Things they don't tell you about parenting/teaching/rugrats...

[claireducky]

 

1.  That my 1 year old would decide it is fun to remove her diaper, especially when it is full.

2.  Dora the Explorer WILL DRIVE YOU BATTY: "Where are we going? (clap clap) The looney bin!"

3.  Your child thinks your kitty's tail is a "cat handle".  Plan accordingly.

4.  For the first 6 months of your kid's life, you will smell like rotten milk.

5.  Teething.  OMFG, Teething.

 

 

Feel free to add your own things you were never told about being a parent/teacher/dealing with kids.

[Bursius]

6.  At a too-early hour of the morning, you hear barney the purple dinosaur say, "Hello again to all my friends".

 

7.  Then you hear, "I like playing with you".  Your child is awake and you hear barney talking through his lines in a loud cheery voice as you try to get back to dreaming about your favorite HP character.

[Far Dareis Mai]

8. For whatever reason, dirt doesn't taste bad to a 10 month old...or string...or bugs...but green beans do >.>

9. When your child says she has to go potty, chances are she already has.

10. Watch out when they are finally strong enough to open the refrigerator... 24 shattered eggs are a pain to clean up.

 

[Loreina]

11. That for whatever reason (or maybe no reason at all), the oldest will drag the youngest around the house by his heels, giving him a very nice carpet burn.

 

12. That they can gleefully chop off one another's hair with any sharp implement at hand, but will scream bloody murder if you try to cut their hair.

[Naeann]

Well I'm not a momma but I am an aunt...

 

13. Every household with children in it has an invisible friend called Ida know and they do EVERYTHING.

 

14. You have to learn how to scoop out exacting proportions of cake, ice cream, anything good, make your cookies all the exact same size, and even the bad stuff, like veggies... because one child will complain on the good stuff that the other child got more and on the bad stuff that they got more.

 

15. When they fall or bump into something and it is NOT serious (blood or something) don't run to them in a panic.  You scare them and they bawl... the bump didn't make them cry but your emotions will... they can sense it.

 

16.  Check the couch and chairs often for food.  They like to stuff things like suckers and fish sticks in there for later.

[Jaydena]

All so very very true. *rofl*

17. Noses are of course meant to have stuff put in them, which of course requires a trip to the doctor.

18. 11 month olds have faster hands than any adult so watch those cords. *shakes head*

19. 7 year olds bore very easily, so be prepared to list to Mom I am bored about 5 million times in a day.

[Far Dareis Mai]

20. If your three year old shares a room with the 10 month old, chances are she'll be using the pacifier you put to bed with the infant.

21. If your child is grumpy and you ask them if they are thirsty, and they say they want milk--DON'T POUR IT YET! Just get it out and set it on the counter. Once they see it they will most certainly say, "I want juice!", until you run out of appropriate beverages. (I end up giving them what they asked for first anyway...but sometimes it is fun to watch them say no to things that they don't even know what it is--like soda or punch or something)

22. If your child is having a tantrum and you try to make them laugh themselves out of it--they usually just get more angry at your audacity.

[Minuet]

23. Whining back at your child while they are whining only works when they are teenagers.

 

24. French Fries and spaghetti fits into diapers to be eaten later if you don't catch it first.

 

25. Potty training your first child is the hardest. Brib the older child with candy if your younger one has no accidents. It works wonders.

 

26. The day your child comes home from school and said "Barney isn't cool" will be a day of celebration.

[Verbal32]

27.  Your baby's voice is the sound of pure and beautiful music, no matter what they are doing.  At 3 o'clock in the morning, not so much.

[Torrie]

28. You will hate commercials for a totally different reason. Every time something comes on your children will yell "I want that!" Jackie wanted the wall mounted tooth paste distributor the other day.  ::)

 

29. Every time your child chokes your heart will jump into your throat, no matter how many times it happens.  Its ok to cry after its over.

 

30. Bathroom time is not private time after kids. There is no private time after kids.

[claireducky]

31.  Always, always, pick a contained area (high chair, play pen, kitchen, etc) to feed your kid in.  Otherwise, it will be everywhere, in your carpet, on your couch. 

 

32. Scotch-guard and slipcovers are miracles.

[U4ea]

the teacher:

 

33. Remember, it's not legal to hit the kids you teach. No matter how tempting it may be and regardless of how badly they need a spanking.

 

34. Parents are not your friends. They are doing everything in their power to get their hands on your union insurance money and will push you whichever direction they feel they must to see that they get it.

 

35. Giving parents your cell phone number only works in movies. Once they have it, they'll use it. No matter what time of day it is.

 

the mother:

36. There is nothing worse than a BM they can't pass. Nothing makes them happy until they pass it. Nothing will distract them, either. When there's a 2 day drive involved, that just makes it SO much better.

 

37. The fastest way to drive daddy crazy is to say your child's name, have them repeat "mama" and then repeat their name back to them until Daddy screams. "mama," "baby," "mama," "baby," "mama," "baby," "mama," "baby," ... trust me, it doesn't take long. ;)

 

38. Don't put bookcases anywhere near the area your child plays in. This goes for DVD cases, too. They'll be EVERYWHERE!

[Daetirion]

39. Just because your 3 yr old niece doesn't know the meaning of the word "demonic", doesn't mean she doesn't understand the reaction from those around her. >.>

 

40. Teaching little kids to poke their tongue out is fun. Points shall be allocated for multiple successes within one family, most inappropriate times, and how many retakes of the large family picture are needed until at least one aint doing it.

 

Yeah there is a reason i don't have kids yet >.> Still hasn't dissuaded them from thinking im responsible enough to look after/distract said little 'uns on a far too regular occasion.

[Far Dareis Mai]

38. Don't put bookcases anywhere near the area your child plays in. This goes for DVD cases, too. They'll be EVERYWHERE!

Ack! This is the story of my life! Wading through hundreds of DVD's....it's the worst.

 

41. Bedtime often does not mean the same to us as to the child. Once the child is in a bed, prepare to still hear the pitter patter of your little one playing in their room up to and surpassing two hours after you put them down.

42. If there is a particular children's story that you do not like, that one is surely the child's favorite, and you will be asked to read it at least 20 times in a day.

43. When your child asks for something, and you say No--even though you know it's right, even though you know it's for the best--you still feel like a complete jerk for doing it.

44. When your parents said, "This hurts me more than it hurts you" Sometimes, I think they were right. 

[Torrie]

45. No part of the bodies anatamy is private. Everything is on the open.

[U4ea]

46. Kids have amazing aim even though they have no control over what they're throwing. This is something my husband learned last night as he was playing ball with our daughter. *grins* I heard the ball hit something and the next thing I hear is "You really want to be an only child, don't you?"

 

47. Prepare for everything and then understand that you're never really prepared for any of it. As soon as you go get the biggest diaper bag on the planet and get everything you could possible need in it, the kids' needs change and it's useless. OR... the bag busts. LOL Pick one!

[claireducky]

48.  A day will come where your child will be in pain and you feel absolutely useless to do anything.  Whether it's teething or a new food that causes a BM that burns their bottom, it is heartbreaking and you realize the only thing you can do is love them and hopefully that will make it all better.

[Eladari Menaka]

49. Ice or a band-aid fix any owwie. 

 

50. Kids grow up too fast and it's even harder to try to slow them down.  They just want to be adults and be treated as such and won't give up no matter how many times I tell them it's better to be a kid.

 

51. Grade 5 girls are mean

[U4ea]

the teacher:

 

52. When they put you on a committee at school and you open your mouth during a meeting, expect there to be another meeting tomorrow on whatever you opened your mouth about.

 

53. There is no such thing at a 10 minute meeting. I don't care who it's with. It's just not possible.

 

54. Just when you think you can't take anymore, someone hands you more to deal with.

 

55. If I got paid what I'm worth, they'd have to charge six figures to enroll every kid in my class.

 

56. They never told me that in a class of fourth graders, I would be dealing with:

~ 14 students who don't know their simple addition facts well enough not to use their fingers.

~ 5 students who read on a 2nd grade (or lower) grade level. 1 of whom doesn't know his sight words.

~ 1 student who has learned how to play the system and knows that blaming me for his not being able to do stuff totally works on his mother.

~ 1 student who was expelled 2 years ago for attacking a teacher, who WAS taking anger management classes, but still has very little control over his temper.

~ 10 students who take meds for ADD/ADHD (and sometimes forget said meds when there's no one at home who can bring them OR don't eat breakfast with them so they're sick by 10)

~ 3 students who have been held back twice before getting to me.

~ 1 student whose mother died suddenly of a heart attack the summer before she walked into my room.

~ 1 student who is physically abused and DEFACS doesn't want to hear about it.

~ 1 student whose mother was recently released from prison.

~ 1 student whose father decided to move back to New York.

*and all of this is just what I've dealt with THIS YEAR.

[Carwyn]

57. if you have more than child it is IMPOSSIBLE to contain illness. One will get it and it WILL spread like the plague, it is fact, and there is nothing to do but stock up on soup, pain meds, and popsicles.

 

 

[Kivam]

58. That if you tell them to often enough, your kids will go play quietly downstairs in the morning instead of waking you up.

 

59. That when you get down stairs and see what they've done, you'll almost certainly wish they hadn't

 

60. That Ariel is their favorite.  And Dora is.  And Cinderella . . .

 

61. That telling them monsters don't exist won't calm them down - but telling them their stuffed animals will protect them from any monsters will.

[Loreina]

62. How much it hurts when your 13 year-old screams "I HATE you!" just because you won't let him go to a party at a place you've never heard of with a person you don't know.

 

teacher

63. How terribly shocked and saddened you feel after one of your most promising students commits suicide.

[Loreina]

rugrats

64.  is how the drool never stops. How can something so small contain so much liquid? Especially since it also comes so freely out of the other end? 

[claireducky]

65. Listening to other people's potty training escapades will likely be much more entertaining than dealing with potty training your own little poo monster.

 

[mmeeshal]

Not a parent, but an older sister, babysitter, and daycare worker.  :)

 

66. No matter how irritating the kid is, that smile will always melt your heart and make you forgive them...eventually...

 

67. When they vomit, guess who has to clean up the mess, no matter how bad it smells?

 

68. Kids have a very interesting sense of right and wrong, sometimes.  Such as the idea that sneaking outside to play with a friend is okay, because you can always just sneak out again, after you're caught. (applies to any age, really)

 

69. No matter how many newborns you've held in your life, the first day or two of an infant's life you will find yourself treating it like a porcelain figurine that will fall into gravity's pull at the slightest bump or jostle.

 

70. They ALL seem like angels until they are 2 or 3 years old.