I would really laugh if...

[trakand_01]

CCTV footage has been found of the inside of Shayol Ghul...

 

I'll stop after this one I promise.

 

 

[Feral]

The DO singing "Gimme gimme gimme a man after midnight!" in the shower. That'll terrify the forces of Light.

[trakand_01]

hahaha, does he wear a shower cap?

[aevogt]

My bad it should be:

 

"I'M GONNA WASH THAT RAND RIGHT OUTTA MY HAIR"

 

 

[Feral]

hahaha, does he wear a shower cap?

 

Yep, with pink Darkhounds on it. ;D

[42Bonzo88]

These are awesome!!! I really needed the laugh today!

[aussie_ashaman123]

your forgetting the DO's pink bunny slippers

[aussie_ashaman123]

the DO in the bathtub! "rubber draghkar, youre the one, you make bath time so much fun..."

[nornagest]

the last book is 800 pgs long ( like all the rest ) on page one Rand travels to Shayol Ghul, trips over and grazes his hand on some rocks..... the dark one and all the hordes of the dark are sucked back inside the prison and sealed away. and the book ends ...... the other 799 pages are blank ...... then all over earth cries of ' they can't do that' erupt from a million throats simultaniously.

[aevogt]

Actually, Tor's style would be to just put fewer words per page to stretch it out, like they did with four of the last five books.

 

 

 

[Razor]

That ending would be about as lame as the final Sword of Truth climax.

[trakand_01]

Actually, Tor's style would be to just put fewer words per page to stretch it out, like they did with four of the last five books.

 

 

 

 

Like a flicker book? Like those little books where each page has a different picture on it and as you flick, the image moves about.

[trakand_01]

These are awesome!!! I really needed the laugh today!

 

Everyone needs a good laugh from time to time, better to have it here than in the middle of someone else's (serious) thread  :)

[trakand_01]

I would love this;

 

Rand approaches the DO's prison. There is noise from inside, sounds vaguely like voices reach him outside those massive black doors. He tries the handle (I dont know if they have a handle, but bear with me), only to find it is an illusion; there is no handle. Fumbling about in the dark, eventually he finds some sort of mechanism that opens a tiny door within the big doors. It swings inwards on silent hinges, a tiny bell tinkles at the passing of the door but the noises from within are too loud for anyone but Rand to hear them.

 

Keeping close to the walls, Rand inches down the corridor, towards the source of the strange voices. Bumping into something we have a moment of panic as he frantically tries to stop a vase of chrysanthemums on a side-table toppling over with his one hand.

 

Eventually reaching a doorway outlined in bright light, Rand peeks through the gap where the door isnt quite closed. The voices are coming from in there.

 

Seizing Saidin, he throws the door open and leaps into the room...

 

 

 

 

 

 

Where Shai'tan lounges on the sofa, puff under his bunny-clad feet, dressing gown on, cuppa in hand. Changing Rooms blares out of a very small and old television and there's evidence of a takeaway curry.

 

Jumping to his feet Shai'tan screams

 

"OOOOH, I SAY, YOU GAVE ME *SUCH* A FRIGHT. OOOH LOVIE, COME ON IN YOU LOOK KNACKERED!"

 

and, adjusting his robe so as to maintain his dignity, flounces out of the room.

 

"I'VE GOT A BREW GOING, DO YOU TAKE SUGAR?"

 

 

 

Well, you know... millennia of deprivation can do strange things to homicidal maniacs.

[Guest The Thin Inn Keeper]

Well, you know... millennia of deprivation can do strange things to homicidal maniacs.

 

The Great Lord of the Dark and Moggy are passing the time. They've been imprisioned in the Bore for 2,580 years. The Great Lord of the Dark, Leadfblighter, The Father of Lies is playing with a Rubriks Cube.

 

*Click*

NOPE.

*Click*

NOPE

*Click*

NOPE

 

OI? MOGGY, HAVE YOU MANAGED TO DO THIS YET?

 

"No boss, but I did manage to get to level 978,524 on Tetris. Those L-Shaped ones are a bugger."

 

EEEWWWWWW! WHO'S A CLEVER SOD THEN?

 

"Oh sod off, pass the Sudoko."

[trakand_01]

Isn't she one of the Kin (Suduko)?

 

Oh no, that's Sumeko.

 

I'd like to see them doing a crossword.

 

DO "HMMM... 4 ACROSS... BEGINS WITH B... BIRD? NO. BALL? NO. BOOO? NO."

 

Graendal "Are you stuck?"

 

DO "IT WOULD APPEAR TO BE SO"

 

G "What's the clue?"

 

DO "SAVIOUR OF THE WORLD. FOUR LETTERS, STARTS WITH B."

 

G "I know the answer, but I dont think you're going to like it..."

[trakand_01]

One thing we havent discussed for a while is accents. Now, I come from Yorkshire. From Sheffield actually (loud and proud), which has rather a distinctive accent. I know many people will have seen The Full Monty and they were close, but bear in mind that Robert Carlisle, whilst a wizzard at accents, is actually scottish. Mark Addey however is a northerner (I think he's from leeds though).

 

Brassed off is another one with Yorkshire accents. Sheffield as i've said is quite distinct, and varied even in the local dialects. My partner is from Doncaster and the sound 'th' doesnt exist in his language.

 

When i read, i read as though all the characters are newsreaders - non offensive accent, no particular twang. I know that RJ was from Charleston, and so likely when HE wrote the books the characters all had american accents, but I'm english, I refuse to read in american.

 

I do laugh however if i ever read out passages to other people; the yorkshire accent just does not fit the dialogue...

 

 

[Guest The Thin Inn Keeper]

Isn't she one of the Kin (Suduko)?

 

Oh no, that's Sumeko.

 

DO "SAVIOUR OF THE WORLD. FOUR LETTERS, STARTS WITH B."

 

G "I know the answer, but I dont think you're going to like it..."

 

Re. Sumeko -- *Budmhp stch!!* (Apologies, my attempt at making the classic drum and cymbal sound common to stand-up shows in the 60's and 70's)

 

As for the answer:

 

DO: "IT'S NOT THAT F'ING HORSE IS IT?! OH FOR JORDAN'S SAKE. THAT F'ERS GOING STRAIGHT TO THE GLUE FACTORY. I'LL BE BACK, NOW, WHERE'S BINKY?"

[Guest The Thin Inn Keeper]

One thing we havent discussed for a while is accents. Now, I come from Yorkshire.

 

I remember being really confused by a friend of mine when she starting talking about the really interesting "booook" (similar to the noise the Librarian in Discworld makes) she was reading.

 

And there there was the girl from Dublin and that whole "One, two, tree" thing.

 

Hours of fun.  :)

[Mr Ares]

When i read, i read as though all the characters are newsreaders - non offensive accent, no particular twang. I know that RJ was from Charleston, and so likely when HE wrote the books the characters all had american accents, but I'm english, I refuse to read in american.

 

I do laugh however if i ever read out passages to other people; the yorkshire accent just does not fit the dialogue...

Sorry to take this thread off on a serious tangent, but RJ has commented on accents:

In March of 2000, Paul Ward received a letter from RJ in which he listed what some of the regional accents of Randland sound like:

 

Two Rivers - Irish/English

Illianers - Dutch

Aiel - somewhat Slavic

Tairen - Spanish

Domani - Indian

Saldaean - Egyptian/North African

Seanchan - Texas

http://linuxmafia.com/jordan/3_sources/3.14_countries.html

[Guest The Thin Inn Keeper]

 

Two Rivers - Irish/English

Illianers - Dutch

Aiel - somewhat Slavic

Tairen - Spanish

Domani - Indian

Saldaean - Egyptian/North African

Seanchan - Texas

 

Hmmmm... I've seen this before, it never made sense to me. Hearing a Dutchman say "There do be..." would have me in tears. Also, from personal experience, the regional differences between the accents encountered between North Africa and Egypt make the differences in global English seem neglible.

[trakand_01]

I always imagined the Illianers to be Welsh, it fits with the language.

 

'Boooook' is more of a Leeds thing, but here in sheffield we have a habit of missing the 'he' out of things such as 'the internet'. This is commonly (and jokingly) referred to as tinternet...

 

If i had the book i'd translate some serious passages into Yorkshire just for the comedy value but I dont (plus I'm supposed to be working...)  ;)

[Dbob]

Seanchan - Texas

http://linuxmafia.com/jordan/3_sources/3.14_countries.html

 

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD NOOOOOOOOOOOO!  Don't do this to me!!

 

OK, So if the Seanchan sound like Texans. Which ones? Texas is like the size of France. So, North Texans sound kinda like they're from Kansas, West Texans sound like what you probably think Texans sound like - and are the least numerous, East Texans sound like Cajuns more often than not, and south Texans, well, they mostly just speak Spanish. Here, <i>Deep in the Heart of Texas</i> we like to think we're comprehensible to everyone else. If I have to imagine the Seanchan sounding like a Tejano, and slipping into Spanish every other word, I'm going to go insane. Then of course there's what I like to call the Texas mumble dialect, which sounds litteraly like someone mumbling at you in slow motion. If that's what they sound like, how is it possible anyone else understands them <i>I</i> don't understand people who speak like that.

 

Jordan was from South Carolina?!? Well that explains quite a bit actually.

[trakand_01]

Yup he was, and if you've ever been to Charleston, it's a real surprise town! Looks all quiet and back-waterish when you first get there (I arrived by boat), but just a five minute walk and you've got Chanel, Gucci and everything else you can imagine, nestled up next to home-remedy stores and other local places. A real wonderful place.

 

Makes it easy to understand how he managed to find so much inspiration.

[Dbob]

Yup he was, and if you've ever been to Charleston, it's a real surprise town! Looks all quiet and back-waterish when you first get there (I arrived by boat), but just a five minute walk and you've got Chanel, Gucci and everything else you can imagine, nestled up next to home-remedy stores and other local places. A real wonderful place.

 

Makes it easy to understand how he managed to find so much inspiration.

 

Knowing that Jordan is a southern boy actually lessens my irritation with some of his characters. If I look at them in the context of the social conventions and archetypes that produced him, some of their (Rand, Elayne, mostly) idiosyncrasies don't look so random.

 

Soooo in the spirit of this thread.

 

I would really Laugh if…

 

Elayne made dresses out of her own curtains, and went off to Cairhien to procure money for her army. One of the Kin could be Mammy.