Winternight - to remember those who have passed

[Elgee]

In the Wheel of Time, Bel Tine, also known as Festival, is the Westlands celebration of spring's arrival.

 

It is not set to a specific date, and comes later in northern lands than in the south. It's typically celebrated "when spring had well and truly arrived, the first lambs born and the first crop up."

The night preceding Bel Tine is known as Winternight.

 

This is not something I remember from the books (please do correct me if I’m wrong!), but in the adapted TV series, the following tradition is practiced:

 

It is a custom on Bel Tine to light a lantern for deceased loved ones. The purpose of the lantern is to guide their loved one's spirit back to them, and so that the Wheel of Time will weave their loved one's soul back into the world through rebirth. In the Two Rivers, many of the townsfolk float their lanterns down the river, but the lantern can be lit anywhere. [courtesy of https://wheeloftime.fandom.com/wiki/Bel_Tine]

 

What is this particular thread about? Well, we have all had a very rough few years, have we not? Many of us have lost loved ones, to one thing or another.

In this thread, we would like to remember them. To light a lantern or candle to remember them, and if your beliefs are such, to help guide their spirits back to us.

 

If you would like to remember someone, please post their names here, and whatever you wish to share with us regarding them.

 

At the end of the week I will put each person’s name in a lantern, and “float it down the river”. My hope is that this act will ease your own soul and the grief you might harbour.

 

I will also host a separate thread where we can discuss what rituals we observe, personally or as part of your religious or belief-system, when someone passes. Please find the link to that thread in the Opening Post.

 

[Elgee]

 

 

[Elgee]

holding post

[Elgee]

Is anyone able to get a clip of the Winternight scene where the lanterns are released on the river? I'm very bad at this type of thing.

[SinisterDeath]

2 hours ago, Elgee said:

If you would like to remember someone, please post their names here, and whatever you wish to share with us regarding them.

As of the 14th of April it will have been 9 years since my mother Vikki, passed due to lung cancer.

She was no saint and despite her demons, she was the most caring person I knew.

Below in the spoiler, are a few stories about her.

Spoiler

I grew up in a rural community.
Every summer she'd plant a garden despite believing she had a "black thumb" when it came to gardening. This lady kept tropical plants alive in doors, in Minnesota! I can't recall the names of all the plants except that she had a rubber tree. 

Everyone told her she was an amazing gardener, cook, artist, crochet'er, and despite others telling her how good she was at something, she never had the confidence to believe in her self.
That was something about her that always drove me nuts.

She never believed in herself.

She didn't believe she was smart or talented despite the fact that she was. She always felt like the black sheep in the family. Her self image was that of the ugly duckling, when she was anything but.

 

Today, we have words and diagnoses for a lot of what went on in her childhood & adult life, and I wish she was around today, so she could have learned more about herself, and why she was the way she was, and that what happened in her childhood was not acceptable, even back then.

 

During her last days in the hospital, she was surrounded by loved ones. Family and Friends. Her directives were that of no life support. She didn't want to be strapped to machines.

At one point, everyone was standing around her bed as they removed the oxygen mask. After a couple of minutes she looked at us and said "Now what?". A day later she broke down in tears and confided in me that she was upset because we were all sad. She was on her literal death bed, and had every right to be upset over what was happening to her, but she was more upset that she was making everyone around her sad.

 

This is the part of the story where most people would insert some sage advice that they'd say with their dying breath about Gods will or something; but that's not what happened. We just said we loved each other, hugged, cried. 

 

I'm an Atheist, I don't believe in an afterlife, but I do believe that the only way someone can continue after death is in the form of a Memory. The more people remember you, the more alive you are after you're no longer here.

She... Didn't know what she was. She was raised "Christian", and she tried to join various churches so her two children could be raised how she thought how kids should be raised.

 

Both of us were born out of wedlock. When she was living on her own with my Older Brother, she tried joining a catholic church. Went thru all there study programs, only to be told after all of that, she wasn't allowed in because her son was born out of wedlock.

 

Similar things happened with her and the Lutheran church we went to when I was a kid. Several years before my parents divorced, we stopped going, mostly because I refused to go. (Honestly, I cared more about missing my favorite Sunday morning cartoons then church).

 

All of that, just to say that she believed in something, but during her last years, it wasn't the Christian god. Hell, she basically threw a shoe at the Priest trying to come into her room, calling him a vulture!

 

Growing up, she was told that one of her ancestors was Native American, so delved a bit into nature spiritualism. One of her requests is that her ashes be spread on a high peak so that her spirit can be let go into the wind, to travel the world.
 

She also believed that "Ruby" was her Guardian Angel, and she was comforted by the idea that when she passed, she would meet Ruby again.

In the late 80s, early 90s, her best friend had a baby girl a few months prioer.. My brother was at school, and she was working. Someone came into where she was working and was yelling at her manager to let her go home, because Ruby died (SIDS). My mother was able to rush to her friend. Years go by, and she'd always tell me how "Ruby" was her Guardian Angel. That she was watching over her, protecting her. Like the time she took the exit off a freeway, and her tire fell off, after she came to a complete stop. She attributed that to Ruby protecting her. She had a dozen stories like this, and I can't remember all of them. The craziest coincidence... They both passed away on April 14th.

 

For a few years in the 2000s she worked as a house keeper at a hospital, on the pediatrics ward. She was the one who would clean the rooms of dying children. She'd talk with these kids, and she absolutely loved this job, despite it breaking her heart when a child checked out, but didn't go home.

Something that always stuck with her about those children, was how little they cared about dying, but how much they cared about their friends and family suffering. That job changed her, and prepared her for the end.

 

[Cross]

Sharon Hanson 

 

 

its been only two years since we lost her. and feels like less. mom was the bubbly life of the house, energetic and more outgoing to our collective introversion. while it was a source of frustration to her sometimes, she's the reason for a lot of the experiences of my sis and my lives. always wanting to be a Mom, she delved into the role wholeheartedly. assuring we had the best childhood, full of fun and light. raising us, teaching us, spending all the time she could with us.  

 

she never imposed expectations on me and sis. but rather was just so eager and excited to support our endeavors and see where we'd go. our forever supporter she was at every home game we played, every function, volunteered at school, on field trips, bought my books even though she didnt read them, she just wanted to be the first to have one. 

 

loving her plants was something that escaped me, but bonded her and sis. now its something that bonds me and sis. it was hard in her final years to watch her body weaken under the weight of her medications. to lose the mobility, but never her spirit. some of her last words were a simple, wholly true 'i love you all' 

[Siera]

On December 30, 2022 we lost my grandpa.

 

He was such an important figure in my life, I saw him daily as I was growing up as he was always out at the farm doing something with our tractors, spending time with our dogs or spoiling my horse. He was just such a calm presence and never got too worked up over anything, he could coax just about any animal to listen to him, and he never had to be harsh. He had the greenish thumb, anytime I did not take care of a plant, I would bring it to him, and he would bring it back to life (and keep it because I wasn't trusted 😂).

 

He was sick for a few months, and I got to spend an afternoon with him just 24 hours before he passed, helping him eat and he gave me some final 'sass'. He gave me the gift of a parting hug in a dream the morning he passed. He told me it was his time to leave, wrapped his arms around me tightly like he hadn't been able to do in a few years and I just knew he was at peace, and it was confirmed to me when I woke that he had passed.

 

This spring, we're planning to plant a tree on our property for him, so he is always here with us. 

[Elgee]

On 4/7/2023 at 4:29 PM, SinisterDeath said:

I'm an Atheist, I don't believe in an afterlife, but I do believe that the only way someone can continue after death is in the form of a Memory. The more people remember you, the more alive you are after you're no longer here.

 

That resonates with me so much! Thank you for those words, SD.

Reading about your mom was very moving.

[Elgee]

I've not posted before, because I've been trying to remember exact dates! Unfortunately, I'm terrible at dates and since we purposefully ignore the death dates, I now can't recall them.

 

But, I remember:

 

Gawie Ryke, my dad, born 9 January 1924 - died December 2006.

He was a very clever man, but oh dear only in his own field (designing and manufacturing electrical switchboards).

In everything else he was really ... useless. Maddening. Childish. Impulsive.

Except for story telling, and having a massive heart.

I alternatively loved him, despised him, looked up at him, looked down at him.

Now, after so many years, I miss him. I remember how he would go outside with me at night so we could check what was on the moon - the rabbit? the fox? the tortoise? Once we'd decided, he'd make up a story for me about that 🙂

 

Caren Ryke, my sister, born 18 March 1950 - died 26 August 2017.

She was my favourite sister, I have to admit. She was beautiful, and kind, and amazing with animals. She was a radiographer who worked closely with Dr Chris Barnard (the heart surgeon who did the first heart transplant). Later she became a para-medic, and then she trained para-medics.

It still makes me mad that she died of a cancer which she could have been treated if she'd been more forceful in telling her doctors that there was something more than sinus wrong with her.

She was diagnosed on the 1st of August, and died 26 days later (2 weeks after my birthday).  I never had a chance to say good bye to her. (She lived quite far away.)

 

Helena Ryke nee Prins, my mom, born 21 October 1926 - died 31 July 2019 (a week before my birthday)

She was beautiful - she actually looked like Rosamund Pike in her youth!

She was a strong woman, who had a very, very tough life.

in about 2017 we noticed that she was starting to show signs of dementia. In early 2019 we could no longer leave her at home alone. I would come home after work and find her lying in the garden where she'd fallen in the morning, things like that.

I can't describe the stress I went through at that time.

We tried getting a carer to look after her. We had to give up after the 3rd one, as she simply couldn't get along with them, and none of them were very good.

We then had to find a home for her, and the only place available was 90 minute drive away.

My sister and I (she, my mom and I lived together) would drive down every Saturday or Sunday to visit her (we both work). It was terrible. My mom would cry and cling to me and beg me to take her home.

Eventually on the 29th of July when we went to visit again, we realised that she was having severe stomach pains. We discussed it with the staff who took her to the doctor the following day. The doctor said it was nothing serious - just arthritis.

I wasn't reassured, so I talked my other sister into fetching her and bringing her to a local hospital where they discovered that she had a perforated bowel. My mom was screaming with the pain by then.

Because of her age, frailty and dementia, they didn't want to operate on her. The doctor said there was basically a zero change of her surviving the op.

Because I had power of attorney, I had to make the decision to stop all assistance.

They gave her something incredibly strong (more than morphine) and we sat with her through the night and into the afternoon until she died.

I have a lot of anger over this.

I can only describe my condition as PTSD.

[Cross]

Nana (Marie) passed 1999

 

 

i didnt get to know very many of my grandparents. my dads parents just werent around and only in his later years did his father seem to take an interest in being around us more. my mom's father was in a different state and estranged, never met him, and her step-father had to leave when i was in kindergarten. 

 

but Nana. 

 

oh Nana. my mom's mom. was AMAZING. she lived nearby, delighted in all her grandkids. but she, at least to me, seemed to be at our house more. she'd come over to 'babysit' us every friday to allow mom and dad a date night, even though she always said we were babysitting her. we'd have take out, watch Three's company together and she'd read in the living room. Thursday's she'd pop over for dinner, often bringing a while coconut cake with her, (still love that cake). she loved despising Ed MacMahon, and got absolutely TICKLED everytime ALF wanted to eat a cat. 

 

her laugh was an infectious cackle, and she'd get offended if she wasn't asked to help us build a diorama for school. a tiny woman, (4'11" at her best) she was a powerhouse. survived the Depression, during WWII she was a Rosie the Riveter. given her size she'd rivet the nosecaps on planes. she danced with sailors on rollerskates, had countless friends and ended up raising twins on her own after their dad left. 

 

almost always working in aeronautics, Nana always wanted to be a helicopter pilot but never quite did it. in her retirement she volunteered at a hospital, delivered Thanksgiving meals to the needy and never stopped moving. even though we often wanted her to stop driving. (she was a speed demon) 

 

i truly, truly wish i had her for more of my life. she was a great friend, a staunch supporter and so so wise. at her funeral her Pastor aptly said Nana was 'small in stature, but a giant in the Faith'

[Elgee]

22 hours ago, Cross said:

Nana (Marie) passed 1999

 

Oh my word your Nana sounds like a treat! People of the war era really are a whole different bunch, aren't they?

[Cross]

oh she very much was. on gosh she could pinpoint good and bad people by just a glance. yeah i think they had to be, the enemy they were fighting, the whole globa effort, it takes a different minded people than what we see today

[LilyElizabeth]

What lovely rememberences!

[Ryrin]

My friend Warren Gold died in 2017. He was like my 2nd father, actually way better than the first. I would pick him up to go to Temple & he was always full of good advice when I needed it. 
 

Tom Simonian died of COVID on 10/31 two years ago. I have so many fun memories of the times we spent together. I would go to the cemetery  and cry but more often than not, now I think of all of the good memories I have that can never be taken away. He was like a brother. 
 

Jody Smith died in 2022 at age 62. She was a fabulous friend and we had so much fun when I lived in her city. I couldn’t believe that she died. She was a great community and church member. I always thought we would have more time.