Just for Grins

[Vambram]

ROFLMAO!!!!

That's a great one, Kathleen

[Vambram]

This is for ALL of the cat lovers out there on Shayol Ghul.

 

 

[Mrs. Cindy Gill]

that's exactly what declawers deserve! like kinky friedman says, pain hurts.

 

my sister and mom are declawers. . . i am so ashamed. they love the furniture more than the cats.

 

um.... i mean LOL.

[LilyElizabeth]

I'm with you, Cindy. I'm having to replace some of the doorjambs in my home but I decided when I moved in that I loved the cats more. I have a way now to make the doorjambs safe, without damaging the cats. Duct tape. It comes in colors, too.

[eclipse0]

Duct tape fixes everything!

[Mrs. Cindy Gill]

uses for duct tape

 

http://www.oddee.com/item_96822.aspx

[eclipse0]

I have a wallet made entirely of duct tape!

[ed2funy]

I have a roll of tape made entirely of duct!

[eclipse0]

I've always wanted a pillow made entirely of duck

[Vambram]

Ninjas

 

Recently my children watched the "Ninja" episode of "Backyardigans" and spent the whole day being wild little Ninjas. This involved a lot of jumping, kicking and punching the air. That night at dinner, Samantha (the eldest child) kept kicking me under the table; accidentally, but really hard. Finally, I said, "Samantha! If you kick me again, I'm just going to lose it!"

 

 

 

 

 

So Dad says, "Yeah, you may be a Ninja, but your mama is a Marine and Marines eat Ninjas for lunch!"

 

Samantha, taking this very literally, says "Daaaaadddd! How could one human being eat another human being"?!

 

And three-year-old Isabella chimes in, "With cheese on top!"

 

[Mrs. Cindy Gill]

LOL!

[eclipse0]

Sounds like you got yourself a little Trolloc in training there!

[Kathleen]

hahaha that is good! Nothing beats the stuff that little kids say!

[Mrs. Cindy Gill]

Vambram, you are a candle in this darkness, and a treasure among men. this is not sarcasm, and i hope you know it. {{{hugs}}}

 

and also, you are a true blood fan, which i find very lovely.

[Mightelove]

Whilst I was filling out the application for nursing school, my daughter kept squirming and fidgeting about and asking when we could leave. I said to her, "You need to cultivate some patience, little girl."

 

And she replied, "I don't need patients! I'm not a doctor!"

[Mrs. Cindy Gill]

awww, my frown's turning upside down.

[Vambram]

*blushes*

Thank you, cindy. And, I am glad that you.. and many others ... are also candles in the darkness, shining a beacon of hope, life, and joy.

{{{Hugs}}}

[Mrs. Cindy Gill]

 

i'm logging off now on a high point, which is way too rare for me.

 

thanks for the smiles, and the (((Hugs}}}.

 

sweet dreams to you, and to all.

[ed2funy]

*stabs beacons of joy hurriedly, causing blood to spatter and give a red cast on the walls*

 

Oh Great Lord, that was close.

[Kathleen]

A man is showering up in a locker room with his buddy when he notices his friend is very well endowed.

 

'Damn, Bob, you're hung!' Jim exclaims.

 

'I wasn't always this impressive; I had to work for it.'

 

'What do you mean?' Jim asked.

 

'Well, every day for the past two years I've spent an hour each night rubbing it with butter. I know it sounds crazy but it actually made it grow 4 inches! You should try it.'

 

Jim agrees and the two depart. A few months later the two are back in the same locker room and Bob asks Jim how his situation was.

 

Jim replied, 'I did what you said, Bob, but I've actually gotten smaller! I lost two inches already!'

 

'Did you do everything I told you? An hour each day with butter?'

 

'Well, we don't use butter, so I've Been using Crisco.'

 

Crisco!!' Bob exclaimed. 'Damm it, Jim, Crisco is shortening!'

 

MORAL OF THE STORY: You gotta follow the recipe & men don't listen!

[Kathleen]

A mother passing by her daughter's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then she saw an envelope propped up prominently on the center of the bed.

 

It was addressed, "Mom." With the worst premonition, she opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:

 

Dear Mom: It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you.

 

I had to elope with my new boyfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with you and Dad. I've been finding real passion with him and he is so nice-even with all his piercings, tattoos, beard, and his motorcycle clothes.

 

But it's not only the passion Mom, I'm pregnant and he said that we will be very happy. He already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. He wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too.

 

He taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and trading it with his friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.

 

In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so he can get better; he sure deserves it!!

 

Don't worry Mom, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself.

 

Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grand children.

 

Your daughter,

Judith

 

 

PS:

Mom, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbor's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's in my desk center drawer.

 

I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home!!

[LilyElizabeth]

I'm glad you posted that one, Kat. I was looking for it earlier to post it. I thought it was hilarious.

[Vambram]

Groom Doom

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.

"But officer," the man began, "I can explain."

 

"Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back."

 

"But, officer, I just wanted to say..."

 

"And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!"

 

A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief is at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back."

 

"Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the groom."