Transformers 3

[Emperor]

Anyone that has ever spoken to me knows my utter hate for the first two movies. I grew up loving the cartoon. I geeked out over the trailers. I dragged my wife to watch it on the big screen for a midnight show. I watched in horror as Michael Bay took something I loved and flushed it down the toilet. Then somehow Bay made a second movie that was much worse. Now we come to the third movie. Reviwers seem to be loving it... but after the second episode it would be hard to make a worse movie. If you watch it let me know what you think. I have no plans to watch it until it comes to netflix.

 

F**k. Yes. Absent are the stepandfetchbots. Exiled is every bit of robot genitalia. And someone even told the Transformers to empty their bladders before the movie. Just about everything terrible that has come to annoy the living s**t out of fans from the last two movies is gone. What’s left? Pure unadulterated Michael Bay for two hours and forty minutes. You read that right. Robots, cars and explosions for two hours and forty minutes. If that sounds terrible to you, then seriously, what the f**k are you doing even thinking about seeing a Michael Bay movie? If you’re still holding out hope that Bay has discovered such subtle nuances as “story”, “character” or “dialog” then I’ve got a bridge to sell you. Those ain’t his bag. Bay is the reigning king of blowing shit up, and here he manages to outdo even himself. And if that’s what you want out of TRANSFORMERS: DARK OF THE MOON then you will clap and giggle like a three year old tasting ice cream for the first time.

 

Bay attacked this thing like he had something to prove, and let’s face it, he did. After the complete and utter mess that was TRANFORMERS: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN - a film for which even his most devoted and diehard fans wanted to see him on the receiving end of a CALIGULA wedding scene re-enactment – he needed to come back and be all the Bay he could be. And boy howdy, did he. But not only did he make a better film than the second (by a wide margin) he managed to make an even better film than the first. The first film wowed us with giant robots; this film wows us with giant robots going positively medieval on one another while tearing apart an entire city doing it.

 

You have never seen destruction on the level that this film unleashes in its final act. Never. Humans are slaughtered wholesale, the Autobots finally grow a pair and unleash an unholy vengeance on the Decepticons and buildings get used as weapons. This is summer spectacle at its most unbelievable. It puts every alien invasion movie you’ve ever seen to shame. And it is far and away meaner than either of the previous films. There’s a part of me that wishes Bay could put out an R-rated cut – which wouldn’t take much to accomplish – and I can’t help but think that Bay has a version like that for himself to watch at home.

 

If you’re the type of person excited for this, hoping for a film that trumps the previous films, you will lose your geek mind for this. Optimus finally becomes the badass we’ve always wanted him to be, Transformers on both sides die left and right – each getting a death the film earns time and again – and every desire you might have to see robots take each other apart piece by piece will be sated.

 

But if you’re hoping that this is nothing but ruthless, cold blooded genre filmmaking, you’re expecting a bit too much. There’s still plenty of moments for the kids. The two annoying mini-bots are back, there’s a bevy of silly characters and bits of childish comedy sprinkled throughout; fortunately, these scenes are brief, painless and moved past very quickly. This is the kind of thing that will kill at the multiplexes but will get grumbled about endlessly and edited out in some online fanedit. But there isn’t one moment in the film you can single out like the Devastator testicles or Bumblebee pissing on Turturro; the film simply never gets that moronic.

 

The only complaints you’re going to really hear out of this are going to be those that you always hear about Michael Bay films. Does he have a lot of slick slow-mos? Yep. Jingoistic moments complete with a waving flag. Uh huh. A juvenile objectification of women? Definitely…this time in 3D. A reliance on action in lieu of character development. Perpetually. If this stuff boils your blood, then you have no business being anywhere near a theater showing this. Odds are you won’t be able to hear MIDNIGHT IN PARIS over the rumble of this three auditoriums over anyway. The only thing you’ll find different from every other Bay film is that someone finally told him that when something is happening simultaneously all over the world, it probably shouldn’t be afternoon everywhere when it does. He’s discovered how the sun works.

 

This thing is awesome. It never lags, always one ups itself and it even makes sure that this time around every single character has something cool to do – even the most tertiary of characters gets their moment in the sun. It’s not high art; it is Transformers. And if robots smashing together and tearing each other’s heads off sounds like something you’re ready to sign on for, this movie will tickle your inner thirteen year old until he pisses himself.

 

I shudder to think what Michael Bay has in mind to ever top this. Frankly, I don’t know if he can. It’s not the best film he’s ever made, but it is the best TRANSFORMERS film he’s ever made; in fact, this is the very best TRANSFORMERS anything ever made. And it is a spectacle that has to be seen to be believed.

[Blackhoof]

sounds cool.

[reyler]

I don't really have anything to say about this movie, but this review encapsulates the problems, not so much with the Bayformers films themselves, but with the people who like them - this reviewer has this attitude where s/he acknowledges a complete lack of anything remotely resembling a plot, story, or characters, essentially declares the film to be nearly three hours (dear lord imagine that) of action spectacle and explosions interrupted only by occasional bouts of idiotic attempts at humor, basically confirming the movie to be the film equivalent of an epileptic seizure, and then states that this is a good thing, and if you're not down with that you must be some kind of wuss.

 

I like lots of bad movies, but I don't kid myself about the fact that they are bad movies.

[OptimusPrime]

Anyone that has ever spoken to me knows my utter hate for the first two movies. I grew up loving the cartoon. I geeked out over the trailers. I dragged my wife to watch it on the big screen for a midnight show. I watched in horror as Michael Bay took something I loved and flushed it down the toilet. Then somehow Bay made a second movie that was much worse. Now we come to the third movie. Reviwers seem to be loving it... but after the second episode it would be hard to make a worse movie. If you watch it let me know what you think. I have no plans to watch it until it comes to netflix.

 

Personally I thought the first one was fairly good, but there were some serious issues, theres no getting round it. Prime was all monotone and throwing out old quotes that didnt fit. Bumblebee wasnt Bumblebee, and they had the cheek to throw in a car that SHOULD have been Bumblebee next to the current version. And Devastator was a TANK! Sure, the tankbot was cool, but calling it Devastator was just sacrillige (sp, I tried) and seriously made me want to smash a lot of things.

 

I agree the second was worse, although I do think a couple of things about it were cool. For example Starscream and Megatrons relationship reflected the old times a bit better. But then they throw out the concept of Primes being a model of Transformer and not the Matrix-upgraded leaders. Again, the yearn to destroy. And then they put the Constructacons in, but it was too late for Devastator, he had already been marred by the tankbot. The second Devastator pretty much ruined the whole thing beyond repair in my oppinion.

 

As for that review, it seems pretty obvious it was done by a Michael Bay fanboy/girl. Biased oppinions dont make for reliable reviews IMO.

 

Having said all that, I must see the next one, if for nothing other than the live-action transforms and the sound effects. We can all complain about what we dont like about them but those parts were done right I'd say. Admittedly there are some serious flaws and it has more or less died already, but they didnt get absolutely everything wrong, at least from where I stand.

 

I wont be watching the new one at the cinema though.

[Emperor]

Another review, but negative. My favorite review I have found so far.

 

I wish I could agree with my AICN brethren and heap loads of praise onto Michael Bay’s latest effort in robots that are more than meets the eye. I wish I could say that Bay listened to your cries of dismay over the last two films when you watched two dogs humping and racist versions of robots babbling like loons take up time that should have been spent making us care about these Autobots and despise their evil enemies, the Decepticons. I wish I could say that this TRANSFORMERS fan of old was pleased to finally see the TRANSFORMERS film I’ve wanted since I bought my first transformable toy (a Jazz figure, by the way). But the only thing I can say about this latest version of TRANSFORMERS is that it is the best of the three films. Then again, that’s kind of like saying it is the most enjoyable time out of the three times I closed my balls in a drawer.

 

Everything you all complained about (everything I complained about), is still present in TRANSFORMERS: DARK OF THE MOON. The ultra-annoying parents, the babbling LeBeouf, the unfunny dog humor, the robots only there for comedic purposes, the paycheck grabbing John Turturro (joined by an obviously equally desperate for funds John Malkovich and Frances MacDormand), the convoluted plot, the confusing looking robots doing confusing s**t to one another, and the ‘splosions, the ‘splosions, the ‘splosions. If you’re going into this one thinking you’re about to see the TRANSFORMERS film you’ve always wanted to see while banging those toys together in your youth in the sandbox –which was stupid because sand never came out of those damn things no matter how many times you tried to wash them out and then you’d lay them in the sun to dry and they’d rust or the stickers would fall off and then all the kids laughed at you because your Transformers toy sucked…sorry…where was I? Oh yeah, if you’re expecting that type of experience, you’re going to be disappointed.

 

TRANSFORMERS: DARK OF THE MOON is another bloated Michael Bay film with less of the annoying aspects of the last two. If I described this film to you, would you find it interesting? A young man has difficulty finding a job. Once living a life of adventure, he’s having a tough time acclimating to the normal life and must please his parents and his super model girlfriend and look for employment. Soon, the young man gets a job in a mailroom and finds out that his girlfriend’s boss is trying to woo her. Doesn’t sound like a TRANSFORMERS film, does it? Well, that’s the first half of this movie in a nutshell. Yes, everything gets blowed up real good at the end, but the focus here isn’t Chicago getting decimated or Cybertron getting pulled to earth or the war between the Autobots and the Decepticons. The focus once again is on Shia The Beef. Yes, I understand that there must be a human factor to these films. Yes, I also understand that some folks seem to think that there has to be an everyman character in these films to babble and say how wicked awesome or wicked uncool everything is. The thing is though, that character wasn’t in BATMAN and folks could relate. There wasn’t an annoying kid in THOR (ok, Cat Dennings was that person, but she had a minor role and she is forgiven because she’s hot), and folks were able to understand the powers of the gods and *gasp* some of the gods had personalities. Imagine STAR TREK, only you don’t get to really see a lot of Kirk and Spock and Bones. The story just follows some Justin Bieber-like noob as he stumbles through the Enterprise and s**t blows up around him. That’s what all of the TRANSFORMERS films are like, and this one too.

 

Here, once again, though the title of the film is TRANSFORMERS, it ain’t their movie. Only droplets of character are sprinkled into Bumblebee. Optimous Prime juts in and out of the plotline and most of the time; no one knows where the hell he is. Megatron has a moment in the beginning and a moment at the end and that’s it. Sentinel (voiced by Leonard Nimoy), probably gets the most lines (aside from the annoying comedy-bots, more on them later), but even his story is tertiary compared to the main point of this film—which is that The Beef needs a job and his hot out of his league girlfriend is being wooed by her boss. Yes, by the end of the film, the Transformers get some extended action sequences, but for the first half of the film, it is loosely laced together and might as well be two completely separate films. That said, as things start merging together (the plot for the Decepticons to bring Cybertron to earth and of course the even more earth shattering question, “Will The Beef’s Victoria’s Secret model girlfriend open her eyes and see she’s dating him?”) there is no reason for The Beef or the hot girlfriend to be there other than to get in the way of explosions and robots fighting. The closest thing to character and variety between these robots are the awful accents some of them have. I’m not sure why there’s an Autobot with a French accent or two with Scottish accents that would make Mike Meyers blush. But they’re front and present….

 

Don’t get me wrong. Rosie Huntington-Whitely is hot. But forgive me. When I see TRANSFORMERS in the marquee, I want to see robots beating the s**t out of each other. And we got that here, but only interspersed between extended segments of The Beef huffing and puffing and Huntington-Whitely falling from the Sears Tower, skidding down the side of buildings, climbing down fire escapes, and running through decimated streets…IN HIGH HEELS!!!! I s**t you not. The chick wore high heels while falling from a building and evading an alien robot invasion for about forty minutes of screen time toward the end! Ree-donkified!

 

But the thing is, through the years and through many cartoons, comics, and toy ads, the Transformers have developed some cool personalities. There have been entire story arcs focusing on the intricate war between these two warring armies. You wouldn’t know it here though. It’s just s**t blowing up and metal clanging metal. I understand why Bay decided once again to focus on the humans rather than the robots. Again, the designs of the robots are awful. They are just too complex, too many gears, too many parts; most of the time you can’t even make out faces. How can folks relate to something that looks like a TV dropped from ten stories? Had they simplified the designs and made the Transformers a little less visually complex, maybe the audience might want to get to know them. Maybe Bay would have been able to make getting some kind of story focusing on them to be convincingly interesting. All I’m saying is that it’s hard to relate to a character when you can’t even tell what or where the hell its face is.

 

Bay at least tries to make this story a bit more interesting than the last two. Lacing the Transformers war into American history was a good move. There are real moments of wonder at the beginning as the astronauts discover the crashed battleship on the moon’s dark side (we all saw it in the trailer, so I won’t label this with a spoiler). As I sat there and saw Neil Armstrong and the rest of the astronauts make their way across the moon’s surface and into the expansive ship, I actually thought Bay was going to get this right and hype the otherworldly aspects of these visitors and their first contact with earth. Then the two comedy bots showed up and I was reminded I was in a Bay film.

 

Though the audience I sat with wallowed in laughter at these two robot equivalents of PAUL BLART: MALL COP, they are only slightly less African American sounding as the two robots who made such an uproar in the last film, every time the two spindly bots are onscreen I was waiting for at least one groaner and got two. Why so much time was spent on them and not more interesting Transformers, I have no idea.

 

There were cool parts. This is the first summer movie I’ve seen this year that warrants and takes full advantage of being in 3D. The layers of action and motion in this film are pretty damn astounding at times. The final extended battle between the Autobots and the Decepticons with my poor Chicago in the middle was pretty fantastic to behold. Though it was just faceless robots beating the crap out of each other and shooting s**t, at least it all looked really good. Shockwave’s snake creature-mobile which slithers and digs its way though the ground and buildings and just about anything was fantastic to behold (though I do wonder why these robots drove vehicles when…they…themselves…can turn…into vehicles…ugh, never mind). The caverns of the downed battleship on the moon were equally spacious and expansive due to the 3D. If you see any 3D film about a boy trying to find a job so he can impress his out of his league girlfriend, uhmm…this would be that 3D film to see, I guess.

 

I don’t want to give away too much about the ending, but I have to mention that the film does end abruptly. The entire last forty minutes shows the utter annihilation of Chicago with multiple deaths of civilians and robots alike (which I’ve gotta give Bay credit for actually showing folks perishing in this onslaught). And then, the film just kind of ends with a quick speech. It’s almost as if the show went on until there wasn’t anything else left to blow the s**t out of and then Bay said, “OK, cut. That’s a rap!”

 

I don’t mean to be a hater. I want to see an awesome TRANSFORMERS movie. There are moments of cool all over this film, but only shreds of TF character to apply them to. The last 30-40 minutes are absolutely thrilling and would have been more so had I known the names of some of these warring bots. If Bay would just lay off of all of the forced humor, do a little research, and actually understand that the robots themselves could actually be characters in all of this, maybe he could make a decent TF movie. I don’t know. Maybe I’m just bitter. To me, TRANSFORMERS should be about Transformers. To me it should be a semi truck charging toward me with a roaring engine with all of the twisting gears, bellowing smoke, and piston pumping action all up in our faces. Instead we got a lame comedy vehicle in disguise…

[Red2111]

i saw it. the movies on par with the 1st one and makes up for the short falls the 2nd one had. they got the CGI transforming sequences down with this movie wich ads alot to it.

 

 

they best parts of course involved the transformers and mostly the action/fighting sequences. the plot and acting were sub par (which is something i've come to expect from the Transformers movies)

 

 

the one main gripe i had about this movie was the chick they got to replace Megan Foxxy. her character lacked depth and seemed like the only reasonshe was included was to give the guys eye candy and to put a babe on the main actors arm. in fact, in looks she doesn't even come close to Megan Fox and that they tried to get match looks so hard just makes me even more disgruntled about it. the movie woudl have been better with leaving her out imo.

[Blackhoof]

true. couldnt she have died or moved away or come to her senses and realised that she can get a FAR better guy than him?

[Emperor]

You do realize Michael Bay is the kind of pandering to the audience?

 

Bay recently told reporters that it's "for the young boys" and Fox says says the treatment of women as sexual objects in film is part of what must be done "if you want to make movies that people want to see."

 

You do realize he also potrays women as a weak helpless gender that are only good for pining after the hero while in skimpy clothes right?

 

Tea Leoni is a hooker in Bad Boys... and needs to be saved by two cops, the pregnant wife in The Rock, Liv Tyler who has dreamy eyes for Affleck, SJ stumbling around needing help from McGregor in the Island and most recently in the Transformers films... where actually he lets Fox get involved for once.

[OptimusPrime]

Yea, Im a bit gutted Megans not in the new one. I seem to have some memory of hearing she was no longer involved because she didnt get on with Michael or something, but I cant remember where I heard that.

[reyler]

Scuttlebutt has it that her describing Bay as being like Hitler on his sets did not sit well with El Spielbergo.

[Majsju]

That that Fox person was not in it was pretty much the only good thing about the movie. She is quite possibly the worst "actress" i have seen in my entire life. And it does not help that she looks like her parents were brother and sister.

[Krakalakachkn]

Good God, really?

 

Producer Don Murphy tells TFW2005 that despite all the speculation, a fourth "Transformers" film would NOT be a reboot but rather a sequel (or potential new trilogy launcher) featuring the same robots.

 

"What happens next? Certainly not a reboot. We haven't lost the Transformers. They didn't grow up or become expensive like Tobey Maguire. I don't know what happens next. I'm pretty sure there will be a second trilogy. I am pretty sure it will kick ass. And I am pretty sure some of you will hate it because it wasn't all bots."

 

Paramount Pictures has not announced plans for a follow-up to "Transformers: Dark of the Moon" as yet.

 

If by kick ass he means lame ass, then yes, I concur.

[Blackhoof]

i watched the movie today. in 3d.

 

blew. me. away.

 

for once, some autobots DIED! (although mot as many as i would have liked.) epic action scenes and humans being visibly killed left right and centre made this an awesome movie.

 

dont know why so many people are complaining. dont like it, dont watch.

[Silver]

Great 3D. Pretty entertaining action flick.

 

I think I prefer the female lead in this movie looks wise. I never really liked Megan, she just has a trailer trash vibe to her. Rosie on the other hand, has an exotic model vibe. Plus, the English accent wins it hands down.

[Emperor]

I really want to shake some sense into you guys! :P

[Blackhoof]

although i felt that the individual decepticons died too easily. it was like "autobots, you can NEVER win!" then the autobots just wipe the floor with the decepticons, riping off heads and blowing out torsos here and there and everywhere.

[raitora]

It was alright. I mostly loved it due to the nods to Star Trek and Leonard Nimoy. :V

[Red2111]

[amegakure]

 

 

the one main gripe i had about this movie was the chick they got to replace Megan Foxxy. her character lacked depth and seemed like the only reasonshe was included was to give the guys eye candy and to put a babe on the main actors arm. in fact, in looks she doesn't even come close to Megan Fox and that they tried to get match looks so hard just makes me even more disgruntled about it. the movie woudl have been better with leaving her out imo.

 

I think you need your vision checked red. The blond chick was way better looking than megan fox. who Is the worst actor ever and has nasty looking thumbs.

 

As for the movie i loved all three of them. their amazing. sure the plot or story isnt camparable to movies like the kings speech or black swan. But take a min. and think a bout it .....ITS TRANSFORMERS...which was a cartoon. which never had a great story either...so Props to blackhoof. If you dont like the movies, Stop being a negative B***h and dont watch it. Cause some of use relize that in a movie with robots s**t gets blown up.

 

Now on a positive note. I think the last movie had great humor and a much better story and i think shila lebuff or whatever it is had progressed into a much better actor. and I would look forward to a 4th movie

[Tiinker]

 

 

the one main gripe i had about this movie was the chick they got to replace Megan Foxxy. her character lacked depth and seemed like the only reasonshe was included was to give the guys eye candy and to put a babe on the main actors arm. in fact, in looks she doesn't even come close to Megan Fox and that they tried to get match looks so hard just makes me even more disgruntled about it. the movie woudl have been better with leaving her out imo.

 

I think you need your vision checked red. The blond chick was way better looking than megan fox. who Is the worst actor ever and has nasty looking thumbs.

 

As for the movie i loved all three of them. their amazing. sure the plot or story isnt camparable to movies like the kings speech or black swan. But take a min. and think a bout it .....ITS TRANSFORMERS...which was a cartoon. which never had a great story either...so Props to blackhoof. If you dont like the movies, Stop being a negative B***h and dont watch it. Cause some of use relize that in a movie with robots s**t gets blown up.

 

Now on a positive note. I think the last movie had great humor and a much better story and i think shila lebuff or whatever it is had progressed into a much better actor. and I would look forward to a 4th movie

 

Calm down bro lol

 

I agree with Red but I sure ain't gonna complain about her!

 

Only thing that really pissed me off was the way Megatron dies in 5 seconds getting completely sh*t on by Optimus with one arm. After all that fighting in the last 2 movies it was like *poof*.

[Emperor]

Hi, I am Emperor... I watch almost every movie that comes out. I will also continue to hate on Transformers because it hurt me so. Again I was EXCITED to see the first movie. I watched the trailer over and over. I salavated at the photos. I watched the 80's movie again in preperation. Transformers is a big part of my childhood. So when I was at the midnight showing and the horribleness of Bay came on the screen, I died a little inside.

 

Sue me for wanting good dialogue, a smart plot and a Tranformers movie that would entertain me. I was not looking for Black Swan or The King's Speech, I am looking for Iron Man or Men in Black or Spiderman 2 (all movies kids and adults both love). You are right though, it could be worse. It could be directed by Uwe Boll or suck at a level ala Smurfs/Alvin and the Chipmunks. Thinking of other cartoon movies, maybe Transformers is the best one ever made. Masters of the Universe, The Adventures of Rocky & Bullwinkle, Dudley Do-Right, The Flintstones, Inspecter Gadget and Scooby-Doo come to mind. I can't decide if TMNT is better.. but that is hard to say since TMNT is from my childhood and if I watched it today I would pan it.

 

So yeah I disliked the first movie and absolutely hated the second one. You can still blow stuff up AND have good dialogue/acting. You can have big robots AND a better plot. It should not just be a CGI fest, it could have been more. I guess big robot balls and robots peeing on each other is not my bag....

[Red2111]

Emp, with the TMNT movies, i have to wonder if your talking about the original trilogy,or the shabby remake they did not to long ago.

 

 

i do have to disagree with you about the 1st Flinstones movie though, i loved that one as a kid

 

 

[Krakalakachkn]

Hi, I am Krak...I watch slightly less movies than Emperor. I consider Empy and I to have pretty similar taste in movies. I, however, quite enjoyed the first Transformers. It was very entertaining, pulse-pounding action (ha!), and while the dialogue wasn't as present as I'd hoped, it was not necessarily a negative point for me. In fact, I quite enjoyed the lack of dialogue as it didn't give any of the actors (who are slightly less than par (except for Turturro)) a chance to eff any situation up. It didn't need a ton of dialogue, and I think it was fine with what it had. Anyways, needless to say the second was shit and I have no desire to see the 3rd.

 

That's all.

[Majsju]

Masters of the Universe,

 

Are you on crack???

 

http://www.11points.com/TV/11_Disappointments_About_He-Man,_In_Retrospect