I like the idea of the brand new rp, she’s only late 40s main timeline so still fresh. I might start with her walk to the blue quarters after her oaths? Then you can introduce me to the blue customs ?

I'll leave it to you pranksters to start it off then? Point me to it when you're ready!

@keyholder21 that sounds like a great place to start!

I'm not sure Senette would notice the moustache haha, in her bio it mentions she's oblivious to her appearance at the best of times and often has ink smudges and the like. I can imagine though, something like you two poised on a balcony, ready to drop flour bombs or something on a novice that was coming by only at the last minute it's Senette wandering by that cops it, one moment daydreaming and the next covered from head to toe in flour....hahaha. Anything largely harmless but inconvenient would get the best reaction I think ;)

@keyholder21 I would love to! Any ideas? I've never played a blue before so I'm very open to suggestion for ajah rp scenarios :)

Ok @Chaelca and @Oddpositions why don't you plot a prank of some description, whatever takes your fancy - itching powder, soap bubbles in the fountain, mice in the library, flour bomb, water bucket on the door....I don't know, anything you can think of. Except, let's presume you had a target in mind (like a fellow novice/accepted) but Senette unwittingly ends up walking into it and becoming the unintended victim. Naturally there needs to be IC consequences, so if the MoN is agreeable Senette will put you to work helping her with her research which quite possibly could involve you both lugging heavy books and equipment about while she pokes and prods at rocks and plants and things (or even you, ha!)...I like to keep things open to unpredictability so if something like that works for you, let's do it! (assuming MoN says it's ok, Chae?) 

@Jagen Sedai I would love to RP something with one of your characters, any ideas? I'm ok with multiple threads, time is something I have plenty of at the moment :)

@Taymist some sort of Blue RP once you're up to it would be awesome! I'll try and brainstorm but I am absolutely open to ideas.

@Chaelca and @Oddpositions if you would like to prank Senette, I am so up for that. Or at least, attempt to. She may not even realise she's been pranked which could be extra hilarious. Or she might catch you and put you to work. Lots of possibilities! OR I can just recruit you as a pair of pack mules to help with her work...hmmm lots of appealing ideas. Let me know what you'd like to do. :D

It took every ounce of willpower Lavinya possessed to keep her brows from climbing and her eyes from rolling heavenward in exasperation and instead keep them trained on the infuriating figure opposite her in the small room. To think, she was the one considered arrogant, while the unpredictable tower guard once more retreated behind a façade of polite acquiescence that did not ring with truth given his words. He offered magnanimously dictated that he would stay and guard her, as though she hadn’t practically begged him in most unflattering fashion to stay with her. Drawing on reserves of patience she did not know she possessed, Lavinya bit her tongue as she studied him, noting with no small amount of chagrin how he quite deliberately held her at an emotional distance, his voice proper and the honorific securely in place once more. Had he really been holding her, soothing her with words and actions such a short time ago? Where had that man gone, curse him?

Deciding discretion was the better course of valour for the time being - for both their sakes, perhaps – Lavinya complied without a word, though there were many things she longed to say. Like how it was foolish that they should both go sleepless, she only wanted his presence, not his guarding gaze. Or how infuriating he was by being at turns warm then ice-cool, calming and then condescending. Or, she wondered amusedly, what would he do if she told him she felt she could only sleep if he joined her on the narrow cot and helped her feel safe? Her face remained impassive but the wicked notion did satisfy her, thinking of how he might blush and stammer, all off-kilter. No, silence was the safer option, even if it went against her nature to quietly obey. She had learned, it seemed, that there were other avenues of battle than head-first into the fray.

Still, there was no denying she was so very tired and even another hour or two in slumber would be most welcome. Quietly she settled back into the bed, pulling the covers up to her chin and stealing covert glances over at his immovable presence. He could have walked out, she reminded herself. Could have made his apologies and fled, could have scorned the needy Aes Sedai, or even submitted with obvious reluctance and distaste. But no, he remained. Why? He so clearly chafed at being bound to her for this mission and would much prefer to berate her and fight with her when forced into her company. Duty, she thought with a weary sigh, that and no more. He would play the part of proper guard to the Tower, there was no more to it than that. To think he would perform the same service for any other sister brought a dark scowl to her face and had her abruptly roll to face the wall, willing herself to leave off her irritating thoughts and to actually get some precious sleep while Corin was still here. He is still here, she thought, and it followed her down into the depths of blissfully dreamless slumber.

-----

Rolling one shoulder, Lavinya repressed a wince as muscles not used to so much use twinged in protest. Corin had been gone when she had woken to the first rays of sunlight. Disappointment had flooded her before she could tamp it down, though on it came the heels of relief – she felt more refreshed than she had in the days since they began travelling, and it gave her time to compose herself in the light of day. The note was something of a burr under the saddle but at least he hadn’t run the moment she closed her eyes. No, he hadn’t run, he had helped her, and somehow managed to make even that an event peppered with frustration and torture and too many unanswered questions. Light, her body would ache tomorrow, thanks to the training he had introduced her too that morning. If she could not channel in the dream, then she should learn to protect herself with her own hands. It was entirely logical and frankly she was annoyed to not have considered it sooner; still, he was a hard task master and had done his best to pretend the caring, warm man she had rediscovered in the early hours did not reside within him.

There were some cracks in the defences, she decided with satisfaction as her gaze cut across to where he was preparing his mount. Rotating her wrist to stretch those muscles – it was ridiculous, she used her hands all the time, how could she even ache there? – she halted when he glanced in her direction. Burn him if she’d let him see any more of her human failings than she had to; she couldn’t shake the thought that he would be amused if he saw her plagued by the effects of the morning’s exercise. All she could do was pray that there would be a deep, hot bath at the end of the day’s travel. Glancing around the rear courtyard where the Red Guard continued to make ready to journey onward, Lavinya at last saw Saline Sedai make her return, hesitating before making her way to her side and halting a respectable distance behind her shoulder like a proper lady’s maid. It was not difficult to deduce that she had spent a sleepless night given the shadows smudged beneath her eyes and the less than pristine state of yesterday’s dress.

Lavinya considered what it might betoken and was preparing to ask Saline if it was good or ill news she now possessed when a rather ribald jest met her ears from the pair of guards loading trunks into the carriage. Not usually one to pay the coarse tongues of service men much heed, it was the way the word ‘sister’ was spoken that caught her attention, and how she was looking far more at ease today while her ‘brother’ looked quite worse for wear. Her eyes darted across to where Corin stood attending to Ayende, noting the faint tinge of colour on his cheekbones and the way his jaw clenched. The guard knew who the party truly were, of course, but this was rather an interesting development. She rather liked him looking less than composed, Lavinya decided, a hint of a smile dancing about her lips as she filed the comments to the back of her mind for later consideration and turned to the Red who waited demurely.

“Saline, the men seem to have all in readiness and I had your own belongings brought down. I pray your evening was fruitful.” There were too many strange figures out in the open for a proper conversation, too many who may wonder at it. “I would wait in the carriage with you, I think, that we may discuss the wedding plans.” The last was spoken stronger than the first, laced with the authority appropriate for a woman of her station. Their deception was important to protect the mission; there was no harm in her enjoying it, however. “Corin, dearest brother, would you help your sister into the carriage?” She called, all sweetness and affection as she awaited him by the step. “Unless your stamina is failing me at last, and I should ask one of the guard to assist instead?” Her smile was bright as she held her hand out to him, for all the world the picture of a loving sister, and if her eyes glinted with a wicked amusement, surely that was only due to being a sister who playfully teased her brother and not related at all to the barely stifled snort of the guards standing closest.

Once safely in the carriage, Lavinya allowed herself a moment to smile at the play before turning her shrewd gaze to the Red. “Tell me, sister,” she said not unkindly, reminding herself that for the other woman this was not just an escape from the tower but a sojourn to find her missing beloved. A mission she understood. He is here. “What news, and where do we go from here?”

A diamond glint slid down the surface in a mock of beauty. An attempt to hide the death purpose of the edge below it as the candle light reflected happily along the blade of the dagger in his hands. Their purpose had been distorted over the years of its existence, from tool to weapon, to ornament. Masking its skin like a chameleon to its surroundings. But inside, it always held deaths offering, it’s true purpose. The quiet chuckle that escaped him held no mirth, no light, as the form on the bed murmured once more. It almost seemed like a relaxed sigh. No doubt she dreamed of further methods to ensnare him. But his cold disjoined chuckle was not for her and her plans. It was the realization of how close his own life resembled the view of the simple tool he held. Only he was the tool now, and held tight in the Towers grip. Too tight it felt, the life slowly squeezing from him. Did she not understand the delicate balance between fluid of motion and controlling grip? The tool became barbaric, useless even if the grip was white knuckled, the arm unable to make it dance. But with gentleness, the correct pressure of the hold, the looseness of the arm. All parts allowed to work as one to make simple steel something more, almost as if alive in the hands of a master. A master …. Would he ever reach that state now? At one time it was a dream, now, could the mocking denial even be called a nightmare?
 

A twitch, her form moved on the bed drawing his attention to her briefly. No doubt she found pleasure in her latest dream of torturing him. He had brought it upon himself. Stupid impetuous youth clouding his judgment. He thought he could sit at the table of games with Sirayn, how arrogant his pride. How did he think in his few short years under her tutelage he could ever compete with the width and breadth of her long-spanned life deeply steeped in its finest intricacies? No, it had been a failure that had cost him … no had cost the very world the greatness of her thread in the pattern. Now he seemed forever embroiled in a struggle of wills with another of her creatures, a distant one-time friend. A flash of her smile, twinkling eyes of simple mischief slide across his mind’s eye. He allowed it to linger a moment, study it briefly before letting it fade back into the darkness. An opportunity lost, his pride yet crushing another life. She could be so much more if he hadn’t been in that garden, had not ruined their friendship in the grove, cut much deeper than the steel in his hands at the field outside the cabin. Why had the pattern chosen his life to bring such misery to others? He didn’t feel like a dark friend; did they even feel? He visibly shook the thought away, repulsed at the very notion of it.

Murmuring, whimpering pulled at his ear. A change in the room demanded his attention, fought to capture a guard’s normal alertness. How could he protect if his mind was never in the here and now? His eyes cut sharply to the movement on the bed, restlessness. Something had changed in Lavinya, replaced the restful slumber with agitation. Perhaps a bad dream, the dagger slipping away as he reached out to comfort her, settle her. His brother had them when they were young, he had probably as well. But he did not recall them now … the memories lost to the cacophony in his head. When had simple thought become so allusive a prey?
 

Ice chocking the heavy flow of a river, his blood halting it’s motion in time to his heart briefly as the silence was shattered by the touch of his hand. Lavinya shot upright in front of him, unseeing eyes wide and petrified, whites overwhelming the deep comforting chestnut that normally dominated them. Her hands clawed at the front of his shirt, the horrid sound still emanating from her mouth; stretched wide and threatening to split. Panic, silent and swift, threatened to overwhelm his control. It crushed the stunned shock that held him allowing motion and control to return to his limbs. Pulling her in tight to try and still the movement, create a comfort, draw her back from the depths. Her head pressed into his shoulder as she tried to draw a ragged breath. “Lavinya …. Lavinya, you are safe” he tried to keep his voice soft, keep the shock and worry from filtering in. “Lavinya … Lavinya wake …. Please wake … I’m here, you are safe …wake.” The heavy fall of boots in the hall vibrated the floor, the guard was in motion, alarm raised. Silently he prayed that the chair would hold the door, keep her dignity intact to some small measure. “Lavinya …. Shhhh … Lavinya I’m here …. always”. Pain twinged his heart anew … always only he had not. He had abandoned her once, no, twice already. Why had he said always?
 

 He could feel her grip on his shirt relax, her breathing beginning to slow. “Shhhh …. You are safe Lavinya …. You are safe.” The inevitable boom on the door sounded as the Red Guard arrived attempting to knock it in” Corin flinched as Lavinya tensed briefly at the sound. “It's okay. We’re fine …. I … I stubbed my toe in the dark that's all. Really, we’re fine.” He had to shout to be heard over the banging and regretted it as she flinched again against him.  His toe, they will never believe it. How do I explain this later when they ask? Slowly foot falls began to sound their departure and he let slide a soft sigh of relief. From the guard at least, he would have a momentary reprieve.
 

Slowly, tenderly he pushed her back from him; allowing him to see her face, her eyes. “Lavinya?” Her name a question. A simple word with an inflection that carried a myriad of questions in its tone. Quizzical emeralds sought and held the gaze of her earthy dark eyes. Firm, yet gentle the gaze flicked from one eye to the next seeking an explanation, an answer to the unspoken question.
 

It was a mixture of wounded pride and self-indulgence that allowed Lavinya to revel in the simple yet firm embrace, the sweet lie that this was right and natural. How long had it been since anyone had offered her any sort of comfort? The irony that it was likely Corin what felt a lifetime ago to last do so did not bring a smile, but rather a sensation of keen loneliness. Aes Sedai had no need for such banal offerings, but she did, oh how she needed this, the warmth of another human being, connection, a life with whom to share. Hot tears of mortification mingled with those she had already shed in the midst of her terror, the sudden pounding at the door making her tense as though it was her own flesh that was struck but no, almost worse than that was the knowledge the red guard were about to witness her humiliation. It seemed fitting, somehow, that she should be so thoroughly undone in one swift motion.
 

Corin shouted at them, blessedly attempting to stave off complete ruination but the sudden noise so close to ear twanged her already jangling nerves, echoing in her mind like the laughter of a mad man, memories of the dream haunting her, toying with her. How pleasantly it had started, to force the knife all the deeper into her fractured heart. Foolish notions of happiness and bliss, memories twisted to have happy endings; how he had held their child with such loving, reverent care…Valiantly she tried to turn from the images in her mind’s eye, hiding from the fallout of her revealing display in the crushed and damp linen of Corin’s shirt but ahh, it was not to be, he would have his due.
 

Swallowing convulsively, she tried to brace herself to meet his inquiring gaze, those emerald eyes that saw too much, delved too deeply, tore her façade asunder. Elise’s eyes. Light, have mercy, she prayed silently as her too-wide eyes met his. She could see the questions in them – had expected them - but the concern almost looked genuine and it was more than she could bear. Shame set colour over her cheekbones and her eyes slid guiltily away, avoiding the gentle scrutiny. “A bad dream…I’m sorry.” She murmured, looking at her hands knotted in his shirt and willing them to obey and release; decidedly uncooperative, her hands flexed and stretched but did not let go, like one who had been drowning and rescued might be reluctant to release their life line.
 

 His centre twisted in an anguish of torment as her eyes cut down and away from him. For a brief moment he had seen hurt in their depths like he had never known. Still he haunted her with a hurt unwarranted. A monumental reminder of how much pain he had caused her. Even now, she could not sleep, could not even look into the eyes of one who had hurt her so completely. His shame threatened to rise and carry him away to just punishment, only her hands still held him; still gripped his shirt as if life itself was to be found there. It made no sense, a person did not cling to the edge that cut so deep, cleaved life and love from heart and soul. Something was wrong with the picture playing out before him; the game players mind noting the pieces of the puzzle before him and silently worrying out a solution.
 

 His eyes cast first to her hands, colour slowly returning to the soft delicate flesh that still maintained their hold. Noted the focused study she gave them. The quietness of her voice, the emotion belying a deeper thread of something that he could not fully make out. A different emotion perhaps. But it made no sense, none of her out cry, her clinging form, the words from her lips made sense. She was Aes Sedai, and agent of Sirayn, a force of reckoning on her own. Another piece slipped quietly into place. His fingers gentle against the bottom of her chin slowly lifting her face to meet his gaze once more. "Lavinya, please," softness still caressed his voice; gentle to match his touch. But concern had begun to weave along the edges, "this is not the reaction of a simple bad dream." His eyes sought hers, trying to find answers in the windows to her soul.
 

 Like so many before it, her prayer for mercy went unheeded. Of course he wouldn’t let the matter lie after that minimal explanation, she herself had been the driving force, pushing him back to the life of inquiry and puzzling and now found herself the very subject of it to her own dismay. Why, light blind him, did he have to be so, so….kind about it? She could steel herself against arrogant demands or angry commands, could find escape in aloofness or distance but no, instead he unravelled her defences before she could even begin to erect them with gentleness, with familiarity. The wheel was cruel in its turnings; she had longed to hear her name on his lips again without the honorific, to feel the tenderness in his touch, but now, why now? Sorrow was a hard lump in her throat, her betraying soft heart leaping and demanding she shed every one of her secrets at his feet like sacred offerings but how could she lay such poison fruit at his feet? He had his own spectres, his own heartaches, he did not need the additional burden of her ghosts and by stone and sea she would die before she saw pity in his eyes!
 

 Still, despite her wish to hide she was helpless beneath his soft coaxing and again her dark eyes clashed with his clarion gaze, the effect like a physical blow that stole her breath, seeing clearly there was no artifice – he was concerned, likely despite himself. No doubt he would remember his anger soon enough and turn from her, but she would cling to this timeless moment nonetheless, the evidence that he was not so far gone as she thought. “Corin,” she said softly, shaking her head as she sought the words, hating the tremble and rasp in her voice, her pathetic weakness – no wonder Linten had found her easy prey, she thought grimly. “It is true, what I said, true and not true.” Teeth caught her lower lip and bit down, the bright bloom of pain naught compared to the turmoil churning in her soul. Why did he have to see her so vulnerable, see how despicable and pitiful she truly was? This was what he had turned from, and rightly so; so why did she find herself preparing to confide in him again? Had she learnt nothing from the past? How easily she had opened herself for the killing blow before, revealing the ugly, unlovable interior that had set him running, why was she ever compelled to drive him from her even as she longed to hold him close?
 

Resignation made her voice small, but she managed to not look away this time, though it hurt her to think she would see the disgust and rejection plain on his face when it inevitably came. “There was a mission…it failed very badly….” She halted at the massive understatement, a fresh wave of pain crashing over her as Linten’s laugh echoed again in her mind and her fingers tightened convulsively in Corin’s shirt. “No one knows, not really, but I…I remember too well…” She did look away then, struggling with the words, the emotion, the phantom pain, all of it welling up and threatening to consume her anew. He would think her blight-touched, she was sure. “Do you know anything of tel’aran’rhiod – the dream world, Corin?” She held her breath, bracing herself for she didn’t know just what, not even certain what to hope for in his answer.
 

His name, again soft from her lips. Once he had revelled in it, a time and place different from now; a past so distant it seemed lost in the foreshadow of their present strife. She had been warm and filled with life then. A subtle force less she let her ire through. But voice and women that now greeted him were far distant to that memory, a pauper to a queen. What could have shaken her so? He would not deny he had hurt her grievously, but surely there was something else to the terror that had enveloped her. Something beyond the simple guard she was now tasked to make pay the bill for his youthful stupidity and childishness. Only, it was a whispered memory that pulled at him as her words reverberated in his mind, pieces spinning in the silent pause. 
 

The game player awakened in the back of thought; sought out the fine changes to her character. Grasped at meanings inside of meanings to her words. It was not a pulling of his will that brought the game player forward but her words. Aes Sedai twisting of simple meaning to distract or divert. The form familiar to him, to anyone with time spent in the Tower proper. He did not draw the player forward; did not seek to slip into the comfortable mantle but it hovered with glee itching to be worn. He tried to hold her gaze, eyes flicking to her held lip before he could pull them back up, an unseen tightening at their edges. Why Lavinya .... Why must the games continue ... Why can't you just end this strife .... free me ... free the Tower of me .... Why? Questions slipped through the cracks in the wall he used to hold the game at bay; to hold who he had become at bay. He need answers; completeness. How long had it been since he had felt whole? Inside the player sneered at her words, offered little warmth as he sifted for the clues to trip the trap. There were always failures somewhere, not all plans could succeed even for the great and powerful Aes Sedai.
 

The flex of her fingers drew Corin back to the forefront, forced the player to the shadows once more. How quickly her need could over power the ingrained training in him; almost. Tel'aran'rhiod, he sampled the word soundlessly his mind playing through the memories like fingers flipping through a filing box seeking a match. But the fingers came up empty, the puzzle piece alone and not paired. Her eyes had turned from him with more pain at their centre, a sheen glazing over them once more. This time his fingers did not seek to draw her gaze to his own. His arms enveloped her protectively, hand lightly pressing her head back to his shoulder. She needed the break, needed him to not see to deep. Why ... What will I find? The movement had said as much, her meekness shrieked unspoken of the need for protection. Protection even from him it seemed. Still his mind worked in the silence that stretched between them seeking out some reference to dreams; carefully avoiding the snares around his own that would bring ruin to this moment. There was something about the word, a passing conversation; words not meant for other ears in passing perhaps. It teased at his mind, slipped like smoke through his fingers; unable to add substance to his search. "A dream but not a dream?" the words slipping out before he could catch them a mix of question and statement. Why had he used her own way of twisting meaning, the player's cynical chuckled silent in the shadows seeking more pieces. His desire to find meaning in the word from his memories left him wanting; distracted his attention while the player slipped by.

 She couldn’t see his face, had deliberately avoided his gaze in fact, so Lavinya could only begin to guess at what he thought, whether even now he was mentally planning how to have her sent back to the tower and seen to by a yellow for paranoia and insanity, like a taint-touched asha’man. Just the brush of that thought within her mind’s eye brought another shudder but suddenly she was drawn back into Corin’s embrace, held safe from the shadows that pulled at her and threatened to drag her under. It was madness indeed to think such a simple show of affection could protect her from the real perils of the dream world but still she revelled in it, felt at once the keen, painful edge of the knowledge she had lost the right to this, had never had the right to it – and also she felt safe, beyond the reach of the world, from anything that could threaten or destroy her. It was disconcerting but she indulged in it all the same, let him hold her, soothe her. He was warm and solid and real – Corin, her Corin, and she was as powerless to pull away from him as fish dangling on a hook.

 Moments passed, the question gentle, coaxing, and before she even knew what she was doing words were spilling from her, halting at first as she tried to piece together an explanation that he may understand. “I had thought it was largely fiction too, before I was drawn into it.” She closed her eyes tightly, taking strength from the firm shoulder beneath her cheek, the implacable band of protection his arms provided around her. “At the bl…the black tower,” she faltered slightly but continued, “it was disastrous – we were accosted as soon as we arrived, there was fighting…we lost, there was too many of them, too well trained, they were cutting weaves...” The hands against his shirt tightened painfully against the cloth covering his chest – distantly she thought she must be ruining the shirt – her knuckles were white with the fierce grip but her voice remained flat, the story continuing to spill out with gathering momentum. “We were forced into bondage. Bonded, like a cruel parody of a warder, except they used compulsion, forbidden, disgusting compulsion…with tainted saidin to obey like pathetic slaves and forbidden to channel.” A long shudder went through her frame unbidden as she spoke, her voice filled with loathing and contempt - but she felt those comforting arms tighten slightly and took heart. He is here now.

 It took several deep breaths and she assumed great patience on Corin’s part, but she managed to continue. “I could not ward my dreams and there was….is…..this, this madman,” she spat venomously, thinking the word was far too weak for the likes of Linten. “With the skill to draw me into the dream world.” Remembered panic clawed at her anew, fresh tears of terror pricking her eyelids and burning her throat, muscles tensing in very real fear as the words continued to spill forth. “I was powerless, a mouse next to a lion and he was cunning, so cunning and cruel and he…he….” She stopped then, unable to continue as the humiliation stole her voice and replaced it with a sob.

 Mention of the Whites' tainted opposite set tension at the edges of his shoulder blades. They had done this? Those tainted men the Red's hunted had caused this mush loss of her? ... How? Questions, always there were questions. Had a time existed before Sirayn when he mindlessly accepted the world; not questioning its madness, it's beauty, it's pain. Simple minded farm boy mesmerized by the city sizes and squares. Lost to the ebb and flow of people who called them home; past through them in travels and filled the stories of Gleemen. A time no longer afforded to the simpleton now seated at the table of the great game. His new hand now forced to play, cynical outlook to measure each word and phrase seeking the hidden meaning. Rooting out that which others so desperately wish to bury. The leverage to change the path of another; cursed addiction surely brought to life by the Father of Lies. This was who he had become now, who they had made him; what they had made him. 

 Instinctively his arms tightened around her as she shuddered. Dreams ... how could someone be drawn into a dream? Vaguely he noted the unbidden hatred in her voice as she spoke with disdain of a man that could do something with dreams. The thought held on the edge of focus while he continued to sift for information on this dream world. Was it always a place of terror? Did it only affect those capable of touching one of the power? How was he to find out more here in the country, away from the hub of Tar Valon? Pieces masked in shadow, their edges blurred continued to spin in his mind. He let his focus shift back to her hatred of the man. He had done something to her, something she couldn't voice yet.  

Like a child, his hand lightly patted and rubbed her back trying to comfort her, calm her once more. This was not the woman he remembered nor the picture of Aes Sedai control and serenity. Sirayn would be crawling out of her own skin if she were to have witnessed this display; no doubt the Amyrlin would have Lavinya surrounded by yellows had they been at the tower. But they were not at the tower and had only a Red in disguise and himself to help her. The thought occurred to him that perhaps Saline Sedai could help her. But it was quashed just as it quickly as it arrived. She had plenty of time during their travels to approach her, so she must already feel the Red would not be able to help. Or was it Aes Sedai pride? A new concern began to bloom in the back of his mind. A tidbit his subconscious had picked out while he had been puzzling other paths. She had been bonded! She had been bonded by a man with taint laden power. 

 His hand stilled on her back, eyes cutting to the back of her head. Had the taint touched her; touched her mind? The bond allowed emotions and thoughts to pass between members and could almost be considered an intimate conversation, so he had heard. At least for some it was. An image tried to coalesce in to a familiar form and he pushed it away harshly. Sirayn would have to wait for now. Something niggled at his mind. An alarm silently raised but its origin not understood. There was something about the bond that worried at thought but refused to come clear as the silence began to stretch. In the darkness her soft sob seemed to reverberate off the walls. "You are safe now Lavinya," his head tipped as he prepared to draw her face back up to emphasize his resolve to protect her.  "He can not reach you now. No one knows where you ...." the rest of his words were snuffed out like a candles light as the earlier thought solidified. 

 Oh no ... location! As then a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach began to take root he remembered that bond-mates could point to the other’s location instinctively. His eyes swept the room, head turning slightly to look behind him before he could still it. Did he know where they were, where she was? A tremor threatened to rise through his back, the itch of unseen eyes watching him. Would he react correctly and keep his charge protected and safe this time? This time… the bitterness of the thought slipped past as his concern cleared his attention and set his focus sharply. "No one knows we are here, correct? I mean how could they, that was the whole point of the disguise."

 Lavinya was such a horrid jumble of complex emotions in that moment; one of the Forsaken could have waltzed in and started hurling balefire around and she still would have been incapable of rousing herself to move. The fear and the remembered suffering was a raw graze on her soul, inflamed and searing, while yearning and a keen urge to surrender to the pitiful hope blazing in her heart strove for attention. Add to the mess overwhelming exhaustion, humiliation and a healthy dose of unabated infatuation – how one body could contain such a frenzy of feeling she did not know, but somehow she felt all these things in a whirlwind that seemed to find catharsis in the outpouring of her very embarrassing tears. Aes Sedai did not cry – for all anyone should know, their tear ducts were removed at birth. No wonder he’d bolted from her, she was the very antithesis of what it should be to wear the shawl.

 It was these thoughts that eventually saw her tears abate, helped along with Corin’s words as they filtered through the fog of her distraught mind. She could hear his concern, oh yes and how it warmed her, but she also began detecting something other in his tone, almost patronising like she was indeed a lack-wit or touched with madness. Irritation quickly rose to squash some of her other less savoury emotions and she found the strength to sit upright and meet his gaze once more, even if she wasn’t completely strong enough to pull herself well and truly out of his reach like she should if she had any sense whatsoever. Her eyes narrowed, the stern look no doubt completely ruined by how horrid she must look – tear stained, splotchy and dishevelled – but still, she was not a complete idiot. “The bond was resolved when I was released from my captivity,” she said gruffly, “you do not need to look as though I am deliberately putting us all in undue danger.” She sniffed indignantly and also out of necessity, scowling at the dampness on Corin’s shirt in self reprimand as she at last untwined her fingers from the fabric and instead tangled them wearily in her riotous hair.

“I know he can’t find me, even my dreams are warded now, but my subconscious refuses to listen to reason.” She glanced askance. “It’s why I do not sleep well in the evening hours,” she added in an almost mumble, one shoulder lifting in a helpless shrug. “I have been unable to stave off the nightmares since…since I returned.” She peeped back at him through the tumble of her hair, half glaring in annoyance, half pleading with him to understand. She sighed heavily. “I know how it sounds, there is a good reason I’ve told no one.” She shook her head ruefully and gave her hair an impatient yank. “I don’t fully understand it, but he had this power to pull me from sleep and into the dream world…it’s a dream but also it’s like waking. What happens there has repercussions in the real world, like injuries taken will show real bruises or,” her eyes lit with unholy satisfaction, “daggers in the thigh will leave very real, bleeding wounds. But there I could not channel, and he was like the master of the house in that place.” She shuddered again, pushing away the memory of his torments, his threats, his promise to find her and her babe. “It is not easy to forget.” 

  The attempt at a cool Aes Sedai look failed miserably in its effect; lost under the array of tear streams, red eyes, and the other obvious signs of distress and weeping. But he gave her credit silently for the attempt. At least it showed a sign of the woman he had known inside. Though her words of the bond's removal did ease him, it did not completely remove the tension that had lightly wrapped around his muscles preparing to move them into action should the environment around them warrant its necessity. The indignant sniff at the end wanted to pull at the corners of his mouth; the look and the sound at odds with one another like an upset spoiled child. There was a time that pull would have resulted in full on laughter erupting from deep within. Now was not the time or the situation to allow it life and instead only a slight twitched at the corners passed quickly. His hands folded together in his lap as he worked her comments about the bond over. It was information he had not heard before. That the bond shared between warder and sister should be the same, and that it was dissolved was something he had never pondered. Perhaps it was shared only with the potential bond-mate prior to bonding and held in secret or perhaps he had not sought out the information as he had never imagined a time and place where one would want to remove it once in place. Briefly the cynical player added the thought of a secret kept by the sisters to keep the warders enslaved to their purpose without the knowledge of an escape. He let it slide past without grabbing hold. There was already too much bitterness building to add to its heap.

   The malicious light that bloomed in her eyes as she spoke of daggers drew his attention more than her words. There was a fire behind that light. Something that resounded deep in her soul and openly dared you to challenge her. Light help a person that might fare that look. A small sense of pride in her eked out of the darkness inside as more of the Aes Sedai mantle seemed to touch her. A growing strength within that spoke of the woman he had once believed he had known and the woman he expected to wear the ring that flashed through her unruly locks. "This dream world you speak of .... this dream that is a waking world. A world where injury inflicted can carry across the boundary and where restriction in the world can carry to the dream. This seems too good to be true; almost an illusion perpetuated by the Father of Lies. How is it that one can find a single soul and force them into this world while not arousing suspicion of others they may have tripped over in the process? It seems that it should be widely known as the power and the options that could be gained from it is beyond that of the heights of Dragonmount itself." His wandering muse was given a light quizzical voice as his mind spun the puzzle pieces in place and sought a more vivid picture. A picture that refused its very form and as insult offered more pieces to the mess. Cut off words reminding him of a previous path not completed. His gaze sharpened slightly as he sought the deeper meaning to an earlier part of their conversation. "Lavinya, what did he do?" the question a hard turn from the direction they had been just on, but one that demanded he ask. "You were helpless and he .... what did he do Lavinya?"

After glimpsing the play of puzzlement and disbelief across Corin’s face, Lavinya’s eyes settled on the hands in his lap as a safer target, only to find herself scowling to think she had voluntarily removed herself from their embrace and comfort after longing for it for so very long. No doubt it was for the best – she presumed in the light of day he would still accuse her of using womanly wiles to try and tie him to her and torture him for her own amusement – but it had been nice. Very nice. At least this way it was easier to focus her attention on his words and the subtle clues between them, in his tone and expression. He did not believe her, and why should he? It was ludicrous and far-fetched, and she had questioned her own sanity in the midst of the maelstrom of abuse many, many times. Still, the lack of trust was an insult to her pride, he knew she could tell no lie, but believe in her own delusions? Totally plausible. Her scowl deepened as he continued to speak, angry at his words, angry at herself for revealing this debilitating vulnerability, angry at him for being so damned difficult all the time, angry at the pattern for toying so cruelly with her thread.  

Opening her mouth to sharply clarify a few things such as the tower’s knowledge of the dream world but the lack of those with a talent for many years, and how only fools like taint-brained black coats thought to toy in the dangerous realm, and how was she bloody supposed to know how that madman knew what he did when the wretched man homed in on that little omission like a wolf might track its prey. That cursed intelligence and sharp wit of his was far less admirable when it was directed at her secrets. Her mouth clicked shut in a brief moment of panic – how does one simply spell out the methods of physical and psychological abuse she had been subject to? And what did they say about her? Would he think her stained by them? Broken and no longer fit for anything but pity? And if she began, would she be able to stop the spilling of her secrets? What if she thoughtlessly mentioned her pregnancy? She wanted to tell him everything, and the need frightened her.  

Agitated she rose from the bed where he still sat and walked to the wash-stand, pouring some water into the basin and splashing it on her face, not looking in Corin’s direction, instead gazing unseeingly into the dish as memories flashed painfully across her vision. The meetings in the dream world were only a part of Linten’s tyranny; he had dogged her waking and sleeping. The woods, the switch, the violations…all to be repeated in cruel parodies in her dreams. How he had learned Corin’s name and used it against her, wore his face, threatened her growing baby…Her hands clenched tightly on the edge of the wooden wash stand. She knew she had to tell him, that he would not let it rest and that - light burn her for a fool – she wanted to tell him, to unburden herself at last but ahh, why couldn’t it have been in different circumstances? Why couldn’t he have returned to the tower because he was looking for her, that he wanted to see her, and cared, genuinely cared like a true friend, confidant and lover.  

“He took advantage of my peril in every way his devious imagination could conjure.” Her voice was low as she reached for a towel, patting her face, lingering as though she could hide in the rough linen. Flatly, she continued, “Systematic abuse of both the mental and physical, the waking and the dreaming.” She threw the towel aside and wrapped her arms around herself as she paused in front of the single taper, shivering despite her best efforts as she remembered everything she tried to forget. “He was cunning and cruel and very clever, and delighted in bringing an arrogant Aes Sedai to heel, all the more so as I fought him every step of the way, as best I could.” But her best had been pitiful, a stone tossed at a hurricane, and she had to protect Elise, her innocent unborn child; Sirayn, she had protected the Amyrlin too, and Corin, always Corin, she had to keep Linten from finding them. And what happened while she did? The Amyrlin Seat took herself off and her ever vigilant guard had followed her. While Lavinya endured countless horrors, they had been together, for all she knew, laughing and cavorting- idiot, you know it’s not true. With difficulty she put aside the bitter thoughts and straightened her spine. “I will spare you the details, but whatever you might think to imagine, I assure you I endured it and worse still.” She held herself stiffly, waiting for the further withdrawal, for the contempt and pity, for the appropriate condolence before a hasty exit from the room and her very life.

The spider sitting in the dark corner twitched at the sounding thread; watching over its moving prey. Patience and timing were key for its capture; light reflecting off the silky threads in perfect harmony until the unwitting fly touched their surface. In that instance panic ensued and the helpless fly's thrashing only ensnared it more as the spider rushed forth to secure its prey. Corin's eyes watched Lavinya as she played out her emotions, some well-hidden and some not. The image had once been a picture of his weakness in Sirayn's cold masterful hands. How different all their lives could have been had that chance encounter in the armory not taken place. Foolish thought, nothing by chance happened when Sirayn was involved. Even when Lavinya could control her emotions on the exterior, hid the thoughts and plans she held inside, secrets upon secrets, the barren absence shouted loudly of unspoken paths. Even a blind man robbed of sight could compensate and with time puzzle out his surroundings. But did he have enough time to leisurely puzzle out the mystery of the fiery redhead before him? As she began her tale he moved quietly to the peripheral of her vision as if slipping into the shadows that floated and twisted in parts of the room. Better to be silent in the background when one was waiting for a tongue to loosen. A reminder of lessons from the past burned into the tool the Tower had trained; the Green’s hand had seen to.

Even as she spun out her story, the parts she was willing to share until he pulled more from her. His mind slipped into what had almost become second nature to him at one point in the past. Carefully noting words and inflections, looking for the absence and the change in thought or flow of her telling. His heart, the battered and bruised mess it had become, rumbled in the dark, under the analytics, wanting to plead a case. To act on her behalf and remind him of the past that had existed. It was forced back down out of focus swiftly and the action sickened him. What had become of the man he had been? Nothing, you were a farm boy before the Tower made you a man; she made you a tool. Now that tool has purpose again. The internal strife not even quirking an eyebrow as the analytical continued to measure each word and form before filing it away for later review. So many horrors of war could be found in books, Gleeman tales, and that of the battlefield after the butcher’s bill had been paid. Was there truly someone so evil there could be more than his imagination could conjure up? Darkfriends, mere children of the Father of Lies. Could you doubt that his taint touching the mind and soul of a man could not produce worse?

He was suddenly aware of her form motionless before him, arms wrapped tight as if warding off the cold, or perhaps seeking protection from the dark. Her last words lost due to his internal distraction, a tool still flawed it seems. There was obviously more to the tale then she was willing to share at this point. Only snippets escaped her careful grasp of the whole. Fragments of a picture but still too many missing pieces to properly deduce the whole. Night had continued its slow creeping passage while they jousted over the information; over her brokenness. How long still remained? Moreover was the question of the Red and how she might look upon things if she was to check on her charge and find him in her room and a story of disaster writ on her face.  If she came would Lavinya portray the confident and defiant Aes Sedai, or hand him over to her as a broken antagonist attempting to thwart her position with slander and trickery? Surely they hadn't drifted so far apart she would tie him in such a light. He was part of the cause for the hurt she held deeply to, but he was not solely responsible for it all. The vision of mirth filled storm gray eyes floated in the depths of his mind. They had once more come to be of their own volition, but he was unable to muster the desire to cast them back to the depths. He deserved her pleasure at his torment and failure. He deserved it all. 

Stepping closer his fingers lightly encircled her arms as if to add comfort and support to her. The contact warmed the palms of his hands while he peeked through the entangled strands of her wild hair and sought to find a glimpse of her eyes. It was the eyes that told the true story, the window to a person’s very soul. No matter how well they controlled their face, breathing, timing of words, or a myriad of other tells that plagued the human species. The eyes could tell you the truth, if the owner was willing to let you see to their depths. "Surely the Tower had dealt with this man before the rest of their gatherings were allowed to set foot in the Tower proper." The light flowery scent of her hair edged with a musky hint from the nightmare-induced panic that had gripped her assailed his nose and further fogged over the pieces he worked. Their close proximity now seeming to turn on him, a path he had ventured before. But it was not the path the Wheel had afforded them in the past. That foolishness had cost too many people. He could not afford to let it happen again, he would not. "Perhaps we should have your maid attend you further." His hands dropped back to his side as he turned back to the chair firmly set beneath the handle. The Red can protect her better from somewhere I obviously cannot travel. He scowled at the door briefly, a new thought arising. If this dream world that is not a dream is as she stated, then what good is a Warder? What good is the purpose I have given my life to? How could a Warder hope to protect their charge if the attack was from somewhere they could not see or be a shield from? A dark shadow slipped over his eyes; brow furrowing at the missing answers to his questions. Now that his very purpose seemed to be in question to an odd degree by his own hand and that of the wheels weaving, the player fell silent and into the back ground. A tool that only held part of a solution was still of value surely. 

Lavinya heard rather than saw him move, felt it like knife to the heart as she imagined him withdrawing in repulsion, leaving her to her misery, perhaps casting her one last pitiful glance before he opened the door. Wallowing in the imagined scenario meant that his touch was unexpected when it came, so simple a gesture and yet it pulled at her heart, drawing deep from the well of emotions she battled to contain. Tears pricked at her eyes and burned a lump in her throat; he was here, he was here, touching her, consoling her, he was here, and it was so very bittersweet. She had yearned for this in the secret places of her bruised heart, for companionship and an understanding soul, for friendship and the knowledge that someone cared; and yet she hadn’t wanted it from just any source, always it had been Corin she longed for, his arms she dreamed of around her, his understanding and his trust and friendship…no, more than friendship, she wanted love and intimacy, his love, for her fractured self to be made whole once more with their mutual affection serving as the healing balm. And now it was so close, he was so close, but still he was distant, further now, drawing away, assuring her that her fears must be madness, slipping out of reach, turning from her like he had before, leaving her alone, alone, always so alone….

“No!” The word was wrenched from her unbidden, hand outstretched towards him before she could even consider the consequences of such an action. Stupid, foolish girl. “No,” she whispered again, dropping her hand, anguished dark eyes clashing with piercing emerald before slipping away. He thinks you pathetic enough, she chided, no need to prove to him how accurate that opinion actually is. Mentally she scrambled, fighting for control over her wayward emotions but light it was difficult as she watched him mentally detach himself, trying to flee from the mess she made of his life. If only he knew just how much she had done so, her mind guiltily conjuring an image of Elise before it was banished once more. She had endured countless horrors in the name of protecting this mule-headed man, had borne his child in secret, had grieved for him when she thought him lost, had scoured the lands for news of him, had done all she could to protect him from scandal and retribution, longed for him still with all the strength in her foolishly generous heart. She was not letting him just walk away; could not, would not. But how could she truly stop him if that was what he wanted?

“I do not know how effectively a man with his ability could be kept from the dream world,” she murmured, thankful that as yet Corin remained; for how long she couldn’t say. “It’s different there…thoughts come into being like images…faces and names betrayed to him…” she frowned, her fingers knotting together in front of her, absently toying with the space on her finger where her serpent ring usually resided. “No one knows the full extent of what he did, it was the only way I could keep,” you, she thought with a wry twist of her mouth, “people safe. I am sure he is still very much alive, though he was not one to join the delegation to the White Tower, light be praised.” A coward, no doubt he thought her a coward, weak and pathetic, too frightened to see a man brought to justice. A flash of anger lifted her chin, a hint of pride she clung to like a life-raft adding steel once more to her spine. “Saline knows nothing – along with the rest of the Tower - and so it will remain. My current…disagreement with sleep is no one’s concern but my own and I will deal with it as necessary.”

Affecting a nonchalance she did not feel – her heart thundered in her chest, somehow it seemed everything between them past, present and future, balanced on her steps in this very moment. She shrugged one slender shoulder, a simple movement that expressed a complacency at odds with the way the pieces of her heart ground painfully against one another when she gazed at his face. “Eventually my subconscious will catch up with the reality I know; he cannot find me while my dreams are warded, and that is always, unless I am stilled or shielded, and I will die before that happens again.” Heat had crept back into her voice by the last, vehemence lacing the quietly delivered words. She did not need some false lady’s maid to dance attendance on her any more than she needed the pity of an ungrateful, surly tower guard who should bloody well treat her a lot better than he did. But then, she thought ruefully, I will take whatever I can get with Corin Danveer. Whatever it takes.

A sudden yawn caught her and she clenched her jaw, fighting it back, warily glancing towards the window only to note how the sky had lightened with the first hint of dawn – it was only a touch, but it was enough to ease something that was tightly coiled inside of her. “There is still time to sleep.” She glanced over to the second bed in the small room, untouched by the red sister and likely to stay that way, Lavinya presumed, as the younger Aes Sedai followed her own whims and fancies and had airily made some mention of not waiting up that Lavinya had barely had patience to hear, eager as she had been to crawl into her bed. She moved then, crossing the small space to sit on her own bed, glancing up towards where Corin still hovered by the door. She caught her lower lip between her teeth but hastily released it when she realised she committed the betraying action and did her best to conceal the inner turmoil her next words were causing her. She held her breath, hoping against hope – “Corin…please stay.”

Corin & Lavinya

Thanks Tay!

So! I have a shiny new Aes Sedai character and I'd love to play with her! She's a Blue with very Brown-ish tendencies and is generally friendly. Anyone feel like meeting her? I'm open to absolutely anything, including retro rp as a novice or accepted to help flesh her out. Chance meeting in the gardens? Novices looking to prank someone? Encounter in the warders yard? I'm open to anything and anyone, I just want to take her for a spin. Let me know if you're interested in something! :)

I'm new to the blue ajah but eager to play!

A little bit of scarring perhaps ;)

Oh my goodness, hello! Y'rean was my trainee's mentor about a thousand years ago, nice to see you back!

Can I get access to the Blue Ajah board now please @Taymist?

Thank you ?

Hey @Matalina I made great use of your calculator while working on my new character concept, it's really helpful! I thought you might like to know that the 'water' number box doesn't have the nifty little arrows to raise or lower the number like the other elements do. Completely inconsequential but I thought maybe you'd like to know about it :)

Thanks Tay, now I can get writing :)

Yeah it was me toying with the idea of leaning towards certain skills or talents that made me pause and go 'well actually, don't even know what will work without a score'. I'm glad my thinking isn't completely nuts, anyway. I'll wait to see what Chae says, thanks for the input. 

Random question relating to OP Scores, hoping someone could answer....if I want to write a new Aes Sedai bio, is it possible to get my OP score first (given it's random). I have a few ideas rattling around in my mind and some of the details will depend on the score I receive. Is that possible? I know it's kinda backward. I don't care what the score is, can I just know it and build my character around her relative strength or weakness? @Taymist @Chaelca Thoughts? Or am I being a pain?  I'm just theory crafting I swear!

That cull is brutal but I actually love it. I always had a soft spot for Perrin but the rest of them I wouldn't have missed at all. 

I am really liking your proposals Tay. I'm only interested in main plot line in that the RPs could be fun to join in with, not because I'm desperate to play them out. I'm really happy just playing out my little story in this fictional world. If we wanted to come up with brand new big plots that work for us, I'd be all for it, I don't feel bound to the books (certainly not anymore, after so much time away), I'm just bound by the character I enjoy. Freedom to play with her makes me happiest and so I'm all for your suggestions.

If we get so overwhelmed and busy we don't know what to do, let's celebrate first, then I'm sure ideas for how to deal with it will be forthcoming to meet the particular need. I don't think we need to set out hypothetical plans for staff and their roles. Counting chickens something something. :)

The lack of definitive conclusion as to Corin's whereabouts was like an irritating itch between Lavinya's shoulder-blades; it inflamed and annoyed, and there was nothing she could do to assuage it. She had mourned for him privately - and still did - presuming the worst scenario; his thread cut from the pattern. And yet there was no certainty despite the extreme likelihood he was deceased, and it soon became too infuriating for her to ignore.

Another night terror had woken her; she should have known better than to try and sleep so close to dusk but Light knew she was tired. It was during the long hours when the world is still but the spectres roam that she finally grew tired of the itch and determined to resolve it, one way or another. Her contacts within Tar Valon were considerable, she was already certain she'd know it if he stepped foot in the city long before he reached the White Tower. But what of outside it? Too narrow, her view had always been too narrow and her conscientiousness in developing such a network had been sorely underwhelming. Perhaps she should work on it, broaden her eyes and ears. Whatever had happened to him, she wanted - no needed - to know.

It proved a surprisingly pleasant distraction from her woes and a direction for her energies that was nothing like the pity-party she'd been revelling in for so long. Utilising the network of her Ajah was a logical starting point and it was actually satisfying to make use of her skills, those which had been honed and expanded in pursuit of the grey shawl, and ever since. There was a fine line, betimes, between mediation and manipulation and it was a subtle blend of the two that saw her unseen web grow, contacts and informants expanding beyond the closer townships and beyond into other nations. It was hardly a rival for the intricate networks already in existence that danced to strings tugged within the White Tower, but it was nonetheless pleasing.

It was due to these informants; and they, who spoke to others, and others further still - that Lavinya first heard a glimmer of news. Like a whisper passed down too many times she did not trust it entirely, but perhaps there was something of use in it - mercenaries, in the blight. It wasn't unusual for raiding parties to foray into the blight but it was hardly the sort of thing mercenaries would do, unless hired or coerced for a mission. Intrigued, she set the slip of paper to one side, a much smaller pile than the one occupied by what she deemed as useless to her search. Still, there were one or two more rumours she had thought worth further consideration. It wasn't much, but it was something and her heart latched onto it like a life line while hope, dangerous, cruel hope, flared within her breast. 

It felt that a lot of time had passed, since her return to the tower, though it had been scant months. She had been through so many emotions - uncertainty, resolve, desolation and grief, to stoic determination and always, always, a lingering loneliness as she ached for her child, for companionship. She was growing better at hiding it, her Aes Sedai serenity returning like a mantle and hiding the inner chaos from the outside, repressing those memories and emotions which were best kept hidden, if not entirely squashed. It was hard to keep her wayward heart in check as more snippets passed her way, more clues and whispers. A man, with a death wish. Brown hair and green eyes, determined to find someone or something, they weren't sure entirely. Wild looking and filthy, lone stranger passing through a village. Close to Tar Valon. 

Fingernails drumming on the lacquered table top, Lavinya frowned at the latest missive, a grimy little piece of parchment slipped into her pocket by a filthy urchin. Absently she wiped her fingers on her skirts, as though they picked up the grime of the messenger from the paper. Something about it caught her eye and held it, though she wasn't sure what. She'd had similar reports in the past few weeks and they had all come to naught - a deranged man, a homeless woman was another...chiding herself for being ridiculous, Lavinya dropped the note and snapped closed the lid on the little silver box, hiding the notes within and protecting them with a simple but nasty little weave. She would not get her hopes up, no she would not, wretched betraying heart, until she heard word from a first hand account in Tar Valon. Then and only then would she believe he lived. Light, he had to be alive.

Lavinya chafed at the bonds of duty, more than she ever had before. What was the point of it? What was the point of any of it? Hours turned into days and routine which she had lived out for countless years now rubbed her raw and grew stale. What she struggled with was her own awakened self, a double-edged sword of blessing turned curse. She was not endowed with grand compassion and love for mankind to throw herself wholly into the task of protecting the nations, and she certainly had no great fondness for the flitting and preening of little novices and accepted to dedicate herself to their tutelage. Where once she was drawn by power and intrigue and the appeal of position, now it was hollow and distasteful - what was the point of accomplishment, of power, of good deeds without someone to give it meaning?

A scowl furrowed her ageless brow as she glared about her, as though the meticulously cultivated gardens she meandered past were the source of her irritation, but in reality she paid no heed to her surroundings, only her churning thoughts. How did other people return to reality after horrors endured? Did they simply pick back up where life had left off? How she would love to do that, to resume her fickle yet empty life, where her only cares were garnering personal power and indulging in the occasional dalliance - both serving to gratify her ego. Now...now the first, she didn't like to admit to emotions that hindered that ambition. Fear. Weakness. She had been so pathetically helpless, so blindly foolish, how could a woman like that demand respect or hold power in her hand? A fraud, that was all she would be and where once she did not care, now she did. Unwillingly, for ignorance would be so much easier to bear, but care she did.

As to the second...with a deep, melancholy sigh, the diminutive figure slipped onto the familiar rock, dappled sunlight filtering through the canopy high over head of the Ogier Grove. Time and time again she found herself here, whether by design or aimless wandering, still her feet led her here, to the scene of her greatest joy and deepest folly. Hands touched the rough surface beside her almost reverently, a bittersweet smile tugging at her compressed lips. It was absolutely absurd to think she no longer had any interest in lovers - indeed she would not believe it of herself were she an outsider. There was the scars unseen from that madman, yes, but there was more than that. Indulging in a casual flirtation had felt like ash in her mouth and she had walked away from the bewildered young man, surprising them both. It was so....empty. Fake. Wrong. She no longer wished for a brief warm presence in her bed, what she ached for was forever denied her.

Elise Danveer. An unexpected and most treasured piece of the past, that was why she continued day after day - dragging her feet and mulling miserably - but still she went on. Surely the heartache would fade someday, be no more than a distant memory, much like the night of that blessed conception was becoming. She was understanding better why so few Aes Sedai bothered with such fleeting fancies as love and romance, but it did not make her feel their absence any less. It was a cold, lonely life in the tower. The ecstatic joy of wielding the One Power, wrapped up in a loveless, impassive shell. What a different life she had dreamt of! One of authority and wisdom and might, counselling Kings and Queens and negotiating elaborate truces between warring nations, surrounded by a bevy of attractive and well-honed admirers and a following of awed and obedient Aes Sedai. Ha! The idiocies of youth had stayed with her longer than they rightly should have - she was indeed double the usual fool. More than double, given how she still yearned for the love of a man who by all accounts must be dead.

What sort of Mother will you be, endlessly moping? She chided herself, pushing the image of smiling emerald eyes of her mind yet again and rising from where she sat. Hot on the heels of her mental berating came another chastising thought - "Not much worse than an absent mother already is." It was truth indeed, though a painful one. Her daughter would know love, she reminded herself, and would grow happy and free of the failings of her mother. She would want for nothing, and for as long as she was welcome Lavinya would visit her when she could, would tell her in person that Elise was loved and wanted. It would have to be enough, Light grant it be so.

Saidar is a better companion than any ham-fisted man-child, anyway, she thought with a flash of her old humour tinged with wryness, ignoring the whisper of memories when she could not, damning them to the pit of doom itself. Repress, repress, repress. That would be her new motto. Banish the memories of the past, focus on the days ahead. The cold, pointless, monotonous days ahead. She stifled a sigh as she re-entered the tower, instead snapping her fingers impatiently at a dawdling novice barring her path to move herself out of the way. She simply must find something to occupy her days - and her dream-blighted nights or she may go as mad as an asha'man herself. 

Colour me interested in some form or another!

Very nifty! Thanks Mat!

Yes, Pia is my PC :)

I have all these records from pre 2009 by the looks and not much from after. I found the welcome letter I used to send out a million years ago! As well as some very old and awful sig pics made on MS paint. *facepalm*

Hey @Jagen Sedai I just found an old handover doc I was given when I first became MoN, and Ferzyne Grigory was the NSW MoN character at the time. I wrote Pia to replace her. Pieces of the puzzle are slowly clicking together. I also found an ancient copy of mentors and mentees and OP scores lol. I'll see if anything else juicy falls out of my digital hoarding!