Ask the Dark One (A game from an Age long past, an Age yet to come)

[randomh3r0]

So I was going through a bunch of old posts from back when I was on here before, and there was one game specifically that always brought laughs, a good amount of posts, and something unique from each player: Ask the Dark One

 

What is this game, you might ask? It's very simple: The person above you answers the question from the post above them as "The Dark One" (typically just using all caps, like in the books). Then, they ask a question of the DO, and the next poster repeats this process. The more humorous the DO's responses, the better. DO responses don't need to be limited to the world of WoT, as sometimes pop-culture can help. Standard guidelines for posting anything offensive still applies. 

 

I'll kick us off with an example:

 

Dark One, now that there's no more books being written about the Dragon Reborn, what are you going to do next?

 

(below I'll answer just how each player should, with the DO's answer and the next question. Now it's your turn!)

[randomh3r0]

I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO BE SELECTED BY RYAN REYNOLDS TO PLAY CABLE IN DEADPOOL 2. THE DIRECTOR WASN'T A BIG FAN, SO HE LEFT THE PROJECT. 

 

Dark One, if you could be the bad guy in another book series, show or film, what would it be? 

[Ironeyes]

Well I got an offer from Disney a year or two ago to play some guy named Snook in their new movie, I thought you would already--wait, you didn't realize it? Never mind, forget I said anything!

 

Dark One, is there something you're trying to keep a secret?

[randomh3r0]

I NEVER LIKED ASMODEAN. HE WAS A SNOB AND FREQUENTLY MADE SNARKY COMMENTS ABOUT SHAYOL GHUL, WHICH IS WHY I HAD LANFEAR BETRAY HIM TO THE IDIOT REBORN. 

 

Dark One, was there ever a time when you weren't evil?

[Wildfire Sedai]

OF COURSE NOT, YOU SILLY GOOSE.  HOW COULD I BE THE DARK ONE IF I WERE EVER GOOD.  LIKE DUH, REALLY.

 

Dark one, do you have any kids?

[randomh3r0]

I DO INDEED, AND THEY'RE ALL AS EVIL AS I AM. YOU MIGHT HAVE MET THEM, YOU CAN TELL BY HOW THEIR BMW IS ALWAYS PARKED IN TWO SPACES AT THE SAME TIME. 

 

Dark One, what are you dressing up as for Halloween this year?

[Songstress]

I'M DRESSING UP AS A WHITECLOAK.  I THOUGHT IT WOULD AMUSE THE CHILDREN, ESPECIALLY WHEN I PRETEND TO GIVE THEM CANDY AND THEN TORTURE THEM FOR ASSOCIATING WITH DARKFRIENDS.

 

Dark One, what is your favorite television show?

[Panchi]

TELETUBBIES

 

 

Dark One, do you like ice cream?

[randomh3r0]

YES, ALTHOUGH IT'S BEEN A WHILE SINCE I HAD ANY, ISHAMAEL STOPPED BRINGING ME ICE CREAM WHEN HE BECAME MORIDIN. 

 

Dark One, where do you go for vacations?

[Wildfire Sedai]

I DON'T GO ON VACATIONS!    I GO ON KILLATIONS!     

 

Dark One, what is your favorite: breakfast food?

[randomh3r0]

IT'S A TOSS-UP BETWEEN PADAN FAIN'S SECRET PANCAKE RECIPE AND THE MCDONALD'S MCGRIDDLES - BOTH LEAVE ME SATISFIED AND READY TO CONDUCT THE DAY'S EVIL.

 

Dark One, what is your favorite holiday?

[Panchi]

SLAUGHTER DAY. YOU DO NOT TELL ME THAT IT DOES NOT EXIST

 

 

DO, can you fly?

[Niniel]

OF COURSE! ACTUALLY I HAVE BOOKED A PRIVATE SHO-WING TO THE ANSALINE GARDENS FOR X-MAS.

 

 

Dear DO, you have darkhounds, but what about darkcats?

[Talmanes]

OF COURSE! THEY ARE EVEN MORE EVIL, I JUST KEEP THEM IN THE BORE.

 

Dark One, whose your favorite of your Chosen?

[Panchi]

BELA. ALL OTHERS ARE BORING.

 

DO, how do you cure stomachache?

[randomh3r0]

EITHER A NICE POT OF TEA AND A REST, OR SIMPLY REMOVE THEIR STOMACH FOR THEM

 

Dark One, have you ever been on a date?

[Ironeyes]

OF COURSE I HAVE, YOU INSOLENT LIGHTIE! I EVEN HAD A GIRLFRIEND ONCE. MALEFICENT AND I DIDN'T WORK OUT THOUGH, BECAUSE SHE WANTED TO BE AN ANTIHERO AND I JUST WANTED HER TO BE EVIL. I GAVE UP ON GIRLS AFTER THAT. 

 

 

 

Happy Halloween, Dark One! Now the stores are transitioning into Christmas so what do you want Santa to bring you this year?

[Panchi]

A TEDDY BEAR! ACTUALLY, LOADS OF TEDDY BEARS. THEY ARE GOOD FOR TURNING KIDS EVIL.

 

DO, do you like cartoons?

[randomh3r0]

I LOVE SPONGEBOB - HE'S MAKING THIS WORLD RIPE FOR MY PLUCKING... AND I REALLY SIDE WITH PLANKTON. 

 

Dark One, which book in the WoT series is your favorite?

[Niniel]

ALL BUT THE LAST ONE ARE MY FAVOURITES. THE LAST ONE MAKES IT LOOK LIKE THE AL´THOR BOY DEFEATED ME, WHEN IN REALITY I JUST WENT ON A VACATION. THE SHADOW RISING IS A GOOD NAME, DON´T YOU THINK? 

 

 

Dear Dark One, why do you have to mess with the weather all the time?

[Ironeyes]

YOU'RE TELLING ME THAT YOU WOULDN'T IF YOU HAD THAT ABILITY?

 

Dark One, how do you do your hair?

[randomh3r0]

SEE ANSWER TO PREVIOUS QUESTION - I MESS WITH THE WEATHER AND IT DOES MY HAIR FOR ME

 

Dark One, what's your favorite film franchise?

[Leyrann]

STAR WARS. OR, TO BE MORE PRECISE, THE PREQUEL TRILOGY. NOT ONLY DO THEY CONTAIN A GREAT EXAMPLE OF HOW TO TURN SOMEONE EVIL, MENTIONING I PREFER THEM OVER THE LACKLUSTER ORIGINAL TRILOGY CAN CREATE FLAME WARS THAT LAST FOR WEEKS.

 

Dark One, what do you think about Christopher Lee?

[randomh3r0]

CHRISTOPHER LEE WAS THE ONLY ACTOR TRULY SUITED TO BE MY VOICE IN AN ADAPTION OF THE WOT, AND WILL BE GREATLY MISSED, AS THE ONLY ACTOR TO PLAY A VAMPIRE, SITH LORD AND EVIL WIZARD, AS WELL AS SINGLE LEAD VOCALS ON A METAL ALBUM. THAT HAS 'DARK ONE' WRITTEN ALL OVER IT. 

 

Dark One, they say the devil's greatest trick was convincing the world he doesn't exist. What is your greatest trick?

[Leyrann]

MY GREATEST TRICK, WITHOUT DOUBT, WAS COMPELLING THESE FOOLS THAT THE TAINT IS SOMETHING DESIRABLE.

 

Dark One, which Forsaken's actions did you like most?