Insanely hilarious theories (just for the fun of it)

[bobothebarbarian]

The WoT is such a vast and fleshed out world I know that a lot of others, not just myself have become caught up in the theoretical physics of the books. Following quote was my first post just as a kind of joke and I was just wondering if any one else has had any crazy ideas about the nature of the Wheeliverse or any other funny ridicules thoughts on the story? If so please share them here!!

 

 

This is my insanely hilarious theory of the Creator, Dark one, time, good, and evil .

 

1. The DO and the creator are brothers and have been playing games with each other over and over for all of time. Each brother made up a game and the rules/pieces i.e. laws of nature/and humanity. The Creator/older bro got to go first his game is called RANDY-LAND ;D. Because the creator and the DO are brothers. Each one picks a color black or white each complete turn of the wheel or (timer). all of the pieces have to be moved in certain ways depending on what level (Or what age) it is in. Each brother must move certain ways depending on what color they have this turn i.e. black is evil white good

The only way for DO to win this game of RANDY-LAND so completely  that he gets to make up his own game with completely different rules and pieces is for all of his pieces to be laid out just right at just the right time then the pieces must act perfectly to plan. The dark one is concluding  “that the only way to win is to cheat” so that’s why it has never happened. So now he wants to break the wheel of time and cheat(I imagine it as if the DO looks over at the clock “or wheel of time” and saying to himself, I am so sick of playing randy-land! I want to play monopoly or marbles with the planets or whatever game he made up.

[move](Personally I think that he wants to play chutes and ladders)

[/move]

 

Object of randy-land

For the DO to get his own body into the game world from their living room “prison”  completely through a little hole (and I think he is kind of a chubby guy) his big bro likes to tease him about his weight . Then do a happy dance in the game world all in a certain time period

Rules

1.   The DO is only allowed to wriggle and squeeze his butt down the hole when _________ conditions are met on the game board

2.   the _______ types of conditions on the board determine the speed at which he can get through

3.   the main Pieces or ”taveren” can not be killed just given a time out

4.   they can be physically placed or born  by a player. Then happen all the variables that piece can choose. The piece must have free will.

5.   If every one of the variables aligns just right then the DO wins and its bye humans hello puppy and iron

6.   A lot of the variables contradict each other (can’t win without cheating not allowed to cheat) a lot like the game of Snakes and Foxes

So the DO is basically climbing out of the hole. If he gets out all the way then does a happy dance. Its time for his game. He just has his foot still in the hole. He really doesn’t want to play Randy-Land again but even if he ends a level/age with the kingfisher if he didn’t win total victory (meaning all the conditions have been met) witch would let him say I want to play monopoly. He still loses in a way. So this turn he decides to cheat first by telling Ishmael about the game, changing his free will.  then makes Shadar haran as his hand (so he can make secret moves while Big Bro is not looking)

Ok now this is my first ever post so don’t all yell at once and don’t take it like this is what I really think is happening in the wheel of time world it is just my humorous way of looking at time and creator and all hope you all enjoy it thanks,

BoBO the barbarian  

 

Ok its your turn everyone

 

[jemron]

Your theory actually sounds a bit like how Lost turned out.

 

Check this out:

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_8JBYlNTf-Q

 

 

[mossman87]

That Cyndane isn't Lanfear.

 

(haha I'm a riot, I know.)

[bobothebarbarian]

Your theory actually sounds a bit like how Lost turned out.

 

Check this out:

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_8JBYlNTf-Q

 

 

LOL i was thinking that as i watched it

[Lilbaz]

Asmodean isn't dead. He faked his death and escaped to the Island of madmen, he has built up an army of didgeridoo playing fanatics that wear corks in their hats.

Damondred is actually hiding under Rands bed with a copy of playboy.

Min realises that she doesn't get visions and that the tea she drinks is made mostly from magic mushrooms.

Arangar opens the first lady boy bar in Rand land.

Cadsuane tells the Ashermen and Rand a joke about a dog who walks into a bar. They piss themselves laughing and lose control of their powers destroying half of Illian. They realise that their is a bright side to life and all burst out in song.

Egwene realises she's got a name that I can never remember how to spell and starts calling herself Sue.

The dark one discovers Wii and decides that Mario Cart is more fun than conquering Randland.

 

[farthammer]

At the last moment in time before the DO succeeds, Rand wakes up startled and rolls over on his bed to tell Lanfear (who is his wife) he just had the strangest dream.  She consoles him for a moment at which point Rand feels something blunt poke him in the back.  What the hell?  Rand thinks to himself as he rolls back over the other way to see a naked Ishamael in bed with them at which point Rand palms his face and starts screaming like macaulay culkin.  The end.

[water_seeker]

At the last moment in time before the DO succeeds, Rand wakes up startled and rolls over on his bed to tell Lanfear (who is his wife) he just had the strangest dream.  She consoles him for a moment at which point Rand feels something blunt poke him in the back.  What the hell?  Rand thinks to himself as he rolls back over the other way to see a naked Ishamael in bed with them at which point Rand palms his face and starts screaming like macaulay culkin.  The end.

 

For some reason I fully expected you to make an icepick reference, but you went the Ishy route instead.  :-\

[bobothebarbarian]

Egwene realises she's got a name that I can never remember how to spell and starts calling herself Sue.

 

ROFL that would be so cool ;D

[MikeRiley]

Women as a whole are the Dark One and they really can read a man's mind.

[Cirin]

Here we go:

 

Rand, in addition to representing numerous other mythical names, is also a representation of Kronos, the father of Zeus and the Greek Pantheon.

 

He's trying to push the Dark One outside of the Pattern, so that the Dark One can't tamper with it anymore, much the same way that Kronos castrated his father, Uranus, sealing him in the sky and away from Gaia, Kronos' mother.

 

The Dark One, conversely, wants to destroy time - which in Greek mythology is represented by Kronos.

 

Thus, I propose that the "three become one" prophecy refers to an upcoming incident in which Rand, acting in his capacity as Kronos (for reasons that will, at the time, doubtless make sense to him... and maybe us), will eat the children that Elayne gives birth too.  He will also eat any children that Min or Aviendha give birth to, save a special child that Aviendha gives birth to (fulfilling Min's prophecy about her), which she replaces with a rock.

 

Not only does this make PERFECT sense, but also makes Rand/LTT the Kinslayer again as well!  If the shoe fits...  ;D

[a great fantasy fan]

I think that the creator is laughing at Rand because he's gonna let him die like an ant under the microscope when the DO has him thrown into the pit of doom. Then Lews Therin, using the hazy reality around the boor to make his old body, jumps out of the back of his stupid sheepherder head, laughing and saying he really was a real and different person all along and was just pretending to be part of rand, and stabs the DO in the face with a knife of balefire that can exist because its near the bore. Oh, and the DO is just a big thread in the pattern, so it does work.

 

Rand dies, Lews Therin gets the happy ending everyone thought was Rand's

 

Now wouldn't that be a fun ending?

[bobothebarbarian]

OK my son actually made up this one. We call it THE WAY OF THE COCONUT

everyone remembers Narg right? of course you do he is smart! so smart in fact he faked his death.....AGAIN!! After rand leaves Narg gets up and makes his way out of the Two Rivers. he decides he doesn't want to go back to the blight so he makes his way west.

 

After a few weeks he is really hungry and he comes to a river and there are a few tinker kids at the edge tickling fish out from under the ledge. His first thought is to eat the kids, but he's not really up to fighting any more scared kids and this one has back up. So he stands out in the open and calls to the kids. He says Me Narg Me a smart Ogier. But I hungry. you have more fish? they say yes and cook some up right there next to the stream. As they eat Narg asks how you get fish to come out of water? So the kids agree to teach Narg to fish. But he cant get any fish to come to him as he is leaning over the stream the ledge he is on gives way. it and him crash in to the water.

Narg is so mad he grabs the big rock and lifts it over his head to throw it. but as he moves it he sees about 6 huge fish dead the rock had killed them. Narg was very happy he had learned to fish so he asked the kids if they knew any thing else to teach him . after thinking for a few min the kids say yes we can teach you The way of the leaf. Narg is fascinated with the tale. and decides he wants to be a tinker.

 

The kids take him bake to the wagons where every one screams and runs for a bit till the kids settle things down. Narg tells them  Me Narg Me a smart Ogier. but the adults know better but he seams nice enough. so he stays with them for along time traveling and smashing fish with rocks. being a happy Trolloc one day the kids and him are out at a little oasis and he is sitting under a tree when a coconut falls and knocks him out cold.

 

When he wakes up the kids are hurt and bleeding some men had come and stole the fish and beat them up. Narg was so mad he said i cant follow the way of the leaf anymore they hurt my friends i will get them he asks which way they went and he grabs the coconut that had knocked him out then follows the trail. when he sees the men ahead setting up camp they all have swords all he has is a coconut so he waits till dark. they are camped at another small oasis so after they fall asleep he sneaks up to them and is about to smash the first head in when he bumps in to a tree really hard coconuts come raining down on the men killing 2 of them and knocking the last out cold so he moves the last guy under a palm tree full of coconuts the gives the tree a shake they fall down killing the man

 

He then goes back to the wagons and tells them i couldn't kill them but i cant say i follow the way of the leaf The leaf lives its appointed time, and does not struggle against the wind that carries it away. The leaf does no harm, and finally falls to nourish new leaves. I now follow THE WAY OF THE COCONUT The coconut also lives its appointed time, and does not struggle against the wind that tries to carry it away. The coconut just falls and does no harm if you are careful, and finally falls to protect us and nourish US. with in the next few months the word spreads of this new way of the coconut and all that hear decide to join one of the first is Moridin. He says Narg your philosophy is perfect then the whole world joins when the Dark One breaks out he has no army no Forsaken even Shaidar Haran is laughing and playing a game of stones with Cadsuane. So he thinks he might as well go home and seals himself back up inside the bore.

and that's how we win the last battle if we can all just be as smart as Narg ::)

 

[OptimusPrime]

The True Source is the Creator, the Dark One was able to kick him in the nuts because Lews Therin touched the Dark One with the male half of the Creator, and the impending stomach ache lasted 3000 years until Rand came and gave the Creators balls a little massage at the Cleansing.

[bobothebarbarian]

That Cyndane isn't Lanfear.

 

(haha I'm a riot, I know.)

no I got even better.  Cyndane isn't Lanfear.

[move]Cyndane is Asmodean[/move]

[bobothebarbarian]

this is my Idea about Ishamael and what makes him tick. Not really meant to be humorus but is in a sad kind of way  ;D

Before Ishmael went to the shadow in the AoL he was like this (As Elan Morin Tedronai, he was one of the foremost philosophers of his time, possibly the foremost. His books (among them Analysis of Perceived Meaning, Reality and the Absence of Meaning, and the Disassembly of Reason), while too esoteric for wide popularity, were extremely influential in many areas beyond philosophy, especially in the arts.)

 

So what that tells us is that he was 1.smart and 2.thought to be correct. So when he went to the shadow it was basically saying that the shadow was the right path. Or possibly even the good path meaning = dark one =good LTT side = bad.

“(The meaning of his new name - "Betrayer of Hope", tells us that he was associated with "hope" before, or how could he betray it.

Maybe the circumstances of how Ishamael got his name can fully explain the name itself - he publicly declared his conversions to Shadow at a world conference devoted to solutions against the problems after the Bore (maybe this conference was associated with hope to heal the problems), and his action caused serious riots. One of the prominent defenders of the Good (as AS were considered in that times) changing side to the evil was really a great shock.

But I feel the problem would be not so great if he was known to be unsure of his beliefs before, if there was anything ambiguous in him before this incident. )”So by his turning causing riots I take it as a large part of the population as saying hey he’s got a point! His side is the Good side we should be like that and instantly joining the shadow also. So now we have a huge city full of scared people now on opposite sides. Both thinking there new religious ideas are right and good of course riots are going to break out. As we see today in the Middle East. I think that his turning to the shadow and not changing his way of thinking is what the scary thing to people was.

So what I am saying is basically that pre Bore the world had no religion to speak of and was close to perfection all of the sudden a “GOD” is introduced and there is war. Is one side good one side evil? What the hell difference does it make?

But as a lot of people here have said, Ishamael manifests total indifference about the theoretical heritage of Elan Morin. This is indication, that Ishamael doesn't think that Elan Morin writings have something important or useful in them. When he turned to the Shadow, he most likely declared his pre-turning philosophy for obsolete. Maybe he could consider Elan Morin writings even for being wrong. Turning to the Shadow he changed also his philosophy.(uncommon for a self-confident author)

I say that Is completely backwards his pre turn philosophy (Analysis of Perceived Meaning, Reality and the Absence of Meaning) explain his turn and his name. The hope destroyed was the hope of the people that it was worth it to fight the shadow.

So in conclusion I believe Ishamael knows one inescapable fact of human nature! That with no “religion” to fight over the world could be perfection, with even just one religion (proven as in WOT books or not proven as in our real world) humans will kill each other because of it. WOT world = Reality and the Absence of Meaning. Our world =Analysis of Perceived Meaning and then the third book of Elan Morin has the title "the Disassembly of Reason". = There is no reason for us to kill each other but for some reason we do

thanks

BoBo the barbarian

[bobothebarbarian]

I was telling my 10 year old son about the Dragonlance books and the character of Fizban I came up with this one. the creator did not leave the world he has been here the whole time watching the drama. But has been disguised as [glow=black,1,300]Bela[/glow]!!! think about it Bela was old in the EotW. I guess that also answers the age old question god is a girl ;D 

[Val Mickey]

ToM

 

Mat, Noal, and Thom enter the Tower of Genjei. Thom finds that Moirane has joined the Eelfinn. To woo her back, he wears a bandanna and starts singing 'Foxy Lady'. Mat is arrested by the Aelfinn for carrying an Eelfinn badge, and Noal leaves the band for a solo project. Meanwhile Perrin is trying to convince Galad to join a swingers club, while Galad backs off saying his mother would not approve. Galad is actually a vampire, and doesn't want to mix with Perrin. They both decide the Twilight saga was not worth it, and go to Caemlynn. Luc/Isam is waylaid by Mordeth/Padan Fain while going to the Fur Market. They are now Luc/Isam/Mordeth/Padan Fain, and are so confused that they call themselves Musical/Death/For Paind/Man. Shaidar Haran gets a nice helmet and calls himself Darth Vader. The Finns get tired of losing to Mat, and listening to Thom, so they call off Foodstock. And they decide to sell them call boxes, and decide to call them cell boxes. Or phones.

 

Rand decides he has had enough of angry women, so he jumps into the maw of Dragonmount. But he is so ta'veren that he actually falls in a cave on the side, where a small man (Freddo?) gives him a ring that makes him invisible.

 

AMoL

 

As Rand goes AWOL, Mazrim Taim decides he has had enough and goes through his wardrobe. He discards his Demandred costume, his Moridin costume, and his Severus Snape costume, and wears his evil scientist costume. This creates a revolt in the farm, as lab coats are white. Hearing the booms, Elayne sends an S.O.S to Eqwene. Egwene attacks the Black Tower. Galad hears of the insult to a White Coat, so he attacks the Black Tower. The Empress sees two enemies at one place, so she attacks the Black Tower. Logain sees a small margin of profit, so he attacks the Black Tower. Birgitte realises Gaidal has been trapped in Traveler's (Bryne's horse) body, and that he is having an affair with Bela. She blows the Horn of Valere, who tries to pay Birgitte for the service.

 

Rand reaches Shayol Ghul, where a concert is going on. Al'Lan and the Malkieri would be followed by the main act, The Horsemen of the Apocalypse. The vocalist Moridin has a headache, so his two groupies decide to mess with the loud speakers. Demandred decides enough of playing War, and elopes with Mesaana. Aran'gar Pestilence Halima pesters everyone. Rand has never liked Heavy Metal, so he decides to jump in the pool. Shaidar Haran decides to stop him, when Luke Skywalker turns up with a sword of light. The three become one, and pull the curtain to find the Wizard of Oz behind a loud speaker. Shaidar Haran throws the Wizard back to Kansas. The concert goes on, everyone is entertained, so no more Bore.

 

Egwene goes back to her mom, and says that she is the queen of England, and her boyfriend is the Prince of Wales and/or Scotland. Her parents take her to the Wisdom, who gives her Electro Convulsive therapy (shock treatment). She realises who killed Asmodean, the answer was blowing in the wind, a wind that arose from the slopes of Dragonmount, in an age called the 3rd Age by some...

 

 

[bobothebarbarian]

you have my applause  :D

Great story that is exactly what I wanted to see

keep them coming guys ;D

P.S. its Frodo Baggins or did you mean Gollum, also known as Sméagol

and the whole Luc/Isam is waylaid by Mordeth/Padan Fain while going to the Fur Market. They are now Luc/Isam/Mordeth/Padan Fain thing really made me laugh

 

[bobothebarbarian]

OK i was just answering a post over on a different thread about Taim and I looked up about his escape it was this part 

“Mazrim Taim has escaped.”

“Light!” Siuan barked. “How?”

“This only says he was taken away by stealth in the night, Mother. Two sisters are dead.”

“The Light illumine their souls. But we’ve little time to mourn the dead while the likes of Taim are alive and ungentled. Where, Leane?”

“Denhuir, Mother. A village east of the Black Hills on the Maradon Road, above the headwaters of the Antaeo and the Luan It had to be some of his followers. Fools. Why won’t they know when they are beaten? Choose out a dozen reliable sisters, Leane . . .” The Amyrlin grimaced. “Reliable,” she muttered. “If I knew who was more reliable than a silverpike, I’d not have the problems I do. Do the best you can, Leane. A dozen sisters. And five hundred of the guards. No, a full thousand.”

“Mother,” the Keeper said worriedly. “The Whitecloaks –– ”

“ — would not try to cross the bridges if I left them unwatched entirely. They would be afraid of a trap. There is no telling what is going on up there, Leane. I want whoever I send to be ready for anything. And Leane . . . Mazrim Taim is to be gentled as soon as he is taken again.”

Leane’s eyes opened wide with shock. “The law.”

“I know the law as well as you, but I will not risk having him freed again ungentled. I’ll not risk another Guaire Amalasan, not on top of every thing else.”

made me think up this crazy theory. What if Guaire Amalasan was a DF and made a new forsaken and that forsaken is Taim   

[farthammer]

Edeyn Arrel made a deal with the Shadow to resurrect Malkier and secretly had Lan's son in case she couldn't coerce her daughter into marrying him.  This son is the body Moridin now occupies along with using the ruins of Malkier itself as a fortress.  She is trying to get Lan to march into the Blight and towards his death hoping to secure the throne for herself and the man she thinks is still her son.

[OptimusPrime]

Mat gives the Finns an eye for Moiraine. He was so suprised at how painless the operation was that he sponsers them to open an Eye Surgery in Randland. This was integrated into the National Health Service and operations are free, much to the enjoyment of Uno, who for some reason repeatedly winks at Mat every time they meet. Myrdraal, however, as tourists from outside the Pattern, must pay the price in full, much to the dismay of Shaidar Haran, who maintains that the Surgerys' slogan "Eye for an eye" is both contradictory to the nature of the Finns work and used in contexts of racism targetting his people.

 

 

NARISHMA: Hey Rand, look what I did look what I did look what I did! I brought you Callandor. *holds out Callandor*

 

DARK RAND: Thats not what yo mama told me last night *snatches Callandor*

 

NARISHMA: My mama died last year! *starts crying*

 

DARK RAND: HyiiiiiiiiYAH! *stabs Narishma with Callandor*

 

MORIDIN: So... why did you do that... I mean... Im all for that kinda stuff, but...... youre the Dragon Reborn...... supposed to be the gooood guuuy...... a little bit wierd for you to act like that......... if I didnt know better Id say youre having some sort of emotional complex going on right now that might be a problem if you dont seek proffessional help and I-

 

DARK RAND: The swine said I dallied with a corpse! *looks vacant* I dont fornicate with corpses, I make them.

[Val Mickey]

Jaret Byar goes into hiding and founds a secret society called Men of the Light/Illuminati that plans to take over the world someday.

 

P.S Bobo, it was Frodo, but more importantly a LOTR reference. I kinda hoped someone would get the Jimi Hendrix and Woodstock reference,though.

[MikeRiley]

Rand ran into the Black sisters outside Tear and was turned to the Dark One by the 13/13 trick during the chase scene in The Dragon Reborn. He was set to run loose with slight manipulation. "No man is so far in the dark" and all that - he freed himself of the link in Veins of Gold.

[The Fisher King]

Man, I was having a GRUMPY Day until I stumbled upon THIS Thread!!!

 

You guys are Awesome - Hilarious!!! - THANKS!!! :)

 

 

Fish

[Shadow Rider]

Wouldn't it be funny if Mesanna, was taken in the Seanchan raid? then all I'd need is to see Cadsuane with a pretty silver collar and I swear I'd piss myself!