Travels of the Tuatha'an!

[Simon the half-demon]

Oh I know how lazy you are...just wanted an excuse... :D

 

sexist :P

[Talya]

Thats not sexiest...it was just you I wanted to twap...didn't mention the male species... :P

[Loreina]

Greetings Mahdi and Welcome Tinkers!  I've brought green tea and mint juleps.

 

Have you any stories to share about your travels to Shayol Ghul?  The dancing can wait until after you've rested.  ;) ;D

 

 

[Talya]

Thanks Loriena...well I was eaten...and that about sums it up really... :D

 

We have some lovely M&M Cookies..help yourself.

 

The dancing will start later.. ;)

[GrandpaG]

I accidentally put an arrow through N's head.

:-[

 

She's OK now, though.

 

Hi, everybody!

 

I haven't been officially invited to join this trip, so won't get to carried away performing and stuff.  Looking forward to some good fun and better FOOD!!!  ;D

[Guest nephitess]

Welcome tinkers!!

 

*dances with a tinker boy* ;)

[Cleopatra Narisse]

GrandoaG!! Been a long time! The Illuminators have gleeman... *pokes*

 

*puts on my gypse dancing dress*

[Talya]

GrandpaG You are more than welcome to perform here...

 

In fact I was looking forward to it...

 

:)

[Loreina]

:o An arrow!  :-\ Maybe you should stick to singing.  ;D

 

*goes to change into her dancing clothes*

Just want to be prepared. *eyes the tinker boys*  ;)  ;D 

 

Oh, goody! We luvs the Grampy! *hugs*

*sits and waits to hear GrandpaG* 

 

 

[Guest nephitess]

*claps* Go Gramp G!!!

[GrandpaG]

* assumes he is officially invited to join the trip *

::)

:)

 

* promises a Tiganza to Loreina sometime later *

We'll have to show these youngsters how to shake the bootie thing, eh?

;D

Not quite thoroughly recovered yet from that visit to the Pit of Doom.

* sweat beads form on his forehead *

It's always..."special"...lying on your belly and chatting with the Dark One.

::)

 

I must admit, though, if you're ever in the SG neighborhood, they put on one heck of a relaxing ice cream bath!!!  The post-bath cleanup is nice, too.  ;D  The arrow thing was only like a tenth of a degree off in angular calculation...could happen to any overconfident Honorary Gleeman.  :-[

 

I need to caution you all that my physical performances might not be up to the standards that you have come to expect...the uuuhhh...

* tries to quickly think up a convincing fib *

...GOUT...yeh, the gout...is acting up you see...slows me down a step or two.  :-[

* thinks to himself so nobody can hear *

* doesn't want to admit that a lot of his special tricks make use of the One Power *

* that sort of thing going on in Tar Valon could get him GENTLED!!! *

:o

* probably some of the Aes Sedai have those stars and moons hanging from their hair that tells them when a man is channeling!!! *

* better to be a little off from the gout than to lose the ability to take over the world >:D *

* checks under his gleeman's cloak to be sure that he put his Whitecloak garb back into the locked closet...these ladies might not appreciate being entertained by one of the Children of the Light  ::) *

* straightens the hangy-down ball tassles of his First Fool's hat *

* reaches up the sleeves of his gleeman's cloak *

I should be able to do a little "safe" juggling, though.

* as long as he's not juggling balls of channeled fire he should be OK *

* pulls out three shining silver balls and starts them going *

Silver...in honor of the Silver Tower!!!

* polite, calm applause from the audience *

* he adds two gold ones *

Gold...in honor of the wealth that abounds on this great island!!!

* a little more polite applause *

* silver, gold, silver, gold, silver *

* the five balls travel smoothly in an ascending upward arc *

* GrandpaG can tell this will not be an easy audience *

* racks his brain for something better that he can do without channeling *

* hops on one foot, then the other *

* doesn't work...the audience is not impressed...some start to leave *

* adds in seven more balls gradually forming a huge figure eight loop *

One for each of the seven Ajahs!!!

;D

* a little better response *

* some watchers sit back down *

* the old fart is really getting nervous now *

* considers adding in a few knives *

* remembers the dead ex-employer rug merchant *

* decides against the knives *

* remembers this is a Tinker visit *

* considers adding some leaves and flowers *

* too hard to control without channeling AIR *

* really straining to keep all twelve balls under control *

 

PPPPPPFFFLLLUUUFFF!!!

 

:-[

* all twelve balls come crashing to the stage *

:-[

Please, excuse me...uuuuhhhh...too much strain...uuuhhhmmm.

:-[

 

* the audience roars in spontaneous laughter *

:-[

* the goofy First Fool Honorary Gleeman scrambles to try to recover the bouncing balls *

* the audience LOVES it *

::)

* Gwampy intensionally steps on one of the balls and flies up into the air and lands flat on his back *

* IT'S AN UPROARING THUNDER OF LAUGHTER *

* people are rolling in the aisles *

* they're pushing and punching at each other in mock imitation of the entertainer's pain...and loving every second of it *

* Gramps climbs achingly to his feet and takes a huge bow flourishing his gleeman's cloak *

* the still maddened audience renders heavy, honest applause *

* GrandpaG soaks it all in *

:)

* thinks to himself out loud *

Well...at least I won't have to JUGGLE any more while I'm here!

;D

 

================================================================

Gotta go...wife wants the phone...catch ya tomorrow...Lord willing and the creek don't rise.

:)

[Loreina]

*ROTFL*  Yea!

Encore! Encore! Fall down some more!

*lol* I can still shake the bootie. I just can't shake it for as long as I used to. ;)

 

[Guest nephitess]

Ya!!! more gleeman more!!

[Elgee]

I'm still stuck on the whole "Children of the Light" thing ... Having a Child ... perform ... for me would be quite entertaining  ;D

 

But why am I itching and getting twitchy? It's as if there's a man who can channel nearby ... *strokes her Red shawl distractedly*

[Talya]

As if thats ever bothered you before Sis.. ;)

 

Excellent Gramps, that seems to have gone down well...just like you :D

 

 

Maybe some dancing now...

 

*dances*

 

[Elgee]

The only thing that bothers me is not knowing who and where he is  ;D

 

Dancing is just the distraction I need. *Grabs the nearest pretty tinker boy and starts twirling around.*  :D

[Desiree]

*whispers to Talya* I think we'll leave the ice cream bath out of it >.>

 

 

and Loreina, you can dance with any Tinker boy here! As long as it isn't my Simon :P

 

[Loreina]

Ok *looks around* Which one is he? Can I have that one over there? *points*

He's really cute!  ;D

[Talya]

*whispers to Talya* I think we'll leave the ice cream bath out of it >.>

 

 

so what am I going to do with all this ice cream... ;)

[GrandpaG]

The only thing that bothers me is not knowing who and where he is  ;D

 

A genuine 54 year old (as of April Fools Day...thus the title...see "Can I be the First Fool Of Fiddlesticks" thread in Fiddlesticks for details) Grandpa 6 times ages 12, 6, 6, 2, 2, and 4 months (2 boys, 4 girls) who is crazy as a loon and loves it...but only here at DM...this is my escape from that "other" place (reality).  There, I'm a quiet, shy, go-to-work-then-come-home, amateur musician who spends far too much time playing Age of Empires (I, II, and III...mostly III lately but like II, too).  Here, I get to let my hair down and SPAM, SPAM, SPAM!!! (Redffern is my hero...he got me addicted last summer...back when Loki was still alive on the old boards).  I occasionally tell a story at the Wagons of the Tuatha'an as a form of thanks for them allowing me the most prestigious title of Honorary Gleeman.  Here (definitely NOT "there"), I am a self-proclaimed dirty old man. >:D  I have thoroughly enjoyed many of Caddy's sigs and avatars over the past year or so...and Danya's beautiful blue eyes!  And who could resist reyler's catwoman?!?...MMMEEEEOOOOOWWWW!!!!!!  Don't tell any of the Aes Sedai, but I am slowly learning how to channel...just enough to help my performances and to Travel here and there...oh...and to heal my victims...uuuhhh...to correct my minor miscalculations using Healing.  :)  I'm on my fifth re-read of the WoT series including BWB and NS...still enjoy it and get something new each time...especially since talking with others over in the General WoT Discussion area...whole new insight.  And, I tend to get a little long winded...sometimes...most of the time...usually...almost always...so I'm told.  :-[

 

Those of you who know me, did I leave anything out?

???

 

Oh, yeah...I love the smiley icons!!!

;D

 

 

 

edit:

And, I'm too cheap to pay for a new computer and high-speed internet...why, in my day, those things cost REAL money!!!  I got hooked on DM on the free high speed computer at work...then they eliminated my cushy job and I had to go back to working (yuck)...now, I spam on my old, slow, free internet at home...when the wife doesn't want the phone!  >:(

 

I got so carried away with "who", I forgot to say "where"...Michigan...USA..."out-state"...no where near any major city...ON PURPOSE (I hate crowds and traffic)...want to pee in my back yard, I CAN!!!  :D

[GrandpaG]

I was thinking today as I lay in my big, soft, fluffy bed high in the upper levels of the White Tower after being healed today that perhaps instead of performing as First Fool of Fiddlesticks that you might instead enjoy hearing a story?

 

* looks around the audience to gage their reaction *

* tummy grumbles *

Oh.

By the way.

Whoever prepared the roast beef and smoked honey ham and augratin potatoes and peas and homemade bread and real butter and apple pie a-la-mode...it was DELICIOUS!!!  So was the quart of creamy milk and the jug of mulled wine!!!  After that healing session, they were just what the doctor ordered!!! Stand up and take a bow!!!

 

* a portly woman with a clean white apron stands up and bows graciously *

* GrandpaG recognizes her from his younger days...she was quite lovely back then...a petite but sweet morsel *

Thank you, so much my dear!

Perhaps we can get together later for a second helping?

* she blushes *

* he grins naughtily *

>:D

 

So.

A story then?

* the audience applauds politely *

Very well.

 

 

Some of you may remember this one from the time that it actually happened.  I know that Aes Sedai live very long lives and I even recognize some of your ageless faces from the time of this event.  If you do indeed remember, I humbly ask that you not spoil it for those around you.  Please.  Everyone will want to hear the ending in their own way.  Thank you.

* bows deeply and waves a slow arc of thanks across the entire audience *

 

As you may have surmised, this tale is true.  And it took place some time ago.  In fact, my hair was still full and dark, my muscles toned and tanned.  I was barely an able apprentice, let alone a practiced gleeman and certainly not yet Court Bard material.  I was born somewhat of a fool.

* audience chuckles and relaxes a little *

 

It was here.

In Tar Valon.

Home of the White Tower.

Center of power for all Aes Sedai.

Here amongst all of this glorious, wondrous architecture.

The buildings that look like waves crashing against a coastline.

Figurines and statues in tribute to great leaders long past.

The overhead walkways connecting the buildings like so many threads of a massive spider web.

My perception of this wonderful city may have been different than it is today, but the city itself was the same...the "heart" of the city was the same...the "essence" of the city was the same...what made Tar Valon "Tar Valon" then still makes "Tar Valon" Tar Valon today.

This city, be it ever so magnificent, is but an organized pile of Ogier-arranged rubble.

Without the Aes Sedai...Tar Valon would be nothing.

 

* gives that a moment to sink in with the audience *

* clasps his hands behind his back *

* paces slowly...eyes concentrating on the stage just ahead of each step *

* places each foot precisely...deliberately...exactly where he is staring *

 

 

* raises serious eyes to re-meet the audience *

I learned that lesson the hard way.

* a thoughtful pause *

The VERY hard way!

:(

You see, and many of you will never believe this to be true, but it is...sometimes, young men think they have all of the answers.

;)

* some of the young men in the audience look puzzled *

* some of the older Aes Sedai nod understandingly *

* some of the younger ladies and younger Aes Sedai chuckle despite themselves *

And, brother!!!

Did I have the answers!!!

From the moment I crossed the bridge and headed into town, I knew EXACTLY what had to be done and why it had to be done that way!!!

Oh, yes.  I took time to stare in awe at the grandeur before me, but I didn't let it slow my progress any more than necessary...I was on a mission!!!  Nothing would stop me!!!  This HAD to be done, and by jingle I was the right man for the job!!!

* as GrandpaG gathers steam, the chuckles and knowing smiles increase *

* the young men are more perplexed moment-by-moment...they don't have a clue what the gleeman is leading up to *

 

As I recall, I did stop for a quick mug of ale...it had been a long trip...seven weeks in a saddle can wear on more than just a man's soul!

;D

Since my money had long since ran out, I offered to juggle in repayment for the ale...got tossed a dish rag and lost a couple of hours...but left with clean hands.  :D

 

Most of you probably did not hear that part of the story at that time...but, you will likely remember the rest of it.

* his smile slowly lessens, then disappears *

* a grim, stern face is now present *

* he takes a deep breath...searching for courage to proceed *

 

A headstrong young man.

Determined.

Full of confidence.

Absolutely positive that he was right.

Striding.

Advancing quickly.

Toward the gates.

The gates in the walls surrounding the White Tower.

The open gates.

Open to all who would seek healing, shelter, advice, or any other service from the Aes Sedai.

Never closed unless the Tower was being attacked by an enemy.

Onward.

Toward the wide open gates.

 

I had expected the guards to stop me or at least to question why I was there.

During my journey, I had dreamed of finding a length of rope, tying it into a lasso, catching the top of the wall, and climbing as best I could, as many attempts as it took, until I scaled the wall surrounding the White Tower of the Aes Sedai in Tar Valon.  Only when I was inside could I complete my mission.

And here the gates stood...wide open.

I was almost disappointed at not having to climb.

The guards barely noticed me as I strolled innocently past them.

They had no conception of my plan.

 

Once inside, I strolled as leisurely as possible toward the grand steps leading up to the massive doors of the Tower.  Sweat was forming on the palms of my hands.  I tried not to look nervous as that might draw attention.  Then, I noticed the other men around me entering...they all looked EXTREMELY nervous!!!  I had nothing to fear and was wearing the perfect disguise!!! >:D

 

I made it inside the door.

My mission was nearing completion.

I strutted like a rooster up to the waiting area.

Accepted and novices were everywhere.

After seven weeks in the saddle, some of them looked pretty good!!! >:D

I soon learned that they were not interested in my attentions.  >:(

But, they still asked why I had come to the White Tower.

So, I told them.

"To kill the Amyrlin Seat."

::)

 

I didn't shout it.

I didn't say it snottily.

I merely stated my intentions.

Exactly.

Precisely.

No beating around the bush.

Just simply stated a fact.

She asked...I told her.

I felt goosebumps.

 

Of course, I was IMMEDIATELY bound with Air.

My feet were several feet off the ground.

Several of the Novices and Accepted searched me quite thoroughly, which in itself could have made the trip worthwhile under different circumstances. >:D

A couple of them shouted for nearby Aes Sedai (YOU remember, don't you ladies).

* points around the audience at some who are blushing slightly and grinning knowingly *

Several warders appeared as if out of nowhere with their swords pulled and ready for use.

Just as I was sure that things were getting really out of control, a proud, tall Red Aes Sedai approached me...scouling.

* gulp *

It still makes me gulp when I think about the look on her face...and the vampire bite marks on her neck!!!

:o

 

"So." the Red said.

"You're here to kill the Amyrlin Seat, are you?"

She stood with her hands on her valuptuous hips...head cocked a little sideways...fire in her eyes..."NO NONSENSE" written plainly across her expression.

 

"That's right."

"The job needs doing."

"And I'm just the man to do the job."

 

The Red nodded and I was soon stripped naked as a jay bird right there in front of everybody.

:-[

From out of nowhere, hundreds of thousands of yellow jackets started stinging me, but I couldn't see ANY of them!!!  My eyes told me they were not there, but my entire body was on fire from the stings!!!

In desperation I yelled.

"Why are you doing this?"

???

"All I want to do is kill the Amyrlin Seat and be on my way!!!"

"LET ME DOWN FROM HERE!!!"

 

A Blue Aes Sedai walked up just in time.

She was wearing the stole of the Keeper.

"What's going on here?" she asked.

 

The Red answered contemptfully.

"This...MAN...came here to kill the Amyrlin Seat...by his own admission!!!"

She threw her head back triumphantly and glared at the Keeper.

 

"Is this true?" the Keeper asked me.

 

"Yes, maam...uuhhh...mother...uuhhh...your...uuuhhnmm...yes."

 

The Keeper looked at me with one of those looks that women always give men when they are considering how we ever evolved from apes at all.

"Do you realize what you are saying?"

 

"Yes."

"You are having problems with Amyrlin Seat."

"My friend Hugs told me."

"He lives down the street back home."

"He gave me this jug with the cure in it."

"Says it'll kill or cure just about anything."

"Sold it to me for five gold crowns."

"Said I could earn ten times that much if I killed all of the Amyrlin Seat that is infesting the White Tower."

"He never said nothing about getting the CRAP stung out of me!!!"

"Now."

"Please show me where your problem is so I can sprinkle some of this stuff on it and collect my money and get the blue blazes OUTTA here!!!"

I mumbled to myself so as not to upset the ladies any further, "that must be why all of them other guys were so nervous...they been here before!!!"

:o

 

The Blue smiled and nodded at the Red to let me down.  She grunted.  I dropped to the floor with a thud.  The goosebumps went away.  The Keeper gave me a bag with twenty gold Tar Valon marks in it and told me she would have the rest sent to my home.  I should have known she was lying when she didn't ask where I was from.  >:(  Then she pointed at a pile of sand in a nearby planter.  It was covered with what I had always called "ants", but, if an Aes Sedai wants to call them Amyrlin Seats that's fine with me...it's their gold after all.  ::)  ;)

 

Anyway, I recognize the Red sister...still looking as young as ever!!!

* tries his best to smile but can't help remembering the bee stings *

It's probably just my luck that the Keeper is "out of town on Aes Sedai business"...again!!!  >:(  Every time I come here, she's gone.  She probably never intended to pay me at all.

 

:o

But Aes Sedai can't lie unless they're...

 

GULP!!!

 

"YOU KNOW WHAT" AJAH!!!

:o

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Loreina]

*lolz*

Very nice story!

*applauds and tosses some gold in GG's hat*

[Elgee]

*giggles*

 

I'll send you some gold *angel face*

[Cleopatra Narisse]

Seriously.... if you do like to tell stories, and glee all over the place, you should take a shot at the Illuminator's! Myndrunner and Dragon21 are just hell on wheels. They need a someone to kick their pants!

 

*lol*

[GrandpaG]

* remembers that he promised Lor a Tiganza *

 

If I remember correctly, I think the girls normally dance to try to make the boys blush...right?

 

* thinks how he could make Lor blush *

* realizes she's a veteran and might not blush easily *

Well, my dear, we really need to prove to these younguns that just because there's a little snow on the mountain doesn't mean that the volcano is no longer active!  ;D

 

Since I got us into this mess, I'll start it off then you can take over when I'm about to pass out...uuuhhh...warmed up good...OK?

* thinks he sees her nodding agreement to the plan *

 

Can I get a little Tiganza music please?

* tinkers pour in from all directions *

* they're always up for a good Tiganza *

* fiddles and dulcimers take the lead *

* drums pick up the beat *

* a couple of Aes Sedai produce a pair of bass fiddles *

OOOMMM...PPPAAA...PPAAAA...MMMOOO...PPPAAAPPP...UUUMMMP.

* GrandpaG smiles *

AAAHHHHH...nothing beats a good bass beat!!!  :D

* he turns his head away from the onlookers and inhales deeply *

* holds his breath for a while *

* a faint trace of pale smoke slowly rises above his head *

* someone asks if he is on fire *

* coughs heavily *

UUUHHHHNNNN....NO!!!

I was...uuuhhhmmm...just finishing some good Two Rivers tabac!!!

;D

* holds up his long stemmed pipe *

;D

* starts getting into the beat *

* slow, easy hip girations...like the ones that almost got Elvis banned from TV *

* cocks his head and gives an Elvis smile, too *

* does the Forrest Gump knee shuffle *

* bobbing his head in time to the music *

* tapping heal then toe, heal then toe, left then right, hips then knees *

* letting the music grow inside of him *

* eyes shut *

* tabac kicking in *

* heavy, lazy smile *

 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

take over, Lor...wife wants the phone!!!

 

See ya tomorrow after work?

Lord willing, etc.

:)