Shack o' News

[Dunbar]

Well, it's the start of a new era, an era of Demi being important and having neat titles. To kick it off, I bring you two intriguing news articles, that may or may not amaze you.

 

You have been warned.

 

Now, firstly, Roka has gotten into the burglary business, as a 42 year old man (we must assume he's hairier than the article tells us) has been caught in Andersonville, Tennesee, by following his footprints no less, it's like an old detective novel, at the end of which they found him in a barn. Wearing nothing but a thong, of course.

 

The police have released the following picture of the raunchy burglar (note the copious ammount of body hair)

 

Source: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/30990787/#storyContinued

 

 

 

Hanging yourself at school, not so fun.

 

In Australia, it seems they practice "mock school hangings". Pretty weird, I reckon. But it's not over yet, it seems one unlucky student managed to fall down, whilst participating in the mock hanging, effectively making it into a real hanging instead. Authoroties are, as they should be, enraged and angry. Luckily, the child got cut down (but not before he went blue, remember kids, speed and precision is important! Don't leave a friend hanging!).

 

What I believe the dude looked like

 

I reckon they should make this common practice during quizes. Get one wrong and you'll be left hanging. Good times.

 

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20090603/od_nm/us_noose

 

 

[Dunbar]

Okay boys and ghouls, something has happened which I don't think anyone of us though ever would happen, Yes, Posh Spice (that's Victoria Beckham to some os us) is getting a breast... Wait for it... Reduction...

 

!

 

 

I don't know what's going on with the world, something's obviously askew.

 

One can only imagine the reasons. Maybe they got too heavy? Maybe they were in the way during cooking?

 

We can only wonder how David Beckham will take this

 

I figure something like this:

 

 

 

In other news, a british old person (73 years old, folks!) might be losing his pension for being injured in his leg during the war after pulling off these sweet moves in Britain's got talent. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HdUCkpzohHU Turns out the government watches tv too, and figured that someone with an injured leg couldn't pull off those sweet moves!

 

Reaction?

 

[Zyrshnikashnu]

The world weeps. :(

[Dunbar]

This week, ladies and gents, I bring you more news from the wacky world of today.

 

First off, Megan Fox hates her fans

 

 

As this dashing youg gentleman attempted to present miss Fox (isn't she, though?) with a flower, she brusquely shoved him away and told him that "[you]'re an idiot and I hate you!" She might not have actually said this.

Miss Fox's PR associates tried to brush it over as an assassination attempt, but local police forces quickly realized what was going on and released the poor boy from custody.

 

In retrospect, miss Fox has commented that it was the smell of the ex-fan that offended her, and wanted to tell him that he "stunk".

 

Miss Fox, only moments after the image above

 

Secondly, Shia LaBeouf (what a name, folks), hates the nintendo Wii.

 

A fitting image

 

He has been quoted as saying things like, AND THIS IS TRUE,

I don't mess with the Wii, to be honest with you. It's kind of an amateur console. I'm not into the Wii thing.

 

And:

 

"Who wants to play the Wii version of LEGO Star Wars. I'd rather eat glass."

 

You can't make this up. One wonders where this intense hatred stems from, I can only theorize that he was molested by a motion controller in his youth.

 

Shia, when he thinks of the Wii

[Dunbar]

Also, people checking my google log today will find such interesting searches as "Megan fox ANGRY", "Megan Fox rose fan" and "shia lebof angry banana". Yes, I can't spell his name.

[Dunbar]

This week, my underlings, is a sad week for all.

 

Yes, Michael Jackson has died.

 

 

The moonwalking king of pop passed away from a cardiac arrest july the 25th, 50 years old. He has touched the hearts (and arguably other parts, oh deary me) of millions, and is generally an awesome dude when he's not being accused of molestation. All he wanted was to make the world a better place, for you and for me and the entire human race. Also, he was bad, wasn't the kid's father and was a smooth criminal. I know that I, for one, will miss him.

 

:'(

 

Even Michael's sad he's dead

 

TO commemorate this great man/plastic thing, I shall post the lyrics to Bad, just because.

 

Your Butt Is Mine

Gonna Take You Right

Just Show Your Face

In Broad Daylight

I'm Telling You

On How I Feel

Gonna Hurt Your Mind

Don't Shoot To Kill

Come On, Come On,

Lay It On Me All Right...

 

I'm Giving You

On Count Of Three

To Show Your Stuff

Or Let It Be . . .

I'm Telling You

Just Watch Your Mouth

I Know Your Game

What You're About

 

Well They Say The Sky's

The Limit

And To Me That's Really True

But My Friend You Have

Seen Nothing

Just Wait 'Til I Get Through . . .

 

Because I'm Bad, I'm Bad-

Come On

(Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad)

You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad-

You Know It

(Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad)

You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad-

Come On, You Know

(Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad)

And The Whole World Has To

Answer Right Now

Just To Tell You Once Again,

Who's Bad . . .

 

The Word Is Out

You're Doin' Wrong

Gonna Lock You Up

Before Too Long,

Your Lyin' Eyes

Gonna Take You Right

So Listen Up

Don't Make A Fight,

Your Talk Is Cheap

You're Not A Man

You're Throwin' Stones

To Hide Your Hands

 

But They Say The Sky's

The Limit

And To Me That's Really True

And My Friends You Have

Seen Nothin'

Just Wait 'Til I Get Through . . .

 

Because I'm Bad, I'm Bad-

Come On

(Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad)

You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad-

You Know It

(Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad)

You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad-

You Know It, You Know

(Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad)

And The Whole World Has To

Answer Right Now

(And The Whole World Has To

Answer Right Now)

Just To Tell You Once Again,

(Just To Tell You Once Again)

Who's Bad . . .

 

We Can Change The World

Tomorrow

This Could Be A Better Place

If You Don't Like What I'm

Sayin'

Then Won't You Slap My

Face . . .

 

Because I'm Bad, I'm Bad-

Come On

(Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad)

You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad-

You Know It

(Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad)

You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad-

You Know It, You Know

(Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad)

 

Woo! Woo! Woo!

(And The Whole World Has

To Answer Right Now

Just To Tell You Once

Again . . .)

You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad-

Come On

(Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad)

You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad-

You Know It-You Know It

(Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad)

You Know, You Know, You

Know, Come On

(Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad)

And The Whole World Has To

Answer Right Now

(And The Whole World Has To

Answer Right Now)

Just To Tell You

(Just To Tell You Once Again)

 

You Know I'm Smooth, I'm

Bad, You Know It

(Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad)

You Know I'm Bad, I'm

Bad Baby

(Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad)

You Know, You Know, You

Know It, Come On

(Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad)

And The Whole World Has To

Answer Right Now

(And The Whole World Has To

Answer Right Now)

Woo!

(Just To Tell You Once Again)

 

You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad-

You Know It

(Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad)

You Know I'm Bad-You

Know-Hoo!

(Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad)

You Know I'm Bad-I'm Bad-

You Know It, You Know

(Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad)

And The Whole World Has To

Answer Right Now

(And The Whole World Has To

Answer Right Now)

Just To Tell You Once Again . . .

(Just To Tell You Once

Again . . .)

Who's Bad?

 

Who, indeed. (I like to think it's him)

 

Here, not so bad

 

Other deaths: Farah Fawcett and some dude called Billy Mays.

 

They're not quite as sad

 

 

In other news, president Obama claims to have everything MJ ever did on his iPod, and was quoted as saying the following:

 

"I grew up on his music - still have all his stuff on my iPod,"

 

I bet he's lying to get sympathy points, but still, nice move president, nice move.

 

Mr. Obama and MJ, bros 4 life. And also, for some reason, Ronald Reagan's wife

[Dunbar]

Also, it appears Jeff Goldblum is dead, having fallen of a cliff whilst filming a movie in New Zealand.

 

Rest in peace, sweet prince.

 

Intense

 

Here, he's nude

 

Here follows a link of him confirming his death:

 

http://www.slashfilm.com/2009/07/01/lol-jeff-goldblum-denies-then-confirms-his-death/

[ChronoCrosS]

That meagan fox article was amusing.  :D

[damane]

If it weren't for Demi's news i wouldn't know what was going on outside my door.

[ChronoCrosS]

A truer word hath never been uttered.

[Dunbar]

As another week moves towards a close, so comes another news post from yours truly, Demi.

 

I bet you thought I'd forgotten, didn't you!

 

*taps side of nose conspiratorically*

 

Well, good.... Nice... Um... Well, folks of Shayol Ghul, this week, as many others, has been a week filled with news, which one isn't!? It's a tough job, picking out only two news items to focus on during this little session of mine, but through some investigative reporting and hard work, I've decided upon two cases that fit the agenda of today's hectic society and will further enlighten you as to the state of the world of today

 

Firstly, Obama and Sarkozy go lookin' for butt:

 

I love politics

 

At the recent G8 summit, presidents Obama and Sarkozy apparently decided to leave the meeting early, to try and "score", as the official white house spokesperson has announced, also noting that the president would, if time allowed, "hit it". The person in question, being thoroughly evaluated by the two presidents, has yet to comment on the situation. As we can see, Obama remains sceptical, whilst Sarkozy seems to have found his target for the evening.

 

http://i21.photobucket.com/albums/b277/The_Demigod2790/Untitled-2.jpg[/img]

You raunchy french

 

It is clear that the two presidents have come to the same conclusions as us, namely that looking at women (or men if that's your cup of tea) beats talking politics.

 

http://www.everybodysucksbutus.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/sarkozy_insecurity.jpg[/img]

Nice shoes

 

It is, as of yet, unclear whether the two presidents "got it on", and the matter will undoubtedly be hotly debated during the summit. As an inside source led us to believe, the rest of the G8 wants all the details.

 

He seems pretty happy, though

 

 

Muddy

 

In other news, the Boryeong mud festival has just kicked off in South Korea, attracting 1,5 million tourists for what is, decidedly, a pretty huge mud fight. They dig up the mud and get it all to this place so that tourists can bathe, fight, wrestle and pretty much live in the mud for around one week.

 

http://stuff.mit.edu/afs/sipb/user/jcb/GIF/sly-mud-wrestling.jpg[/img]

Demi - Always looking for an excuse to find pictures of mud wrestling

 

Wikipedia also tells me that the mud festival is pretty close to a nice Buddhist temple, that has increased visitor numbers during the festival period!

 

Has nothing to do with buddhism

[TheMasterDude]

Aah, de-motivational posters...Can't live with them, can't live without them.

[Canukistani]

omg hulk hogan head shots for censoring is win!!

[Dunbar]

That's pg-13 for you :p

[Dunbar]

Another week has nearly passed, and yet again you were all hoping I'd forget this so you'd have a decent excuse to promote me, BUT ALAS, I'm far too clever for the lot of you, and I'm therefore here to present *clears throat* A WEEK IN NEWS, HOSTED BY THE ILLUSTRIOUS DEMIGOD ('tis I!).

 

Another week, another batch of things happening in the world. Things that affect us, you, and everyone around us. And, as it is, and should indeed be, I'm here to report, live and without fear, always vigilant, ready for action n' stuff!

 

Firstly, this week saw the death (I realize I report a lot of deaths, odd innit) of the world's oldest man.

 

This bloke

 

The man, Henry Allingham, was born on the 6th of June 1896. That's right. 1896, he's lived in three different centuries. At the point of death he was 113 years old. Let me repeat, 113. This man is so old, me served in the first world war, and was a reserve during the second. He was a WWI veteran. Not a lot of people could say that.

 

See this war? He was in it

 

And the best part of it?

 

The old man admitted that the secret to his longevity was, and I quote

"cigarettes, whisky and wild, wild women - and a good sense of humour"

 

http://weblogs.newsday.com/news/local/longisland/politics/blog/Whiskey.jpeg[/img]

Makes you live long

 

 

In other news, Brad Pitt has been dropping advice on how to handle everyday situations that can occur to anyone, he drops such pearls as

 

I exaggerated my salary on my online dating profile. Should I fess up?

Hell no. Everyone lies online. In fact, readers expect you to lie. If you don't, they'll think you make less than you actually do. So the only way to tell the truth is to lie.

 

and

 

Our Rock Band bassist sucks. Am I a total jerk if I kick him out?

Who cares? You shred, he doesn't. Fire his ass. Bonus: It'll put the others on notice. Anyone who doesn't keep up can hit the road. Even if that means firing the whole band. Remember: All great artists go solo eventually. Just think of Ronnie James Frickin' Dio.

 

http://www.wired.com/images/article/magazine/1708/by_ask_rockband_f.jpg[/img]

Kickin' it to the max

 

Also worth mention is

 

Is it OK to look at pornography at work?

Don't just look at it at work, bring in your old porn mags and scan them there! It's like converting your vinyl to MP3s. Fill up your hard drive, and when you need a break from spreadsheets, just open a favorite pictorial.

 

http://www.wired.com/images/article/magazine/1708/by_ask_porn_f.jpg[/img]

What mr. Pitt does at work

 

 

 

 

[Dunbar]

News! News news, news. News news, news? News news! News news news, news news news, news.... News news! News!

 

(by now the word should have lost all meaning to you, see what I did there?)

 

Anyhows, the first piece of news for the day:

 

Giant Wiener Penetrates Home

 

That's right folks, a giant wienermobile has crashed into a house in Wisdonsin, and thereby making the awesomest headline ever created.

 

Look at that huge wiener!

 

The Oscar Mayer Wienermobile, as it is known, ended up driving down a dead-end street, and as the driver (she was female, mind you <.<) tried to turn the giant wiener around in a driveway, she found herself accelerating forward when she meant to be reversing. This led to the collision with the house's garage. Luckily, the giant wiener did not harm anyone. Apologies have been issued.

 

I can think of only one way this could be more awesome, namely if the car crashed into this:

 

What am I, 14?

 

 

In other news, Teeth can unmake your blindness!

 

Makes you see!

 

You're blind, you say? Been so for over ten years? FEAR NOT! British ex-builder Martin Jones, who lost his eye and was blinded on the other in an explosion in 1997, recently regained eyesight on his previously blind eye, with some help from the magic we call medicine. The procedure was very complicated, and quite rare to boot, but it involves implanting a part of the tooth in the eye to serve as a "living anchor" for blood flow, or somesuch. The point is, that at the end of the day, the man could, quite miraculously, see again, after 12 years of blindness.

 

He's a happy pappy, ain't he!

 

The first thing he wanted to, and indeed did see, was his wife, who he'd married 4 years prior, and had never seen before! His wish was granted, and he's reportedly now a very happy man.

 

http://www.theage.com.au/ffximage/2007/09/07/cilla_narrowweb__300x509,0.jpg[/img]

Let's hope she didn't look like this

 

 

 

 

[Dunbar]

News of the world, a weekly column by Demigod, highly esteemed journalist and not-so-funny man. Stand by for broadcast, in 3... 2... 1.. GO!

 

Hello, and welcome to tonight's issue of Demi's Shack o' News, where no news item is to trivial, politics are plain boring, and illustrating imagery is the key to success. Tonight, I, your host, Demigod, will delight you with news you may or may not have heard, and it might enlighten you. But just maybe!

 

This week, in Deminews

 

In India, babies are being thrown of roofs!

 

So throwable!

 

In Sholapur in India, from the roof of the Baba Umer Durga mosque, babies are, indeed, being thrown off the roof from about 15 meters (that's 49,2 feet for you Americaños), in a ritual meant to ensure good luck and a long life for the unfortunate babies. To make sure the results are as wanted, the babies are naturally caught in a blanket upon nearing the ground, but one can imagine the babies aren't too happy about the whole thing. No comment has been issued by the babies at this time.

 

The best image search result for "crazy indian". One can imagine he's on his way to the baby-throwing as the image is taken

 

Some children's rights group have protested, as they would.

 

 

In other news, being angry on Twitter will net you a fine of around $130 000. That's right! British footballer (again, soccer?) Darren Bent has gotten himself a nice, fat fine after lunging at his manager on twitter.

 

So angry!

 

He has been fined by his club, Tottenham Hotspurs, after some confusion around which club he'd be sold to in the upcoming season. After being declared fit to play for Sunderland, Spurs chairman Daniel Levy was rather rude and decided to ramp up the price, looking for other interested teams, claiming interest from teams such as Hull or Stoke.

 

He did what!?

 

Bent poured out his frustrations to his Twitter account, telling Levy to "stop f*cking around" and making it clear that he wanted to go to Sunderland and not Hull or Stoke. "It's so frustrating," he continued. "Seriously getting pissed off now."

 

And then, Tottenham slapped him with a £80 000 fine.

 

Damnit!

 

The saddest part is that this is only about two weeks pay for the soccer player, so he'll be up and running, economically that is, in no time.

[Krakalakachkn]

That guy's eye looks purely evil

[Dunbar]

My guess is it's because of the tooth *nod*

[Dunbar]

Good evening, I am Demigod. I come before you today to bring you news, news of the world, news that possibly doesn't concern you, but first of all, news. Nothing can stop the news-train, not even a severe lack of sleep. I'm here for you, always.

 

 

Firstly, in this exciting week of news, I bring you some neat bronze boobs.

 

The artist and sculpor Daniel Edwards has sculpted a sculpture of a quite naked Angelina Jolie, breast feeding two children, quite possible twins.

 

It looks like this:

 

Look at them feet!

 

The sculptor, who has previously sculpted such interesting monuments as Paris Hilton on an autupsy table and Britney Spears giving birth, has made this piece of art to raise awareness of the World Breastfeeding Week (August 1st - 7th). If you're intrigued you can see it in Oklahoma, and later in London!

 

http://gfx.dagbladet.no/labrador/755/755445/7554457/jpg/active/960x.jpg[/img]

Demonstartes what he'd do if he had boobs

 

 

In other news, being fat helps you smuggle guns into prison!

 

http://gfx.dagbladet.no/labrador/757/757589/7575897/jpg/active/960x.jpg[/img]

In the shape of his life

 

This shapely gentleman has, with the help of his flabby folds of flab, managed to smuggle a 9mm pistol into a prison. After no less than three body searches the guards concluded that he was, indeed, clean of weapons, only to be flabbergasted as he pulled one from within his bulky frame.

 

Hi, Kids! Hide me in your fat!

 

The 25 year old, 500 pound heavy gentleman managed to smuggle the gun into prison with himself as he was arrested on the streets of Houston, Texas for selling pirated cd's.

 

Dudn't pay

 

The best part is, he didn't just smuggle it into one prison, but to two! For a whole day he managed to conceal it, until the moment came when he needed to shower, at which point he gave himself up and admitted his heinous smuggle to a guard. Because of this, he may be facing 5 to 10 years in prison for illegal possession of a firearm.

 

The prison guards have informed that they don't check theur inmates with metal detectors.

 

[Dunbar]

So, loyal readers and underlings, another week has come to pass and I'm sure that by now you've all tired of my lenghty introductions to this column. Nevertheless, you shan't stop me, the news must be properly introduced, or else, who knows what mayhem might ensue!? I pray we never find out. And so, without further ado, the news.

 

 

Hella expensive

 

Are you one of several Americaños who recently received garantuous bills for quite nothing at all? Apparently, several Americans have! One of them, a Josh Muszynski recently received a bill from Visa for the agreable amount of $23.148.855.308.184.500,00. I can't even spell that number out it's so large. And as icing on the cake, an extra $15 fine for not having enough money on his account to pay it. What, d'you wonder, could cost this much? According to the bill, a packet of cigarettes.

 

Apparently, one of these things is really expensive. And it isn't the woman!

 

The man himself, and I paraphrase, "thought someone had bought Europe with my card". Luckily, the bank saw that something possibly was up, and removed the sum from the bill. Witch some luck, mr. Muszynski has just pulled off the largest heist in the history of heists. But probably not.

 

http://www.transitionsabroad.com/images/maps/europe_abroad.jpg[/img]

Apparently, pretty expensive

 

Visa has expressed their apologies.

 

 

In other news, the Mona Lisa was recently attacked! Viciously assaulted! Treated most disrespectfully!

 

She's not happy about it

 

This happened last tuesday, at the Louvre, a huge and quite famous art museum in Paris, France. The assailant was, however, not French, but a female Russian tourist, come to see the wonders of the world.

 

The means of assault? Why, a tea cup of course!

 

Watch out!

 

Upon seeing the famous painting, the lady reacted by hurling a handily placed tea cup at it, to everyone's surprise. Luckily (some would say) the image escaped the encounter unscathed, as it is protected by both bulletproof glass and a small horde of guards. The woman was quickly arrested and sent off to psychic evalutaion, where it was unearthed that she might be suffering from Stendhals syndrome, a disease that causes you to act irrationally when confronted with art.

 

Does this make you angry? Don't visist France!

 

The Louvre has, fittingly, sued the poor woman. One wonders why she'd be allowed near the Mona Lisa with an ailment such as hers, but answers elude me.

 

 

 

 

 

[Dunbar]

This week, dear readers, you're getting your weekly column one, yes that's right, one day early! Why? I can't post it tomorrow! That's news for you, always there when you didn't think you needed it! Like a shiv in the back!

 

Here follows the news of the week past, intriguing and eventful as it were.

 

As much as I'd love to, I'm not going to mention how awesome Usain Bolt is. Oh wait, I just did. That's right, he's awesome, and also much, much faster than you.

 

Anyhow, the news!

 

As we all know, Azerbaijan and Armenia have for some time had a dispute about where the border between their two countries lies.

 

It's right there, onna left!

 

Anyhow, during the Melodi grand prix, the big music thing held annualy in Europe, where contestants from just about every country sends a representative to sing and dance their ways into the heart of Europe. The winners are chosen by votes phoned in by the countless denizens of Europe. Now, here's where it gets messy.

 

These are the Armanian contestants:

 

Scary

 

As it turned out, a grand total of 43 Azerbaijanians voted for these striking ladies, Inga and Anush. Hehe, Anush. Anyways, these 43, who decided to cross their country, have recently been visited by the local police, supposedly to have a chat about why they voted for them. Inside sources have, however, divulged that the unlucky 43 have been accused of being unpatriotic and a threat to the national security.

 

That's right, a threat.

 

http://blogs.clarin.com/blogfiles/guiaarmeniamenc/inga-anush-arshakyan-fresh-art-eurovision_3.jpg[/img]

They'll kill you all, filthy Azerbajaians!

 

Here's their own contestants, for comparison

 

They look normal enough

 

Tension between the two countries remains, possibly song induced. A dance off is scheduled for next week.

 

 

In other news, an aquarium is being sued. Why!? Because one unlucky visitor got splashed. With water. From a dolphin

 

Help! It's trying to drown me! Ach!

 

The unlucky woman experienced such atrocities as a slippery floor and slightly moist garments, insults large enough to warrant the neat sum of $50.000, according to her. To add insult to injury, the woman informs the authorities that the eomployees of the aquiarium encouraged the dolphins to splash water on the audience that had gathered for a dolphin show. The audacity.

 

Serious business

 

She's suing for emotional trauma after the watery experience. Our hearts are with her in her struggle.

 

 

 

[TheMasterDude]

In other news, TMD sues lady that is suing the aquarium for 1.000.000,00 for her general stupidity.

[damane]

That dolphin should sue for having to perform for the stupid woman.

[Dunbar]

It's time for...

 

[move][glow=red,2,300]THE NEWS![/glow][/move]

 

With your host, Demilicious!

 

So, this week i news.

 

 

PENIS DESTROYED BY GANGRENE!

 

:'(

 

A 48 year old man by the name of Jan Gunnar had his penis, and therefore life, ruined during his stay at the Rikshospitalet, one of the largest and most specialized hospitals in all of Norwegia. After going through what was supposed to be a simple treatment for an infection in the urinary tract, the poor, poor man turned into a nightmare caused by a horribly misplaced catheter. Now, two years later, the man still goes through great pain and must live with his now shortened penis (about an inch), which won't do quite what it should.

 

:'(

 

He now needs powerful painkillers, cannot have sex and has got his nerves severly damaged by the drugs he needs to be on. Our thoughts go to this poor man, and we hope his life will go on, even when his penis wont.

 

 

MEDICAL ROBOTS OF THE FUTURE, TODAY!

 

GIANT NURSE BEAR WILL TAKE CARE OF YOU

 

Only in Japan, folks, only in Japan. From the research group at Riken in Japan comes the latest in hospital robotics, a nurse robot who for some reason looks like a bear! The robot, RIBA as it is called, used to look more human, but the researchers found that this only caused further nervousness in patients. That's right, they'd rather be carried by a bear than a human. Which makes sense, I guess, but still. It's a bear.

 

The robot will lift and transport patients, and within it's powerful, yet gentle arms lies uncounted sensors that will make the ride as comfortable as humanly (or is that robotly?) possible. Unfortunately, the robots can only lift persons up to 61 kgs, that's about 135 pounds, so those of us who are a but on the chubby side will have to resort to more human methods of transportation.