Funniest WoT Quotes

[muddasssir]

again where Perrin meets with Thom and Mat and they advice him to sleep in different pace every night. he replies," why not leave a few Aiels as a surprise who are ready." at replies, " Perrin my friend that is outright devious, you have changed for better"

[Shardbearer]

When Egwene tells Rand that Elayne meant everything she said in her letters.

 

Oh, and pretty much anything Mat says

Edited March 28, 2012 by Shardbearer

[Galium]

When Egwene tells Rand that Elayne meant everything she said in her letters.

 

Oh, and pretty much anything Mat says

Yeah that always confused me about the letters haha. It got even better when Aviendha started telling him that same thing in tSR.

[Sheepherder]

Was doing a read through of ToM and came across this. Makes me laugh every time.

 

"“Don't be so stingy,” Mat said. “I'll pay for dinner.” And bloody ashes, somehow, Mat knew, he would."

[Maleshub]

"Vanin! Where on the Dark One's blistering backside are we?"

[TristanWebb]

One of my favorites was about cats teaching curiosity, but keeping sense for themselves, I don't remember the exact wording.

 

I think it's something like "Cats teach men curiosity, but keep sense to themself"

"Men teach cats curiosity, but cats keep sense for themselves"

[Apples First]

"Do you intend to go hit rabbits over the head, or do you still insist that club is a bow?"

- Ragan, commenting on Rand's Two Rivers bow in TGH

 

"I may be a fool, but I intend to be a live fool."

- Mat, TGH

 

"No wine for me. Strange enough things happen when my head is clear. I want to know the difference"

- Mat, TSR

 

"A Myrddraal has less cunning than a woman, and a Trolloc fights with more honor. And a goat has more sense."

- Gaul, TSR

 

"A woman's flaming rights are whatever she flaming says they are." Uno laughed. "That's what women in Shienar say, anyway."

 

"Oh, I do remember you. The one with the fla- the mouth. Ragan thought you could skin and butcher a blo- bull at ten paces with your tongue. Chaena and Nangu thought fifty"

- Uno

 

 

"If you must mount the gallows, give a jest to the crowd, a coin to the hangman, and make the drop with a smile on your lips."

- Birgitte Silverbow, FoH

 

"We are going to tickle some Aes Sedai under the chin, rescue a mule, and put a snip-nosed girl on the Lion Throne. Oh, yes. That's Aviendha. Don't look at her crosswise, or she'll try to cut your throat and probably slit her own by mistake."

- Mat, LoC

 

"If the world is ending, a woman will cant time to fix her hair. If the world's ending, a woman will take time to tell a man something he's done wrong"

- Mat, LoC

 

"Now. When the poor blind fool they've chosen out for their Amyrlin gets here, I will do the talking. She can't be very bright, or they'd never have been able to shove her into the job. Amylrin Seat for a bloody village in the middle of bloody nowhere. You keep your mouths shut and curtsy for all you're worth, and I'll pull your bacon off the coals again."

- Mat, erm..., being Mat, LoC

 

"When you leap from a cliff," Deira replied, "it is too late for anything but holding to your courage. And hoping there's a haywain at the bottom to land in."

- Deria Bashere, CoW

 

"... the more bosom a woman displayed, the less she wanted you to look. Openly, at least."

- Mat seeing Tylin for the first time, CoW

(coincidentally, this is one of the times were Mat speaks the Old Tongue)

 

"I think the woman was born in Far Madding in a thunderstorm. She probably told the thunder to be quiet. It probably did."

- Basel Gill on Lini, WH

 

"I would not mind you in my head, Lews Therin said, sounding almost sane, if you were not so clearly mad.

- Good Ole Lews Therin, TPoD

 

"You're Aes Sedai," Mat said shrugging. " I figured you... you know saidered it."

" Saidared it?" she asked flatly.

He shrugged.

- Mat and Verin on the posters with Perrin and Mat on, TGS

 

 

Others:

Mat's plan to go inside the village and find out who's asking after him.

Mat's conversation with Talmanes on women dicing.

 

Women do not become exhausted, they only exhaust others. Ogier Saying

The only man completely at peace is a man without a navel. Saying

 

 

Find some more later.

[Kikkus]

Always like this one, cant remember which book or who sad it (i suspect it was Mat).

 

" Women dont get exhausted, they exhuast others"

 

I belive this was the elder ogier..hmm haran or something? Atleast he said something similar when Loial was about to get married :D

 

Kinda liked it when Mat was talking to verin and he said something like "maybe you just salidared it"(or something similar) :p

[MasterAblar]

"I think the woman was born in Far Madding in a thunderstorm. She probably told the thunder to be quiet. It probably did."

- Basel Gill on Lini, WH

 

This one is one of my favourites. Absolutely hilarious.

[Maleshub]

LoC (38: A Sudden Chill):

 

Nynaeve appeared in the doorway so suddenly she seemed to pop out of the air. Planting her fists on her hips, she stared at Mat. "What are yo doing here, Matrim Cauthon? How did you get here? I suppose it's too much to hope you have anything to do with the army of Dragonsworn that's about to descend on us."

 

"Actually," he said dryly, "I am in command."

..

..

..

"I said listen!" He poked a finger at Elayne. "You, I'm taking back to Caemlyn, if I can keep Aviendha from killing you. If you don't want that pretty throat slit, you stay close to me and do what I say, no question!" The finger shifted to Egwene. "Rand says he'll send you back to the Wise Ones whenever you want, and if what I've seen so far is any indication what you get up to, my advice is to take him up on it NOW! It seems you know how to Travel" - Egwene gave a small start - "so you can make a gateway to Caemlyn for the Band. I don't want any argument, Egwene! And you, Nynaeve! I ought to leave you here, but if you want to come, you can. Only, I'm warning you. You yank that braid at me just once, and I swear, I'll warm your bottom!"

..

..

"Now . When the poor blind fool they've chosen out for their Amyrlin gets here, I will do the talking. She can't be very bright, or the'd never have been able to shove her into the job. Amyrlin Sear for a bloody village in the middle of bloody nowhere. You keep your mouths Shut and curtsy for all you're worth, and I'll pull you bacon off hte coals again."

..

..

"Close your mouth before you catch flies, Mat," Nynaeve said in tones of deepest satisfaction.

 

LoC (39: Possibilities)

 

"Listen, you can still get out of this. If they think you're the Amyrlin, you can come out with me to ... to inspect the Band. You make a gateway, and we'll be gone before this bunch of goat-brained lunatics can blink."

..

..

He grinned at her insolently, and the way he eyed her up and down, he was lucky Elayne didn't slap him hard enough to loosen all his teeth. "You, my fine Lady, I am taking back to Caemlyn if I have to tie you up in a package to hand to Rand, burn me if I don't. And I will bloody well leave when I choose." His bow was mocking, to Elayne and to Egwene. Nynaeve got only a glower and another shake of his finger.

 

Always cracks me up when I read it.

Edited April 29, 2012 by Theodril

[Aiel Heart]

A few ToM ones:

 

"She could still be in danger," Mat said. almost to himself, still looking backward. "I shouldn't have let her out of my sight. Fool woman."

"Mat," Talmanes said, pointing at him with the pipe again. "I'm surprised at you. You're starting to act downright husbandly."

That gave Mat a start. He twisted around in Pips' saddle. "What was that? What does that mean?"

"Nothing, Mat," Talmanes said hurriedly. "Just that, the way you're mooning after her, I--"

"I'm not mooning, Mat snapped... "I'm just worried. That's all. She knows a lot about the Band, and she could give away our strengths."

 

Before long, they were making along the road. Thom stepped up beside Mat, watching the riders."Sweetbuns?"

"Tradition among us Two Rivers folk."

"Never heard of that tradition"

"It's very obscure."

"Ah, I see. And what did you do to those buns?"

"Sprinklewort," said Mat."It'll turn her mouth blue for a week, maybe two. And she won't share the sweetbuns with anyone, except maybe her Warders. Joline is addicted to these things. She must have eaten seven or eight bags' worth since we got to Caemlyn"

"Nice," Thom said, knuckling his mustache."Childish, though"

"I'm trying to get back to my basic roots," Mat said."You know, recapture some of my lost youth"

"You're barely twenty winters old!"

"Sure, but I did a lot of living when I was younger..."

 

"You like my den?" Mat asked...

"Your den?" Setelle asked, sounding amused.

"Sure," Mat said... "You'll have to make an appointment with my steward if you want to come in."

"Your steward?"

"The stump right over there," Mat said, nodding. "Not the little one, the big one with the moss growing on the top."

She raised an eyebrow.

"He's quote good," Mat said. "Hardly ever lets anyone in that I don't want to see."

"You're an interesting creature, Matrim Cauthon," Setalle said seating herself on the larger stump....

"Did you want anything specific?" Mat asked. Or did you just drop by so that you could sit on my steward's head?"

 

A funny yet bittersweet moment that is very long and requires some back story:

 

 

A quick tug on Rand's sleeve and a voice pitched low, for his ear alone, distracted him form the older men's talk. "Come on, Rand, while they're arguing. Before they make you work.

Rand glanced down, and had to grin. Mat Cauthon crouched beside the cart so Tam and Bran and Cenn cold not see him, his wiry body contorted like a stork trying to bend himself double.

Mat's brown eyes twinkled with mischief, as usual. "Dav and I caught a big old badger, all grouchy at being pulled out of his den. We're going to let it loose on the Green and watch the girls run."

I didn't see any mention of it being told to Perrin in the book, but I possibly missed it. Most likely he was told anyways.

 

But anyway, two years, two marriages, and many battles and adventures later...

 

Perrin began walking to check on the supply carts, but something small struck him softly on the back of the head.

He froze, turning, scanning the forest behind him. To the right, it stood brown and dead; ho his left, the tree cover dwindled. He couldn't see anyone.

Have I been pushing myself too hard? he wondered, rubbing his head and he turned to contuse walking. Imagining things like that--

Another little strike on the back of his head. He spun and caught sight of something dropping to the grass. Frowning, he knelt down and picked it p. An acorn. Another one smacked him in the forehead. It had come from the forest. Perrin growled and strode into the trees. One of the camp's few children, perhaps? Ahead was a large oak tree; the tree trunk was thick enough to hide someone. Once he grew close, he hesitated. Was this some kind of trap? He laid his hand on his hammer and inched forward. The tree was downwind, and he couldn't catch the scent of--

A hand suddenly jutted out from behind the trunk; holding a brown sack. "I caught a badger," a familiar voice said. "Want to let it go on the village green?"

Perrin froze, then let out a bellowing laugh. He rounded the tree's trunk and found a figure in a high-collared red coat--trimmed with gold--and fine brown trousers sitting on the tree's exposed roots, the sack squirming near his ankles. Mat was chewing idly on a long length of jerky, and wore a broad-brimmed black hat...

"Mat? Perrin asked, nearly too stunned to speak. "What are you doing here?"

"Catching badgers. Mat said, shaking the sack. "Bloody hard to do, you know, particularly on short notice."

..."You actually caught one?"

"Call me nostalgic."

 

 

I started crying bit when I read that part :P

They're just so... LITTLE in the first one and then they're all grown up and justjustjust I'm proud of my boys :P

Edited April 30, 2012 by Aiel Heart

[condonmc]

A few ToM ones:

 

"She could still be in danger," Mat said. almost to himself, still looking backward. "I shouldn't have let her out of my sight. Fool woman."

"Mat," Talmanes said, pointing at him with the pipe again. "I'm surprised at you. You're starting to act downright husbandly."

That gave Mat a start. He twisted around in Pips' saddle. "What was that? What does that mean?"

"Nothing, Mat," Talmanes said hurriedly. "Just that, the way you're mooning after her, I--"

"I'm not mooning, Mat snapped... "I'm just worried. That's all. She knows a lot about the Band, and she could give away our strengths."

 

Before long, they were making along the road. Thom stepped up beside Mat, watching the riders."Sweetbuns?"

"Tradition among us Two Rivers folk."

"Never heard of that tradition"

"It's very obscure."

"Ah, I see. And what did you do to those buns?"

"Sprinklewort," said Mat."It'll turn her mouth blue for a week, maybe two. And she won't share the sweetbuns with anyone, except maybe her Warders. Joline is addicted to these things. She must have eaten seven or eight bags' worth since we got to Caemlyn"

"Nice," Thom said, knuckling his mustache."Childish, though"

"I'm trying to get back to my basic roots," Mat said."You know, recapture some of my lost youth"

"You're barely twenty winters old!"

"Sure, but I did a lot of living when I was younger..."

 

"You like my den?" Mat asked...

"Your den?" Setelle asked, sounding amused.

"Sure," Mat said... "You'll have to make an appointment with my steward if you want to come in."

"Your steward?"

"The stump right over there," Mat said, nodding. "Not the little one, the big one with the moss growing on the top."

She raised an eyebrow.

"He's quote good," Mat said. "Hardly ever lets anyone in that I don't want to see."

"You're an interesting creature, Matrim Cauthon," Setalle said seating herself on the larger stump....

"Did you want anything specific?" Mat asked. Or did you just drop by so that you could sit on my steward's head?"

 

A funny yet bittersweet moment that is very long and requires some back story:

 

 

A quick tug on Rand's sleeve and a voice pitched low, for his ear alone, distracted him form the older men's talk. "Come on, Rand, while they're arguing. Before they make you work.

Rand glanced down, and had to grin. Mat Cauthon crouched beside the cart so Tam and Bran and Cenn cold not see him, his wiry body contorted like a stork trying to bend himself double.

Mat's brown eyes twinkled with mischief, as usual. "Dav and I caught a big old badger, all grouchy at being pulled out of his den. We're going to let it loose on the Green and watch the girls run."

I didn't see any mention of it being told to Perrin in the book, but I possibly missed it. Most likely he was told anyways.

 

But anyway, two years, two marriages, and many battles and adventures later...

 

Perrin began walking to check on the supply carts, but something small struck him softly on the back of the head.

He froze, turning, scanning the forest behind him. To the right, it stood brown and dead; ho his left, the tree cover dwindled. He couldn't see anyone.

Have I been pushing myself too hard? he wondered, rubbing his head and he turned to contuse walking. Imagining things like that--

Another little strike on the back of his head. He spun and caught sight of something dropping to the grass. Frowning, he knelt down and picked it p. An acorn. Another one smacked him in the forehead. It had come from the forest. Perrin growled and strode into the trees. One of the camp's few children, perhaps? Ahead was a large oak tree; the tree trunk was thick enough to hide someone. Once he grew close, he hesitated. Was this some kind of trap? He laid his hand on his hammer and inched forward. The tree was downwind, and he couldn't catch the scent of--

A hand suddenly jutted out from behind the trunk; holding a brown sack. "I caught a badger," a familiar voice said. "Want to let it go on the village green?"

Perrin froze, then let out a bellowing laugh. He rounded the tree's trunk and found a figure in a high-collared red coat--trimmed with gold--and fine brown trousers sitting on the tree's exposed roots, the sack squirming near his ankles. Mat was chewing idly on a long length of jerky, and wore a broad-brimmed black hat...

"Mat? Perrin asked, nearly too stunned to speak. "What are you doing here?"

"Catching badgers. Mat said, shaking the sack. "Bloody hard to do, you know, particularly on short notice."

..."You actually caught one?"

"Call me nostalgic."

 

 

I started crying bit when I read that part :P

They're just so... LITTLE in the first one and then they're all grown up and justjustjust I'm proud of my boys :P

Darn near made me tear up with a big grin on my face........I just cant put into words how much I love them all, as im sure you all do too.......kinda makes us family.....

[Tyler Aybara]

Just came across this one in LoC, had a good chuckle at it. Urien's exchange with Rand:

 

Rand: "I mean to return to Caemlyn an hour or so after sunrise tomorrow. Until then, visit the tents, see your friends, and try not to start any blood feuds. If you insist, two of you can hang about to protect me from mice; I don't think anything larger will jump out at me here."

Urien grinned slightly and nodded, though he did gesture about head-high to a Cairhienin and murmur, "The mice can be big here."

[Konteil]

mat flouring mistress luhans dogs comes to mind.

 

as does teh Aiel stone dogs crack about maidens cant stop talkiing...even when they arent talking

[bigdoug1971]

When Mat says that some women would climb a tree to get a better look at the lightning.

[Nasty Butler]

"I won't shout at you," Nynaeve shouted.

That one made me giggle.

[FarShainMael]

"Someone send for Cadsuane. I promise not to execute her." - Rand Sedai

 

And Min's finding his effect on AS to be 'supremely satisfying'.

[Vardar]

Mat " Burn me, Theres good drama on these pages"!

 

OMG that entire chapter was the funniest of the entire series. The way the one Redarm was like, But I don't want to leave my poor old aunt, I gots more honor than that.

 

And the way Talmaneas teases Mat in the later series. The one dicing and drinking line was classic.

[Vardar]

When Mat says that some women would climb a tree to get a better look at the lightning.

 

Just reread this one yesterday, all I could do was chuckle and think, they sure as hell would.

[Barid Bel Medar]

Not one that seems particularly funny, but have a read of Rand's meeting with Egwene in ToM.

 

It is so typical of their old fights back in Two Rivers, it is kinda nostalgic, if you see past the actual discussion itself. Their reactions towards each other are funny. Rand having a go at her and getting her wound up on purpose, looking slightly amused, and her getting angry at the fool woolhead!

[MasterAblar]

tSR: chapter 6

 

"Rand al'Thor," Moiraine told the air in a low, thigh voice, "is a mule-headed, stone-willed fool of a. . . a . . . a man!"

 

And Nyneave's response:

 

"We breed them that way in the Two Rivers."[...]"Two River women never have any trouble with them." From the startled look Egwene gave her, that was a lie big enough to warrant having her mouth washed out.

[Guest WiseOne]

This is not a quote, but anyone remember in the first book, in Baerlon, when it was all nice and joyful. Thom was playing for a crowd at an inn. Everyone was dancing. Rand ended up dancing with Moiraine and Nynaeve. So, then, Rand goes into a hallway, and nearly gets killed by a Myrdraal. 

    I just love how it can get so intense at the happiest of times.

[ImarriedanOgier]

Not a character quote, but in the middle of a reread, and in The Gathering Storm. Cadsuane "proceeded to spank the Forsaken." I guffaw at that one every time.

[TheSociopath]

In TDR, when Thom is ill and Mat drops him off at mother whats-her-names place, he thinks to himself that she'd keep Thom alive if "she had to pull him kicking and screaming out of his grave by his mustaches."

 

Also, see my signature...