Khanrhyd's Tech Support Saga Vol. 2

[Canukistani]

Funny story: A Shaw supervisor leaves work. He’s supposed to go to a party after work. He fails to show up at the party. Come morning, no one has seen him. His wife calls a few people at Shaw asking if they know where he is. They immediately launch a Facebook team called “(name of town here) Taskforce” asking all Shaw employees to be on the lookout for Him and his vehicle. 20 minutes later, it is reported that his vehicle has been spotted at this location. Several people move into that neighborhood and begin a door to door search. A few minutes later he is found at a girl’s house. He is fine, just “a little tired.”

 

 

 

Congrats. Shaw Cable and Facebook just helped destroy a man’s marriage.

[Alaksuleiel]

Serves him right.

[Barmacral]

Is Khanrhyd another name for Az?

[Krakalakachkn]

That must have been the most awkward doorbell answer ever. How random would that be to open your mistresses' door to see a bunch of your coworkers on the stoop.

[Canukistani]

Barm: Yes

 

Me: Thank you for choosing Shaw, Charles speaking. How can we help you?

Him: I am so sick of this! I’m cancelling my services if you don’t get me up and running RIGHT NOW!

Me: I see. Could I get your phone number please?

Him: I’m not going to answer any of your stupid questions! I’m sick and tired of you always asking me the same things every time I call in!

Me: I need this information to see what’s wrong with your services Sir. I’m not asking it to waste your time.

Him: Screw You! I’m cancelling!

*click*

[Canukistani]

Me: Thank you for choosing Shaw, Charles speaking, how can we help you?

Her: My TV just has snow on it except for a couple of channels that are really badly degraded

Me: What’s you phone number ma’am?

*brings up account*

Me: Well… it looks like your account was actually cancelled two weeks ago.

Her: Yeah. That’s when I cancelled all my services.

Me: … Well, I think the problem with your services is that you don’t have them anymore.

Her: If you don’t turn everything back on right now, I’m calling the police!

Me: Uh… So… Do you want to sign back up for services then?

Her: No. You guys are too expensive.

Me: Ok, Well then I can’t actually turn anything on.

Her: Fine! Let’s see how you feel after you’ve been in jail for a little while mister!

*click*

[Canukistani]

Me: Thank you for choosing Shaw, Charles speaking, how can we help you today?

Him: Uh… I can’t… um… I think the internet is broken or something

Me: Ok, what’s going on with the internet?

Him: It’s all black

Me: Ok, could you tell me what light is lit up on your monitor?

Him: The yellow one

Me: Ok, and the one on your computer tower?

Him: There’s no lights on it right now.

Me: Could you turn your computer on please?

Him: How?

Me: Just like you do normally

Him: Now?

Me: Sure, why not.

Him: Ok. Oh! I see stuff happening now.

Me: Ok, once the computer is finished turning on, let’s go online.

Him: How?

Me: Just like you normally do.

Him: I usually get my son to help me.

Me: I see. Just double click on the little blue “e” when it’s finished loading.

Him: I… the computer is asking me for stuff now

Me: What stuff?

Him: A password.

Me: Well… type in your password

Him: I don’t have one

Me: Well then, I guess you’re going to need to get it from your son.

Him: He moved out yesterday

Me: O…k. Well, I’m pretty sure you’re going to need to call him and get that password.

Him: He is on a plane to England. He’s backpacking around the world for 2 years.

Me: Uh… I guess you’re going to have to call Microsoft.

Him: Eh… I’ll wait until he comes home.

[Dunbar]

I'm happy to report that this is hilarious :D

[LilyElizabeth]

That last one was priceless!

[Canukistani]

Me: Well... Your device is clearly not working right. We're going to need to send a tech to have a closer look at this and see about getting it fixed up. How does tomorrow sound?

Him: No. No one is here tomorrow.

Me: Ok, how about the day after tomorrow?

Him: No. No one will be here until after 10pm

Me: Ok... well... what day would work for you?

Him: Monday

Me: Ok. We'll have a tech come out monday to get this fixed up for you.

Him: Wait a minute. Are you telling me that it's not going to work until monday?

Me: Well... we *could* fix it tomorrow. Would you rather have the tech come tomorrow and fix it?

Him: I want to speak to a manager. This is unacceptable!

Me: Uh... exactly what is it that is unacceptable sir?

Him: That I have to wait until Monday to have my services fixed.

Me: You don't. I can send someone tomorrow, or Wednesday, or Thursday, or Friday, or Saturday or even Sunday. YOU chose Monday. If YOU choose Monday, You are NOT allowed to complain about the time it will take to get it fixed. Do you want to have it fixed tomorrow? We can do it if you do.

Him: *sigh* Fine. I'll wait until Monday.

[Adella]

This is SO FUNNY! I'm sorry that you have to deal with that, but MAN customers are FUNNY!

 

I work retail and this about 7 months pregnant lady and her boyfriend shopped in our store for about an hour the other day, left, came back like 4 hours later and wanted to return something because she found something else for the person she wanted to give it to. I said that was fine and just needed her credit card so I could return the money to her account. She proceeded to yell at me for 5 minutes about how stupid it was that I needed the card it was purchased on to give her anything but store credit for the return... Apparently her and her boyfriend share a bank account, and it was purchased on his card, and he was at the other end of the shopping center buying something else. She thought it was stupid that our policy wont permit me to return her purchase to a different card for what was the same account. I tried to explain to her that people could easily commit fraud if we weren't very strict with this policy, and I could lose my job by not following it. She said her $12 return was more important than "some low-life's" job, and I should know that. It only took her boyfriend like 5 minutes to get to our store... People are DUMB!

[Canukistani]

Me: Thank you for choosing Shaw, how can we help you tonight?

 

Her: Is there something going on with the internet in my area?

 

Me: Hmmm… let’s have a look at whet your modem is doing. Your modem is offline, what lights are on the modem right now?

 

Her: Honey, what lights are on?

 

Him: on the Shaw modem?

 

Her: I’m talking to Shaw aren’t I?

 

Him: how am I supposed to know who you’re talking to?

 

Her: You just told me to call Shaw and see what’s wrong with the internet. I’m on the phone. Do the math.

 

Him: There’s no lights on the modem.

 

Me: Well, if there’s no lights, then there’s no power. Could you check the power cable please?

 

Her: Check the power. He says that it might be unplugged.

 

Him: What? I’m busy checking the power cable. Yeah, it has one.

 

Her: Is it plugged in?

 

Him: To what?

 

Her: To the dog, obviously. To the power outlet you idiot!

 

Him: How am I supposed to know?

 

Her: You could always open your eyes and look!

 

Him: I need to leave. You look.

 

Her: I’m on the phone.

 

Him: With who? Who the hell calls at this time of the night?

 

Her: Shaw! The same person I was on the phone with 5 seconds ago. Remember? No internet?

 

Him: What does he say?

 

Her: He says that the modem may be unplugged.

 

Him: From what?

 

Her: From the power obviously. Are you even in the room with me?

 

Him: I have to go to work.

 

Her: Ok, I need to get over to the modem. Yeah,. The power cable is out of the wall. I think the dog may have unplugged it

 

Me: Ok, let’s plug it back in.

 

Her: All the lights are on now.

 

Him: I told you it was unplugged. You need to start thinking before calling people in the middle of the night. I’m going to work now.

 

*door closes*

 

Her: Ok, I think it’s working now.

 

Me: Thank you for choosing Shaw. Have a good morning.

[Canukistani]

I tried to type out the last little dose of insanity… but as I was typing the screen got darker and darker and red sigils were starting to form around the edges. I realized then that were I to complete recording the phone call it was entirely possible that I might actually summon Cthuluh or Yog-Soggoth… I had to reboot my computer to stop the portal from opening…

[Kivam]

I tried to type out the last little dose of insanity… but as I was typing the screen got darker and darker and red sigils were starting to form around the edges. I realized then that were I to complete recording the phone call it was entirely possible that I might actually summon Cthuluh or Yog-Soggoth… I had to reboot my computer to stop the portal from opening…

 

[Krakalakachkn]

Oh god that was a ridiculous and hilarious episode/series of episodes.

 

I really liked the Creme Fraiche episode. OH YEAH! YOU BAKE THE SHIT OUT OF THAT PIE! OOOOOOH YEAH! YOU GRATE THAT PARMESIAN! OHOHOHOHOHOHOOOOOOOOO IS HE GONNA PUT PAPRIKA ON THAT?????? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

[Canukistani]

Me: Thank you for choosing Shaw, how can we help you today?

Him: Is there an Internet outage in my area?

Me: Well, let’s have a look. OK, it looks like your Modem is online. Do you have a router?

Him: I do

Me: What make is it?

Him: Linksys

Me: Ok, could you unplug the Linksys please?

Him: Ok.

Me: What lights are on the Motorolla modem now?

Him: None. It’s unplugged.

Me: I needed you to unplug the LINKSYS router, not the Motorolla. We’re trying to talk to the Motorolla.

Him: Oh… sorry. Let me unplug it now.

Me: Ok, what lights are on the Motorlla?

Him: None. I unplugged it.

Me: Could you plug it in please? We’re trying to talk to it.

Him: I thought you wanted the Linksys plugged in?

Me: No. UNPLUG the LINKSYS. PLUG IN the MOTOROLLA.

Him: Oh… hang on. Which one needs to be on now?

[Canukistani]

Him: This is totally unacceptable!

Me: You’re absolutely correct. I’ll contact our Service Department and get them to make the snow stop immediately.

Him: Good!. Wait… what?

Me: Thank you for choosing Shaw, have a nice night.

Him: Hang on a –

*click*

[Moon Sedai]

I worked for Blockbuster Video for 2 years. During this two year period, the following conversation was a common occurance.

Usually happened on Friday evening, after 5 pm.

My store was a small store, and never got a lot of copies of ANY film.

 

 

customer#1: Hey, do you have any copies of [movie of the week] stashed back there?

me: No, i'm sorry ma'am. I just emptied the drop box five minutes ago. No one has returned it. It is Friday, and the movie did just come out Tuesday.

customer #1: So, can you check the box then?

:: I go over to the return box, and 999 times out of 1000, there was nothing in the box, especially the "Movie of the Week."

Me: Sorry, ma'am, but we don't have any copies of that movie in stock. The film will probably be back in on Monday or Tuesday.

Custmer #2: Hey, while you're back there at the box, can you check to see if you have any copies of [Movie of the week}?

Customer #3: Hey, I'd like that movie to.

me: I'm sorry, Sir, ma'am. I just looked for her- for that same movie. We don't have any copies of [Movie of the week] available,

 

one week later, the same three customers come in to repeat the same ritual with a different movie.

 

Only really funny because it was almost always the same three people.

[Wolfst3r]

i work for the biggest ISP in iceland and i got a good one today

 

 

*Costumer - Your router doesn't work

*Me - Alright, what is you phone number so i can look up your connection

*Costumer gives me the number*

*Me - We are experiencing a failure in one of our distribution switches, should be up and working in a couple of hours

*Costumer - No, i want it to work right now i have work to do.

*Me - I am sorry i just can't help it the technicians are driving out to your remote location with replacement equipment and it will be up and running in a couple of hours

*Costumer - It can't be a serious failure so i want it fixed now

*Me - Why do you say the failure isn't serious? and i am sorry i just can't fix it

*Costumer was yelling at this point* IT JUST HAPPENED ALL OF A SUDDEN IT CAN'T BE SERIOUS FIX IT NOW!!!

Conversation kept on for awhile.

[Moon Sedai]

i work for the biggest ISP in iceland and i got a good one today

 

 

*Costumer - Your router doesn't work

*Me - Alright, what is you phone number so i can look up your connection

*Costumer gives me the number*

*Me - We are experiencing a failure in one of our distribution switches, should be up and working in a couple of hours

*Costumer - No, i want it to work right now i have work to do.

*Me - I am sorry i just can't help it the technicians are driving out to your remote location with replacement equipment and it will be up and running in a couple of hours

*Costumer - It can't be a serious failure so i want it fixed now

*Me - Why do you say the failure isn't serious? and i am sorry i just can't fix it

*Costumer was yelling at this point* IT JUST HAPPENED ALL OF A SUDDEN IT CAN'T BE SERIOUS FIX IT NOW!!!

Conversation kept on for awhile.

 

There's just no pleasing some people.

[Canukistani]

Me: Thank you for choosing Shaw Business Support, how can we help you?

Him: I'm having trouble faxing and phoning people.

Me: Oh... That's not so good. Let me call your number and see what error message I get.

Him: People can phone me with no problem. It's only when I call out.

Me: Oh. Ok then. What error message do you get when you call?

Him: "Due to network difficulties we are unable to process your call at this time."

Me: Ok, and is this when you call all number?

Him: No, only a few numbers.

Me: Ah... Ok. What numbers are you having difficulty with?

Him: Japan, China and Korea.

Me: ...

 

Him: Hello?

Me: yeah... The whole western world has been having issues ever since the Earth heaved itself 8 meters westward.

Him: Oh? You think that the Earthquake might have caused this?

Me:

 

Me: Yeah. We're pretty sure.

Him: Oh... well never mind then. *click*