I HAVE A NEW THEORY GAISE!

[Builder]

In aristocratic Cairhien Dragon is the Rand.

[metria31183]

The Hand of the Light

What a show

The Hand of the Light

Here we go

We know your wishin

That we'd go away

But the Hand of the Light is here and it's here to stay.

 

Oh wait never mind.  Wrong comedian.

 

A Black Empress of the Nine Moons?

It worked in Blzing Saddles

 

Still wrong.

 

Thinks for minute.  Smoke billows out of metria's ears

 

Rand to the audience:  It's good the be the Dragon Reborn.

 

Nope got nothing.  I seem to now be stuck on Mel Brooks.

[Jethro]

MORE! I DEMAND MORE STUPIDITY!

 

I'd obey me if I were you, you wouldnt want to be sent to Shaidar for a switching and... well, lets leave it at that.

[Dark Justice]

Onsecond thoughts, lets not go to Tar Valon, its a silly place.

[spothistto]

Can Aes Sedai heal AIDS?

[nnokwoodeye]

 

 

Wow and here I thought it was because Elayne was really a philosophy professor named Bruce.

 

Wrong Bruce, Elayne is actually batman.

[metria31183]

Elayne is batman?  I thought she was the dread pirate Roberts.

[Jethro]

Whoaaa marvel Wheel of Time? Just thinking of the possibilities makes me want to shatter into a million pieces of plastic.

 

Elayne/Bruce Banner, Rand/Shaun Slater, Perrin/Matt Parkman, and Moiraine/Mick Dundee-minus-the-accent. Four in the boat, and she who is pregnant yet breathes...getting a bit sick of her you know...I dont understand how she could make her son AND daughter be fathers of the Dark One who's been about for donkeys years by crossing balefires with them...oh crap Im supposed to be a Foretlling, theyre onto me! Uh... er... A void in the Pattern. Yeah, that sounds right. Booyah.

[Builder]

Can Aes Sedai heal AIDS?

 

That's a good question spothistto. I guess they could, but they would get burned out because AIDS is so awesomesauce.

[Cillian]

Whoaaa marvel Wheel of Time? Just thinking of the possibilities makes me want to shatter into a million pieces of plastic.

 

Elayne/Bruce Banner, Rand/Shaun Slater, Perrin/Matt Parkman, and Moiraine/Mick Dundee-minus-the-accent.

 

Bwahaha ;D

 

Four in the boat, and she who is pregnant yet breathes...getting a bit sick of her you know...I dont understand how she could make her son AND daughter be fathers of the Dark One who's been about for donkeys years by crossing balefires with them...

 

That where the 11 strong gaggle of blind shaven monkeys comes in....

Which happens, "coincidentally", at the same time Moiraine Dundee is waging a very important battle of Knifey/Spoony with the Finns for the last chocolate muffin.

 

oh crap Im supposed to be a Foretlling, theyre onto me! Uh... er... A void in the Pattern. Yeah, that sounds right. Booyah.

 

A void in the Pattern?! I'd better get my umbrella!

Warn the jellyfish! Tie down the chairs! Do your long division!!

[Jethro]

Who do you guys think would win in a sword fight between Lan using his Power-wrought blade and Faile wielding her +5 vorpal nose of sharpness? I reckon Mohinder Suresh would win, but only is Lan and Faile both had a Danny DeVito each helping them.

[spothistto]

I would go for the cheerleader.

[Builder]

Sylar would win, but he turned good, so he's out of the picture.

[Mr Ares]

Moiraine/Mick Dundee-minus-the-accent.

Minus the accent!? What the hell are you on!? Everyone knows Moiraine has the accent! How can you sit there and say that Moiraine doesn't have an Aussie accent? It's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.

 

MIN: I wasn't planning on falling over Rand - I had a Viewing. I'm a seer.

RAND: And I'm Artur Hawkwing.

MIN: No you're not.

RAND: You're right, I'm not. I guess I use sarcasm as a defence.

MIN: I can see the future.

RAND: Tough gig!

MIN: Stop being sarcastic!

RAND: Maybe if you were fated to go insane and kill everyone you loved you'd be sarcastic too.

MIN: (Thinking) Yes, that makes sense.

 

LOIAL: I think what these recent events show is that the human (or Ogier) spirit. You know, as a writer, if you took away my paper, I would write the story of the Dragon Reborn on my heart. If you took away my ink, I would write it on the wind. (Pauses) It wouldn't be an ideal way to work.

 

RAND: We'd seen a new side to Elayne. "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned." They can get upset at the slightest thing, whether it's forgetting to acknowledge them in front of Mat and Perrin or dividing a restaurant bill in proportion to the amount of food eaten by each party, which is only fair. I had to change. Tomorrow I'll tell her she's lost weight, or I like what she's done to her hair, whichever seems most plausible.

 

There will be further stealing borrowing other peoples jokes, after a brief musical interlude.

 

When I'm with you Perrin, I go out of my head

And I just can't get enough, I just can't get enough

All the things you do to me and everything you said

And I just can't get enough, I just can't get enough

 

We slip and slide as we fall in love

And I just can't seem to get enough

 

We fight together, we're fighting in the street

And I just can't get enough, I just can't get enough

Every time I lose a fight I know that you love me

And I just can't get enough, I just can't get enough

 

It's getting hotter, it's our constant fights

And I just can't seem to get enough

 

When Aiel caught me, I knew you'd rescue me

And I just can't get enough, I just can't get enough

From Rolan's clutches, your hammer set me free

And I just can't get enough, I just can't get enough

 

You're like a wolf when you give me your love

And I just can't seem to get enough

 

ELAYNE: Rand! What are you doing with your arms around that Aiel girl?

RAND: You stupid woman. Can you not see she's suffering from claustrophobia? She accidentally locked herself in the larder.

ELAYNE: But there is no key!

RAND: Exactly, that's why she couldn't get out.

ELAYNE: Oh, the poor child. Oh, it happened to me once. I screamed and screamed, but nobody came.

RAND: We thought you were singing.

[Jethro]

LOIAL: I think what these recent events show is that the human (or Ogier) spirit. You know, as a writer, if you took away my paper, I would write the story of the Dragon Reborn on my heart. If you took away my ink, I would write it on the wind. (Pauses) It wouldn't be an ideal way to work.

 

MIN: I wasn't planning on falling over Rand - I had a Viewing. I'm a seer.

RAND: And I'm Artur Hawkwing.

MIN: No you're not.

RAND: You're right, I'm not. I guess I use sarcasm as a defence.

MIN: I can see the future.

RAND: Tough gig!

MIN: Stop being sarcastic!

RAND: Maybe if you were fated to go insane and kill everyone you loved you'd be sarcastic too.

MIN: (Thinking) Yes, that makes sense.

 

RAND: We'd seen a new side to Elayne. "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned." They can get upset at the slightest thing, whether it's forgetting to acknowledge them in front of Mat and Perrin or dividing a restaurant bill in proportion to the amount of food eaten by each party, which is only fair. I had to change. Tomorrow I'll tell her she's lost weight, or I like what she's done to her hair, whichever seems most plausible.

 

That was brilliant! I laughed long and hard when I saw that.

 

 

[Builder]

After looking back at this topic, I conclude that some members needed to blow out some steam here. It was fun to read all the replies, but I have to be honest. This thread was intended to be serious all the way until I changed the thread title from "New theory about Moiraine" to "I HAVE A NEW THEORY GAISE". I'm not completely sure why I changed it, but I think it was because the first sentence was looking really absurd.

 

I also have to say that I got the whole idea from that other thread started by GrandpaG. Seriously, that man is full of life and ideas, and he definitely inspired me in this theory, even though I phrased the first sentence really odd.

[ROB_88]

wait, what?

this was supposed to serious.

fission mailed then

[Builder]

Believe it or not. This entire thread was supposed to be serious, but it became a joke because of my thread title.

[nnokwoodeye]

How exactly a theory that Moiraine is Demandred suppose to be serious? I mean, even if we ignore the obvious problems, Moiraine is trapped in finnland; nobody can pose as her since she simply isn't in randland.

 

 

[RobertAlexWillis]

The putative seriousness is, in itself, a joke.

[Lord Nik]

Well When we say Moiraine is Demandred We mean to say...

 

Demandred...

is Moiraine....

 

People have been looking at it the wrong way. Now that I have fixed the wording it makes sense.

 

Demandred is Moiraine... Self explanatory really

[Jethro]

How dare you say that my posts here are not serious! Why, I ought to spontaniously combust!

 

I agree 6% Lord Nik.

[Builder]

No you can't Jethro  ;D

 

The original question still stands, but I think it was killed by all the fun randomness.

[Jethro]

Do you mean who would win between Lan with his Power-wrought sword and Faile with her +5 vorpal nose of sharpness? We should take into account that Faile has had her nose her whole life, and will have been wielding it from a very early age. It has reach, it bypasses armor, and it has a breath weapon attack (14d8 acid damage, Reflex save DC 38 for half damage) and she can create tornados with it at will.

[Builder]

That is one powerful nose!

 

But can it match the stone face of Lan???