The Brown Ajah's Kathana Wayback Machine

[Ludmian]

The Hall of the Brown Ajah has never been so crowded. Its remote wall was occupied by a weird bulky machine. It made strange sounds, the multi-coloured lights all over its front side went on and off chaotically, on the screen in its middle one could see rows of figures and strange graphs. In a chair in front of the screen sat Ludmian, doing the last-minute tweaking. People slowly trickled into the hall, taking their seats and carefully examining the weird helmets they found on each seat. Each helmet was connected to the machine by a wire.

 

Between the machine and the rows of seats was a dais. On it was a big chair and a helmet similar to those that people found on their seats, only bigger and connected to the machine by multiple wires.

 

As everyone who was invited (that is, the entire White Tower) was present, Ludmian looked at the screen one last time, obviously satisfied with what he was seeing there, and went upon the dais, addressing the audience:

 

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to the presentation of the Brown Ajah’s new invention, Kathana wayback machine. On you seats you have found the receivers. Please, put them on. All right. Now let me explain what our invention does. This machine allows you to easily share with others any dirty secrets fond memories of Kathana you have. One person at a time will come upon the dais, put on the transmitter, and any dirty fond reminiscences of our former Amyrlin that you are ashamed to think of treasure more than anything in your life will be transmitted to everyone present in this Hall. Now, who wants to be the first to test this machine?

 

[Mystica]

Sits waiting for all the old Sedai people to share the dirt.

 

Starts wriggling in her seat from the long wait.

 

OI! Old People! This ain't no time to be taking your midday naps. Get out your wigs, put in your teeth, stop staring at Nyn's boobs (I'll take them away.... I will!) and put the purty hat on and start the sharing. We've waited over a decade. We're entitled to know!

 

Walks around poking the old ones with her spork.

 

 

[Wayward_fool]

I remember when Kathana used to live with Mary(Soraya Sedai) and there were stories.

 

Alot of them.

 

Now please pay me money to tell them.

[Ludmian]

Sorry, but our Kathana wayback machine is a non-profit project. Please, come upon the dais, put on the transmitter and share your stories with us. We are already intrigued.

[Mystica]

:o why do I have the feeling we're about to learn a whole new meaning of the term pillowfriends? LOL ;D Yes yes, Boopsy! Share!

 

*grabs a bag of popcorn and gets comfy*

 

Tell ya' what, you tell the stories and if they're good I may have a nice little something in store for you ;) Of course, others might try to snatch that away from you by telling better stories themeselves, but hey. What's life without a little friendly competition aye?

[Wayward_fool]

*shrugs* Photos to the highest bidder. That's all I'm saying...

 

Are there NO other memories from other people??

[Mystica]

you sir are a big baby! Blues...... tsk!

 

Gimme that! *grabs the helmet from Boopsy and puts it on her head*

 

 

*feels face twitch as electricity rushes through her*

 

Wow, this is better than botox :o So that's how they do that whole ageless face thing? The cheats!

 

Anyway.....

 

My fondeds memory must be the thread where Kath (she hates being called Kath, I was told) bristled like a saldean farmgirl that just couldn't get her date to shout at her.

 

Try as she may, and she did try, she just couldn't bring her subbordinates to see her point of view.

 

Poor Kath showing such passion, such drive, such purety of anger while shoving it through our throats that 'NO! IT IS NOT THE SEDAI PEOPLE AND THERE IS NO TAMYRLIN! FOR THE LOVE GOD PEOPLE!!!' and what happened? You guessed it....

 

INSTANT shouts of devotion to the Love God rose from the depts of the Tower. From holes and creaks in the walls a Gollum wouldn't have fitted in Sedai People of all over the world glided forth and chanted like the Death Watch Guard for their beloved Tamyrlin which they would follow to the pits of Shayol Ghul and back again.

 

There stood our Mumsy, all bristling and fuming, while her claims were being waylaid for all to see and the Hall stood by and watched. The Blues plotting their plots, the Yellows humming while pondering what Healing might be appropriate, the Greens hiking up their skirts and with eyes glittering in anticipation joined the Sedai People in their quest, the Grays trying to force people into mediation by shoving pies down people's throats, the Browns insisting that research was in order, the Whites coolly pointing to the illogical reasoning of their leader and the Reds..... Well they stood and laughed their asses off. Shouting the loudest for the Love God (I think Elgee even went searching for him, she may have found him for he was not seen afterwards again) and proclaiming themselves Sedai People too.

 

Ah yes, that was a good day for the Tower. Not so much for poor Kath, but definately for the rest of us. ;D 

 

 

[JenniferL]

That was pretty much the worst thread ever. And I'm pretty sure my dislike of it only makes you love it more.

 

Boopsy, I'm actually going to see Soraya this weekend. The bridal shower I'm throwing is for a mutual college friend of ours. If she talks about her kid, I'm probably going to lock myself in the bathroom and cry.

[Dwynwen]

I haven't forgotten about this thread!  I'm thinking, but I should have some dirt soon.  8)

[JenniferL]

Alright, I'll be nice. You guys can ask me about stuff and I'll answer. I was going to post a memory of my own, but I can't think of anything you'd be interested in.

[Liitha]

well not old enough to know, but if i got it right you been here from way young, so taking a shot in the dark and guessing you havent been with seg all the time? and i seem to recal seeing a met due to books site once, and you were on there (if not then it was someone else i know from dm and it just goes to prove i shouldnt have cider when tired :)) so there any good story there then ...if all my memories or predictions or whatnot to call it is right?

[Minuet]

That thread was not from that long ago though. Maybe only a couple of years because I remember reading it.

I might have been an innocent Novice though.

 

What every happened to the curse word changing thing. I remember you couldn't post certain words. They would come up as "mothers milk in a cup" and other good old WoT sayings. That really isn't a Kathana story. I got nothing. Well, we were told about a time when she forbid farm animals from the Novice Quarters. So, being a new Accepted and with some help and the idea from another new Accepted friend of mine we set loose a bunch of farm animals in the Novice Quarters when we were still at the lair. It was rather funny. We had one of the male novices sharing his room with a cow. Mumzy never noticed or is she did she just ignored it.

 

I want to hear some juicy Dragon*con stories about Kathana! Anything will do people I have never been okay.

[JenniferL]

well not old enough to know, but if i got it right you been here from way young, so taking a shot in the dark and guessing you havent been with seg all the time? and i seem to recal seeing a met due to books site once, and you were on there (if not then it was someone else i know from dm and it just goes to prove i shouldnt have cider when tired :)) so there any good story there then ...if all my memories or predictions or whatnot to call it is right?

 

Dragonmount started when I was 18, so thats when I joined. At first, I was dating a guy I knew from highschool, but it turned out he was gay. I got him hooked on WoT though, apparently, and I think he'll be at JordanCon this year. I'm actually looking forward to seeing him again, since he skipped the reunion and I haven't seen him since we split.

 

After Eric, I dated Mike, who's handle here was Lone Wolf. He was bonded to my first Keeper, Chissa Sedai of the White Ajah. We lasted about four months, and then he decided we were incompatible and dumped me.  We met through my college roommate, who's handle here was Soraya. (Yes, I made a habit of making everyone I knew join Dragonmount for a few years. I don't need to do that anymore, since I am no longer capable of having friends outside of fandom).

 

After that was Jimmy, known here as Segurant. We met in the fall of 1999, became engaged within a few weeks, then got married in 2003.

[JenniferL]

That thread was not from that long ago though. Maybe only a couple of years because I remember reading it.

I might have been an innocent Novice though.

 

What every happened to the curse word changing thing. I remember you couldn't post certain words. They would come up as "mothers milk in a cup" and other good old WoT sayings. That really isn't a Kathana story. I got nothing. Well, we were told about a time when she forbid farm animals from the Novice Quarters. So, being a new Accepted and with some help and the idea from another new Accepted friend of mine we set loose a bunch of farm animals in the Novice Quarters when we were still at the lair. It was rather funny. We had one of the male novices sharing his room with a cow. Mumzy never noticed or is she did she just ignored it.

 

I want to hear some juicy Dragon*con stories about Kathana! Anything will do people I have never been okay.

 

We had the word filter on for awhile. At various times, it either changed what you said to an in world curse word, or something ridiculous that made me laugh when I saw it. I decided not to turn it on again when we moved to SMF, since I'd prefer to rely on human judgment to determine what's appropriate and inappropriate. 

 

Once, as an April Fool's prank, when I had only been an Admin for a few months, I changed it so words like "Dragonmount" would show up as "Kathana's Playground" and a few other things. But in the proud Dragonmount tradition of everyone believing the Admin is a psychotic fascist dictator, a few got angry over it, so I've never repeated it.

[Dwynwen]

You can tell us more about the creepy guys who wanted to date you just because you were the Amyrlin, and how Joe had to "approve" Jimmy before you married him.   :)

 

If I remember the stories correctly, Jenn and Jimmy had two weddings: one "RL" wedding and one Dragon*Con wedding.  I'd love to hear more about the Dragon*Con one.  Didn't Melissa preside over that one?  I found this picture, but I think it's from your RL one:  http://picasaweb.google.com/jennifer.liang/Wedding2003#5076318745149216146

 

You can also explain this picture to us:  http://picasaweb.google.com/jennifer.liang/DragonCon03#5076316254068183730

 

Jenn molested Empy once when she was drunk at Dragon*Con 2006.

 

We have a Dragonmount Wife Swapping Club and a DM Admin Breeding Program, which I'm sure we'd all like to hear more about.   8)  Somehow, I'm in the Dragonmount Wife Swapping Club even though I'm not married.

 

I think it's kind of poetic that your first and last Keepers came from the White Ajah.  

 

Edit to add:  P.S.  I just poked some of the ancientbies again, so they should be coming. 

[JenniferL]

You can tell us more about the creepy guys who wanted to date you just because you were the Amyrlin, and how Joe had to "approve" Jimmy before you married him.   :)

 

Mike was pretty much that guy. I think he was more in love with the concept of dating the Amyrlin Seat than he was me.  And Joe approving of Jimmy wasn't a formal thing. But Joe never really liked Mike, even though he didn't say anything about it. I meant alot to know that he thought Jimmy was good enough for me.

 

True story: When DM found out that Jimmy and I were an item, he got death threats, along the lines of "If you ever hurt her..." from quite a few people.

 

If I remember the stories correctly, Jenn and Jimmy had two weddings: one "RL" wedding and one Dragon*Con wedding.  I'd love to hear more about the Dragon*Con one.  Didn't Melissa preside over that one?  I found this picture, but I think it's from your RL one:  http://picasaweb.google.com/jennifer.liang/Wedding2003#5076318745149216146

 

We did have two weddings. The first one was the legal ceremony with friends and family. That's the one we celebrate for our anniversary each year. We did a couple posed pictures with my stole and his heron mark sword, along with our DM friends that were able to attend.

 

The second one was at DragonCon for the benefit of those who couldn't make the first one. Melissa Craib, the Amyrlin at TarValon.net officiated for us. When had the section about WoT romances up on their site, they used a picture from that one. Elena, the publicist at the time, loved it because it had Jimmy dipping me back for a passionate kiss.

 

You can also explain this picture to us:  http://picasaweb.google.com/jennifer.liang/DragonCon03#5076316254068183730

 

That's from the Winespring Inn party, which we threw after the ceremony. We played Chinese wedding games there, calling them "Naughty Seanchan Wedding Games".  The object of that particular game was for the bride to close her eyes and feel the butt of a willing parade of men, including the groom and then identify who was who.

 

 

Jenn molested Empy once when she was drunk at Dragon*Con 2006.

 

I'm very affectionate when I've been drinking.

 

We have a Dragonmount Wife Swapping Club and a DM Admin Breeding Program, which I'm sure we'd all like to hear more about.   8)  Somehow, I'm in the Dragonmount Wife Swapping Club even though I'm not married.

 

The Wife Swapping Club came from 06 when I got drunk and kissed Alin and Empy. Then Jimmy walked in on Alin's wife when she was just getting out the shower. Jimmy is still waiting for his free shot at Yveva. We added you, because we figured you wouldn't mind.

 

I'm not sure how the Admin Breeding program started, except that all of us seem to have gotten married and started (or tried to) families at the same time. At one point we decided that breeding the first born of the RP Admin to the Community Admin was the only way to heal the breach between the Orgs and the RP. And I was going to have the children from THAT union marry Jason's descendants so that my line would someday rule DM.  Jimmy got very upset when I started explaining to him that he didn't get a say in it, because he wasn't "Admin Regnant" anymore, but rather "Admin Consort".

 

 

[Dwynwen]

Yep, you're right.  I don't mind being in the Wife Swapping Club, although I haven't been swapped yet, so maybe I'll end up scarred for life and just don't know it yet.  :o

 

How did you fare with the butt-grabbing game?

 

Joe should be here after Tuesday.  I poked him a couple of times.

 

 

[JenniferL]

I honestly don't remember how I did. And no, I was totally sober when we were playing. Oddly enough, I didn't start drinking until I started teaching. I'm sure those things aren't connected at all.

[Quibby]

Such an example to set for the youth of today.  Granted, I'm sure that your time as a teacher has given you much insight into the minds of the average DMer.  I mean, it's not like we're much better than a classroom full of screaming children.

 

Except with more drugs.

 

... and more alcohol...

 

... and probably more sex, for some of the luckier(?) ones...

[JenniferL]

Actually, you'd be surprised what your average (or not so average, since I teach special needs)middle school student is up to these days. Some of those kids get more action than I do. For every kid who still brings his action figures to school to play with at lunch, there's another claiming he has some girl's underpants in his locker. When I had to teach sex ed a few years ago, I had an all boy group. The BEST question they asked was "How do you move from 'just chillin'' to having sex?" Yes, they wanted me to give them pointers. It was as terrifying as it sounds. And they were obsessed with transsexuals?. "HOW CAN YOU TELL?????" was a frequent question.

 

I'm so glad they make me teach internet safety now.

[King of the Reds]

You teaching Internet safety if not an advantage to the parents.  I've heard of the kind of things you look at.  lol

 

I wish I had some crazy stories of you jumping up and down screaming "I f'n knew it!" when my sisters were visiting or something, but I don't.

[JenniferL]

Everyone should have been rejoicing. A terrible tragedy didn't happen that day.

[King of the Reds]

I am almost positive that incident is what caused me to have a fish allergy, so bravo on your attempt to kill me.

[U4ea]

Hmm... my fondest memory isn't anything naughty. Well, I have two, I guess. I have to tell you the first so you understand the second.

 

When I joined, I was quiet. When the quiet wore off, I was a holy terror. As in, it wasn't Taya (who was the MoN) who had to beat me back into submission, it was the Amyrlin, herself. I was sorely irritated and my opinion of Kathana was... well, not very high. She'd started her annual fight against quasi-rp'ing and that was half the fun of being here for me. Apparently, it was more than half annoying for our dear Amrylin. *grins* So, my first memory of Kathana was her quasi-rp'ing brutalizing my wrists with a ruler for daring to complain about her tyranical dictatorship.

 

So, with that memory in mind, I'll move to the second, which completely changed my opinion and we've been friends ever since. I took up "The Source" which was the WT newsletter. I created this monster of a website for the newsletter, where each Ajah and the Warders had their own page, their own reporter, Org-wide news, lists of bondings and raisings... you get the picture. It was freakin' huge! Before it got off the ground, there was drama. It got ugly in a very public way. I checked DM one day and had this PM from Kathana sitting there. Now, based on the above memory, you can imagine I had a "Ah #$%*&#$%(&" reaction to seeing her name in my box and I put off opening it for a little while. With the rest of the stuff I was dealing with, throwing in an angry Amrylin who already thought I was a trouble maker... eh, not high on my priority list. When I finally did open it, I was completely floored. Rather than the tirade about what a pain in the butt I was, it said…

 

“How can I help and whose head do I need to bash in?”

 

I think I actually cried when I read that and almost five years later, it still makes me smile.

 

[JenniferL]

It's not that quasi-RP is a bad thing. You guys just like to take it to excessive levels of stupid. STOP CRYING OVER THE DAMN MOAT MONSTER ALREADY! HE ISN'T REAL AND NEITHER ARE YOU!!!