloody-priest, no wonder the ring doesn't work for you. How in the bloody blue hells did you allow yourself to get roped by three women...? at the same bleeding time? It's obvious you have all of the will power of mummified gnat. Sheesh... I've wasted all this time on a yutz. Does anyone here know where I can find this Perrin person? No? Just great, next thing you know Sinestro will be forming his own Corps and looking to rule the universe with fear. Gah... humans... nothing but trouble."

  Ganthet stalks off in a huff mutering under his breath about humans who don't have the will to avoid one wife, much less three, as Rand chases after him trying to explain that he loves all three, none a whit more or less than the others.

 

[aussie_ashaman123]

The Next Age, called the 4th age by some, an age yet to come, and age long gone... The Age of Disco!

[Guest The Thin Inn Keeper]

The Next Age, called the 4th age by some, an age yet to come, and age long gone... The Age of Disco!

 

The Wheel of Time Turns, what was once will be again,

And the Age of Disco ended, and there was much Wailing,

And Gnashing of Teeth, And the Tearing of The Hair,

For A Dark Age followed that of the Brightly Spinning Ball,

The Age of Tight Jeans, of Bad Perms, of Men With Eye-Liner,

The Age of The Synthizier, The Rock Ballad,

The Age of Enormous Cell Phones.

The Age of ... The Eighties.

 

The Yuppies ruled and it was many years before the world emerged,

Some said the art of the song was lost.

[trakand_01]

Crikey they've got a fair few ages to go through before they find the Art again!

 

 

Hahaha funny if the DO came out of a Red Phone Box and looked suspiciously like David Tennant.

[Guest The Thin Inn Keeper]

Crikey they've got a fair few ages to go through before they find the Art again!

 

Whoops ... I meant it to read like one long description of one Age, The Eighties.  :)

[aussie_ashaman123]

I would serously if...

 

We found out the only reason the Dark One wants to break free is to use the telephone buried under the ruins of Malkier to order pizza

[Sila Darklover]

The Randland-Middle Earth Olympic Events:

 

Archery: Birgitte vs. Legolas

(She kicks his caudal peduncle and he kisses her, then is shocked when she fails to swoon because he's too pretty for her taste)

 

Aerial acrobatics: Nazgul team on "fell beasts" vs. Seanchan team on raken

 

Racing: Bela vs. Shadowfax (no riders neccessary)

 

Fishing: Moiraine and Suian vs. Gollum

 

Got any more?

[42Bonzo88]

    In return to Sila Darklover Staffs (Staves?) Mat versus Gandalf One who can take on two swordsmen, one that is magical Who Wins?

[trakand_01]

Gandalf has a nasty habit of being re-born, Mat is simply lucky.

[aussie_ashaman123]

The Randland-Middle Earth Olympic Events:

 

Archery: Birgitte vs. Legolas

(She kicks his caudal peduncle and he kisses her, then is shocked when she fails to swoon because he's too pretty for her taste)

 

Aerial acrobatics: Nazgul team on "fell beasts" vs. Seanchan team on raken

 

Racing: Bela vs. Shadowfax (no riders neccessary)

 

Fishing: Moiraine and Suian vs. Gollum

 

Got any more?

 

well, no pie eating contests, the shire-folk would win it hands down.

 

hmmm, how about wrestling, short-and-stocky division, Gaidal Cain vs Gimli.

 

Wrestling, big and nasty division, Balrog vs Mashadar

 

3000 metre Equine Dash? Arwen and Frodo chased by Nazghul, Moraine, Lan, and two Rivers crew chased by Myrddraal and Trollocs.

 

Ear Gymnastics, Loial and Legolas

 

And who provides the fireworks for the opening or closing ceremony? Gandalf or  The Illuminators Guild?

[trakand_01]

I am reading book 10 and have actually had to put it down in the middle of the chapter where Dobraine has been nearly murdered. Loial has just shown up again, with Karldin, and Asha'man (I have to confess I cannot remember Karldin at all!! Did they go for Loial to visit a Stedding?).

 

Karldin's surname is Underhill.

 

Isnt that the name Frodo went by in the village in LotR?

[JenLenaMom]

I am reading book 10 and have actually had to put it down in the middle of the chapter where Dobraine has been nearly murdered. Loial has just shown up again, with Karldin, and Asha'man (I have to confess I cannot remember Karldin at all!! Did they go for Loial to visit a Stedding?).

 

Karldin's surname is Underhill.

 

Isnt that the name Frodo went by in the village in LotR?

 

They went to as many Steddings as they could, sent by Rand to talk the Elders into letting the Ashaman into warding the waygate and for them to post guards since shadowspawn have been using the ways. 

As to Underhill, that is the name Frodo went by, I'm pretty sure that RJ said it was his nod to Tolkien.

[trakand_01]

In the final throws of Tarmon Gaidon, Rand lies dying on the slopes of Shayol Ghul. Elayne, terrified for the love of her live, throws about looking for something, anything that can save the world. She spots a corner of parchment hanging out of one of Rand's pockets, pulls it out.

 

"Use only in cases of dire emergency, death of the Dragon or Bela"

 

it reads.

 

Thinking "this is it, this is what we need!" she opens the parchment, scans the spidery writing, she never knew Herid Fel but she recognised his hand.

 

Standing, embracing the source, she follows the instructions. A doorway opens in the air beside Rand's motionless body, mist billows forth and a figure emerges.

 

Coughing and waving her hand to clear the mist and her lungs, Elayne's eyes widen in horror and she just has time to utter the words "May the Light save us, we're doomed!" before her eyes roll back in her head and she falls on Rand's corpse.

 

The figure, a well-worn little man with a funny hat and coat, makes his way down the mountain towards the battle.

 

Followed by a suitcase on legs.

[aussie_ashaman123]

In the final throws of Tarmon Gaidon, Rand lies dying on the slopes of Shayol Ghul. Elayne, terrified for the love of her live, throws about looking for something, anything that can save the world. She spots a corner of parchment hanging out of one of Rand's pockets, pulls it out.

 

"Use only in cases of dire emergency, death of the Dragon or Bela"

 

it reads.

 

Thinking "this is it, this is what we need!" she opens the parchment, scans the spidery writing, she never knew Herid Fel but she recognised his hand.

 

Standing, embracing the source, she follows the instructions. A doorway opens in the air beside Rand's motionless body, mist billows forth and a figure emerges.

 

Coughing and waving her hand to clear the mist and her lungs, Elayne's eyes widen in horror and she just has time to utter the words "May the Light save us, we're doomed!" before her eyes roll back in her head and she falls on Rand's corpse.

 

The figure, a well-worn little man with a funny hat and coat, makes his way down the mountain towards the battle.

 

Followed by a suitcase on legs.

 

:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

 

okay, we have a winner

 

love this one, still laffing

[aussie_ashaman123]

Moradin and the tall thin stranger sit in the confortable chairs.

 

"my name is Moradin, it means Death."

 

OH REALLY? WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON THEN.

[trakand_01]

"Yes, we do" Says Moridin, oddly nervous. He fiddles with the corner of the doily which covers the small table.

 

"So..." he says, furtively looking around the room "Did you bring what I asked for?"

 

Death smiles as much as a skeleton can smile.

 

I DID. ALBERT?

 

A small withered old man hobbles up to Death's side. Moridin nearly breaks his neck whipping his head around to see where the man came from. He was SURE he put the chain on the door...

 

The little man takes something from under his coat and hands it to Death.

 

HERE IT IS

 

Death hands the object to Moridin, who sighs, relief evident on his face. In his hand, is a small hourglass, the plaque on the foot has been extended by way of some post-it notes and bits of sellotaped paper. It reads;

 

Tony

Ishamael

Be'lal

Ba'alzamon

Moridin

 

 

After Death and Albert have left, Moridin shuts the door, locks it. Settling back into the comfortable chair, and poking his tongue out between his teeth, he pulls out the hourglass, careful to hold it the right way up. Carefully peeling the lid off, he takes a container out of his pocket, and pours 300g of flour into the top half of the container.

 

"There," he says. "That should do it."

 

[aussie_ashaman123]

*gasp*

 

Bela is Binky in disguise!

[trakand_01]

You see you don't want Bashere and the Saldeans, you don't want Mat and the Seanchan, or Perrin and the armies of Manetheren, or the Aiel.

 

What you want, is Nobby, Detritus, Carrot, and the Watch.

[aussie_ashaman123]

The gholam is a terrible beast, weaves disappear when they touch him, swords, and dagger cause no damage, but he has met his match in another ferocious beast, Greebo the Cat.

[trakand_01]

Seriously, have you ever watched someone who's not familiar with the workings of a cat's mind trying to get away when one's climbed up on their lap? Hilarious.

 

Person - come on kitty, get down now

Kitty - no.

Person - come on, good kitty, take your claws out of my jumper

Kitty - no. i will stay here until you have stroked me, human. you will perform your human duties, then i will leave with a look of disgust up on my face.