WoToholic Anonymous

[Niniel]

Meeting at WoToholics Anonymous.

(Notice that all names of course are changed.)

 

Meeting leader: I´m Sandra and I´m a WoToholic.

 

Everyone: Hi Sandra!

 

Sandra: Welcome to this meeting at WA. Today we have the privilege of welcoming a newcomer.

 

Everyone: Welcome!

(Newbie looks confused and probably want to hide under the table.)

 

Sandra: The theme of this meeting is step one: “We admitted we´re powerless over Robert Jordans Wheel of Time – that our lives had become unmanageable.” Remember that we are talking about our own recovery. We can find serenity regardless how the Wheel of Time ends. Let´s start with Peter today. Thanks.

 

Everyone: Thanks.

 

Peter: Hi, I´m Peter and I´m a trolloc, ehm, I meen a WoToholic.

 

Everyone: Hi, Peter!

 

Peter: I have been attending the WA meetings for a year now and I can honestly say that my life has taken a new turn. When I first came here I was really sick. I read the books over and over again. I posted on Theoryland and joined every social groups on DM. I couldn´t sleep at night because I was thinking about how Brandon Sanderson could manage to finish Robert Jordans lifework. It was hard to do a proper job at work because I constantly checked my phone for the latest updates at DM.

My wife and my kids also suffered from my actions since I didn´t spend much time with them. I actually forgot my son´s second birthday because I planned a trip to Jordan Con. But now… I can honestly say that I see clearly how my life has been. Although I still desperately want to know the end I have succeeded in keeping away from all WoT related stuff for almost a year. I thank the group and my higher power, who I call Bela. Thanks.

 

Everyone: Thanks.

 

Lucy: Hi. I´m Lucy and I´m a WoToholic.

 

Everyone: Hi Lucy!

 

Lucy: I took a relapse this week. It´s so damn hard. I happened to pass the local library. I know I shouldn´t go in there but suddenly I found myself there anyway. The library had a new copy of New Spring and I thought to myself that I have only read it seven times and that it wouldn´t hurt to read it just one more time. So I borrowed it and started to read it already on the bus. It was such a wonderful feeling. But when I had finished it the anxiety struck me. (Starts to cry.) I had lost one day and one night. I was hungry and I needed to go to the toilet. (Cries even more.) The shame… I guess I stop there. Thanks.

 

Everyone: Thanks. (Sandra gives Lucy some tissues.)

 

Bill: Hi, I´m Bill. I´m addicted and a WoToholic.

 

Everyone: Hi Bill!

 

Bill: I´m so happy. Today I celebrate five years of sobriety. (Everyone applaud.) Thank you. I never thought I would escape the Wheel but I did. You know, I was really sick when I first came here. I read the books over an over again. I had a whole room dedicated to WoT in my house. I had all the books in hardback and paperback. I even had copies in 20 different languages. I, like some of you, neglected my family and I was fired from work. My wife tried to convince me to stop buying more books but I didn´t listen to her. Finally she put a lock on my door. We had an argue and I accidentally pushed her down the stairs. When I saw her lying on the floor it was like waking up from an awful dream. Suddenly I could see clearly. I drove my wife to the hospital and then I drove back and burned all my books. I ripped all my Robert Jordan autographs to pieces. (Everyone applaud except for the newcomer.)

I will tell you that it hasn´t always been easy after that. I have decided not to see my cousin anymore because her name is Harriet. She reminds me to much of my old life. I remember a fight I had with my daughter’s teacher. It was tough but I managed to convince her not to read fantasy books to the children. Right now I´m trying to convince Amazon to have an age-limit for fantasy books. But I will tell you that all my struggles have been worth it and here I am, alive and healthy. Thanks to all of you. Thanks.

 

Everyone: Thanks.

 

Newcomer: Is it me now? Ok. My name is Sam.

 

Everyone: Welcome Sam.

 

Sam: Ehm… I don´t know why I´m here honestly. Or, you know… I have just come home from a treatment. It was my wife that forced me to go there and now she has made me come here too. Don´t take this wrong but I don´t think this is the right place for me. You see, I´m not addicted. I read a lot, and I´m not ashamed to say so. Everyone read – don´t they? It´s not like I have memorized all the lines in the books. I have only learned Rand´s and he is just one character. Right? And I think that DM is a nice place where you can meet friends and it´s not that I hang around there all the times. Like last Christmas I turned off my computer all day. My wife just critiques everything I do. Well, maybe it was me that burned down the office but if the rest of the workers had understood that our boss looked just like Padan Fain then they wouldn´t have complained, would they? So if you excuse me, I don´t know what you are talking about but my wife made an ultimatum – if I don´t go here and stop reading WoT then she will divorce me. Isn´t it weird that your own wife should make you choose between her and some books? Well, I don´t know… Should I say thanks?

 

Everyone: Thanks!

 

Sandra: Hi, I´m Sandra and I´m a WoToholic. It´s time to end this meeting. I will remind you that we are anonymous. What ever says here stays here. Let´s end with the Serenity Prayer.

 

Everyone (except Sam):

God, grant me the serenity

To accept that we don´t know when aMoL will be published

Courage to let friends and family change our DM codes

And wisdom not to name all of our kids after WoT characters

 

 

(I hope I don´t offend anyone. I myself go to a 12 step program for family and friends to alcoholics so I know these meetings are great.)

[Smiley73]

I like it, well done

[Niniel]

Thank you y !

[Talmanes]

LMAO! That was great, I especially loved Sam's.

 

10 points from me for that.

[Niniel]

Thank you!

[Kathleen]

Isn't this a little like having an AA meeting in a bar?

[Niniel]

lol

 

Yeh, pretty much the same.

[Blueberry]

>_> Naming children after WoT character is bad? Oh oh.. there goes the list...

[Niniel]

And what were the names on that list?

[ed2funy]

Hi, I'm Eddie, and I am a WoTaholic.

 

 

 

This week has been a hard week for me. You may not know it, but they realized the ebook cover for New Spring a few days ago. And, of course, being that it was new, and there was both a link on my Facebook AND my Tumblr, I just happened to see it, click it, save it, print it, and hang ten copies up all over my room. I dream about WoT all the time, and when I saw this cover, after hanging up my last copy, I took a sleeping pill and lost a day or two just dreaming about the book.

I also stopped at a book store and bought the first three books in a paperback boxed set. They're so nice. I have been able to leave them in the plastic, but oh man, it's hard.

It's so hard.

 

 

Thanks.

[ed2funy]

Also, mad props to Tina.

[Blueberry]

  On 7/14/2011 at 9:04 PM, TinaHel said:

And what were the names on that list?

 

LOL, oh Eddy, you poor thing you, and Tina, here we're some of the names:

Min

Domani

Solain

Taringail

Saldea

Siuan

Aviendha

 

..Don't judge me!

[Talmanes]

Min would actually be a pretty good name for a girl.

[Lessa Nikia]

This is sweet Tina I want to name two of my kids, Mat and Birgitte(first) Elayne(middle)

[Niniel]

Many of those names are good but I don't think they would work in Sweden. Min is my favorite character and I like the name but min in Swedish is a face expression.

 

Now, I don't plan to have more kids so I can make fun of you anyway. :)

[Leyrann]

"min" would also not be a good name in Dutch. In the Netherlands it is the name for this "-" thing.