I would really laugh if...

[Bazzles]

Hmmmm... I've seen this before, it never made sense to me. Hearing a Dutchman say "There do be..." would have me in tears. Also, from personal experience, the regional differences between the accents encountered between North Africa and Egypt make the differences in global English seem neglible.

 

Not to mention that there can be quite a difference between Irish and English accents. Hell, there's a huge difference between just the Irish accents(and I'm Irish so this isn't based on stereotypes ;)).

 

 

[burog25c]

The Dark One (Neville) and Rand square up, and in walks Hyacinth Bucket... and Elizabeth with a Royal Doulton cup. They'd soon get sorted!

 

Sorry non-UK-ers, I know this doesnt make much sense to you!

 

in the U.S.A. here. ya know good and well the first thing that would happen is that Elizabeth would drop the cup because Hyacinth tore her nerves up. then while E was trying to clean it up while being pushed aside by Hyacinth (protesting at Elizabeths' clumsiness and how expensive her Royal Doulton China--with the hand painted periwinkles--had yet again been mistreated) the DO would grab his head trying to comprehend why this foolish mortal was ignoring him for a broken CUP of all things (H shoulda gave Elizabeth a beaker like she asked for) Richard would then walk in with the newspaper tucked in under his arm trying to smooth over the whole situation and would finally wind up pulling the DO aside to talk and commiserate over being ignore, and/or bullied by Hyacinth.

 

on the OTHER side of town, Rose would be getting dressed up for a date with that dishy new DO guy and wondering if she could get the vicar to listen to her confession after. Onslo would be busy trying to watch either a race or a movie on the telly, and having trouble picking up the signal and ask Daisy to fix it for him while also telling rose that the vicar would never live long enough to hear all of her confessions. Daisy would then head to the kitchen for a spot of tea and Onslo wold ask her to bring back a pint. During all of this, no one would notice that daddy had snuck down the stairs and out of the flat dressed only in his old WW2 helmet and fake wooden rifle.

 

after chasing a couple of women through the park, Daddy would then wind up by some miracle at Hyacinth's and end the story by taking the DO prisoner, armed only with the fake rifle and old helmet.

 

The END!

[burog25c]

damn. i forgot the part where the DO mistakenly says "would you kindly SHUT UP Mrs. Bucket." at which Hyacinth would look at the DO frostily, one eyebrow raised at the impertinence, cheek muscle twitching, and firmly inform the DO that "It's pronounced BOUQUET, not bucket." Richard would then look up at the ceiling, biting his lower lip then lower his head and cover his eyes waiting for the inevitable explosion from the DO, and the BIGGER one that would follow from Hyacinth.

[aevogt]

THe forces of the light are reeling from defeat after defeat and during a battle council, Perrin steps up and gives Brother Bluto's Speech from Animal house.

 

Demandred?  DEAD!

Shaidar Haran?  DEAD!

THE DARK ONE?  DEAD!

 

 

Who's with me?!?!?! 

[Guest The Thin Inn Keeper]

Not to mention that there can be quite a difference between Irish and English accents. Hell, there's a huge difference between just the Irish accents(and I'm Irish so this isn't based on stereotypes ;)).

 

I'm from Antrim and trust me ... the differences between North African and Egyptian languages, one of which is Arabic, makes the difference between the Irish/English/Indian/Australian/NZ etc., etc., accents appear tiny. We're talking about being utterly unable to understand what the other is saying (even though they are technically speaking the same language). Eg. if you want to work as a translator, i.e. your a foreigner who speaks Arabic, you have to be qualified in each country's dialect before you'll get much work. ... And that's just the Arabic... That's why JRs accent guide always seemed a little ... contrived, maybe?

 

'Boooook' is more of a Leeds thing, but here in sheffield we have a habit of missing the 'he' out of things such as 'the internet'. This is commonly (and jokingly) referred to as tinternet...

 

The Booook guy was from 'Borough I think. Yep, I remember the 'tinternet well, I've imported it to Lebanon. You get get funny looks outside of the UK, within it people chuckle though.  ;)

 

********

 

Not so much as laugh, but ...

 

I'd laugh if ... Rand stopped complaining and realised that he has somehow managed to get involved with 3 stunning women simultaneously, they all know about each other and they don't seem too bothered.... - For the love of God man, stop carping on about death, feathers, duty and mountains and sit back and think on that for a moment....

 

[trakand_01]

damn. i forgot the part where the DO mistakenly says "would you kindly SHUT UP Mrs. Bucket." at which Hyacinth would look at the DO frostily, one eyebrow raised at the impertinence, cheek muscle twitching, and firmly inform the DO that "It's pronounced BOUQUET, not bucket." Richard would then look up at the ceiling, biting his lower lip then lower his head and cover his eyes waiting for the inevitable explosion from the DO, and the BIGGER one that would follow from Hyacinth.

 

Hahaha, fantastic, I love KUA.

[Babalu]

I do laugh however if i ever read out passages to other people; the yorkshire accent just does not fit the dialogue...

 

I don't know about that. "I'm just off t'cleanse source of t'taint." has a kind of poetic ring to it.

 

Of course, we know Rand isn't a northern boy because there's not been a single scene of him waxing lyrical about the marvelousness of gravy.

[trakand_01]

There is barely a carb-heavy meal in the world wouldnt benefit from a bit of gravy so thick you can stand your fork up in it!

 

:D

[Rasta Ashaman]

We could have some faulty towers sketches.

"Is not rat, is spy of the dark one".

I would imagine if the DO loses and gets re-imprisoned, the 'Dont mention the war' scenes would be quite relevant in Shayol Ghul!

What about the eternal masterpiece - Monty Python's Holy Grail?

 

slightly abridged version here (scene 8, The Strike at Shayol Ghul v.2):

 

[clop clop]

 

Rand & Co.:   It is I, the Dragon Reborn, and the Heroes of the Horn and the rest of the Forces of the Light. We've come to reseal the bore.

 

DO:                                     I FART IN YOUR GENERAL DIRECTION.

DO (to Shaidar Haran):     FETCHEZ LA VACHE!

 

Rand & Co.: Run away!

 

[clop clop]

[Babalu]

There is barely a carb-heavy meal in the world wouldnt benefit from a bit of gravy so thick you can stand your fork up in it! :D

 

My southern sensibilities tell me to disagree, but I do like a good bit of gravy.

 

On the subject of accents, I've always thought Mat would benefit from an Irish brogue. That or a Jimmy Nail style geordie accent. "Blood and bloody ashes pet" etc.

[Mr Ares]

Well, if we are just going to go back to recycling British sitcoms and sketch shows for humour rather than laughing at RJ's limited knowledge of accents...."I didn't expect a sort of 'Hand of the Light'"

*3 Questioners burst in* "NOBODY expects the Hand of the Light, surprise is our chief weapon, surprise and fear. Our two chief weapons are surprise and fear. And ruthlessness. Our three chief weapons are surprise, fear and ruthlessness...and an almost fanatical dedication to the Lord Captain Commander of the Children of the Light. Among our weapons are numbered such things as surprise, fear, ruthlessness, an almost fanatical dedication to the Lord Captain Commander of the Children of the Light....and lovely white uniforms. We'll come in again"

 

Also, why has no-one thought to do the Band of the Red Hand as Dad's Army? Captured Darkfriend: What is your name?

Mat: Don't tell him, Olver.

 

Or how about WOT Carry On style? Moridin played by Kenneth Williams, Rand by Frankie Howerd (titter ye not), Mat by Sid James, you get the idea. Now, let's see who can come up with the best double entendre for a sword form.

 

Who do you think you are kidding mister Dark One,

If you think we're on the run?

We are the ta'veren who will stop your little game,

We are the ta'veren who will make you think again,

So you do you think you are kidding mister Dark One

If you think that Randland's done?

[aevogt]

What is your name?

 

Rand al'Thor.

 

What is your quest

 

To defeat the Dark One at Taron Gaidon.

 

What is you favorite color

 

Redhead, no Brunette, no Blond

[Bazzles]

On the subject of accents, I've always thought Mat would benefit from an Irish brogue

 

I just got a great mental image of Mat with a thick Cork accent "Blood and bloody ashes like, woman. Always getting me into trouble boy!"

[42Bonzo88]

    Continuing on the H Bucket theory (My wife is a HUGE fan of hers) you forgot Emmett running into the room and hiding behind the DO saying. "Watch out!! She might sing at us!!"

[burog25c]

    Continuing on the H Bucket theory (My wife is a HUGE fan of hers) you forgot Emmett running into the room and hiding behind the DO saying. "Watch out!! She might sing at us!!"

 

  "Emmett what ARE you doing hiding behind that... that person of questionable breeding?" Hyacinth reaches out and snags Emmet's arm and hauls him into the middle of the room.

  "Really Mr.... What was your name again? Dio? Just what do you think you're doing? Frightening poor Elizabeth like that? You gave her a terrible start you know. She was so frightened that she dropped on my my Royal Doulton cups..." Hyacinth shoves a shard of the shattered cup under the nose of the DO. "... one of my best, with the hand painted periwinkles. See?" She points at the hand painted piece of china, waving the sharp edge dangerously close to the tip of the DO's nose. His eyes cross as he tries to focus on the design, and on trying to avoid receiving a most embarrassing war wound.

 

  In the corner, richard waves his fingers to gather Hyacinth's attention, and haltingly he says, "Umm.. Hyacinth, I really don't think this is the time or place..."

 

  "Really Richard, this... this... person..." she waves her hand toward the DO, "... scared Elizabeth so badly she broke another one of my favorite pieces--not that she doesn't do that well enough on her own I must say--although come to think of it Royal Doulton might go out of business if she ever does stop breaking my fine china--never mind all of that, he barges in and says he is going to take over the world--came right out of the bottom drawer of my china curio shouting about some other person of questionable breeding named The Dragon Reborn, or Lewis somebody-or-other, or maybe it was Randy Al-Thor--although why in the world he would expect to find any of these persons under my roof or in my china cabinet i have NO idea."

 

  Emmett leans in and whispers into Elizabeth's ear, "Maybe she should just sing at him, that will drive him away for sure," Then makes a mad dash for the door.

 

 

[trakand_01]

I really shouldnt read this at work, people are staring.

 

On the whole, I would just love to see;

 

Perrin decide that actually, Berelain IS prettier than Faile (and has her own country)

 

Mat resort to practical jokes in order to confuse the Dark Armies at TG. You know the things I mean, fireworks under the wagons, "BOO!!"-ing Shaidar Haran when he's reading, that sort of thing.

 

Rand decide it's all too much and go off to Tremalking for a long weekend.

 

The Seanchan decide that if Altara is a good example of Randland, they've made a big mistake.

 

****

 

Oh one last thing,

 

Aram dies!?!?

[Guest The Thin Inn Keeper]

Oh one last thing,

 

Aram dies!?!?

 

Yep. It was kinda out of the blue wasn't it.

 

Just checked out the artist I and one other guy picked out in the post above... Look at the Sammael pic ...

 

He's Cornish, just add a pint of cider to the pic, I know it:

 

"Come on Balazamon, it's time for the last battle. I'll just finsh me scrumpy and we'll go and kick the bloody Sheepherder up the arse."

[trakand_01]

I have to mention this, I know we're going on about sitcoms etc but ...

 

The DO as Father Dougal.

 

Two scenes spring to mind.

 

The Dark One faced Rand across the room, "YOU WILL NOT ESCAPE ME, LEWS THERIN TELAMON, I WILL HAVE MY VENGEANCE."

 

Rand shook his head, mirthless laughter shook his body. "Never, Shai'tan, I will seal you back in your prison, and this time you will not escape."

 

"UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN." The DO said. Turning on his heel, he strode from the room, towards the door that stood wide open.

 

A few seconds passed, some shuffling can be heard. The Dark One re-emerged from behind the door, and walked through the opening, having gotten 'lost' between the open door and the wall.

 

*****

 

Graendal "Great Lord, this is Mazrim Taim, you've met him before - he was loyal to you at the Great Battle."

 

DO "GREAT BATTLE?" a look of confusion crosses his face.

 

G "Yes, you know, we went to war and were horrendously and embarrasingly defeated by the Dragon Reborn"

 

DO "...NO, ITS NOT RINGING BELLS"

 

G "You strode out into the middle of the battle field and made a run for the Dragon Reborn, with your sword drawn."

 

DO "...NO..."

 

G "You must remember... you tripped over that fellow's foot, and impaled yourself on your sword, then Semirhage had to heal you, and Shaidar Haran carried you off the battlefield to the wagons. Then the wagons caught fire, and we had to drag you out by your cloak. You MUST remember?"

 

DO "...SORRY..."

 

G "...you were wearing your blue jumper."

 

DO "YES!! GOT IT. MAZRIM, SO NICE TO SEE YOU"

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-w9aVkQghQA

 

[aussie_ashaman123]

the trollocs march to war, singing there ancient battle-songs

 

"Hi ho, hi ho..."

[aussie_ashaman123]

Rand and the DO meet for the final battle, ready to decide whether Light or Shadow wins.

 

Rand and DO: "one, two, Three!"

 

Rand: "Rock beats sciccors"

 

DO: "Best three out of five?"

[Rasta Ashaman]

A recent visit to my friends, big Bollywood fans and another thread here re a WoT movie, gave me an idea: a blockbuster tear-wrenching Hindi movie with plenty of typical scenes; just take a look at the grand finale, for instance:

 

Elayne meets her long-lost, presumed dead, Mom, followed by a song and a dance sequence;

 

Rand meets his long-lost brother Galad - followed by a song and dance sequence with all the girls (Berelain can sing with Galad);

 

Rand kills Lan's long-lost, presumed dead, cousin Isam in T'A'R, while at the same time Lan kills Rand's long-lost, presumed dead, uncle Luc (I know they can't be at different places at the same time, but it's a Hindi movie); they find out they've killed each others' cousins/uncles - no dances, just a tearjerker song by Rand and Lan;

 

And last but not the least, both the Creator and DO finally find out that they are twins, separated at the moment of Creation - as proof of their kinship they have two halves of the broken Wheel of Time medallion. After the 'and there was much rejoicing' moment there's a huuuuge song and dance sequence with all the trollocs and forces of the Light. FIN.

 

Or, it (the movie) could be made as a musical; couple of oldies would fit perfectly there.

 

"I will survive" for Asmo, after he decides to stick with Rand till the end:

 

At first I was afraid; I was petrified,

Kept thinking I could never live without DO's cord by my side,

But then I spent so many nights thinking how DO did me wrong,

Although I grew a bit weak, but I've learned how to get along.

 

And for Rand, walking up the Shayol Ghul - 'Stayin' Alive'/Bee Gees should do nicely:

 

Well, you can tell by the way I use my walk,

I'm a woman's man: no time to talk.

Music LTT's too loud and women warm.

I've been kicked around since I was (Dragon Re)born.

And now it's all right - it's O.K. -

And you may look the other way.

We can try to understand the New York Times' OP's effect on man.

Whether you're a brother or whether you're a mother Sister,

You're stayin alive, stayin' alive.

Feel the city BREAKIN' and ev'rybody shakin'

and we're stayin' alive, stayin' alive.

 

[burog25c]

The tinkers find their song which turns out to be a really naughty lymric scribbled on the wall of the WT, just under the Amyrlin's seat.

[aussie_ashaman123]

The tinkers find their song which turns out to be a really naughty lymric scribbled on the wall of the WT, just under the Amyrlin's seat.

 

While searching for the Song, the tinkers come across Britney Spears latest single. Deciding that the world is too far gone to save, the tinkers start a murderous rampage, killing every single thing they come across

[trakand_01]

Even better would be for them to find the Song, hear it, and say...

 

 

"Is that it? That's the song we've been searching for for hundreds of years?"

 

nods all 'round

 

"That's rubbish. Me mam could've done better than that!"

[Bazzles]

I have to mention this, I know we're going on about sitcoms etc but ...

 

The DO as Father Dougal.

 

DO: "I'VE COME UP WITH A NEW SHADOWSPAWN. IT'S A SPIDER BABY. IT'S GOT THE BODY OF A SPIDER BUT THE MIND OF A BABY."