Divine Parenting Tips!

[Locke]

 

Alright peeps!  Pretty self-explanatory here.  You post parenting tips, preferably humorous, entertaining, or interesting ones. Be funny.  Be creative.  Make the world fear your witty parenting tips that will revolutionize the world such as "Feed your kids.  They tend to live longer that way." or "Don't feed your kids.  It'll teach them proper discipline."  ....Okay, maybe just scratch that whole last sentence....Anyway, good luck to all of you and may your brains be filled with innovative ideas!  Here's a couple example quotes to start ya off:

 

"Smack your child every day. If you don't know why - he does." - Joey Adams. (He also says not to take this advice though I can't imagine why ???)

 

"We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up." - Phyllis Diller.

 

"Children aren't happy without something to ignore, And that's what parents were created for." - Ogden Nash.

 

Proceed. 

[Amadine]

Children are like treasures... you just want to take them out in the yard and bury them.

[Nynaeve]

- Children are a miracle of someone else's life. Lets keep it that way.

 

- Having kids is like being granted a slow painful death, only more expensive.

 

- Kids are a bliss I do not care to experience.

 

- Procreation as a rule should have no consequences.

 

- If your kid is stupid you should stop and think how much of it is your fault.

 

- Genetics always comes back to bite you in the ass.

 

 

 

 

Nyn

[Amadine]

Incredibly gorgeous + incredibly gorgeous does not always = beautiful baby

[Charis alAslan]

Children are like treasures... you just want to take them out in the yard and bury them.

 

LMAO!!  :D

[Nynaeve]

- The sooner your kids leave the house the sooner you can install a jacuzzi in the living room.

 

- The birds and the bees. Good in theory, bad in practice.

 

- If you give them life you should have the right to take it back.

 

- Motherly radiance just means your fat.

 

- If you're pregnant, don't ask someone if you look like a whale. You might not like the answer.

 

- Kids are a full time job. Good thing I'm unemployed.

 

 

 

 

Nyn

 

[Krakalakachkn]

This mistake WILL come back to bite you on the ass...or perhaps the arm.

[Nynaeve]

 

- If you're in need of a kidney they can always spare one.

 

- Child labor FTW.

 

- You can grab extra ketchup bags while your kid is having a tantrum on the floor.

 

- You can sit down your kid and tell him how he ruined your life whenever you need a pick me up.

 

- If trained properly your child can be a wonderful substitute when the remote breaks unexpectedly.

 

 

 

Nyn

[Torrie]

The cuteness of toddler-hood, is the memories which keep you sane during teen years.

 

 

 

 

On a side note and not too funny,

 

Cherish them from day one, before you know it, they are graduating from kindergarten, dating that boy you don't like, moving out, and then bringing grandkids home. All in the blink of an eye.

[Liitha]

Always tell them you love them before leaving, no matter what state of mind your in, whatever happened prior to leaving, and teach them to do the same. It can always be the last time you get to say it, and if you/they dont, you/they are likely to regret it later.

 

So no matter what make it your habit to say 'I love you' instead of goodbye

[Amadine]

I have learned: to cherish every moment from the time you find out you're pregnant, sadly for some, they may be the only memories you get.

 

Sorry guys, a little down tonight.

[Torrie]

**Snuggles Amadine**

 

Everyone is allowed to be down, at times.

 

**Snuggles again**

 

 

 

Your private life is no longer private. Everything from bathroom time to adult time can become public knowledge, if your not careful.

[Charis alAslan]

I have learned: to cherish every moment from the time you find out you're pregnant, sadly for some, they may be the only memories you get.

 

Sorry guys, a little down tonight.

*huggles Amadine*

Yes, I just got an email last nite that friends of mine expecting their second child found out it died in the womb.  :'( I'm pregnant right now, and though I dont like being sick and tired, I love the feeling of this little life developing inside of me. I wont take it for granted.

[Liitha]

agree on the cherishing moments, because the only thing sertaint in life is that your going to die, but there is no gurantie when, or in what order related to people you love, accidents happen so fast, and no matter how long you got its not going to be long enough for any parent that looses a child before they go themself

 

my own advice or opinion

have the spine to stand against commercial and society pressure if you believe something is wrong, dont just whine about it and then contribute to have it upheld by going along like a sheep.