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I have points! Make me laugh, WoT style

Basel Gill

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I want everyone to tell me a joke set in the WoT universe. You can make it a story, you can tell a knock-knock joke, you can even make a WoT lightbulb joke even though there are no electric lights in WoT. The people who post the best four jokes by month's end will get 25 points each.

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I stole these but it's SG appropriate to do so :)


How many Black Ajah does it take to change a light bulb?

a) It doesn't matter, you're still going to find yourself in the Dark.

b) Three. One to do it, one to be a witness, one to kill the witness

c) Fourteen. One to do it, thirteen to get thirteen Fades and change it back to the Dark.





you might be addicted to WoT if you accuse that Tolkien guy of ripping off The Eye of the World

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WoT drinking game







This game is not for the faint at heart, or liver. For seasoned alcoholics only, or at the _very_ least, alcoholics in training.


Directions: Get a group of RJ fans together. Assemble a large quantity of alcoholic beverages. Take turns reading passages (dealer's choice) from a book aloud. Note: beer or wine is recommended. Hard liquor should only be used in mixed drinks.

Shots will have you on the floor rather quickly.


Drink a sip if:


o Rand channels.

o Mat has a 'luck' episode.

o Perrin talks to wolves.

o Nynaeve gets angry and/or tugs her braid.

o Egwene thinks Rand is getting too big for his britches.

o Elayne acts like a spoiled princess.

o Min sees a vision.

o Aviendha talks/thinks about 'ji', 'toh', or dancing the spears.

o Moiraine manipulates someone.

o Lan's face appears to be 'carved from stone' or the like.

o Thom juggles or tells a story.

o Ishamael appears in a dream.

o Lanfear talks about power or glory.

o Fain giggles, froths, or otherwise demonstrates his ample madness.

o Faile is annoying.

o Loial mentions a book (two sips if it's his book).

o Berelain appears in some skimpy outfit.

o Gawyn worries about Eg/El.

o Galad shows his 'goodness'.

o Bela is mentioned!

o any male character thinks about how so-and-so is better with women.

o any male character acts chivalrous/macho towards a woman.

o any female character sniffs.

o any female character futzes with her skirt.

o any female character's neckline swoops in T'A'R.

o any female character "folds her arms beneath her breasts".

o any female character thinks about a man's nice 'shoulders'.

o any main character kills a Shadowspawn.

o a sword form is mentioned.

o someone uses the Old Tongue.

o something about Seanchan culture is revealed.


Drink a gulp if:


o Rand shows his madness seeping through.

o Mat actually accepts responsibility in some way.

o Perrin demonstrates his naivete.

o Nynaeve faces off against Moghedien.

o Egwene talks/thinks about being an AS/WO/Amyrlin.

o Elayne hits on Thom.

o Elayne makes a ter'angreal.

o Min calls Rand 'sheepherder' or refers to his rustic background.

o Aviendha chases off some woman out to seduce Rand.

o any AS acts imperious/arrogant.

o someone uses a *'angreal.

o something about Ogier mating or courtship rituals is revealed (two gulps if it's about something

incredibly racy, like _ears_).

o a Seal gets broken.

o someone uses the Ways.

o someone uses a Portal Stone.

o we see someone deal with the *'finn.

o the Shadar Logoth dagger gets lost or acquired.

o Bela is mentioned!

o one of the main characters kills a _human_ (chug if the victim is another main character).

o one of the main characters has MPS with a minor character.

o Tam discovers his son is the Dragon Reborn (two gulps if he knew all along).

o we find out who killed Asmodean (chug if it's someone that _no_one_ has ever suggested).

o we find out who sent the gholam to kill Fel.

o we find out either Moiraine or Lanfear is still alive (chug if we discover they're really dead).

o we read something in ALL CAPS.

o we learn something about Shara.


Chug if:


o Rand goes barking mad and injures/kills a loved one.

o Rand ends up marrying all three of Av/El/Min.

o Mat loses an eye.

o Perrin starts treating Faile as a 'good Saldaean husband' should.

o Nynaeve breaks her block.

o Olver turns out to be Gaidal Cain.

o Taim turns out to be Demandred.

o Logain draws Callandor.

o Moiraine and Thom get married.

o we see Machin Shin 'get' someone.

o we ever meet Jain(m) Farstrider.

o the Horn of Valere is blown.

o Bela is mentioned (OK, maybe that's getting to be a bit much)!

o a Forsaken gets offed (chug twice if a Forsaken gets resurrected)

(note this is cumulative with the gulp for killing a human).

o one of the main characters has sex with another main character.

o Galad and Rand have a 'showdown at the OK Corral' type scene.

o Aludra's matches are used against the *'finn.

o RJ ever makes a significant reference to a 'badger' (drink everything in sight if 'badger' turns out

to be a euphemism for a piece of the male anatomy).


Drink everything in sight if:


o Rand _kills_ the DO.

o Rand dies, and stays dead.

o Rand has a menage with any/all of Aviendha/Elayne/Min/Lanfear.

o Mat's DotNM turns out to be Berelain.

o Mat betrays Rand.

o Perrin decides to ditch Faile and take up with Berelain instead.

o Perrin goes nuts and loses himself to the wolf side.

o Nynaeve loses her block by cutting off her braid.

o Nynaeve resurrects the dead.

o Egwene marries _both_ Galad and Gawyn.

o Elayne bonds Rand as a warder against his will.

o Min turns out to have been a hooker in a Mountain o' Mist brothel.

o Aviendha 'teaches Rand how to sing'.

o Fain ever refers to Shadar Logoth as 'my precious'.

o anyone ever mentions a _seven_ ball circle or shower.

o firearms are ever invented in Randland.

o a main character complains how 'BOSSY' all of the females are.

o Loial turns out to be gay and/or a pedophile.

o Thom can channel.

o Mat is not actually reliving past lives, but is insane.

o Bela turns out to be the Creator's avatar.

o Aviendha turns out to be Ilyena reborn.

o Someone from our modern-day Earth ever shows up in Randland...then go out and buy more

booze...then promptly toss all your WoT books in the nearest trashcan.

o You actually end up _playing_ this game sometime.





I'll leave the rest of those for someone else :blush: and ill try to find an original thought.

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Ok, poem it is! Thanks for the inspiration Cindy!


There once was a fade from Far Madding

Whose situation was horribly saddening.

His trollcy hoard,

Was always so bored

They had decided to poke him with hat pins

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  • Club Leader

Ok, poem it is! Thanks for the inspiration Cindy!


There once was a fade from Far Madding

Whose situation was horribly saddening.

His trollcy hoard,

Was always so bored

They had decided to poke him with hat pins


Nice! 10 pts


Edit - Sorry, Basel. I didn't realize which thread I was on. I just liked the limerick. But once I awarded the points, I'm loathe to take them back....

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All invented today


How many trollocs does it take to change a bulb?

A. As many as you can find. One to change the bulb, others to kill each other.


Why don't Myrddral go to optician?

Because they are Eyeless.


Why did the Myrddrral go to the artist?

Because he had started to Fade.

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Found this on the Randland LOLs tumblr....


During our Wheel of Time recaps, we couldn’t get over how many horses we learned about. Now that we’re reading the actual books, it is sword forms that are catching our eye. And boy did they catch our eye. Mostly because they could very easily be in another tome. Namely, the Kama Sutra.

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“You’re balefired!”

~ Rand al’Thor

“I don’t mean to blow my own horn, but when I do, all the heroes come.”

~ Matrim Cauthon

“Listen, Faile… If I marry you, will you go away?”

~ Perrin Aybara

“Look Mat, just pick six numbers for me, between one and…

"Don’t tell the other two, but you’re my favorite girlfriend<3"

- Rand al’Thor

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The sad part is, I've used a lot of these in conversations and such. To the point my husband is listening to the books in the car in self defense...


Slang and sayings that only a Randlander would know:
  • Phaw
  • *tugs braid*
  • Mother’s milk in a cup
  • Blood and bloody ashes
  • Light
  • Sheep swallop
  • bloody buttered onions
  • Light-forsaken
  • Light-blinded
  • Silverpike
  • Treekillers
  • Wetlanders
  • Tar Valon witches
  • Fortune prick me
  • Woolhead
  • Dance the spears
  • Game of Houses
  • Dovie’andi se tovya sagain
  • Water oath
  • Thief-taker/catcher
  • Shadowspawn
  • Dark One’s eyes
  • May you find water and shade
  • Jak O’ The Shadows

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