Jump to content



WoToholic Anonymous


Recommended Posts

Meeting at WoToholics Anonymous.

(Notice that all names of course are changed.)


Meeting leader: I´m Sandra and I´m a WoToholic.


Everyone: Hi Sandra!


Sandra: Welcome to this meeting at WA. Today we have the privilege of welcoming a newcomer.


Everyone: Welcome!

(Newbie looks confused and probably want to hide under the table.)


Sandra: The theme of this meeting is step one: “We admitted we´re powerless over Robert Jordans Wheel of Time – that our lives had become unmanageable.” Remember that we are talking about our own recovery. We can find serenity regardless how the Wheel of Time ends. Let´s start with Peter today. Thanks.


Everyone: Thanks.


Peter: Hi, I´m Peter and I´m a trolloc, ehm, I meen a WoToholic.


Everyone: Hi, Peter!


Peter: I have been attending the WA meetings for a year now and I can honestly say that my life has taken a new turn. When I first came here I was really sick. I read the books over and over again. I posted on Theoryland and joined every social groups on DM. I couldn´t sleep at night because I was thinking about how Brandon Sanderson could manage to finish Robert Jordans lifework. It was hard to do a proper job at work because I constantly checked my phone for the latest updates at DM.

My wife and my kids also suffered from my actions since I didn´t spend much time with them. I actually forgot my son´s second birthday because I planned a trip to Jordan Con. But now… I can honestly say that I see clearly how my life has been. Although I still desperately want to know the end I have succeeded in keeping away from all WoT related stuff for almost a year. I thank the group and my higher power, who I call Bela. Thanks.


Everyone: Thanks.


Lucy: Hi. I´m Lucy and I´m a WoToholic.


Everyone: Hi Lucy!


Lucy: I took a relapse this week. It´s so damn hard. I happened to pass the local library. I know I shouldn´t go in there but suddenly I found myself there anyway. The library had a new copy of New Spring and I thought to myself that I have only read it seven times and that it wouldn´t hurt to read it just one more time. So I borrowed it and started to read it already on the bus. It was such a wonderful feeling. But when I had finished it the anxiety struck me. (Starts to cry.) I had lost one day and one night. I was hungry and I needed to go to the toilet. (Cries even more.) The shame… I guess I stop there. Thanks.


Everyone: Thanks. (Sandra gives Lucy some tissues.)


Bill: Hi, I´m Bill. I´m addicted and a WoToholic.


Everyone: Hi Bill!


Bill: I´m so happy. Today I celebrate five years of sobriety. (Everyone applaud.) Thank you. I never thought I would escape the Wheel but I did. You know, I was really sick when I first came here. I read the books over an over again. I had a whole room dedicated to WoT in my house. I had all the books in hardback and paperback. I even had copies in 20 different languages. I, like some of you, neglected my family and I was fired from work. My wife tried to convince me to stop buying more books but I didn´t listen to her. Finally she put a lock on my door. We had an argue and I accidentally pushed her down the stairs. When I saw her lying on the floor it was like waking up from an awful dream. Suddenly I could see clearly. I drove my wife to the hospital and then I drove back and burned all my books. I ripped all my Robert Jordan autographs to pieces. (Everyone applaud except for the newcomer.)

I will tell you that it hasn´t always been easy after that. I have decided not to see my cousin anymore because her name is Harriet. She reminds me to much of my old life. I remember a fight I had with my daughter’s teacher. It was tough but I managed to convince her not to read fantasy books to the children. Right now I´m trying to convince Amazon to have an age-limit for fantasy books. But I will tell you that all my struggles have been worth it and here I am, alive and healthy. Thanks to all of you. Thanks.


Everyone: Thanks.


Newcomer: Is it me now? Ok. My name is Sam.


Everyone: Welcome Sam.


Sam: Ehm… I don´t know why I´m here honestly. Or, you know… I have just come home from a treatment. It was my wife that forced me to go there and now she has made me come here too. Don´t take this wrong but I don´t think this is the right place for me. You see, I´m not addicted. I read a lot, and I´m not ashamed to say so. Everyone read – don´t they? It´s not like I have memorized all the lines in the books. I have only learned Rand´s and he is just one character. Right? And I think that DM is a nice place where you can meet friends and it´s not that I hang around there all the times. Like last Christmas I turned off my computer all day. My wife just critiques everything I do. Well, maybe it was me that burned down the office but if the rest of the workers had understood that our boss looked just like Padan Fain then they wouldn´t have complained, would they? So if you excuse me, I don´t know what you are talking about but my wife made an ultimatum – if I don´t go here and stop reading WoT then she will divorce me. Isn´t it weird that your own wife should make you choose between her and some books? Well, I don´t know… Should I say thanks?


Everyone: Thanks!


Sandra: Hi, I´m Sandra and I´m a WoToholic. It´s time to end this meeting. I will remind you that we are anonymous. What ever says here stays here. Let´s end with the Serenity Prayer.


Everyone (except Sam):

God, grant me the serenity

To accept that we don´t know when aMoL will be published

Courage to let friends and family change our DM codes

And wisdom not to name all of our kids after WoT characters



(I hope I don´t offend anyone. I myself go to a 12 step program for family and friends to alcoholics so I know these meetings are great.)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

Hi, I'm Eddie, and I am a WoTaholic.




This week has been a hard week for me. You may not know it, but they realized the ebook cover for New Spring a few days ago. And, of course, being that it was new, and there was both a link on my Facebook AND my Tumblr, I just happened to see it, click it, save it, print it, and hang ten copies up all over my room. I dream about WoT all the time, and when I saw this cover, after hanging up my last copy, I took a sleeping pill and lost a day or two just dreaming about the book.

I also stopped at a book store and bought the first three books in a paperback boxed set. They're so nice. I have been able to leave them in the plastic, but oh man, it's hard.

It's so hard.




Link to comment
Share on other sites

Many of those names are good but I don't think they would work in Sweden. Min is my favorite character and I like the name but min in Swedish is a face expression.


Now, I don't plan to have more kids so I can make fun of you anyway. :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites


This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

  • Create New...