Egwene Poll

[lilltempest]

I like Nynaeve infinitely more than Egwene, but in all fairness Egwene had a good reason to be angry at Nynaeve and to think she's not getting all the respect required of her position as Amyrlin. Nynaeve left Caemlyn in the middle of WH against Egwene's orders, and didn't communicate with Egwene, even intentionally avoiding her attempts for contacts at times, for months despite having all kinds of extremely important news to share - the Cleansing, Semirhage's capture, etc.

 

Actually, Egwene did not have reason for that. She even admits to herself that, as a full sister, Nynaeve has every right to travel wherever she wishes and that Egwene, as per Aes Sedai tradition and law, has no right to demand to know where she went or why. To further reiterate this point, sisters were traveling in and out of the rebel camp - in the middle of a war and siege, no less! - and Egwene thought to herself that she could not ask where they were going or why. Her desire to track Nynaeve down was about lording power over her, even when she knew she had no right to do so.

 

As for Nynaeve avoiding her...think about it. Nynaeve knows Egwene. She is with Rand, and wants to help him, which is what Nyn, Elayne, AND Egwene claimed to want to do in the beginning. Nynaeve is the only one in a position to do so and she knows Egwene would want Rand under control. She knows, given how Rand had been behaving, that he would not take well to that, to say the least. She also thinks that Rand needs her there. If Nynaeve had met with Egwene, she would have had to obey her and she knew it, even if Egwene told her to shield Rand and bring him to her. She would have also had to tell Egwene (because Nynaeve isn't the type to tell Egwene "NO!" if Egwene demands information that is none of her business) that Rand was acting a bit nutso, in which case Egwene would have probably decided something had to be done to stop him. Nynaeve avoided disrespecting Egwene by not responding...and she did so in a way that was much like the common "oh, I didn't get your email! It must have gone to my spam folder!" that people now use, and she did so to protect Rand and in an effort to help him.

 

Honestly, Egwene should have been thankful when she found out Nynaeve had gone to join Rand. As a friend, as well as an Amyrlin, she, logically, should have been happy to find out someone she trusts - and someone who cares for Rand as a person - was at his side. But again, Egwene is all about power and lording it over Nynaeve (and Rand) and just gets her panties in a wad because Nynaeve isn't kissing her ass and is actually doing something useful for a change.

[Suttree]

I like Nynaeve infinitely more than Egwene, but in all fairness Egwene had a good reason to be angry at Nynaeve and to think she's not getting all the respect required of her position as Amyrlin. Nynaeve left Caemlyn in the middle of WH against Egwene's orders, and didn't communicate with Egwene, even intentionally avoiding her attempts for contacts at times, for months despite having all kinds of extremely important news to share - the Cleansing, Semirhage's capture, etc.

 

Ahh but David you're letting the actual story get in the way. She occasionally curtsied and called her mother, others would ignore the rest and say that means she has been "NOTHING" but respectful towards Egwene.

 

I remember one particular scene that just kind of left me aghast as to how heartless she can seem at times, where Elayne is lamenting the suffering the people they're looking at are having to go through and Egwene just doesn't give a crap and is surprised that Elayne gives a crap. She is not a nice person, as many non-Egwene fans have repeatedly pointed out.

 

Could you expand on this a bit? Where were they when this happened? For the life of me can't remember a scene like this.

 

Where she lost me, and where I went from thinking it was worthy of respect (if for no other reason than she managed to beat them at their own game) was when, first, she wanted Rand punished for daring to allow sisters to swear fealty to him and, worse, went as far as accusing him of using Compulsion to force them to do so.

 

Egwene formally accused Rand of using compulsion and called for his punishment before the AS? Again I could be wrong but I don't really remember that. She never mentions it when they see each other in ToM and remember compulsion is a very serious crime. Where these internal thoughts or did they happen in a private conversation? Some quotes or what book it happened would be cool so I can check it out.

[Elan Tedronai]

I like Nynaeve infinitely more than Egwene, but in all fairness Egwene had a good reason to be angry at Nynaeve and to think she's not getting all the respect required of her position as Amyrlin. Nynaeve left Caemlyn in the middle of WH against Egwene's orders, and didn't communicate with Egwene, even intentionally avoiding her attempts for contacts at times, for months despite having all kinds of extremely important news to share - the Cleansing, Semirhage's capture, etc.

 

 

bu bu she called egwene mother? surely that was showing respect *rolls eyes*

 

It's quite amusing to see people defending nynaeve when she herself knows she screwed up.

[David Selig]

I believe this is the scene lilltempest was referring to - back in TDR, when the Supergirls ship was passing burned villages in Cairhien.

 

TDR, Ch.37

 

“Terrible,” Elayne murmured. “It is so terrible.”

 

“What is?” Egwene said absently. I hope he isn’t showing that paper we gave him around too freely.

 

Elayne gave her a startled look, and then a frown. “That!” She gestured toward the distant smoke. “How can you ignore it?”

 

“I can ignore it because I do not want to think of what the people are going through, because I cannot do anything about it, and because we have to reach Tear. Because what we’re hunting is in Tear.” She was surprised at her own vehemence. I can’t do anything about it. And the Black Ajah is in Tear.

 

The more she thought of it, the more certain she became that they would have to find a way into the Heart of the Stone. Perhaps no one but the High Lords of Tear were allowed into it, but she was becoming convinced that the key to springing the Black Ajah’s trap and thwarting them lay in the Heart of the Stone.

 

“I know all of that, Egwene, but it does not stop me feeling for the Cairhienin.”

 

“I have heard lectures about the wars Andor fought with Cairhien,” Egwene said dryly. “Bennae Sedai says you and Cairhien have fought more often than any two nations except Tear and Illian.”

 

The other woman gave her a sidelong look. Elayne had never gotten used to Egwene’s refusal to admit she was Andoran herself. At least, lines on maps said the Two Rivers was part of Andor, and Elayne believed the maps.

 

“We have fought wars against them, Egwene, but since the damage they suffered in the Aiel War, Andor has sold them nearly as much grain as Tear has. The trade has stopped, now. With every Cairhienin House fighting every other for the Sun Throne, who would buy the grain, or see it distributed to the people? If the fighting is as bad as what we’ve seen on the banks. . . . Well. You cannot feed a people for twenty years and feel nothing for them when they must be starving.”

 

“A Gray Man,” Egwene said, and Elayne jumped, trying to look in every direction at once. The glow of saidar surrounded her.

The callousness on display here is quite off-putting. Not only Egwene dismisses the scenes of suffering and destruction, but she's amazed that Elayne cares about them.

 

Actually, Egwene did not have reason for that. She even admits to herself that, as a full sister, Nynaeve has every right to travel wherever she wishes and that Egwene, as per Aes Sedai tradition and law, has no right to demand to know where she went or why. To further reiterate this point, sisters were traveling in and out of the rebel camp - in the middle of a war and siege, no less! - and Egwene thought to herself that she could not ask where they were going or why. Her desire to track Nynaeve down was about lording power over her, even when she knew she had no right to do so.

I don't remember the part in bold but you may be right. Though IIRC things are different when an Aes Sedai is given a direct order by the Amyrlin.

 

More importantly, it's not so much about legal technicalities for me as it's that Nynaeve intentionally withheld vital information for so long. She didn't even have to speak with Egwene directly, if she was afraid she might be ordered to get away from Rand or something like that (though I don't recall things like that in Nynaeve's PoV) - she could've passed the info through Elayne, for example.

[Suttree]

I believe this is the scene lilltempest was referring to - back in TDR, when the Supergirls ship was passing burned villages in Cairhien.

 

TDR, Ch.37

 

“Terrible,” Elayne murmured. “It is so terrible.”

 

“What is?” Egwene said absently. I hope he isn’t showing that paper we gave him around too freely.

 

Elayne gave her a startled look, and then a frown. “That!” She gestured toward the distant smoke. “How can you ignore it?”

 

“I can ignore it because I do not want to think of what the people are going through, because I cannot do anything about it, and because we have to reach Tear. Because what we’re hunting is in Tear.” She was surprised at her own vehemence. I can’t do anything about it. And the Black Ajah is in Tear.

 

Thanks David.

 

I guess it is all how you read it, to me it's not that she doesn't care but she knows she can do nothing. She says it straight out and that is far from "not giving a crap". She is focused on the BA and much like a General isn't allowing herself to mourn things out of her control.

[randsc]

Interesting that she rejects the notion that the Two Rivers is part of Andor...

[sleepinghour]

Egwene formally accused Rand of using compulsion and called for his punishment before the AS? Again I could be wrong but I don't really remember that. She never mentions it when they see each other in ToM and remember compulsion is a very serious crime. Where these internal thoughts or did they happen in a private conversation? Some quotes or what book it happened would be cool so I can check it out.

From Egwene's POV in CoT:

 

There were Aes Sedai in Cairhien, and they seemed to be following the orders of the Dragon Reborn. Worse were the names that trickled out. Some were women who had been in Salidar, among the first to resist Elaida, while others were women known to be loyal to Elaida. No one had mentioned Compulsion aloud that Egwene knew of, but they had to be thinking it.

[...]

"Siuan, if you see a way to make use of this, I wish you'd tell me. I don't even want to think about using the fact that Rand may have Compelled sisters. I don't want to think about the possibility that he could have." Neither about the possibility that he knew such a repulsive weave, or that he could lay that weave on anyone.

[...]

Maybe Rand was in company with a Black sister, or had been. Maybe he had used Compulsion on Aes Sedai. Bad enough on anyone, but somehow worse used on Aes Sedai, more ominous. What was dared against Aes Sedai was ten times, a hundred times, as likely to be used against those who could not defend themselves. Eventually they would have to deal with him, somehow. She had grown up with Rand, yet she could not allow that to influence her. He was the Dragon Reborn, now, the hope of the world and at the same time maybe the single greatest threat the world faced. Maybe? The Seanchan could not do as much damage as the Dragon Reborn. And she was going to use the possibility that he had Compelled sisters. The Amyrlin Seat really was a different woman from that innkeeper's daughter.

There's also a quote from RJ's blog where he explains what made Egwene jump to this conclusion instead of attributing it to Rand's ta'veren effects like Pevara did:

 

Various people have commented on Egwene being dumb with Rand, in particular contrasting how Pevara leaped immediately to a conclusion that he was ta’veren where the same information took Egwene to possible Compulsion. Pevara has a clean slate regarding Rand. Insofar as Compulsion goes, to her it is a forbidden weave, suppressed so effectively among women who come to the Tower that despite the fact that many wilders have some form of it as their first weaving, by the time the White Tower is done with them many of those same women can no longer make the weave nor, in some cases, even recall how to. How, then, does this young man come by Compulsion? Much more possible, however unlikely, that he is ta’veren. Egwene, on the other hand, grew up with Rand. She largely evaded the training that would have set the same thoughts regarding Compulsion in her head that Pevara has. Whatever Egwene has learned about Rand and now knows intellectually, there is a core of her that says he is Rand al’Thor rather the Dragon Reborn, or least before being the Dragon Reborn, and if Rand were in any way ta’veren, surely she would have noticed it during their years growing up. On the other hand, he has surprised her, and others, with abilities and knowledge of weaves, such as Traveling, that they didn’t expect. If he is pulling strange weaves out of nowhere, who is to say that Compulsion isn’t among them? It would certainly fit the information, after all.

[Suttree]

Egwene formally accused Rand of using compulsion and called for his punishment before the AS? Again I could be wrong but I don't really remember that. She never mentions it when they see each other in ToM and remember compulsion is a very serious crime. Where these internal thoughts or did they happen in a private conversation? Some quotes or what book it happened would be cool so I can check it out.

From Egwene's POV in CoT:

 

There were Aes Sedai in Cairhien, and they seemed to be following the orders of the Dragon Reborn. Worse were the names that trickled out. Some were women who had been in Salidar, among the first to resist Elaida, while others were women known to be loyal to Elaida. No one had mentioned Compulsion aloud that Egwene knew of, but they had to be thinking it.

[...]

"Siuan, if you see a way to make use of this, I wish you'd tell me. I don't even want to think about using the fact that Rand may have Compelled sisters. I don't want to think about the possibility that he could have." Neither about the possibility that he knew such a repulsive weave, or that he could lay that weave on anyone.

[...]

Maybe Rand was in company with a Black sister, or had been. Maybe he had used Compulsion on Aes Sedai. Bad enough on anyone, but somehow worse used on Aes Sedai, more ominous. What was dared against Aes Sedai was ten times, a hundred times, as likely to be used against those who could not defend themselves. Eventually they would have to deal with him, somehow. She had grown up with Rand, yet she could not allow that to influence her. He was the Dragon Reborn, now, the hope of the world and at the same time maybe the single greatest threat the world faced. Maybe? The Seanchan could not do as much damage as the Dragon Reborn. And she was going to use the possibility that he had Compelled sisters. The Amyrlin Seat really was a different woman from that innkeeper's daughter.

There's also a quote from RJ's blog where he explains what made Egwene jump to this conclusion instead of attributing it to Rand's ta'veren effects like Pevara did:

 

Various people have commented on Egwene being dumb with Rand, in particular contrasting how Pevara leaped immediately to a conclusion that he was ta’veren where the same information took Egwene to possible Compulsion. Pevara has a clean slate regarding Rand. Insofar as Compulsion goes, to her it is a forbidden weave, suppressed so effectively among women who come to the Tower that despite the fact that many wilders have some form of it as their first weaving, by the time the White Tower is done with them many of those same women can no longer make the weave nor, in some cases, even recall how to. How, then, does this young man come by Compulsion? Much more possible, however unlikely, that he is ta’veren. Egwene, on the other hand, grew up with Rand. She largely evaded the training that would have set the same thoughts regarding Compulsion in her head that Pevara has. Whatever Egwene has learned about Rand and now knows intellectually, there is a core of her that says he is Rand al’Thor rather the Dragon Reborn, or least before being the Dragon Reborn, and if Rand were in any way ta’veren, surely she would have noticed it during their years growing up. On the other hand, he has surprised her, and others, with abilities and knowledge of weaves, such as Traveling, that they didn’t expect. If he is pulling strange weaves out of nowhere, who is to say that Compulsion isn’t among them? It would certainly fit the information, after all.

 

 

Thanks Sleeping Hour!

 

That is a really interesting read, and as I suspected, a private conversation with Siuan is far different than what liltempest would like us to believe.

[Guest PiotrekS]

The point is, we have a lot of evidence allowing us, the readers, to criticize Egwene especially for her attitude towards her "friends". She does not really respect them, neither Nynaeve nor Rand. Of course everything can be somehow explained away or its importance minimized, since RJ didn't write flat out that Egwene is this or that. Both the books and RJ's quotes are deliberately ambiguous.

 

I absolutely agree with Lilltempest that many Egwene-critics (Egwene-hater is a label that does not help productive conversation) would not mind this character half as much if RJ had not attempted to portray her in so over-the-top and ham-fisted manner. Her pompous statements are treated as the greatest wisdom humanity may hope to hear, her supposedly highly educated, experienced and clever Aes Sedai opponents behave like idiots in her presence, her successes are cheaply achieved and even if she makes an occasional, rare mistake, there is almost no cost and it is somehow explained away anyway (like when she lost Nicola in the fight with Mesaana or ventured into TAR against the WOs' orders and her own promise or when she got captured by Elaida's Aes Sedai - just another opportunity to show her unlimited greatness! Or my fauvorite - how she appointed Aran'gar as her private masseuse and the Black sister as her Keeper! What happened? Nothing really - while everybody is mad at Rand for letting disaster brew at the Black Tower...

 

Another thing for me is that I don't really care about Egwene's authority and ego while lots of her conversations with people who are supposedly closest to her revolve around nothing else. Siuan, you will obey my orders!Nynaeve, you will call me Mother!Gawyn, you will never question me! Maybe it is a real issue for a young leader, but for me it makes for a boring and irritating read...

 

Finally, some readers have complained about Rand Sedai - either that his change was too sudden, or his new behaviour was "too perfect", too inhuman or artificial. Egwene has read that way to me at least since Salidar, with two natable differences: there has been no in-story explanation for her sudden super-humanization and second, she still lacks any introspection and self-critique, which Rand Sedai shows in abundance.

[plague fiend]

Taking up on something Andizzle posted a while back. Sorry if this has already been done.

 

 

Just to make it clear, I'm only doing this to gain empirical data. It's not my intent to begin another Egwene discussion thread, there's literally a bazillion of them already, and even threads that were begun with nothing to do with Egwene become a commentary. But, there's no stopping it I suppose, so do what you wish already, you crazy people ;)

 

Please let me know if you think these are not very good questions, or if you can think of better ones concerning the response/reaction to Egwene.

 

 

Oh, and for the record, Egwene is one of my favorite characters. Let it begin.....again!!!

 

The second question is tricky, because I believe that parts that were written about her were good and other parts were not so good.

[sleepinghour]

Her pompous statements are treated as the greatest wisdom humanity may hope to hear, her supposedly highly educated, experienced and clever Aes Sedai opponents behave like idiots in her presence, her successes are cheaply achieved and even if she makes an occasional, rare mistake, there is almost no cost and it is somehow explained away anyway (like when she lost Nicola in the fight with Mesaana or when she got captured by Elaida's Aes Sedai - just another opportunity to show her unlimited greatness! Or my fauvorite - how she appointed Aran'gar as her private masseuse and the Black sister as her Keeper! What happened? Nothing really - while everybody is mad at Rand for letting disaster brew at the Black Tower...

The issue of Egwene having blackmailed seven Aes Sedai into swearing fealty also conveniently went away since most of the sworn sisters are now dead (Sheriam, Anaiya, Carlinya) or were sent to the Black Tower. If the truth came out, Egwene's reputation would have suffered and she might even have lost the stole. But not even Sheriam, who had nothing left to lose, said a word about the oaths before being executed. Why pass up such a golden opportunity to get revenge on the woman who ordered her execution?

 

Nicola and Areina were another potential source of trouble that never went anywhere. When Nicola died, I thought Areina was going to blame the Tower and reveal all the secrets she and Nicola had ferreted out. But despite Min's viewing, they never caused Egwene any real problems, more like the opposite.

[Kahsm]

You aren't wrong at all. You nailed exactly what I was saying. I'm not sure from which orifice Kael (or whoever it was) pulled her "interpretation" of what I said, and the entire response screamed "foaming at the mouth" to me, which is why I didn't bother responding to it (I saw nowhere in my response where I said Egwene called Nyn "mother"). So thank you for clarifying. And kudos...you clearly have more patience for dealing with unreasonable and rabid nutjobs than I do.

 

Obviously you didn't respond because you didn't read a word, because I never said that, it was about Egwene calling Nyn "Wisdom". Which you very much did write about in an earlier response. I know hot air is hard to hold onto, so here's the quote:

I never saw this "horrible" treatment Egwene claimed, especially considering that it was Nynaeve who voluntarily told Egwene not to call her Wisdom anymore and said straight out that they were basically on the same level once they got to the White Tower.

My point was, Egwene offered the EXACT same courtesy to Nynaeve, a bigger courtesy because Egwene actually is "mother" while Nynaeve was no longer "wisdom", but instead of giving her at least the same kudos for it, you decided Egwene wanted Nynaeve to grovel instead.

 

And I say again, you do not have to like Egwene at all, so you can stop it with the "foaming at the mouth" childishness, you're perfectly welcome to dislike her. I have only ever disputed your crack pipe hyperbole, one-sided interpretations, bias-fueled hypocrisy, and straight-out lies. There are good reasons to dislike her, yours are not them. I call you an Egwene-hater because you are, quite obviously. So your "foaming at the mouth" is not some "fight fire with fire" high-road thing. Give it up.

 

I believe this is the scene lilltempest was referring to - back in TDR, when the Supergirls ship was passing burned villages in Cairhien.

 

TDR, Ch.37

“Terrible,” Elayne murmured. “It is so terrible.”

“What is?” Egwene said absently. I hope he isn’t showing that paper we gave him around too freely.

Elayne gave her a startled look, and then a frown. “That!” She gestured toward the distant smoke. “How can you ignore it?”

“I can ignore it because I do not want to think of what the people are going through, because I cannot do anything about it, and because we have to reach Tear. Because what we’re hunting is in Tear.” She was surprised at her own vehemence. I can’t do anything about it. And the Black Ajah is in Tear.

The more she thought of it, the more certain she became that they would have to find a way into the Heart of the Stone. Perhaps no one but the High Lords of Tear were allowed into it, but she was becoming convinced that the key to springing the Black Ajah’s trap and thwarting them lay in the Heart of the Stone.

“I know all of that, Egwene, but it does not stop me feeling for the Cairhienin.”

“I have heard lectures about the wars Andor fought with Cairhien,” Egwene said dryly. “Bennae Sedai says you and Cairhien have fought more often than any two nations except Tear and Illian.”

The other woman gave her a sidelong look. Elayne had never gotten used to Egwene’s refusal to admit she was Andoran herself. At least, lines on maps said the Two Rivers was part of Andor, and Elayne believed the maps.

“We have fought wars against them, Egwene, but since the damage they suffered in the Aiel War, Andor has sold them nearly as much grain as Tear has. The trade has stopped, now. With every Cairhienin House fighting every other for the Sun Throne, who would buy the grain, or see it distributed to the people? If the fighting is as bad as what we’ve seen on the banks. . . . Well. You cannot feed a people for twenty years and feel nothing for them when they must be starving.”

“A Gray Man,” Egwene said, and Elayne jumped, trying to look in every direction at once. The glow of saidar surrounded her.

 

The callousness on display here is quite off-putting. Not only Egwene dismisses the scenes of suffering and destruction, but she's amazed that Elayne cares about them.

 

As for callousness, Nynaeve learns Cad's lesson much later on, but this scene makes it pretty obvious Egwene is already well on her way to learning that, "What must be endured, can be endured." This is one of the most epic moments demonstrating how good a leader Egwene is. Should she cry openly? She's right isn't she? She can't do anything about it. She needs to get the job at hand done, that is the only way to help the ones she can. And again, All this shows is that Elayne is not as good a leader as Egwene is because she isn't (yet) able to keep herself composed when the shit hits the fan.

 

Edit: removed 1 paragraph about andor and egwene's thoughts on that from my mistake.

[Ala Rubra]

First of all, this is Elayne's PoV.

 

I'm sorry, but that part of the chapter is clearly from Egwene's point of view. Please give it another read and see for yourself. That alone pretty much invalidates the rest of your point.

[Kahsm]

First of all, this is Elayne's PoV.

 

I'm sorry, but that part of the chapter is clearly from Egwene's point of view. Please give it another read and see for yourself. That alone pretty much invalidates the rest of your point.

 

You are correct, removed that paragraph for simplicity, though I still feel Egwene's opinion on Andor is Morgease's fault, as I said. I don't see how an off-topic point about Andor invalidates my point, the rest is fine... Selective reading again.

[David Selig]

As for callousness, Nynaeve learns Cad's lesson much later on, but this scene makes it pretty obvious Egwene is already well on her way to learning that, "What must be endured, can be endured." This is one of the most epic moments demonstrating how good a leader Egwene is. Should she cry openly? She's right isn't she? She can't do anything about it. She needs to get the job at hand done, that is the only way to help the ones she can. And again, All this shows is that Elayne is not as good a leader as Egwene is because she isn't (yet) able to keep herself composed when the shit hits the fan.

Who said anything about crying openly? Yes, Egwene can't do anything about it, but it doesn't mean she has to remain unmoved and make smartass comments about Elayne's sadness. And it's not like Egwene had an important job to do right then and had to stay concentrated on it all the time - they were on a ship and Tear and the BA they were chasing was still far away.

[Kahsm]

As for callousness, Nynaeve learns Cad's lesson much later on, but this scene makes it pretty obvious Egwene is already well on her way to learning that, "What must be endured, can be endured." This is one of the most epic moments demonstrating how good a leader Egwene is. Should she cry openly? She's right isn't she? She can't do anything about it. She needs to get the job at hand done, that is the only way to help the ones she can. And again, All this shows is that Elayne is not as good a leader as Egwene is because she isn't (yet) able to keep herself composed when the shit hits the fan.

Who said anything about crying openly? Yes, Egwene can't do anything about it, but it doesn't mean she has to remain unmoved and make smartass comments about Elayne's sadness. And it's not like Egwene had an important job to do right then and had to stay concentrated on it all the time - they were on a ship and Tear and the BA they were chasing was still far away.

 

It was a question based on her lectures that led her to believe Andor and Cairhien were enemies. If I was an outsider, I'd think Elayne was secretly happy to see Cairhien hurt too. You'll also notice Elayne interrupted Egwene's thoughts that were focused on her plan for the stone. So Egwene was actively avoiding the topic of Cairhien because, as she says, she doesn't want to think about it.

 

She specifically says:

I do not want to think of what the people are going through

 

So it's not that she is incapable. I wouldn't want to think about it either. It's a total waste of time and energy to fret about it.

 

"Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference."