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 A WHEEL OF TIME COMMUNITY

I HAVE A NEW THEORY GAISE!

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in Wheel of Time Books

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nnokwoodeye Community Regular

nnokwoodeye

Posted
Posted

Bah, I'm just going to make a nuclear explosion and be done with it. I can always breed more trollocs and myrdraal.

 

I don't recommend it. The radiation would probably just turn them into gnomes, or kenders, or something even more annoying. You are better off now, when they are still just humans.

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Mr Ares Mentor

Mr Ares

Posted
Posted

This thread has really gone downhill. So, I present to you a fairytale. It's called

Lanfear and the Seven Cairhienin.

Once upon a time there was a beautiful girl called Lanfear. She was the true love of Lews Therin Telamon, the greatest man of the age, and the only one worthy of her, because she was beautiful and a wonderful person. She worked at the Sharom, which hung in the air in much the same way that bricks don't. Then, one day a yellow haired harlot came and cruelly stole Lews Therin away from Lanfear. She was thrown into a hole in reality for millennia, and awoke to find a whole new world. She was found by 7 dwarfs people of limited stature Cairhienein, and taken back to their home. Well, they didn't have a woman around the place and needed someone to do the ironing. Anyway, one day while they were out that trollop Ilyena proved that while the years had taken away her already meagre looks, and left her a grey haired, ugly, old crone, they hadn't finished her off. She had refused to let herself die while Lews Therin's true love was out there somewhere, and the knolwedge that she was still alive somehow (and his undying love for her) had poisoned their relatonship, so they were never truly happy. Ilyena caught up to Lanfear, and poisoned her. She was cursed to a living death, until her true love came and awoke her with a kiss. Ilyena died shortly afterwards, because it was only bitterness and jealousy keeping that cow...er, I mean, her alive. Many came and tried to rouse Lanfear from her slumbers (and seven guys standing around with swords made sure that they didn't try anything beyond a kiss, so you needn't worry about something unsuitable for kids happening), but none succeeded, until one day a redheaded farmboy tried his luck (and you thought Mat was the lucky one), and she awoke. They got married a sort while later and all lived happily ever after, once they had overthrown the Creator and Shai'tan, Cleansed the Source, killed all the other Chosen and established that there was nothing going on with Min, Aviendha and Elayne, nothing at all, nothing happened in Seanchan that you might want to know about, nothing like that. The end.

 

The moral of the story is don't go around snogging comatose girls.

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Lord Nik Collaborator

Lord Nik

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Mr Ares for shame. This thread was going and is still heading straight for the heavens!

Saying its going downhill or otherwise just doesn't make sense!

 

And one girl, Living with 7 other guys...

 

recipe for disaster...

or children......

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Jethro Collaborator

Jethro

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Actually Asmodean killed Rand, and all this time Moridin has been masquerading as Rand. Oh man, he so good at it he even convinced himself he was Rand! Thats where all this Lews Therin malarcky came from. If anyone disagrees with me I will balefire whatever I need to to make it so they never disagreed with anything I ever said!

 

And why the hell hasnt anyone mentioned that Logain is Jesus H. Christ? Of course it was unexpected-come on, even RJ was surprised when he found that out-but all this time Christians have been moaning and dribbling over his return, what better time for Jesus to have another shot at becoming famous? The charlatan. He could have picked better colors for his halo than blue and gold. Like cyan and turqoise

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Mr Ares Mentor

Mr Ares

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Now the thread is going downhill
But there are still so many fairy tales to be given a Wheel of Time spin - Little Red Ajah Riding Hood, Three Little Ta'veren, Sleeping I-Wouldn't-Call-Her-Beauty-With-That-Nose-But-She's-Alright. Or songs. Any number of potential WoT songs out there. We can put together a musical version of WoT.
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Jethro Collaborator

Jethro

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The Tower of Ghenji could be the third contestant, and all their songs would have complicated time signatures.

 

Anyone else think Michael Jackson could play Shaidar Haran? One more operation, and he could have the eyeless face...

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nnokwoodeye Community Regular

nnokwoodeye

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Posted

I know who killed asmo!! It was the ghost of his dead mother (he killed her if you remember) well not actually her ghost. His taint madness kicked in and made him imagine her. When he thought he was being killed, his mother persona actually possessed him and she is now traveling the world in disguise.

 

It is so obvious; I don't know why we haven't figured it out before

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