Feast of Fools: A Most Excellent Story

[E James Todd]

Hello all! Let's start off this event with what it says on the tin. This is the place where we, the good folk at Dragonmount, will create with our twisted brains a marvelous adventure (or more, if we want!) over the course of this week. Each person can contribute as much or as little as they want, but we must all add to the hilarity. Naturally with such a prospect, I can already hear some of the questions that will be asked...

 

"Should we have wacky adventures?"

Absolutely! This is the Feast of Fools, after all!

 

"What about goofy characters?"

Bring them on!

 

"Can we add in other WT/DM members into the story?"

Sure thing! Just don't be surprised if there's retribution afterward; I take no responsibility for any of that ;)

 

"Does the story have to have continuity?"

Are the jellybeans ruling the world yet? Sorry, what was the question?

 

ANYway! I'll start us off with a seed of inspiration...

 

Once upon a time there was a brave young man named Terry. He was a farmer who worked the nobles' fields, making sure to water them and give them all the good nutrients until the lords and ladies were ready to be plucked right out of the ground. It was a good life, all in all. He could work all day and sleep all night, until it was time to get up and eat his breakfast. One morning, however...

[LilyElizabeth]

He sat down to eat his breakfast, and there was a knock at the door. When he went to answer it, he found a beautiful lady in a red gown and a stole of many stripes. "How do you do this fine day, milady?" he asked.

 

"I need to order some new novices," said the lady, wasting no time beating around the bush, as was her way. "Mine have all grown up or gotten loose and run away. I would send the Warders to find them, but they were so much trouble I'm frankly relieved. At any rate, when will you have a new crop? And make these tougher than the last lazy bunch!"

[blank]

Terry looked up dismayed from his porridge.

 

He was very much looking forward to his porridge this morning - he put honey in it...a rare treasure obtained by nefarious means (young Algai are always looking for horrible paint colours for some reason)

 

"I-I-I don't know if there's a way to make them tougher," he said.

 

The beautiful lady leaned in close, "you get big and strong and tough by eating spinach, everyone knows that! Feed them spinach!!!"

 

"How would I feed them spinach, my lady?"

 

With an imperious wave of her arm she said, "you're the farmer, figure it out. Come along."

 

With a sad look back at his porridge, Terry followed the beautiful lady out to the field. 

[Ryrin]

Terry became very frightened as the scary lady led him out to the fields of his farm for he had not planted any spinach this year.

[Mystica]

But what really should freighten him was if he had planted enough novices.

[LilyElizabeth]

The beautiful lady (whose name was Elgee, but nobody ever dared call her that!) walked out into the fields and grabbed some hair that was all that could be seen of the lady who was growing under the earth. She pulled, and out popped a 12 year old girl. 

 

"This one looks promising. I shall take her now. Find her something to wear."

[Sooh]

A bit dumbfounded by being handed a 12 year old girl without any clothes on, Terry tried not to stare and reached his hand out to grab hers. 

 

"Please, come with me," he said.

[Mystica]

The 12 year old stumbled as her body was adjusting to life above ground and fell down. After a few more moments trying she managed to put one foot in front of the other. She followed Terry meekly but kept looking back at the Lady that had birthed her. She was too busy to notice as she was examining the rest of the crop.

[Ryrin]

While the scary women sought more girls from the earth, Terry took the 12 year old inside his house and was able to find a white dress that his niece had left the last time she was there.

[Sooh]

He handed it to the girl, but quickly realized she had no idea what to do with it.

[Ryrin]

Was he going to have to dress her too?

 

He looked out of the farmhouse window and saw the woman with the stole, picking girls as fast as she could. Where was she going to take them?

[E James Todd]

Of a sudden there was a tremor that ran through the earth. Poor Terry's fields split wide open, right at the arm the scary lady was pulling out. A great chasm opened, and from it even more arms reached upward. Dozens, hundreds, maybe even thousands of young girls climbed out, all of them looking about and trying to figure out what to do.

[blank]

Terry started running about, clearly freaking out.

 

"I don't have enough dresses!!!!"

[Sooh]

Quickly he went to the linen closet and started tearing up some sheets, so that these girls could at least have some form of attire.

[LilyElizabeth]

If anyone had passed by, they would have laughed. Here was Terry's field full of novices wearing what appeared to be togas. 

[Ryrin]

Terry went to ask the woman what she planned to do with the girls in his field. How much should he charge for each one?

[ed2funy]

"I don't think I can even get the Dragon Reborn here; what do you mean you want Rand?!"

He was flabbergasted and didn't know what to do, trying to keep an accurate tally of the Novices as the lady pulled them up.

 

Hopefully she wouldn't find the field of sweets; he knew how much she liked her candy.

[E James Todd]

Fortunately for poor Terry, this terrifying lady walked right on past the entrance to the sucrose fields. UNfortunately for poor Terry, she had started uprooting some of his nobles as well, thinking them to be stranger unfinished novices. Now there were all kinds of people milling about his fields, and he might never tell them apart!

 

Doubly unfortunately, Terry hadn't thought to check the back gate, where a whole fist of Trollocs had snuck in and started eating all of his gobstoppers! Unbeknownst to the farmer, he was about te be besieged by problems on all sides!

[E James Todd]

Dun Dun DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNN!!

[ed2funy]

Terry heard some guttural sounds coming from afar and shouted for everyone to stop. The novices and nobles alike looked at him with fear. Even some young Warders popped up out of the ground on tense alert, already ripe and prepared to train.

 

The beautiful lady - who had been telling girls to call her Mother - turned sharply to him and raised and eyebrow. Somehow, without any other movement, she struck terror into his heart.

 

He just raised his hand and pointed toward the Trollocs...

[Sooh]

Meanwhile, one of the trollocs had reached the first girl who, in joy of being out of the ground and wearing something white and flowing, had danced, skipped and jumped off away from the others. The trolloc grabbed the girl, who immediately became rigid in fear for this huge beast that grabbed her. The trolloc grimaced into something you might call a smile, and lifted her off the ground, spinning around like he was dancing with her.

[ed2funy]

Not noticing the weird love scene going on far off, Mother grabbed a group of novices and forced them into a circle with a trick she learned ages ago. She sent a massive fireball that knocked out 10 Trollocs at once. She turned around to a bright flash behind her and saw all of the Novices she forced into a circle go up in flames. Welp, looks like they weren't ripe enough.

[Ryrin]

Saddened by the loss of the girls, but heartened by the destruction of the trollocs, the lady turned to the farmer and asked him to "plant more girls" or he would "hoe cabbages for the rest of his life."

[ed2funy]

The man pointed to his massive cabbage fields on the other side of his farm, far away from all of the Trollocs. He smiled and said, "okay, baaaiiiiii" before running off

 

The Mother looked around and figured she could just keep burning up Novices...

[Sooh]

Then she turned around and saw the trolloc dancing with the young girl. She smiled to herself and decided to see what would happen if she let some of the other trollocs get closer to the girls. Perhaps they too wanted to dance.