History Lesson #1

[Justen Diablos]

The Kidnap of Kathana the Amyrlin and How Justen Saved the White Tower.

 

 

A Light breeze blows through a small room at the top of the White Tower, a soft voice can be heard singing.

 

somewhere over the rainbow...

 

Kathana, Amyrlin seat of the White Tower walks out from behind her dressing screen playing with her hair and talking to herself in a sing-song voice.

 

Kat:    ahhh, I'm the Amyrlin Seat. The Amyrlin seat. yup the Amyrlin seat.

 

A knock sounds at the door, Kathana cocks her head to the side and continues to call herself the amyrlin for another 3 and one half minutes because that's her morning ritual and breaking that could very possibly end the world. And who wants that kind of drama on their conscience? 

 

Finally content that the world was once again protected for another Day Kathana answers her door. A timid novice stands in the doorway and Kathana bids her enter.

 

Kat:    Enter child, what news is there this morning for your.... hey, a shiny object.

 

A full minute of silence.

 

Kat:    I think I'll eat pudding all morning today. Cancel all my appointments until after lunch if you would random novice.

 

Random Novice (probably an aspiring green, because really aren't they all?:    yes mumsy.

 

Her day planned ahead Kathana orders the novice to fetch her four pounds of chocolate pudding and goes back to repeatedly calling herself the Amyrlin seat.  So engrossed in her own thoughts, not to mention the occasional shiny object, Miss Seat doesn't even notice as a giant monster crashes through her wall destroying the entire east wall. The Giant raises himself to full height (I'm no carny but I'm guessing like 10' 4")

 

Giant:    AHG!

 

The Amyrlin finally notices something amiss and adresses the giant directly.

 

Kat:    Hello sir, are you the one bringing me pudding this morning? I must say usually it's brought through the door. *Thinks to herself* Of course breaking through the wall may in fact be quicker. Good work large hairy monster, way to improvise, you shall be handsomely rewarded. Perhaps a keychain, or even a watch, probably a casio.

 

Giant:    I am Joram! Bow before the Dark Overlord of DM.

 

Kat:    hmmmmmm, you best check that tone young man or mayhaps I'll send you to the mistress of novices. She normally doesn't see the young men who visit the tower but it's certainly not unheard of. Now hand over pudding unless you wish the full wrath of the Tower on your head.

 

Joram:    You mistake me wench. I am no pudding boy.

 

Kat:    And I'm no wench. I happen to be the Amyrlin Seat, most powerful person in all the whole wide world. Why, I could summon the Lord Captain Commander of the Children of the Light and even though Elriond would plot my death the entire way here he would come. That's what kind of stroke I have. So there!

 

A smallish man in a pristine white cloak walks through the open hole in the wall. Upon his cloak is a red shepard's crook.

 

Whitecloak:    Maybe he would Kathana, but he's not the one you have to worry about. *bows low* High Inquisitor Koe at your service... Well, technically not at your service, since I'm here to facilitate in your kidnap and ransom, but you sort of get the idea.

 

Kat:    Kidnap?! But I'm the Amyrlin Seat! I looked in the mirror this morning and everything just to make sure.

 

Kathana reaches toward the true source to protect herself but finds nothing.

 

Koe:    You don't realize what's happening right now do you? No, definately not. And yes, I did answer my own rehtorical question. Knew I was doing it at the time, didn't so much care. Joram can block your use of the one power, for he's a site administrator. Soon Kathana, you will understand the plans we have laid, and your importance in them, but for now you'll come with us. Joram.

 

Kathana attempts once more to resist but the Ogier/monster is too strong and she's carried from the room through the destroyed wall.

 

One minute too late(because that's how stories like this go) the novice returns with pudding. First she stops to stare about the room, because she does that everywhere in the tower, being a hick from the back end of nowhere. Very soon though she realizes that something is wrong. No amyrlin, wall busted out, farm girls are pretty quick on the uptake.

 

Random Novice (probably an aspiring green, because really aren't they all?:    Mumsy!

 

She runs from the room to find help, not even knowing the importance of what's just happened, and how it could affect all of DM.

 

We now have a scene change, enjoy yourselves as we transition into another area of the Tower.

 

Three Warders in color shifting cloaks sit around playing stones. (And yes three people can play stones. because while most people think stones is actually just chess in randland, I hold to the theory that it's actually the board game Risk. The only reason two people are playing it all the times it's referenced in the book is because outside of jail or army barracks when have you ever been able to assemble 6 people to actually sit down for hours and play that game? Seriously? Anyone answer that question?) An Accepted bursts in the door breaking up the game.

 

Dreamy eyed Accepted:    Help! The Amyrlin's been abducted. We think. I mean, probably. Hey you have well shaped calves.

 

The man with the so-called well shaped calves is the first to rise, and older man with the distinguished look of a man who's seen more than most.

 

Ben T Gaidin:    The Amyrlin? But how? Why?

 

Dreamy eyed Accepted:    No one knows, but it appears to be the work of a giant monster, perhaps an Ogier.  Basically the same to me, I mean how can one dance with an Ogier? Or bestow the lightest of kisses?

 

Matalina:    That's enough Accepted! Pay attention, we could have a crisis on our hands.  Segurant, this is your call. What should we do?

 

Segurant:    Well, I was going to make a sandwich, you're certainly welcome to join me if you want.

 

Matalina:    But it's your responsibility to protect the Amyrlin, as your Superior I must insist that you take it upon yourself to uphold your warder oath.

 

Segurant:    no. I don't think so, I think I'll make a sandwich. Why don't you go help her.

 

Matalina:    But I was going to have some of the younglings publically beaten for breaking very minor rules.  Which brings up the age old riddle 'If younglings are beaten to within an inch of their lives and I'm not around to watch it, what's the point?'

 

Segurant:    Well, you have a point there.  You should probably go watch that. Either way though I'm definately making a sandwich. I've been planning it for like 2 hours.

 

Matalina:    Hey, those were easy decisions. So anyway, decisions made I say we go ahead and get out of here before this moon eyed accepted stops staring at BenT's calves and realizes we're ditching our warderly duties in the time of the Tower's greatest need. That certainly wouldn't look good on any future job apps.

 

Segurant:    Good call.

 

The two warders leave, so that only BenT and the accepted are left.

 

Dreamy eyed Accepted:    So will you help her Mr. BenT?

 

BenT:    um, no.

 

Dreamy eyed Accepted:    Please?

 

BenT:    Nah.

 

Dreamy eyed Accepted:    But Why?

 

Faced with a question that had no yes or no answer BenT lets out a warbling scream and runs full out toward the window, crashing through it and out, falling over four stories and landing on his feet at a dead run, leaving tower grounds in less than a minute.

 

Dreamy eyed Accepted:    Goodness. Whatever shall I do.

 

?:    Pssst. Accepted.

 

Dreamy eyed Accepted:    Who is it?

 

?:    There is one man who might be able to help. He can be found in the Brown Ajah quarters. His name, or all you need to know of it is... Diablos.

 

After the last word a shadow detaches itself from the wall and exits the room the same way that BenT did.  Rushing to the window the dreamy eyed accepted is just in time to see a dark wraith like figure climbing down the side of the tower.

 

Dreamy eyed Accepted:    I hope this Diablos can help, otherwise I don't know what we'll do.  I kind of also hope he's cute, and has well turned calves.

 

Another Scene Change, Talk amongst yourselves.

 

We go deep into the tower, the very depths, because Browns don't care about life outside their books.  Easily pushed around due to this distractedness they get the crappy part of the Tower. Still, this room is very plush, Brown throw pillows are everywhere, novices rush here and there but the room is mostly packed with members of the Brown Ajah. A single man sits upon a couch-like loveseat and is fed grapes and scratched behind the ear by a gorgeous member of the Brown Ajah know as Leonora. That man is Justen Diablos.

 

JD:    hmmmmm, I think I'll compose a poem!

 

Justen turns to Emmilith Sedai, one of the three, and begins dictating.

 

(I think it's important now the exact nature of the relationship between young Diablos and the Brown Ajah.  You see back around the times of Justen's early DM life, he stumbled across Emmy Sedai upon the temp boards. Later in life he met the Great One herself, Karana, on the main boards.  And of course he knew Yveva through his extensive spy network at DM.  Pretty much the only AS that would talk to young JD back in those early days were of the brown. And because of that JD devolped an obsession with the Brown Ajah. So it's not necessarily the Brown Ajah that is devoted to Justen so much as Justen is devoted completely to the Brown Ajah.  In any case Emmy, Karana, and Yveva will be henceforth known as 'The Three'.)

 

Into this scene the door bursts open and a full fledged Aes Sedai enters.  She is of the Red, and hates all men, but she's heard of this Diablos, and thinks maybe he's the only chance to save the WT.

 

Uptight Red:    Help n' stuff!

 

Karana the Great:    What can I help you with Sister? These are the Browns quarters, and I would have your reasons for breaking into our solitude.

 

Uptight Red:    The Amyrlin's been kidnapped and Segurant, Matalina, and BenT are nowhere to be found.  We need to rescue her, and I was told there was only one man in the world who could accomplish such a task, and that man could be found here.

 

Karana the Great:    Hmmmmm, kidnapped you say. I'll let that bat around in my mind for a minute or two and get back to you on whether or not I care.  In any case, you've come for Justen, and he's over there.  *Karana points*

 

The Red Sister passes by Karana and slowly approaches this man with whom she was about to trust the fate of the White Tower.

 

Uptight Red:    Excuse me sir...

 

JD:    Yes, yes, Amyrlin kidnapped, yada yada. I heard it all, for I am Diablos, Spymaster for the Children of the Light. There is little that passes by me unnoticed.  Unfortunately for you right now I'm a little busy composing a poem. Emmy, read back what I've got so far.

 

Emmy the True:    Sure.

 

There once was a man from Kandor,

Whom the girls did truly adore,

Not for his wit nor his stunning good looks,

But cause his sword hung down to the floor.

 

JD:    Classy.  I like it, have it laminated and placed above the West entrance. *turns back to the Red*  Like I said, I'm allowing my brilliance free reign right now, perhaps tomorrow I'll have time to save your tower.

 

Before the Red can come up with a response the wraith from earlier enters in shadow form.  Throwing back his cloak it become's obvious this is in fact a man, and that man is Spy extraordinare Rico.

 

Rico:    Boss, I need to tell you something.  Can we go somewhere private?

 

JD:    Rico, anything that you have to say can be said here in front of all. There are no secrets between the Prince of Silly and the Brown Ajah.

 

Rico:    It's Koe! He's gone mad this time.  He's plotting to kidnap the Amyrlin Seat in a vain attempt to make the CoL relevant.  The Eye of the Light has uncovered information he may be using his ties to DM admin Joram to make it happen.

 

JD:    It's already happened Rico, you're too late to prevent it. Why wasn't I notified earlier?

 

Rico:    You've been away, and I've been drunk. Other than us there are no active members of the CoL.

 

JD:    What about Paityr, Firamar, Steel Blade?  Were they involved in this?

 

Rico:    Our best intelligence places Paityr in Seanchan throwing water balloons.  Firamar and Steel Blade are still on the RP side of Dragonmount, though why they go there I'll never know. *shudders*

 

JD:    Indeed, the RP is to be avoided if one can, done with quickly if necessary.  Tis the silly of DM proper we need to concern ourselves with, not some RP.  Well done Rico, it appears this problem is ours after all.  Where is Elriond?

 

Rico:    The Eye isn't sure, it's possible he's assisting Koe, we just don't have enough information.  What do we do Boss?

 

Justen:    'We' don't do anything.  You're my only recruit to the CoL, the only one aside from Paityr and I that can be counted on to bring the silly to DM.  You're too inexperienced to join me on this quest.  Stand aside whilst I handle this mess.  It's my own fault, I should have been around to check Koe but I got too caught up with the Brown Ajah.  In the meantime try to find Paityr and Steel Blade.  The time for the revolution may be upon us.

 

Rico:    Sure thing JD.  May the silly be with you my Prince.

 

As Rico leaves the assembled Brown Ajah circle around Justen to wish him well on his journey.  As he's finally wrapping up his tearful goodbyes Yveva enters.

 

Yvevy the Mischievious:    Justy!  I just heard about the Amyrlin, and that you were leaving.  I got a message from Darksmoon of the Wolfkin that he might perhaps have some information for you.

 

JD:    Wolfkin huh?  events are outpacing me, but perhaps there is time still.

 

Somewhere other than where we just were.

 

Kat:    I need pudding! I'm being mistreated! I shall file a grievance with J-Denz over this! Just see if I won't!

 

Koe:    Silence Kathana,  you'll be back in your precious White Tower eating all the pudding you can choke down soon enough.  As for Jason he'll know soon enough about your plight.  In fact, that's my plan.  Once he knows that Koe of the CoL is willing to abduct the most beloved member of DM he'll realize that he cannot under any circumstance delete my Org.  MWHAHAHAHAHAHA.

 

Kat:    You're crazy if you think J-Denz will negotiate with the likes of you.

 

Koe:    If he doesn't, he doesn't.  But you best hope he will, because if not.  Um... yeah, well it won't be good I'll tell ya that. *nods athoritativly*

 

Somewhere in the forest of the Wolfkin.

 

Justen walks slowly through the familiar territory that is the Wolfkin.  It was not so long ago he was a daisy fresh recruit of the Light, his only friends some Band chicks and a couple of drunken wolfies.

 

Nighteyes:    Justen!  You made it, Darks wasn't sure you would.

 

JD:    When have I ever dissapointed the Wolfkin Night?  Of course I made it.  Where's Darren?

 

Nighteyes:    He drank too much on the walk up here, he's off somewhere taking a 'wicked piss' as he put it.

 

JD:    *nods* Makes sense.  So what's this news Darksmoon had for me, I was told he had information that might make it possible to rescue the Amyrlin Seat.

 

Nighteyes:    Actually, he technically just knows a guy who knows a guy who knows some stuff n' things.  I was sent out here to give you directions to where you can meet up with him. *hands over a map* Let me ask you something Justen.  Why save the Amyrlin?  I mean she hunts us endlessly due to our whole wolves thing, and I know you have no love for the witches.  So why?

 

JD:      Promise you won't tell anyone?

 

Nighteyes:    I'll put it on the bottle of Vodka I plan to drink tonight.

 

JD:    A strong oath that. Very well.  It's because, well, she's my friend. Kinda sorta.  And she tends to make me giggle.  Not a lot of people make the Prince of Silly laugh.  And for that I would go to the very ends of the earth.

 

Nighteyes:    Alright. Well, I have to go wash the sappy wus off me now, you're kind of getting it all over the place, and it's sticky.  Later. *Nighteyes wanders off.*

 

JD:    hmmmmmm, that seemed uncalled for. Oh well, no need to talk to myself is there.  Best follow these directions here.

 

Justen proceeds to stare at the map for a good hour.

 

Turns the map over.

 

Stares for another hour.

 

JD:    Huh, got nothing.

 

Impatient from having to wait the man Justen was to meet leaves, fortunately for JD (and the future of the WT) he chooses to leave the forest in Justen's direction and stumbles upon the Spymaster deep in thought.

 

JD:    Hey! You! can you help me figure out this map?

 

The newcomer walks over to Justen, exuding evil with every step.  He grabs the map and takes a look at it.

 

Stranger:    This is mine.

 

JD:    Oh good.  You can probably point me in the right direction then.

 

The stranger reaches back and slaps Justen across the face.

 

JD:    That doesn't help me so much, what does that mean? like East or something?

 

Stranger:    Idiot, I'm the one who has the information you seek.

 

JD:    Right on then.  That map was giving me a headache, I'm not good at thinking sometimes.  So who are you?

 

Stranger:    I am Jeraal Mordeth, discontented member of Shayol Ghul.  Of course someday I will be much more, in fact I am destined to change DM for the better and be known as the greatest of the great.

 

JD:    *placates* Sure you will big guy.  Anyway, what do you know?

 

Mordeth:    The Amyrlin is being held on the outskirts of Shayol Ghul.  I've prepared a map... *eyes Justen*  Okay so what you're going to want to do is walk about 4 miles, take a left, go about three blocks then another left, and then take two skips and a hop, then a right.  Walk until you see a gnarled tree that looks like it's alive.  If you see a bloodstained patch of ground three paces long you've gone too far.

 

JD:    Got it, I'm an auditory learner.

 

Mordeth:    Good luck, someday I may come study the art of silly from you.  I must become exceptional at all facets of DMing, and you are indeed the master of Silly. 

 

JD:    Okay then... bye?

 

Justen proceeds to follow the strange man's directions and eventually end's up at the gnarled tree.  Right across from it he see's a building with a sign out front.

 

Koe's Secret Hideout

 

Justen:    Must be the place.

 

Justen enters and see's Koe, taunting the Amyrlin by eating pudding in front of her.

 

JD:    Koe! Your gig is up, let the Amyrlin go!

 

Koe turns to face his protege.

 

Koe:    Damn, you found me.  Alright go ahead and take her.

 

JD:    Kind of an anti-climatic ending isn't it? shouldn't we fight or something?

 

Koe:    Nah, I'm kind of bored anyway.  I need to go feed my hamsters.  Plus this is how these silly stories usually end.  I mean you spend so much time ignoring plot in favor of the quick joke and at the end all you have is one long punchline with no real need for a proper ending.  Just wrap it up in a couple lines and call it good.

 

Justen writes those wise words down, and plans to live by them his entire DM career.

 

JD:    Amyrlin you are freed! *poses*

 

Kat:    My Hero, you have saved the White Tower oh amazing one.

 

Back at the White Tower.

 

Segurant and Matalina look through the kitchen for BenT, hoping they can get a good game of stones going as it sucks to play with just two people.  Kathana enters.

 

Kat:    I'm back! I need Pudding! I like to end my sentences with exclamation points to express my excitement!  Seggy!  Why did you not rescue me?

 

Segurant:    I um, well I... er.  Hey look!

 

Kat looks and Segurant books it.  When she turns back he's gone.

 

Kat:    What a sweetie, he knew I wouldn't want to miss that shiny object over there.  oooooh pudding.

 

JD,

Historian

[Barmacral]

I enjoy history. I shall have to learn from Segurant, he seems to know how to handle the ladies.

[The Don]

you are a strange strange man

[Naeann]

Most interesting.  Barm.. theres something shiny over there....

 

Fabulous history lesson Justen

[Wayward_fool]

Tsk tsk... names I have no heard for AGES. I miss them so.

 

Okay, damn it, how come the BT was left out huh? How's Skechid supposed to make an appearance? Hmmmm???

 

*grins* Light, I missed the silly stories. I mean the TRUE silly stories, that make people laugh.

[The Don]

*pats Skechidy and also doesn't bring up the fact that the Band OR Shayol Ghul played hardly any part in this story* now look what you did! You know our boy is sensitive *gives Skech a story about the Black Tower and Band the Band to mend his poor feelers*

 

Once upon a time there was this boy named Skech and ummm.... he live in a Tower... it was black. And uh... he heard of this Band once. And the lead singer was super cool. His name was Jaem. He had all the fans and all the groupies and lived happily ever after in his mansion with nekkid serving girls.

 

... oh and Skechid was around somewhere too.

[Talya]

*snugglebites Jueten and the Don* ;D

[Wayward_fool]

*Mopes® on Donutella*

[Liitha]

awe *plays with ciders hair*

 

dont be sad

[Raeyn]

I miss all those people.  'Cept for Joram, since he'll randomly pester me on livejournal here and again :)

 

I miss the silly story writing... I really need to drag some of you guys forcibly back into RPing (even if it's just the Revolution One boards) and get back to it.

 

I should also tidy up and repost my beer bonding - that was good times <3  And the only thing I had of DM 5.0 that survived.. RIP DM 5.0 :(

[Dwynwen]

Thanks for the silly story!  We haven't had one of these in awhile.

[Maria]

RIP DM 5.0 :(

 

RIP DM5 <3

 

And yay welcome back, JD! You may not even remember me, but I definitely remember you =)

[JenniferL]

*sniffles* Just like old times! With the kidnappings and everything!

[Maria]

You know, from what I can remember, you seemed to be in peril a lot more back then. And your chair, too. (Which, sadly, isn't a euphemism for anything.)

[Jhaenara]

Hey, I made it in the story...  Random Novice...  *pumps fist in VICTOLY*

 

:P   ;)

 

Funny stuff, Justen...   :)

[Raeyn]

We need to collect the funny stories again... anyone else remember Eniara's epic tale?  It was when Karana took over as Amyrlin after the RP/Comm split, and it was.. well, epic.

 

I also wish I still had the one where my Browns on the RP side found the internet, and tried to take it back to me *weg*

[JenniferL]

I found this one tonight. It's a fairly accurate retelling of how I met and bonded Joe. It'll also give you insight as to why I continue to stay bonded to him, despite his excessive absenteeism the last half decade or so. The alternative is far, far worse.

[Jhaenara]

Found this one tonight?  Was there supposed to be a link?  Hehee...

[Raeyn]

I'm still bemused that he's bonded to two Amyrlins :D

[Segurant]

Kat's Warder and I keep Kathana tied up in her Study to avoid the misadventures she is know to partake.  Besides, how can I ever make that sandwich if I have to save her all the time.

 

Sandwich first you know.

[JenniferL]

Yeah, Joe's sort of a man whore. But I think his whole "Amyrlins are easy" theory has been disproven now.

 

Anyways, link.

 

http://www.angelfire.com/ga2/LoneWolf/Stories/KathanaLoneWolf.html

[Raeyn]

*mock sighs and drops the pudding bomb on Kath again*

[Paityr]

Good god, man. How long did it take you to type that up?!?

 

I did appreciate that I was mentioned a couple times, at least. Although, truth be told, I think at that time I was involved in making sure everyone knew what the whole "nine moons" thing really meant. I don't remember any water balloons being involved...just a lot of nudity.

[Yveva]

*wipes a tear from her eye*

[Paityr]

Now, now, Yv. I know my naked form is a sight to behold, but really...tears? You've got to hold yourself together better than that. I mean, you're married now.

 

;)